DON'T - Top That! Publishing

Doozandohntz
Illustrated guide to
Being Popular
Do
Be prepared to create your own individual
look and stand out from the crowd ...
ENDORSED BY THE
TOP THAT! INSTITUTE
OF HUMAN BEHAVIOURAL
STUDIES
Don’t
Stand out too much and become
the ‘butt’ of your friends’ jokes!
Useful hints and tips for surviving your life!

Doozandohntz
Illustrated guide to
Being Popular
Published by Top That! Publishing plc
Copyright © 2010 Top That! Publishing plc
Tide Mill Way, Woodbridge, Suffolk, IP12 1AP, UK
www.topthatpublishing.com
Top That! is a registered trademark of Top That! Publishing plc
All rights reserved

Foreword
Why are some people effortlessly popular? By contrast, other people,
no matter how hard they try, never gain the same level of respect.
Following years of painstaking research, at the Top That! Institute
of Behavioural Studies, I have solved the complex social equation of
how to become popular and stay that way. Now, YOU can reap the
benefits of my studies by reading this learnamologically enhanced
book.
During my research, I learnt that humour is one of the most
important component parts of popularity. History provides countless
examples of unelected world leaders, who lacked the ability to
appreciate humour and, as a result, were always unpopular. That is
why I have teamed up with the world’s best doodle artist, Andrew
Pinder, and have presented my findings as simple ‘Do’ and ‘Don’t’
instructions, with a life-enriching dollop of humour. As the saying
goes, if you laugh, then the world laughs with you, and if the world
is with you, then you’re already well on the way to being popular.
I hope that you enjoy reading my findings, and that they help you
to make decisions, which lead to a happier lifestyle.
A cautionary note:
Reading and acting upon the advice contained in this book may have
side effects. During trials, a high percentage of my test subjects
experienced a rapid deterioration in their number of free weekends,
due to social commitments. Other members of my testing team
experienced minor levels of fatigue as a direct result of new sports
and activities that they had taken up during the trials.
Dr Heinz Doozandohntz

DO be modest about your achievements.
DON’T overdo the modesty.
If you've done something good, you
deserve some praise!
Yes, he’s right. We’ll film someone else.
It was nothing really
Bloomin ’ Kids!
Look at the state
of my house!

DON’T choose a
sport that
you're useless
at – it can make
you very unpopular!
Gooaaal! !
DO take up a team
sport – it can make
you very popular.
That’s our end, fat-head!

DO your brilliant impersonation of the school bully.
DON’T do it when he’s around.

DO try to look confident,
even if you are not...
Oh no, I’ve
got to meet new people.
I’m so nervous.
DON’T let
your nerves
show. If you
look confident,
you’ll start
to feel more
confident.

DO take an interest in the latest fashions.
It’s good to keep up.
DON’T become a ‘fashion victim’.
Hello, I’m up here!

DO buy clothes that make you stand out.
Wow,
c o ol trainers!
DON’T go too far, or you’ll look like a freak.
Well, what do you think?

DO be the life and soul of the party ...
... sing karaoke
... tell funny jokes
... dance like
a lunatic
... do daft tricks, but ...

... DON’T show off by drinking alcohol.
You will probably think that
you’re the most popular person
in the room, but you won’t be.

DO try and keep
clean. Nobody wants
a smelly friend.
Oink!
ROSE
DON’T bother if, by
any chance, you do want
smelly friends.
Oink!

DO remember that things that make you popular
with one group of friends ...
Ha!
Ha!
DON’T necessarily work with a different group.
Disgusting!
Get away!
PARP!
Ha!
PARP!
Ha!
Phew!
Gross!

DO choose friends that have similar interests
to you.
DON’T think that you can be popular
with everyone.
Sporty
Geek
Thug
Goth
Posh
Political
JUST
STOP
IT
NOW!

DO be open-minded. Just because people look
different, doesn’t mean that they
are not worth knowing.
DON’T take it to extremes -
sometimes you can tell by looks
alone.
Gulp!

DO learn a cool trick to impress everyone.
DON’T make it look as
though you have done
loads of preparation
and practice.
CHOCS
Top Tip!
Being cool should look effortless.

DO be funny.
DON’T try too hard.
What a
clown!
Ha!
Ha! Ha! Ha!
Ha!

DO be a good listener.
DON’T be a gossip and pass on what you have
been told.
Sarah Jones has a huge crush on Andy Green
Blah ... blah ... blah ... blah ... blah ...
SCHOOL RADIO

DO try and look pleasant. Smile!
DON’T smile all of the time -
sometimes it is just
not appropriate.
p ET RO L

DO learn a musical instrument.

... or too big.
Hi girls, want to hear a tune?
DON’T choose
an instrument
that is
too small ...

DO be amusing and witty in class.
DON’T confuse wit with cheek.
Cheek might get you a bigger laugh, but the
consequences are far less beneficial.
DETENTION
BE
NOT
I MUST NOT
BE CHEEKY
I MUST NOT
BE CHEEKY
UST NOT I M
I MUST NOT
BE CHEEKY

DO prepare witty replies for when someone is rude
to you.
DON’T try them on:
a. a teacher b. the school bully
HEADMASTER
Like,
whatever
Trevor!
Ow!

