murakami, haruki - Norwegian wood
murakami, haruki - Norwegian wood murakami, haruki - Norwegian wood
at the end I added: Waiting for your answer is one of the most painful things I have ever been through. At least let me know whether or not I hurt you. When I posted it, I felt as if the cavern inside me had grown again. That June I went out with Nagasawa twice again to sleep with girls. It was easy both times. The first girl put up a terrific struggle when I tried to get her undressed and into the hotel bed, but when I began reading alone because it just wasn't worth it, she came over and started nuzzling me. And after I had done it with the second one, she started asking me all kinds of personal questions - how many girls had I slept with? Where was I from? Which university did I go to? What kind of music did I like? Had I ever read any novels by Osamu Dazai? Where would I like to go if I could travel abroad? Did I think her nipples were too big? I made up some answers and went to sleep, but next morning she said she wanted to have breakfast with me, and she kept up the stream of questions over the tasteless eggs and toast and coffee. What kind of work did my father do? Did I get good marks at school? What month was I born? Had I ever eaten frogs? She was giving me a headache, so as soon as we had finished eating I said I had to go to work. "Will I ever see you again?" she asked with a sad look. "Oh, I'm sure we'll meet again somewhere before long," I said, and left. What the hell am I doing? I started wondering as soon as I was alone, feeling disgusted with myself. And yet it was all I could do. My body was hungering for women. All the time I was sleeping with those girls I thought about Naoko: the white shape of her naked body in the darkness, her sighs, the sound of the rain. The more I thought about these things, the hungrier my body grew. I went up to the roof with my whisky and asked myself where I thought I was heading. Finally, at the beginning of July, a letter came from Naoko. A short letter. 52
Please forgive me for not answering sooner. But try to understand. It took me a very long time before I was in any condition to write, and I have started this letter at least ten times. Writing is a painful process for me. Let me begin with my conclusion. I have decided to take a year off from college. Officially, it's a leave of absence, but I suspect that I will never be going back. This will no doubt come as a surprise to you, but in fact I had been thinking about doing this for a very long time. I tried a few times to mention it to you, but I was never able to make myself begin. I was afraid even to pronounce the words. Try not to get so worked up about things. Whatever happened - or didn't happen - the end result would have been the same. This may not be the best way to put it, and I'm sorry if it hurts you. What I am trying to tell you is, I don't want you to blame yourself for what happened with me. It is something I have to take on all by myself. I had been putting it off for more than a year, and so I ended up making things very difficult for you. There is probably no way to put it off any longer. After I moved out of my flat, I came back to my family's house in Kobe and was seeing a doctor for a while. He tells me there is a place in the hills outside Kyoto that would be perfect for me, and I'm thinking of spending a little time there. It's not exactly a hospital, more a sanatorium kind of thing with a far freer style of treatment. I'll leave the details for another letter. What I need now is to rest my nerves in a quiet place cut off from the world. I feel grateful in my own way for the year of companionship you gave me. Please believe that much even if you believe nothing else. You are not the one who hurt me. I myself am the one who did that. This is truly how I feel. For now, however, I am not prepared to see you. It's not that I don't want to see you: I'm simply not prepared for it. The moment I feel ready, I will write to you. Perhaps then we can get to know each other 53
- Page 2 and 3: HARUKI MURAKAMI was born in Kyoto i
- Page 4 and 5: First published as Normeei no marl
- Page 6 and 7: The stewardess came to check on me
- Page 8 and 9: a kick to some part of my mind. Wak
- Page 10 and 11: "I just know," she said, increasing
- Page 12 and 13: along the path. "I'm sorry," she sa
- Page 14 and 15: Once upon a time, many years ago -
- Page 16 and 17: national anthem, too, of course. Yo
- Page 18 and 19: for ashtrays held mounds of cigaret
- Page 20 and 21: anything about the others myself, I
- Page 22 and 23: "But that's impossible," he said ma
- Page 24 and 25: Almost a year had gone by since I h
- Page 26 and 27: eally wouldn't be any bother to you
- Page 28 and 29: occupying that central position. Tr
- Page 30 and 31: wiper. Kizuki had left no suicide n
- Page 32 and 33: Naoko called me the following Satur
- Page 34 and 35: somebody in the dorm had taken down
- Page 36 and 37: answers they wanted. And so I went
- Page 38 and 39: hesitation. "Not exactly fashionabl
- Page 40 and 41: he said. "Swallowed 'em whole." "Wh
- Page 42 and 43: and while she was putting on her st
- Page 44 and 45: That winter I found a part-time job
- Page 46 and 47: arrived at Naoko's room the cake wa
- Page 48 and 49: trying to go on, but had come up ag
- Page 50 and 51: I picked up my clothes and dressed.
