red dwarf – season seven

ed dwarf season seven part two small black beetles: the overkill
KOCHANSKI: 'Wipe alert'? No! Don't even tell me what
that means. I have a feeling I know, and if I'm right, it's
the grossest thing I have ever heard!
KRYTEN: I mean his mouth... I help him get rid of the
crumbs around his mouth..?
KOCHANSKI: Yeah... that's what I thought... And it's
absolutely gross! Disgusting.
LISTER & CAT ARE SAT AT THE SCANNER TABLE ACROSS A DRAUGHTS BOARD.
CAT: It's a real son-of-a-bitch about your arm, bud.
Losing an arm... that is one terrible thing. Can you
imagine that? One minute you got two arms and the
next: vreeee, doof - you got one. Phewwwie. That's
tough. And it stands to reason we must need two
arms - that's why we got two arms. Well, except you.
You're probably wondering: "is it going to affect my
life?" But I've been thinking about this and I think the
answer is: "Yes, it is". If it were me, I couldn't survive.
First chance I get I'd climb to the top of my highest pair
of platform boots and leap to my death or something.
I couldn't stand the thought of not being perfect.
But with you I think it's different. Take a pit bull terrier,
a real ugly son-of-a-bitch. It loses its leg, somehow, and
the pit bull says to you "hey man, I've only got three legs,
will lady pit bulls still like me?" I mean, you've got to
stop from laughing, haven't you? He's ugly with four
legs! He's ugly with three! Hell, he'd be ugly if you put
him in a suit and gave him a carnation. So here's
something I think is gonna cheer you up!
LISTER: It's your move.
CAT: Okay, okay, I'm going..! I don't think you've been
listening to a thing I've said..!
KRYTEN: Right, now this is a copy of the standard model
from the 21st century. Okay, now let's recap: the limb
is connected to neurons which run up to the left
hemisphere of your brain, which controls the right side
of your body. Now, all you have to do is merely
command the arm to do something, and it obeys. Now,
let's practice. I want you to think: "arm - pick up the
ball". Now just think: "I will pick up the ball." That's right,
good, now, concentrate. Now, focus down onto that and
keep the thought, sir! Hand, pick up the ball! That's right,
sir, now keep going, now really think, now. Hand, pick
up the ball! Now let's really get it going, sir! Pick up
the ball! REALLY START TO GO NOW, SIR! HAND,
PICK UP THE BALL, NOW LET'S KEEP MOVING!
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