murakami, haruki - Norwegian wood

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A letter came from Midori on 6 April. She invited me to meet her on campus and have lunch on the tenth when we had to enroll for lectures. I put off writing to you as long as I could, which makes us even, so let's make up. I have to admit it, I miss you. I read the letter again and again, four times all together, and still I couldn't tell what she was trying to say to me. What could it possibly mean? My brain was so fogged over, I couldn't find the connection from one sentence to the next. How would meeting her on enrolment day make us "even"? Why did she want to have "lunch" with me? I was really losing it. My mind had gone slack, like the soggy roots of a subterranean plant. But somehow I knew I had to snap out of it. And then those words of Nagasawa's came to mind: "Don't feel sorry for yourself. Only arseholes do that." "OK, Nagasawa. Right on," I heard myself thinking. I let out a sigh and got to my feet. I did my laundry for the first time in weeks, went to the public bath and shaved, cleaned my place up, shopped for food and cooked myself a decent meal for a change, fed the starving Seagull, drank only beer, and did 30 minutes of exercise. Shaving, I discovered in the mirror that I was becoming emaciated. My eyes were popping. I could hardly recognize myself. I went out the next morning on a longish bike ride, and after finishing lunch at home, I read Reiko's letter one more time. Then thought seriously about what I ought to do next. The main reason I had taken Reiko's letter so hard was that it had upset my optimistic belief that Naoko was getting better. Naoko herself had told me, "My sickness is a lot worse than you think: it has far deeper roots." And Reiko had warned me there was no telling what might happen. Still, I had seen Naoko twice, and had gained the impression she was on the mend. I had assumed that the only problem was whether she could 296
egain the courage to return to the real world, and that if she managed to, the two of us could join forces and make a go of it. Reiko's letter smashed the illusory castle that I had built on that fragile hypothesis, leaving only a flattened surface devoid of feeling. I would have to do something to regain my footing. It would probably take a long time for Naoko to recover. And even then, she would no doubt be more debilitated and would have lost even more of her self confidence than ever. I would have to adapt myself to this new situation. As strong as I might become, though, it would not solve all the problems. I knew that much. But there was nothing else I could do: just keep my own spirits up and wait for her to recover. Hey, there, Kizuki, I thought. Unlike you, I've chosen to live - and to live the best I know how. Sure, it was hard for you. What the hell, it's hard for me. Really hard. And all because you killed yourself and left Naoko behind. But that's something I will never do. I will never, ever, turn my back on her. First of all, because I love her, and because I'm stronger than she is. And I'm just going to keep on getting stronger. I'm going to mature. I'm going to be an adult. Because that's what I have to do. I always used to think I'd like to stay 17 or 18 if I could. But not any more. I'm not a teenager any more. I've got a sense of responsibility now. I'm not the same person I was when we used to hang out together. I'm 20 now. And I have to pay the price to go on living. "Shit, Watanabe, what happened to you?" Midori asked. "You're all skin and bones!" "That bad, huh?" "Too much you-know-what with that married girlfriend of yours, I bet." I smiled and shook my head. "I haven't slept with a girl since the 297
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HARUKI MURAKAMI was born in Kyoto i
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First published as Normeei no marl
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The stewardess came to check on me
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a kick to some part of my mind. Wak
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"I just know," she said, increasing
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along the path. "I'm sorry," she sa
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Once upon a time, many years ago -
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national anthem, too, of course. Yo
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for ashtrays held mounds of cigaret
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anything about the others myself, I
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"But that's impossible," he said ma
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Almost a year had gone by since I h
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eally wouldn't be any bother to you
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occupying that central position. Tr
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wiper. Kizuki had left no suicide n
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Naoko called me the following Satur
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somebody in the dorm had taken down
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answers they wanted. And so I went
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hesitation. "Not exactly fashionabl
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he said. "Swallowed 'em whole." "Wh
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and while she was putting on her st
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That winter I found a part-time job
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arrived at Naoko's room the cake wa
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trying to go on, but had come up ag
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I picked up my clothes and dressed.
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at the end I added: Waiting for you
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etter. As you say, this is probably
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Maybe this firefly was on the verge
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During the summer holidays the univ
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dust covered his desk and radio. Hi
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she said. "I had a perm this summer
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omantic company? New women in far-o
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lecture. When it was over I went to
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Watanabe, I have this feeling like,
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problems far more urgent and releva
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ain." "Shouldn't you go home and ge
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expensive school trips. For instanc
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esting on her lap. "That was the pr
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you." "I'd like that," I said. Mido
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the shutter and stepped a few paces
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"Thanks," I said. It suddenly dawne
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I nodded, swallowing a mouthful of
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"You're very clear about what you l
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"I'd go and have a look around at l
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unning away." "Even if this place b
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"It's true. Don't you think I'm ter
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different from other people's. I'm
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call," I said. 'As long as lunch is
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At 11.30 Nagasawa was ready to give
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"So find a vending machine and a ni
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the events had undoubtedly happened
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this time I am very, very calm. Cle
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We eat freshly picked fruits and ve
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to the Ami Hostel. A woman receptio
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still taste my morning coffee. By t
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PRIVATE NO TRESPASSING. A few clues
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merely a nice person but whose nice
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my question. "The first thing you o
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"What should I do, then? Give me an
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I nodded. "I think the three of us
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we can ask a staff member to buy fo
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"I'm sure I'll be fine." "So, that
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With Naoko gone, I went to sleep on
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weightlessness on the secretion of
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"It's lovely, though," said Naoko.
