red dwarf – season seven

ed dwarf season seven part two small black beetles: the overkill
STARBUG
Blue
KRYTEN: Good morning, sir! How about a little breakfast?
What would you say to a dozen grilled winkels on a bed
of curried rice crispies?
LISTER: I'm not eating that spicy stuff any more.
KRYTEN: Forgive me, sir, but the phenomena of you not
eating spicy food is like a zebra not being stripy, or
an old lady not sitting on a park bench with her legs
open. May I ask why?
LISTER: Apart from anything else it makes your breath
smell like a lift full of senile donkeys returning from a
gargling contest.
KRYTEN: Well, that's never bothered you before, sir..?
LISTER: Well it bothers me now, okay?
KRYTEN: It's because of her, isn't it... 'she who must be
drooled over'...
LISTER: You mean Kris?
KRYTEN: Whatever my feelings, sir, I will not be
tempted into making petty criticisms of fellow
crewmembers. There is, of course, the issue of the salad
cream... I spent many months training everyone to put
the salad cream in the fridge. Then she comes on board,
and - lo and behold! - it turns up back in the cupboard!
LISTER: The first moon we come to - let's dump her!
KRYTEN: And what about the extra laundry? Now there
are all kinds of extraordinary items turning up in the
dirty linen basket: tights; bras; skimpy vests; little
socks - tut, it's a massive extra workload! Frank is very
upset. The washing machine. I named him Frank, he
works better with an identity. And what about the
ironing? I mean, how do you iron a bra?
LISTER: Well, you've gotta take it off first... I spent
years practicing that - used to put my nanny's bra
around the armchair until I could unhook it with my
left hand. Even now, whenever I see a Parkernol I get
horny.
KRYTEN: But have you ever tried to iron a bra, sir? The
only way I've found is to stretch each container over my
head, and iron it from there. Believe me, on a hot cotton
setting it sends my optical systems into leak overload.
LISTER: They're not called containers, they're called cups.
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