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red dwarf – season seven

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ed <strong>dwarf</strong> <strong>season</strong> <strong>seven</strong> part two small black beetles: the overkill<br />

KRYTEN: Life signs almost gone, sir.<br />

EPIDEME: And in tomorrow's episode: Kris Kochanski has a<br />

nasty turn when Dave, her hilarious decomposing<br />

boyfriend, returns from the grave to infect her with a<br />

wacky, but charismatic, virus! Until then, good night...<br />

KOCHANSKI: Okay, last roll of the dice. Dave, I'm gonna<br />

stop your heart, okay? It's the last chance to save you,<br />

do you agree?<br />

LISTER: You're gonna prevent epideme from killing me<br />

by killing me..?<br />

KOCHANSKI: I'll take that as a yes... (pumps a shot into his<br />

heart) Is he..?<br />

KRYTEN: Dead!? Yes, ma'am! Careful Miss Kochanski,<br />

don't get too close to him! The epideme virus has<br />

transfer<strong>red</strong> to you! It's infected your hand!<br />

EPIDEME: And the big showbiz news today is that, as<br />

expected, the long-running virus, epideme, has been<br />

renewed for another <strong>season</strong>!<br />

KOCHANSKI: Wrong, bug-head! You're axed!<br />

SHE PICKS UP THE LASER SAW AND RAISES IT OVER THE INFECTED ARM.<br />

KRYTEN: Miss Kochanski, ma'am! Have you gone<br />

completely insane?!?<br />

KOCHANSKI: It was Caroline Carmen's - I injected it with<br />

blood and adreneline!<br />

KRYTEN: That really is quite extraordinary... I had you<br />

marked down as a bit of a madam, but I really have<br />

to accept that I'm going to have to get to like you at<br />

that. I mean, you do annoy me to some degree but,<br />

really, that -- Mr Lister!<br />

LISTER: Oh, where have I been?<br />

KRYTEN: Well, for the last few minutes, sir, you've been<br />

dead...<br />

KOCHANSKI: How did it feel?<br />

LISTER: Ever been to Swindon? (Kochanski places a gentle<br />

kiss on Lister's forehead) What's that for?<br />

KOCHANSKI: For not staying dead!<br />

page 34

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