DO take up a hobby -
being interested in
something makes
you interesting.
KIT
ROBOT
A
BUILD
BUILD A ROBOT KIT
DON’T choose a hobby that might
scare people off.
A
GUIDE
TO
STUFFING
THINGS
THE
YOUNG
TAXIDERMIST

DO learn to cook.
DON’T be shy. Share your yummy home cooking.
Have a bit of my packed lunch if you want

DO be proud of your interests, whether
you’re a rugby player or
a ballet dancer.
DON’T forget that there are a million ways to be
cool.
Cool video game player
Cool hamster trainer
Cool stamp collector
Cool carpenter
Cool rider
Cool cook

Wow, a pet ferret! How cool is that?
DO be prepared
to stand out
from the crowd
and be different.
DON’T stand out from the crowd too much.
Eek!

DO start a band. Nothing could be cooler.
DON’T do it, unless you have the instruments and
can play them. Nothing could be sadder.

DO stand
in the
spotlight.
Do public
speaking,
act, play,
sing, and
get noticed!
Boo!
Hiss!
Hiss!
Boo!
DON’T hog
the spotlight.
No one likes
a show-off!

DO become rich ...
Rich and famous people
seem very popular, but...
... and famous.
CLUB

PLEASE
GIVE
GENEROUSLY
CRITICS DON’T PICK NOSE
Well know artist ‘can’t
paint for toffee,’ said top
panel of art critics.
... DON’T expect to remain popular...
... if ...
... things ...
... start to ...
WHAT A LOAD OF RUBBISH
Famous singer piles on the kilos
One time golden boy
of football is on the
transfer list with a
price tag of 75p.
... go wrong.

DO do something new. Join a club and learn a cool
new sport.
Kendo
Or, if that doesn’t interest
you, learn a new craft.
Metal work
Free running
Rock climbing
Painting
Scuba diving
It’s a great way to
meet new people.
Karate
Caving
Pottery Sculpting

DON’T participate in extreme
sports on your own -
it can be dangerous.
DO get permission from your
parents before you take up
a new club, sport or craft.
You think that you’ve got problems

DO see if you can volunteer for some outdoor
work in the holidays -
it could be helping on
a conservation
project ...
... or working to clean up a beauty spot

... or on an archeological dig.
Whatever it is, you
will meet new and
interesting people.
DON’T be afraid to get stuck in.
Oh my God, what is THAT?
Nobody said there’d be worms!
A bit of mud I think

DO see if you can
help out collecting
for a charity -
you’ll meet loads of
new people, all of
whom will think
that you’re
saintly and
lovely.
SA
TH
NEW
SAVE
THE
NEWT
DON’T be too aggressive
in your collecting techniques -
you don’t want
to ruin
your image.
NEWT
HOSPITA
SA
TH
NEW
SAVE
THE
NEWT

DO act to others how
you would wish them
to act to you.
Radical
man!
DON’T laugh at
their misfortunes
... unless they
are really funny.

DO try to be pleasant to everyone. If there is
someone you can’t stand, just avoid them.
And then I ... blah ... blah ... blah . ha! ha! ha!
DON’T ever bully. Bullies are not respected, not
liked and are not popular. They are feared, which is
not nearly as good.

DO stick with what
you feel to be right.
DON’T get talked into doing things
that you know to be wrong,
in order to be
more popular.
CHO OLATE

DO make an effort.
DON’T make so much
effort that you
make everyone
else look bad.
It might be
fun, but it
doesn’t help increase
your popularity.
CARNIVAL
PARTY
8 pm

DO throw great parties - you’ll soon be popular.
HAPPY
HALLOWEEN
DON’T expect to be very popular with your parents.
HAPPY
WEEN

DO help others who aren’t good at a subject by
explaining it.
DON’T do their homework for them,
however hard they try and persuade you.
HARD MATHS PART XX
HARD
MATHS
PART
XX

DON’T copy the
mouthy student at
the back of the class.
He might be
popular now ...
DO the best you can at school.
... but he won’t look so cool
in a few years’ time.

DO make the best of yourself, but don’t worry too
much about your
looks.
You don’t
have to be
perfect to
be popular.
Best not use him as a
role model.
DON’T forget
Quasimodo - he was ugly
and popular...
... actually, come to think
about it, the book was
popular, he wasn’t.

DO try and keep in shape - it will make you feel
better about yourself.
DON’T get obsessed and become a fitness bore.
Hey girls, look at this!

... that way, if you
fall out with
somebody, there will
be plenty of others
to support you.
SCHOOL
DO have a wide circle
of friends ...
... but, DON’T rely
on just one group -
have several circles
of friends ...
FOOTBALL
DANCING
DRAMA

DO be a bit of a chameleon.
You have to
change how you
act depending
on who you’re with.
Wa’yer rec’n, Mike?
’S’orite, innit.
DON’T change
your whole
personality and
put on an act ...
DON’T be too much of
a chameleon!
Yuk!
What do you think of it, Michael?
Absolutely divine, Aunty. Quite ravishing.
... you won’t know
whether you’re
coming or going.
Slurp!

