Issue 1 Draft 3

i caught myself almost in the belief
that i’d assumed the role already.
say something enough times
and you begin to believe it.
say something enough times and you’ll think
you’ve already achieved it.
and one day it is true
i’d like to use
my hands to heal.
but the same country that nurtured me and mine
gave someone else’s hands the time
to buy a gun and fifteen hundred rounds of ammunition
[ready]
[aim]
[fire].
and
there is nothing else we can do.
say fifty-two
u.s. senators,
and countless
mayors cops governors ceos
presidents and deans.
in the same way they tell me
we can’t house the woman who
sleeps
on the sidewalk
outside of Boston Children’s Hospital
with a thin blanket that she keeps
as my peers and teachers and i
walk blithely by
on our way to class.
and
one day i’ll hold a patient’s hand in mine
who’s uninsured and missed care for years
or skipped expensive meds for want of food,
and make the same pronouncement:
there is nothing else we can do.
there is nothing else we can do
for you.
[thanks]
[anyway]
[doctor].
but how am i supposed to believe it?
equity. safety. love and care for all.
I
believe in doubt. I believe
in the limits of faith, and in
maintaining some skepticism
regarding even one’s own most
deeply held convictions. I believe
that being sure is not the same as
being right.
I say this not just to turn a
clever phrase, steeped in Socratic
irony. Rather, I truly feel that
we suffer on balance from too
much rather than too little faith.
I have faith in my friends and
loved ones, and I do believe
this sentiment enriches life and
nourishes the soul. In the wider
context of the world, however,
my experience has been that
too much belief clouds rather
than illuminates the mind.
Uncritically held conviction more
frequently blocks real progress in
understanding and overcoming
the key challenges of life.
In my professional life as
a physician and scientist, I am
all too often proven wrong. I
do my best to understand and
I Believe in Doubt
By Dr. Robin Colgrove
MD, Professor and Infectious Disease Specialist, Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center
In the wider context of
the world, however, my
experience has been that
too much belief clouds
rather than illuminates
the mind.
to render thoughtful analyses,
but sometimes I am mistaken.
There is no escaping this fact:
my diagnoses and hypotheses are
all neatly transcribed for anyone
to read and to notice where
subsequent events have shown
me to be in error. Looking back, I
can see places where I felt certain
I knew the answer—but where
reality showed otherwise.
Having more than once been
certain but wrong, sometimes in
very serious matters, has made me
try to preface every assertion—at
least in my own mind—with the
caveat: “But I’m only human. I
might be mistaken.” I truly wish
I could persuade more people
to adopt a similar stance. What
I see more often, though, is that
otherwise smart and reasonable
people block off parts of their
minds, where emotionally
important fixed convictions
reside protected against reason
and thoughtful criticism.
On a personal level, this
can lead simply to foolish ideas
about harmless topics. (I hesitate
to give specific examples, since
most of us hold at least a few silly
notions; and I find that people
generally stop listening when
called out on their own beliefs.)
In more serious subjects, though,
certainty in one’s own rightness
and in the wickedness of those
who disagree has given people
latitude to be horribly cruel
to one another. From small,
individual acts of malice, to
genocide-scale slaughter of the
helpless, few human traits are
more toxic than the tendency
to let certainty trump decency
and to let conviction override
compassion.
...few human traits are
more toxic than the
tendency to let certainty
trump decency and to
let conviction override
compassion.
In the biomedical areas
where I work, uncertainty is
appropriate. We are dealing with
systems far more complex than we
understand, perhaps more than
we are capable of understanding
fully. Even here, though, many
people retreat into the false
comfort of a pretend assurance,
protecting themselves from the
anxiety of doubt by denying the
extent of our ignorance. Rather,
I wish we could embrace this
complexity, using our partial
and imperfect understanding to
navigate ways forward.
Only in this way, I believe,
can we face the world as it is and
treat one another—in all our
differences—with true kindness.
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