- Page 54 and 55: etter. As you say, this is probably
- Page 56 and 57: Maybe this firefly was on the verge
- Page 58 and 59: During the summer holidays the univ
- Page 60 and 61: dust covered his desk and radio. Hi
- Page 62 and 63: she said. "I had a perm this summer
- Page 64 and 65: omantic company? New women in far-o
- Page 66 and 67: lecture. When it was over I went to
- Page 68 and 69: Watanabe, I have this feeling like,
- Page 70 and 71: problems far more urgent and releva
- Page 72 and 73: ain." "Shouldn't you go home and ge
- Page 74 and 75: expensive school trips. For instanc
- Page 76 and 77: esting on her lap. "That was the pr
- Page 78 and 79: you." "I'd like that," I said. Mido
- Page 80 and 81: the shutter and stepped a few paces
- Page 82 and 83: "Thanks," I said. It suddenly dawne
- Page 84 and 85: I nodded, swallowing a mouthful of
- Page 86 and 87: "You're very clear about what you l
- Page 88 and 89: "I'd go and have a look around at l
- Page 90 and 91: unning away." "Even if this place b
- Page 92 and 93: "It's true. Don't you think I'm ter
- Page 94 and 95: different from other people's. I'm
- Page 96 and 97: call," I said. 'As long as lunch is
- Page 98 and 99: At 11.30 Nagasawa was ready to give
- Page 100 and 101: "So find a vending machine and a ni
at the end I added: Waiting for your<br />
answer is one of the most painful things I have ever been through. At<br />
least let me know whether or not I hurt you. When I posted it,<br />
I felt as if the cavern inside me had grown again.<br />
That June I went out with Nagasawa twice again to sleep with girls. It<br />
was easy both times. The first girl put up a terrific struggle when I<br />
tried to get her undressed and into the hotel bed, but when I began<br />
reading alone because it just wasn't worth it, she came over and started<br />
nuzzling me. And after I had done it with the second one, she started<br />
asking me all kinds of personal questions - how many girls had I slept<br />
with? Where was I from? Which university did I go to? What kind of<br />
music did I like? Had I ever read any novels by Osamu Dazai? Where<br />
would I like to go if I could travel abroad? Did I think her nipples<br />
were too big? I made up some answers and went to sleep, but next<br />
morning she said she wanted to have breakfast with me, and she kept<br />
up the stream of questions<br />
over the tasteless eggs and toast and coffee. What kind of work did my<br />
father do? Did I get good marks at school? What month was I born?<br />
Had I ever eaten frogs? She was giving me a headache, so as soon as<br />
we had finished eating I said I had to go to work.<br />
"Will I ever see you again?" she asked with a sad look.<br />
"Oh, I'm sure we'll meet again somewhere before long," I said, and<br />
left. What the hell am I doing? I started wondering as soon as I was<br />
alone, feeling disgusted with myself. And yet it was all I could do. My<br />
body was hungering for women. All the time I was sleeping with<br />
those girls I thought about Naoko: the white shape of her naked body<br />
in the darkness, her sighs, the sound of the rain. The more I thought<br />
about these things, the hungrier my body grew. I went up to the roof<br />
with my whisky and asked myself where I thought I was heading.<br />
Finally, at the beginning of July, a letter came from Naoko. A short<br />
letter.<br />
52