Information for Parents and Carers of Children with - Dundee City ...

Experience financial difficulties (housing modifications, need for a special car,
medication, respite costs, travel costs, equipment, specialist toys) all of which can cause
strain on the family.
Find returning to work is difficult due to treatment and additional needs of the child.
At certain stages, the stresses can appear particularly high. However, parents won’t feel all
these stresses at the same time. In fact, just like in any other family, feelings of happiness,
achievement and satisfaction can be, and are, enjoyed. The main message is for you to be
aware of what life may be like for the family. Most burdens can be lightened by the caring
support and open communication that you can provide as a relative or close friend.
With parents, denial is part of the normal reaction to the news that a child has additional
needs. Denial helps avoid the pain and grief associated with the diagnosis. However, with
time and support a degree of acceptance can be achieved.
Even though you may not be the parent of the child, it is normal for you also to have
difficulties with denial or grief over the child’s condition. You may think about seeking
support for you own needs and feelings in order to better support the parents and the child.
The opportunity to exchange information and to discuss feelings with relatives of other
families will provide you with mutual support in the acceptance of the diagnosis of the child’s
additional needs.
Therapy and Medical Appointments
Parents of children with additional needs see many medical practitioners, therapists and
other professional and care staff. These people have the best interests of the child at heart
when suggesting therapy and courses of action to follow. As parents often face many
“unknowns” with their child’s condition, the professional expertise and advice they receive is
very important to them. As a family member or friend it is important that you support the
advice and efforts of the professionals that the parents trust and respect, even though you
may not agree with what they are doing.
Your acceptance and support is both necessary and valuable to families with additional
needs.
Empathy
Parents do not want sympathy! What they want is empathy, which is an effort by you to
understand how they are feeling and what they are going through. To gain empathy, you
could try imagining yourself in the parent’s situation for a while. Below is an outline of the
additional stresses identified by parents caring for a child with additional needs. The
following pressures are above and beyond the daily hassles and stressful life events that all
families experience. Reading them may help you to understand the family’s situation better.
• Frustration with not knowing what will happen with the child long term and the difficult of
finding clear answers.
• Feelings of guilt if not continually attending to the extra needs of the child as well as
those of other members in the family.
• Questioning why the child has the condition, and if it could have been prevented.
• Dealing with the chronic grief and loss for the “normal” child the parent does not have.
• Concern about acceptance of the child into the community (school, shopping centres,
playground, church).
Information Pack – Children’s Services 8