red dwarf – season seven

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ed dwarf season seven part two small black beetles: the overkill STARBUG MID-SECTION LISTER: This is nuts! KOCHANSKI: We look great! What are you talking about? LISTER: This is never gonna work. You can't speak GELF... KOCHANSKI: Neither can the sim! We'll just do an impression of you first thing in the morning and we'll be fine! Come on, boy... LISTER: This is so demeaning - I feel like a piece of meat! It's worse than a chronic catarrh sufferers' annual outing! ROOM WITHIN THE CENTAURI SIMULANT: After spare mech heads, 'ey? 'Uman! Lovely with a bit of mint sauce! 'Ow about a trade? CAT: We ain't selling, okay? Fuel, supplies, anything, but not the human. I was just telling him - no deal. Like she says: no deal. You tell him, Bud-Babe! No deal! You got that? SIMULANT: So... you speak Earth, 'ey? Tails... you can 'ave the mech 'eads for free... 'eads... I take the 'uman. It's tails, the 'eads are yours. And, here are the primers. Now, 'ow about a toast, 'ey? To Simulants: the greatest droids in the Universe - but never trust 'em, 'ey? Cheers! STARBUG MID-SECTION LISTER: Aw, we've been set up! KOCHANSKI: He must have had a sidekick - he kept us talking while his mate ransacked the ship! LISTER: Kryten! They've taken his RAM chip, too... WORKSHOP ABOARD THE CENTAURI SIMULANT: here's a little job for you, Able. Looks like a negadrive blow back. Fix 'im, ready for market, or I'll apply the electro-leash to your nipples. ABLE: Fix him, or get fried nipple nuts? I think I'm gonna choose the 'fix himy option! Deal! Is now a good time to ask about a pay rise? Uh, I'm almost out of ultrazone, I need some more. WORKSHOP ABOARD THE CENTAURI KRYTEN: Goodness me! What a peculiar experience. Thank you, Mr... What is your name? ABLE: Just give me a second, okay? I've just sent that query down to long term memory retrieval. It'll be back in no time. Hang on, here it comes. Told you it would be quick. Able. My name's Able. page 18
ed dwarf season seven part two small black beetles: the overkill KRYTEN: My name is Kryten. You're a 4000-series, too, aren't you? ABLE: Er, hang on. Won't take a tick. KRYTEN: Please, don't bother. Believe me, you are a 4000. ABLE: Well, I could check - it'll only take about twenty seconds. KRYTEN: Your serial number's '2X4C' - I'm a 2X4c too! We must have the same motherboard. ABLE: Then you're my bro'! Hey, wow, you wanna try some Ultrazone? KRYTEN: Ultrazone's dangerous and highly addictive! ABLE: Why, I only use it every now and then, y'know? It helps me get through the day. KRYTEN: Well how come you ended up here? ABLE: Hang on. KRYTEN: What an irritating characteristic... ABLE: Okay: the ship I was on, well, it kind of crashed a bit. All the crew just lay there and they didn't talk to me anymore. Then, after a couple of years I figured out they must be dead. Then a long time later, the Simulant guy came and picked me up. He's a bit of a psychopathic killing machine, but, he has his good side. And, he has a huge stash of ultrazone! You sure you won't try some, Kryten? Bro'? KRYTEN: I'm not your bro', and I do not touch ultrazone! It corrupts your circuit boards! ABLE: Well, that's what people say, but... where's the evidence? Have I just said that? STARBUG COCKPIT LISTER: Approaching the Centauri - 80 clicks and closing. Nice and easy, man... CAT: Hang on - their retros have started up. They've spotted us! KOCHANSKI: Look at the acceleration of that thing! They're already halfway across the sector! LISTER: The Centauri can travel at speeds that we can only dream of... We're never gonna catch them now. We've lost Kryten. KOCHANSKI: Okay, turn the thrusters to maximum speed on a bearing Q23 stroke J80. LISTER: This is the opposite direction to the Centauri - full speed! KOCHANSKI: Precisely. page 19
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red dwarf – season seven

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