red dwarf – season seven
red dwarf – season seven
red dwarf – season seven
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ed <strong>dwarf</strong> <strong>season</strong> <strong>seven</strong> part two small black beetles: the overkill<br />
STARBUG<br />
Blue<br />
KRYTEN: Good morning, sir! How about a little breakfast?<br />
What would you say to a dozen grilled winkels on a bed<br />
of curried rice crispies?<br />
LISTER: I'm not eating that spicy stuff any more.<br />
KRYTEN: Forgive me, sir, but the phenomena of you not<br />
eating spicy food is like a zebra not being stripy, or<br />
an old lady not sitting on a park bench with her legs<br />
open. May I ask why?<br />
LISTER: Apart from anything else it makes your breath<br />
smell like a lift full of senile donkeys returning from a<br />
gargling contest.<br />
KRYTEN: Well, that's never bothe<strong>red</strong> you before, sir..?<br />
LISTER: Well it bothers me now, okay?<br />
KRYTEN: It's because of her, isn't it... 'she who must be<br />
drooled over'...<br />
LISTER: You mean Kris?<br />
KRYTEN: Whatever my feelings, sir, I will not be<br />
tempted into making petty criticisms of fellow<br />
crewmembers. There is, of course, the issue of the salad<br />
cream... I spent many months training everyone to put<br />
the salad cream in the fridge. Then she comes on board,<br />
and - lo and behold! - it turns up back in the cupboard!<br />
LISTER: The first moon we come to - let's dump her!<br />
KRYTEN: And what about the extra laundry? Now there<br />
are all kinds of extraordinary items turning up in the<br />
dirty linen basket: tights; bras; skimpy vests; little<br />
socks - tut, it's a massive extra workload! Frank is very<br />
upset. The washing machine. I named him Frank, he<br />
works better with an identity. And what about the<br />
ironing? I mean, how do you iron a bra?<br />
LISTER: Well, you've gotta take it off first... I spent<br />
years practicing that - used to put my nanny's bra<br />
around the armchair until I could unhook it with my<br />
left hand. Even now, whenever I see a Parkernol I get<br />
horny.<br />
KRYTEN: But have you ever tried to iron a bra, sir? The<br />
only way I've found is to stretch each container over my<br />
head, and iron it from there. Believe me, on a hot cotton<br />
setting it sends my optical systems into leak overload.<br />
LISTER: They're not called containers, they're called cups.<br />
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