StrangerDangerDANCING THE LINE BETWEENPARANOIA AND GOOD PARENTINGBY TANA PHILLIPSthe last wordIllustration by Christi Rochin‘STRANGERDANGER’NEVERREALLYTOOK ROOTIN JAPAN.AND THAT’SA GOODTHING.”WANTTO HAVETHE LASTWORD?Send your article to:editor@<strong>metropolis</strong>japan.comShe was the worst mom in America. Everyonesaid so: internet bloggers, TVnews shows, radio talk DJs... Her name isLenore Skenazy and she created a mediafirestorm in the U.S. a few years ago withone dangerous, unconscionable act: shelet her nine-year-old son ride the subwayby himself.I wonder what those pundits andmommy bloggers would think of thetrains in Tokyo. Here, it’s perfectly commonfor young children to use publictransportation, walk to school andplay in parks by themselves. Yet thesesame acts in the United States aren’tjust frowned upon; they’re often consideredcriminal.The stories abound. On a cool Septemberday, a mother left her six-year-oldson in the backseat of her locked andparked car while she spent less than fiveminutes picking up one item from a store.A concerned citizen called the police andshe spent the next two years fightingcharges of negligence and contributingto the delinquency of a minor. Anothermother left her nine-year-old daughterplaying at a park around the corner whileshe worked her shift at McDonald’s. Thepark was only a couple of blocks fromtheir home, but a passerby called thepolice, who duly showed up at her workto take her into custody.In Japan, my children play in the parkby themselves all the time. They walk orride their bikes to school by themselves.They can go to their friends’s houseswithout supervision, provided they comehome when the streetlights turn on.It’s the kind of upbringing my husbandand I had—a kind of upbringing that hasall but disappeared in the U.S. No longeris a parent permitted to make decisionsabout his or her own child’s maturity leveland readiness for independence. Yetany stranger is qualified to make a judgmentabout their parenting and involvethe police and child protective serviceswithout a second glance.It’s different in Japan because it’s somuch safer here. Right?Japan is consistently ranked one ofthe safest countries in the world. However,as Skenazy likes to point out, violentcrime rates in the U.S. have beendeclining steadily over the past severaldecades. In fact, they’re at their lowestlevels since the early 1970s.The problem is that facts don’t seemto matter much. A prime example: AsHalloween arrives, American parentswill be meticulously checking their children’scandy for suspicious-lookingpieces. But most won’t be aware thatthe joy and simplicity of the holidaywere permanently tainted by just oneincident back in 1974, when RonaldClark O’Bryan of Deer Park, Texas,killed his son by inserting cyanidelacedPixy Stix into his Halloween haul.As a result of this targeted attack—though disguised to look random, itwas for the insurance money; parentsnow worry that every block of candygiversmight hide some stranger out toharm their kids.The idea of “stranger danger” neverreally took root in Japan. And that’s a goodthing, because the U.S.’ stranger dangercampaign has turned out to be one of themost successful and harmful campaigns inexistence. The truth is that crimes againstchildren are most often perpetrated bysomeone close to the child: a family friend,a teacher, a family member—someone thechild knows and trusts.Even though I know all of this—eventhough I think of myself as a reasonable,logical parent—I don’t allow my childrenthe same freedoms in the U.S. thatthey’re afforded here. Forget going to thestore by themselves; back home I start topanic if they’re not in the same aisle as mein the grocery store. And even if I don’tpanic myself, there’s still the concern ofbeing seen as a bad parent for treatingmy children the same in one country asin another.Maybe by the time we leave Japan,my parenting practices and confidencewill have matured to the point that I’llbe able to trust my kids and my owninstincts. Maybe by then the U.S. willhave gotten a grip on its neuroses andlet parents make reasonable decisionsabout what their children are old andmature enough to handle. Or maybe bythen my children will just be so old I’ll nolonger have to worry about these thingsin the first place.■ Tana Phillips blogs about her (mis)adventures in Japan—and her far moreharrowing adventures raising four kids—atjapanicked.comThe views expressed in “The Last Word” are those of the authors alone and do not necessarily reflect the position or opinions of Japan Partnership Co. Ltd. or its partners and sponsors.NEXT ISSUECHE’NELLESAYS IT ALLSO YOU THINK YOUKNOW YOUR NAKANO?TEACHING UNCERTAINTY:COMING OUT IN JAPANPhoto by Ryan Bruss34
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