MAY 2022. Blues Vol 38 No. 5

to trigger my childhood

to trigger my childhood trauma. Little things that never seemed to bother me before, such as sexual abuse commercials on TV or certain Police dramas depicting childhood abuse. I began to relive the horrors from my past. Now well into my 50s, how do I even begin to talk about something that happened back when I was 8 years old, but the memories became more vivid every day. Well one day while I was out with friends and family, my mind got the better of me and like bad gas station Sushi it needed to come out. I released the childhood trauma to a close friend, not thinking about the aftereffects. I mean I have not told anyone in over 45 years, it should feel cleansing, right? I was so wrong. See holding in that one trauma and stacking other traumas on top, caused my bucket dump, an internal mental collapse. Like opening a compressed can of spring snakes, they all came popping out, causing an overload that I did not expect. I began to spiral down the rabbit hole and not long after, found myself in my house with a gun to my head yelling at my family to leave. Only God knows the reason the trigger wasn’t pulled that day. But I passed out from emotional overload and woke up to a SWAT team shooting teargas into my home. I was locked up and put in Jail, Get a copy of THE BLUES FREE Yes Jail! Why? Because of the lack of training in some departments on how to respond to Post Traumatic Stress incidents. I was charged with aggravated felony assault with a Firearm and taken to County Jail. No 72-hour mental health hold, no suicide watch, nothing! I was a criminal suffering from post-Traumatic stress. The only person I threatened was myself. I will not get into the response tactics, only after math. My family pleaded with responding officers and made them fully aware of the entire situation, which sadly fell on deaf ears. This emotional break caused tremendous collateral damage to my family and friends, all because I hid the traumas I was stacking up. So why am I sharing such a personal story with strangers? To let you know, it’s ok to be vulnerable, it’s ok to share your pain and hurt. It’s ok to be open and let out those traumas either past or present. Because if you hold them in, one day they may come out when you least expect them, Our brains never forget. Everything we experience in life is stored and can be triggered at any time by sight, sound, smell, or touch. Like memories of an old song, they can come to the surface be it good or bad. Thank You for allowing me to share some of my journey with you. I hope you can share yours. 96 The BLUES POLICE MAGAZINE The BLUES POLICE MAGAZINE 97