Zbornik Mednarodnega literarnega srečanja Vilenica 2004 - Ljudmila

Zbornik Mednarodnega literarnega srečanja Vilenica 2004 - Ljudmila Zbornik Mednarodnega literarnega srečanja Vilenica 2004 - Ljudmila

06.07.2014 Views

Anni Sumari Autobiography Without a touch of drama the moon waxes and wanes. I want to know what it means when the noise dies. I want to know what it means to escape problems. I want to know what it means to eat dirt and to swallow your own tongue. I want to know what ‘a soul’ means. When the surface water in the lake is warmer than the air fairies emerge. The same happens above asphalt in the same circumstances. I want to know what it means to watch problems disappear, to throw yourself in front of a train? Ardently, this minute! I want to know what disappearance means, assuagement, oblivion, abatement. All the horror and death in the unknown waters, battle fields, birth beds, how it all subsides, abates, until it’s hard to believe, although you know – hard to believe, although you can see it gilded, engraved in marble - hard to believe it has existed, that ‘they’ felt the horror and death; that ‘he’ or ‘she’ felt it; that ‘we’ did in the waters, fields, beds there is no other horror or death than mine, mine, until it abates. Autobiography is the right word to describe it there is no other word to describe it The brain makes no distinction between seeing, doing and imagination, that’s why creative visualisation is so effective. Follow the leader. But the world is a mirror, if he goes right you must go left. 382

Anni Sumari A glimpse of the blue sky. A glimpse of Picasso at work, a glimpse of falling ashtrays and a smiling Buddha in the hook of the crane. Focus on guts that are flowing out, that keep on flowing and sharpening. Consciousness doesn’t stream, it disrupts, cuts. Shifts narrators, shifts rhythms. Shifts perspectives, times, places from one logic to another. Compassionate, you know horror and death as if you owned them. Blazed, you watch those who have lost everything, who keep losing right and left, who never succeed in anything who are always plotted against who are required to do the impossible, who are being worn out, pushed aside, who are chased, forced to escape who have to trust, because there’s no choice, to passionately love no-thing, the smallest gesture, compliment, second-hand knowledge, those who had barely caught their breath when it was already too late and who can now do nothing but gape and radiate and yell: «More! More! More!« Gravitational farce of attraction that links the inhabitants of the blue planet to each other, to the serene, undulating golf course. I deliberately forget all mountains – the mountain, the hairy chest of a macho, and the chapel on the hillside basking in the sun like a golden pendant around his neck. 383

Anni Sumari<br />

Autobiography<br />

Without a touch of drama<br />

the moon waxes and wanes.<br />

I want to know what it means when the noise dies.<br />

I want to know what it means to escape problems.<br />

I want to know what it means to eat dirt<br />

and to swallow your own tongue.<br />

I want to know what ‘a soul’ means.<br />

When the surface water in the lake is warmer than the air<br />

fairies emerge.<br />

The same happens above asphalt in the same circumstances.<br />

I want to know what it means to watch problems disappear,<br />

to throw yourself in front of a train? Ardently,<br />

this minute! I want to know<br />

what disappearance means,<br />

assuagement, oblivion, abatement.<br />

All the horror and death in the unknown<br />

waters, battle fields, birth beds,<br />

how it all subsides, abates, until<br />

it’s hard to believe, although you know –<br />

hard to believe, although you can see it<br />

gilded, engraved in marble -<br />

hard to believe it has existed, that ‘they’<br />

felt the horror and death;<br />

that ‘he’ or ‘she’ felt it; that ‘we’ did<br />

in the waters, fields, beds<br />

there is no other horror or death than<br />

mine, mine, until it abates.<br />

Autobiography<br />

is the right word<br />

to describe it<br />

there is no other word<br />

to describe it<br />

The brain makes no distinction between<br />

seeing, doing and imagination,<br />

that’s why creative visualisation is so effective.<br />

Follow the leader.<br />

But the world is a mirror, if he goes right<br />

you must go left.<br />

382

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