kaos

roof, as if from heaven, not Selene but Rutilia, a very pretty woman, married to one of
the emperor’s stewards. She was genuinely in love with Alexander and he with her; and
before the eyes of her worthless husband there were kisses and embraces in public. If
the torches had not been numerous, perhaps the thing would have been carried even
further.”
This enthralling blend of mystery religion and Raymond Revue-Bar did marvellously
well for a contemporary cult. Marcus Aurelius himself sought out the snake-god’s
prophecy concerning his then-current war in Germany against the Marcomanni and
the Quadi. While Alexander drank a glass of water, Glycon recited the alphabet and
then advised the emperor to dump two live lions and a load of perfume in the Danube,
so that a victory would be secured. Yeah, right. When 20,000 Romans died as a result of
this disastrous advice, our boy Al cited the Delphic Defence, claiming a victory had
been secured by somebody.
Despite a prophecy that he’d die struck by lightning at age one hundred and fifty,
Alexander was brown bread before his seventieth birthday. Nasty business. One leg
mortified, groin full of maggots. Al had always claimed to have a gold thigh like
Pythagoras, so maybe it was metal fatigue. His cult, however, did survive for roughly
one hundred and fifty years before being struck by the lightning of the Christian anti-
Pagan pogroms during the 4 th century. C’est la vie. Che sera sera. Hasta la vista.
Time passed.
The current order of Moon and Serpent Grand Egyptian Theatre of Marvels was
inaugurated following a chance event in early 1994. While browsing at a Farringdon
Road bookstall, folded in a Look-In annual from the early 1970s, we found a letter from
Frau Anna Sprengel. Honestly, I ask you, what are the chances of that? In the letter,
Annie (as she insists we call her) states that all her earlier letters were, as she puts it,
“eine vind-up. Who says ve Germans haf no sense of humour?” Revealing that the one
true mystic order of the ages is in fact the aforementioned Moon and Serpent Grand
Egyptian Theatre of Marvels, she then authorised us to found lodges throughout the
western world, to dress up in fancy frocks like girls, and to take everybody’s money. We
admit that various other occult orders and authorities have cast aspersions on the
authenticity of our Frau Sprengel letter, but fuck ’em.
As for the teachings of our order, they are simple and direct:
1. Fuck ’em.
2. Trim the fatheads.
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