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red dwarf – season seven

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ed <strong>dwarf</strong> <strong>season</strong> <strong>seven</strong> part two small black beetles: the overkill<br />

LISTER: What, you mean I could be planning a career in<br />

archery?<br />

KOCHANSKI: You could be dead. Now, you said you'd<br />

consider anything, well, this is it.<br />

LISTER: Can I have some details? Something a little bit more<br />

inspiring than "can I hack off your limb?"<br />

KRYTEN: The plan is to inject anti-virals in a precise<br />

pattern through your body, forcing epideme into your<br />

arm.<br />

LISTER: And then you cut it off. Great plan. What choice<br />

have I got... Okay, but make it my left arm, okay. 'Cause<br />

my right arm does all my favourite things.<br />

STARBUG MEDIBAY<br />

KOCHANSKI: Okay, virus heading north. And heading for<br />

the left shoulder. No, no, no, no! It's heading away<br />

from his left arm…<br />

KRYTEN: The right arm, it's our only chance. Laser bone<br />

saw, sir, quickly! Amputation mode: cut and cauterise!<br />

KOCHANSKI: It's not enough. Still not enough. Okay! If this<br />

doesn't work, we're out of options.<br />

CAT: Whether it works or not, it's gonna be a cold<br />

day in hell before I touch barbecue wings again!<br />

STARBUG MEDIBAY, LATER.<br />

KOCHANSKI: He's awake!<br />

LISTER: My left arm, I said! That's my right; what kind of<br />

navigation officer can't tell left from right?<br />

KOCHANSKI: We did the best we could; I am so sorry.<br />

LISTER: Where is it?<br />

KOCHANSKI: We flushed it into space, we had to.<br />

LISTER: Oh, my right arm... I did everything with that arm;<br />

we were inseparable! At least, I thought we were.<br />

Oh, it's not your fault. You did what you had to do to<br />

save my life. You haven't saved my life... So, to sum up:<br />

all I've got to look forward to now is death,<br />

zombification, and then a quick, after-death snog with<br />

either you or the Cat? You've given my arm for<br />

nothing?<br />

KRYTEN: Not nothing, sir! Based on my calculations, it's<br />

bought you approximately fifty-eight minutes more<br />

life.<br />

LISTER: What am I gonna do with fifty-eight minutes more<br />

life?<br />

CAT: Have half a juggling lesson?<br />

LISTER: You're really not helping.<br />

page 30

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