JULY 2021 Blues Vol 37 No. 7

to someone. I started

to someone. I started out with our department’s Psychological Services Unit, and I have nothing but great things to say about how I was treated by Dr. Tate and his staff, but what really turned things around for me, has been my relationship with C.O.P.S or Concerns of Police Survivors. I attended a class called Traumas of Law Enforcement, and the amazing part of the class, is that most of the people that were there had also been involved in a Line of Duty Death (LODD) case; therefore, we all had a common bond where we all learned that it was easy to talk to each other and tell our stories. Later that year I attended the C.O.P.S, Co-Workers Retreat. The retreat is held each year in Missouri, and there is no cost to attend. I have been back every year and plan to continue going. This retreat is only open to officers (current, former or retired) that have been affected by a LODD, and because of this requirement, we know that we are with others that are suffering the same way, and for many - the same reasons. The co-worker’s group is 100% confidential, and agencies are never told about your attendance if you don’t want them to know. I have taken a different approach and I want to tell everyone about C.O.P.S. and the Co-Workers Retreat. I have friends that I can call at any time, and they are always willing to help when I need it. We are all human, and sometimes we need to reach out for a helping hand. The first time I spoke in public about what I had gone through, I was the keynote speaker at a Traffic Safety Conference, out of state. It was one of the most difficult presentations I had ever done, and when it ended, I really wondered if anyone “got it” or did they just think I was someone that couldn’t handle the job? Those questions were answered soon after when I was approached by someone that told me he had been afraid to talk to anyone and ask for help. He was on the edge of making a fatal decision. We talked for quite a while and I was able get him in touch with someone to get the help he needed. That one day, that one talk, made everything worthwhile. I don’t think there is anything better than using our experiences to help someone that has been suffering and searching for answers. To be able to reassure him that he isn’t the only one that has those feelings, and that we don’t have to be emotionally shut off to survive was such a great feeling. I truly think It might be the greatest accomplishment of my life, way better than any award or commendation. We owe it to each other to help each other. When you know someone is suffering, help them get to the right people. I wish someone had told me years ago that it’s okay to ask for help, that you aren’t a weak officer when the horrible things that we see every day bother you. It’s been 10 years since Officer Kevin Will was killed. Each time we talk about it, there are a flood of emotions; but now more than ever. It’s a sense of pride knowing that we pulled together and did everything that we could to help achieve justice for Kevin’s family. Looking back, eighteen Houston Police Officers have died in the line of duty in the 20 years that I have served in the Houston Police Department. Many of those eighteen were friends of mine. I don’t know how many more years I will serve, but I know that there will be more officers that we will lose. I also know that more officers will need help, and more of us will need to step up and be the help those officers are looking for. 94 The BLUES POLICE MAGAZINE The BLUES POLICE MAGAZINE 95