ANGLAIS - carnet parent - Tim et le mystère de la patte bleue

An illustrated book to read
with your children
for children from 3 to 7 years old
(center of this document, to be detached)
Tim
and the MYSTERY OF THE BLUE PAW
With the support of LA DÉFENSEURE DES ENFANTS
To help you
talk about
incarceration
with your
children
A loved one is in prison....
How will you tell your children ?
With the support of
LA DÉFENSEURE DES ENFANTS

Why talk about prison with your children ?
Incarceration is a difficult and painful event.
Most of the time it is a shock you can't talk about easily within your family
because of feelings of shame and guilt that you may experience. However
children need to understand what is going on when they no longer see a
loved one because he is imprisoned.
You might think that saying nothing will protect them.
However the story of '' Tim the
squirrel '' will show you things
are not that easy !
Children often have great intuition about perceiving events we would like to
hide from them.
Even though they don't say anything or ask any questions, they unconsciously
know that something important for them or around them is taking place.
Children need to know why their parent is not there any more, why he does
not come home at night , why they cannot see him any more … Not telling
them, not answering their questions means depriving them of an opportunity
to express their concerns and talk about their absent parent.Then they may
believe he is dead or think he has abandoned them which can be very painful
and sometimes prevent them from growing up normally.
Thus it is better for them to learn about incarceration by someone close to
them, someone they trust, someone that will be able to find the time and the
right words to explain what is taking place.
This little book is meant to help you find your own
words to talk with your children.

Maintain ties or not ?
Whether you decide to keep in touch with the person in prison or
not, you should be very careful concerning your children's reaction.
Some children will spontaneously wish to visit their imprisoned parent.
Others will show anxiety whenever a letter or visit time arrives.
Because they are shocked by certain acts, some won't agree to maintain
contact, at least for a while. It is very important to listen carefully
to what your child wishes.
If you feel your child is in trouble, do not hesitate to ask for help from
childcare specialists in nearby structures : centre PMI, CMP or CMPP
etc.
How to explain why a loved one is
in prison ?
We saw it is important to tell children that their loved one is imprisoned.
If your child asks why, just explain the person has done something that
is against the law, so justice has taken the decision to put them in jail
for it. It is important to explain how a prison works and to use words
he can easily understand according to his age .
Tim the squirrel's adventures illustrate these
difficulties.

Take children to the visiting room or not ?
It is often said that the visiting room is not a place for children. However
children whose mother, father or loved one is in prison suffer a
lot from being deprived of their presence. Their pain is even worse
when nobody tells them why they have disappeared. Children may then
feel abandonned, guilty or ashamed....
When children, whatever their age, express a desire to see their parent,
it is important to offer to go to the visiting room. Seeing the imprisoned
person again, enables them to understand they can go on maintaining
relationship with him/her. .The visiting permit must be asked from
the judge or from the prison director first. In a few occasions the permit
may be refused or granted later.
A first visit usually reassures the child . Writing or making a drawing for
the imprisoned parent are also good ways to maintain contact.
Some associations that welcome families offer to accompany your children
to the visiting room. Other associations can also answer your request.
If you can't or don't want to accompany
your children to the visiting room…
You can find information at the visitor's center or at the SPIP in the prison
where your relative is.

The story of TIM was imagined
to help you discuss with your children
the questions they face.
We chose a fun and friendly character : a little squirrel, and
a typical situation : the sudden disappearance of a father that
has been arrested and taken into jail.
Now you can navigate through these pages that illustrate the
different steps of this situation and their related problems.
While you are reading, pay attention to your children's reactions,
comments, questions, and to the expressions of worry,
anxiety or sadness you might notice.
They will be able to express what they feel and to know they
can rely on you. It will then be easier for them to face this
situation and overcome their difficulties.
This book is there to help you find the words to talk with
your children.
Be guided by the story of Tim and be confident. We know for
sure your children will help you.
For children, just like for parents, being
able to talk, to avoid your loneliness, allows
to see more clearly, to overcome the hardships
of life and contemplate the future
more serenely.

