red dwarf – season seven

ed dwarf season seven part two small black beetles: the overkill
STARBUG MID-SECTION
LISTER: I feel really lousy...
KOCHANSKI: Oh, you're probably just in shock, don't be
such a baby.
KRYTEN: Miss Kochanski, ma'am, if I may say so, your
bedside manner leaves something to be desired.
KOCHANSKI: Like what?
KRYTEN: Well, like a bedside manner!
LISTER: You think I'm a hyperchondriac?
KOCHANSKI: You're a man, aren't you? I mean, you all get
the common cold and you think it's malaria.
KRYTEN: Oh, and women, of course, are different?
LISTER: They just have a different perspective on pain,
Kryten. As would you if, every summer, you had to
pour hot wax on your crotch and rip out half your
thatch.
CAT: He's right, I hate doing that.
KRYTEN: The tests are complete, and there's a foreign
substance in your blood, and... I recognise the DNA, sir.
It's the epideme virus. A man-made parasite created as a
rival to the nicotine patch. Epideme was an intelligent
organism, designed to block all neural signals relating
to nicotine craving, but in practice, it also blocked the
signals telling the body it needed blood and oxygen.
CAT: Is that why the Carmen chick looked like the
centerfold from this month's Playzombie?
KRYTEN: Precisely. It's virtually unstoppable. For the
first forty-eight hours it consumes its host, then hijacks
the corpse and goes looking for a new victim... When
it can't find one, it freezes the body and waits.
CAT: So, the lifesigns on the Leviathan --
KOCHANSKI: Didn't belong to Carmen, but to the parasite
inhabiting her body... Which passed to you the
moment she...
LISTER: Slipped her mouth-meat down my gullet? I've
been tongue-hockeyed to death! In forty-eight hours I'm
going to be deader than a Saturday night in Salt Lake
City!
KRYTEN: There is one option, sir... I believe you might
have a chance if you, well, reason with it. The virus, sir.
After all, it is intelligent.
LISTER: Kryten, are you neural circuits picking up
interference from the tumble-drier again?
KRYTEN: If we can patch in the universal translator, it
might just be possible to talk to it. I believe it's your
only chance, sir.
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