red dwarf – season seven

ed dwarf season seven part two small black beetles: the overkill
STARBUG COCKPIT
Epideme
CAT: What IS that thing?
KOCHANSKI: Astro-glacier. Allotropically modified,
surrounded by an envelope of luminous gases.
CAT: Thanks! That's most helpful! What is it?
LISTER: To you: a big iceberg.
KOCHANSKI: I studied them in my first year in the Corps.
but I've never seen one up this close before. Isn't it
incredible? Look at those crystaline formations...
LISTER: You think all this sciency stuff's really interesting,
don't you? I bet, at school, you were always the one
with the right coloured pencils, and the impossibly neat
handwriting. I bet even now you can probably tell us
the average rainfall of the oil-rich coastal low-lands of
Venezuela...
KOCHANSKI: No I couldn't, I've no idea... Okay, three point
four inches, so what? Unlike you guys, my greatest
accomplishment isn't a line on a loo wall somewhere
marking my highest ever pee.
KRYTEN: I'll have you know, ma'am, I too possess
qualifications.
CAT: What qualifications have you got, meat-tenderiser
head?
KRYTEN: Why, I'm a fully qualified Bachelor of Sanitation.
You may not know this, sir, but many years ago I
completed my course at Toilet University, where I
studied the lavatorial sciences.
KOCHANSKI: Toilet University's just a piece of software,
it's part of your core program.
KRYTEN: I still had to complete a written examination to
indicate the program was successfully installed. Most
interesting. Did you know, for instance, that the first
syphon-and-valve flushing system was patented in 1778
by Joseph Brehman, whose U-bend curvature equations
are still --
LISTER: Kryten! Can this story maybe wait? Ideally until
after I'm dead?
CAT: Well, speaking personally, I hardly didn't get no
formal education at all.
LISTER: No kidding, professor...
CAT: No, it's true, bud. That's why, sometimes, I don't
know stuff. Like... well, practically everything.
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