Information centres
Visitors 'centres for prisoners' families and
relatives
Next to most prisons you find a visitors' center run by associations.
They welcome families who visit relatives in prison.
These centers are open during visiting times and offer several
facilities :
- a warm welcome before and after visiting times .
- cheap accommodation
- accompanying children to the visiting room
You can enquire at the SPIP ( Penitentiary service for Insertion and
probation) at the prison or at the visitors' center.
Good to know :
The DÉFENSEUR DES DROITS may be directly contacted by any
minor (and his/her family) whose rights have not been respected. People
in prison can also write to the Défenseur des droits, with a sealed
envelope.
Défenseur des droits
TSA 90716
75334 PARIS Cedex 07
09 69 39 00 00
www.information.defenseurdesdroits.fr

These pages are for you.
You can write your comments and questions here :
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Your opinion on the book
''Tim and the mystery of the blue leg''
Your opinion is important for us to know if this booklet is
useful and whether some changes should be made in future
editions.
You can cut out or photocopy this questionnaire, complete it and
send it to :
UFRAMA , 8 Passage Pont Amilion, 17100 SAINTES
You can also find this questionnaire on our website :
www.uframa.org
and mail it to : contact@uframa.fr
1 - Are you : □ the mother □ the father □ other …………….…….….
2 - How many children have you got ? …………………………………
How old are they ? ……………………………………………..…….
3 - Are you :
□ the person in charge of the children
□ the inmate
□ other(specify) ……………………………………………..…....
4 - The booklet was given to you by :
□ the visiting center
□ the prison
□ a magistrate
□ other ……………………………………………..……
5 - When ?
□ during the first month after the beginning of the imprisonment
□ later
✁

6 - Did you read it to your children ?
yes no
7 - Did they like the story ?
yes no
8 -What were their reactions ?
laughter joy relief
emotion anxiety questions
other (specify)……………………………………………….
9 - After reading this booklet were you :
informed comforted worried
helped supported discouraged
other ………………………………………………………...
(several possible answers)
10 - Did the booklet help you ?
not at all a little rather a lot
11 - Did the reading of the booklet help you talk with your children ?
Yes a little no
All your remarks, suggestions, questions about this little book will be of
great help for us ! Feel free to write to us.
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Authors :
After a tale by Jean-François FAVRE
Illustrations by Quentin GRÉBAN
Translated from the French by Marie-Noëlle DUPUIS
This booklet was developed :
in consultation with the associations that take care of visitors’ centers
for the families of people imprisoned in France (mainland and overseas)
in collaboration with :
Gérard BENOIST
Psychologue au SMPR de Fleury Mérogis
Isabelle BIANQUIS
Chef du département insertion à la direction interrégionale des
services pénitentiaires de Paris
Colette CLEMENT-BARTHEZ
Magistrat, conseiller à la chambre des mineurs et de la famille à la
Cours d’appel de Lyon
Jean Luc DOUILLARD
Psychologue clinicien, Centre hospitalier de Saintonge (17)
Henri EICCHOLTZER
Vice-président de l’UFRAMA
Jeannette FAVRE
Présidente de l’UFRAMA
Dr Catherine JOUSSELME
Professeur de psychiatrie de l’enfant et de l’adolescent des
universités (Paris Sud)
Chef de service de la Fondation Vallée à Gentilly (94)
Odile NAUDIN
Conseillère auprès de la Défenseure des enfants
Jane SAUTIÈRE
Directrice d’insertion et de probation, bureau des politiques sociales
et d’insertion à la direction de l’administration pénitentiaire
We would like to thank all the people who helped making this little book for
children. Special thanks for their precious help to families and children we
meet at the visitors' centers.

This document is edited and distributed by UFRAMA
with the support of La Défenseure des enfants
and : - le Ministère de la Justice
- le Ministère des Affaires Sociales et de la Santé,
de la Famille, de la Solidarité et de la Ville
- le Secrétariat Général à la Ville
- l’Agence Nationale pour la Cohésion Sociale et
l’Egalité des Chances
- l’Institut National de Prévention et d’Education
pour la Santé
- la Caisse Nationale des Allocations Familiales
- la Fondation Ronald McDonald
- le Conseil Régional de l’Ile de France
In the same collection, there are five other booklets made for families
and relatives of people in prison :
- “Avoir un parent en prison” for children aged 7 to 11 who have an incarcerated
parent
- “Tim et le bracelet mystérieux” for children with a parent in electronic
supervision after incarceration
- “Nina et le bracelet de Papa” for children with a parent in electronic
supervision without previous incarceration
- Carnet de bord de la famille “Un de mes proches vient d’être
incarcéré en maison d’arrêt” for families with a relative incarcerated in
"Maison d'arrêt"
- Carnet de bord de la famille “Un de mes proches vient d’être
incarcéré en centre de détention ou en maison centrale” for families with
a relative incarcerated in a "Centre de détention "or in "Maison centrale"
The booklets edited by UFRAMA are distributed free to prisoner’s relatives
UFRAMA
Union nationale des fédérations régionales
des associations de maisons d’accueil de familles
et proches de personnes incarcérées
8, passage Pont Amilion – 17100 SAINTES
E-mail : contact@uframa.org – Tél. 05 46 92 11 89
Web site : www.uframa.org
Printing completed at I.D.E., 17100 Saintes (France) on 30 december 2016
ISBN n° 978-2-9537057- 4-4
All rights reserved ©