DO be generous,
nobody likes a miser.
DON’T try to buy
popularity - it will only
last as long as your sweets.
10kg
S W E E T S
10 kg
S W E E T S
What a mug!

DO, by all
means, buy
the newest
cool gadget,
if you can
afford it.
DON’T think that it will make you
more popular.
Show-off!
THE
NEW
WHYPOD?

DO something ...
go for a walk, or a run, or hang out with friends, practise sport,
act, dance, swim,
join an archaeological dig, garden, phone a friend ...
DON’T vegetate, nobody gets popular lying on
a sofa.
I am afraid that your son has grown into the sofa

DO organise days out with your friends.
DON’T just sit by the telephone waiting for
someone else to do it.
Don’t
hang
around
waiting!

DO just
be yourself.
DON’T put on an act - you won’t be able to keep
it up.

DO what you want to do, even if it makes you look
a bit eccentric.
She’s trained her monkey to
help with the
shopping
That’s clever!
DON’T forget that there is a fine line between
interestingly eccentric, and downright mad.
She takes all her cats
shopping
Meow!
Meow!
Meow!
That’s mad!
Meow!

DO have a sense of humour about yourself -
everyone has embarrassing accidents, so
learn to laugh at them.
Parp!
Woosh!
Clatter!
DON’T get cross when
something happens. If
you laugh other people
won’t laugh at you.
H o, ho, ho ...
Trip!
Splat!
Rip!
Boing! Splot!
Slip!
N.B. You don’t have to do this
if you have been badly hurt.

DO always own up when you
have an accident.
DON’T always blame your baby brother or the dog.
They
did
it!
?

... DON’T get
obsessive about
the occasional
skin blemish.
Nobody ever
became unpopular
because of the
odd spot.
This is about my acne, right?
DO eat healthily
and keep clean,
but ...

DO try not to be too shy. Shy people are not
unpopular, it is just that nobody notices them.
Be brave and join in.
DON’T be so extrovert that you become a pain.
O h, not again ...
Look everyone, it’s ME!

DO walk away from fights if you possibly can.
Yep, that is a fat head!
Oi, you’ve got a fat head!
Yeah, yeah, fattest one in the school.
DON’T get into stupid
scraps - it won’t impress
anyone, except the very
dimwitted.

DO think what it means to be popular. You
might know somebody
with 1500 friends
on Facebook ...
DON’T be fooled -
they probably just
don’t get
out enough.

DO, if you are holidaying abroad,
learn a bit of the local
language - it will really
impress people you meet
there.
DON’T try it, unless you
are sure that you know
it correctly.
* Foreign talk
What do you mean, my wife, she look like my sheep’s bottom?*
Can you tell me the way to the bus?*
she look like his wife?*
What do you mean, my bottom,

DO show off your best moves.
DON’T show off
and risk hurting
yourself!
CITY
ZOO

To sum up: to be popular you DON’T have to be ...
DON’T ...
... rich ... good
looking
... super fit ... funny all
the time.
... be aggressive
... gossip
... vegetate
POPULARITY
... boast
... be mean
... worry too
much about it.

DO ...
... be pleasant
... be a good listener
SWEETS
... be active
... but, most of all BE YOURSELF!
... be loyal
... be
generous

COOL
... DON’T you think that,
sometimes, it is better to have
three or four close friends?
DO remember that being popular,
and always having to be cool, can
actually be quite lonely ...
Oi! Where are you all going?

This edition published in Great Britain in 2010 by Top That! Publishing plc,
Marine House, Tide Mill Way,
Woodbridge, Suffolk, IP12 1AP, UK
www.topthatpublishing.com
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Creative Director – Simon Couchman
Editorial Director – Daniel Graham
Art Editor – Matt Denny
Written and illustrated by Andrew Pinder
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any
form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written
permission of the publisher. Neither this book nor any part or any of the illustrations, photographs or reproductions
contained in it shall be sold or disposed of otherwise than as a complete book, and any unauthorised sale of such part
illustration, photograph or reproduction shall be deemed to be a breach of the publisher’s copyright.
ISBN 978-1-84956-336-9
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, incidents and dialogues are products of the author’s imagination
or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

Doozandohntz
Illustrated guide to
Being Popular
Compiled from the extensive research papers
of Dr. Heinz Doozandohntz, from the Top
That! Institute of Human Behavioural
Studies, this book is an indispensible guide
to becoming popular and staying that way.
Dr. Doozandohntz’s groundbreaking findings
are presented as simple ‘Do’ and ‘Don’t’
instructions, and have been learnamologically
enhanced by the illustrations of the world’s
greatest doodler, Andrew Pinder.
Laughter
99%
An eight page serving provides:
Advice
80%
Reading
60%
Stuff
55%
of recommended daily intake for a happy lifestyle.
Published by Top That! Publishing plc
Copyright © 2010 Top That! Publishing plc
Tide Mill Way, Woodbridge, Suffolk, IP12 1AP, UK
www.topthatpublishing.com
Top That! is a registered trademark of Top That! Publishing plc
All rights reserved.
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