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never plays it unless I request it.
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laughing. "How many girls has he sl
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"I couldn't get wet," she said in a
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Reiko sat alone on the carpet, play
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She picked up the basketball again,
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it in hot water, taking a few days
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I said I liked him and thought he w
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all this talk about me. You came he
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have negative thoughts about her be
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draw people - or draw me, at least
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her, outside work, or sports. She h
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est side, I'd say he succeeded. His
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anana; if we got lonely, we'd go to
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the window. She had drawn her knees
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changes to be reborn in utter perfe
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feed and a garden hose. Naoko screw
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"We'll be back before lunch." The t
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used it to make a whistle. The trai
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adios in our rooms, so if I don't c
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"It feels like ancient history," sa
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"Well, it depends how you look at i
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"She was the kind of person who too
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something inside me had died. I jus
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dining hall. "Is he a doctor or a p
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"Fine," said Reiko. "But if we keep
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most. Then I'd have her play the pi
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to go on with her story. "Well, any
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and saying "There there,' and she's
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There was nothing I could say, and
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ever experienced before, never once
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Of course. I told him everything th
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everything he could to heal me, and
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night before, Naoko was the usual N
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the way, when you went to Tokyo?" "
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her body in my hands. In the darkne
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"You see what?" "Nothing. Just "I s
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I'd make lots of babies for you as
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"Hmm ..." "And I'm just spacing out
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Midori came for me at 9.30 on Sunda
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"I don't know, I've never done it w
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like the subjunctive case and diffe
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somehow to the East India Company?'
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comes we have to treat them to sush
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Watanabe." "Glad to meet you," I sa
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"No, I guess not. It's complicated,
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"I really can't say until the time
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know if I can keep going to univers
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At 1.30 she left the hospital to do
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"After I do my laundry tomorrow mor
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ed and held it by the tip of his pe
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make people get really vicious all
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worry, I'd take care of both you an
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"Will you really take me to a porno
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stolen bases. After noon I went bac
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made myself a cup of tea with a tea
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"I do." "Look, the world is an inhe
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Eventually a waiter came and took o
Page 246 and 247: "What do you mean "that kind of tal
Page 248 and 249: "You know, Toru," she said, "I have
Page 250 and 251: "I can leave," I said. "No," said H
Page 252 and 253: of loving anybody. There's always s
Page 254 and 255: "Do you know somewhere we could pla
Page 256 and 257: "Or is it that you don't like being
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Page 260 and 261: quadrangle. I began by telling Naok
Page 262 and 263: There was no sign of Midori at the
Page 264 and 265: I sipped my whisky and soda, then s
Page 266 and 267: open a pistachio, "the whole time I
Page 268 and 269: "You know," she said, "I have this
Page 270 and 271: "There aren't any trees around here
Page 272 and 273: early." "Wait a minute, I thought y
Page 274 and 275: "Me, too," I said. "Every once in a
Page 276 and 277: situation conducive to sexual excit
Page 278 and 279: eyond the window cast a soft white
Page 280 and 281: so painful for me to write letters.
Page 282 and 283: Thinking back on the year 1969, all
Page 284 and 285: shovelling snow when there was time
Page 286 and 287: over this, and then climbed into he
Page 288 and 289: great couple." "Yeah, right!" I sai
Page 290 and 291: I went to a phone box and dialled h
Page 292 and 293: gardeners in the area and because h
Page 294 and 295: you to one of our sessions if possi
Page 298 and 299: eginning of October." "Whew! That c
Page 300 and 301: ago. My sister helps out there thre
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Page 304 and 305: Saturdays and Sundays: waiting on t
Page 306 and 307: of letters like this, but from Naok
Page 308 and 309: whisky. Itoh said I could spend the
Page 310 and 311: it for you soon. I went to the univ
Page 312 and 313: "I've been really lonely these past
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Page 316 and 317: eak, without a sound, soaking her h
Page 318 and 319: "But really, Watanabe, you don't wa
Page 320 and 321: her bed. I had no doubts about thos
Page 322 and 323: The fourth thing I have to say is t
Page 324 and 325: Reiko wrote to me several times aft
Page 326 and 327: nails being driven into the lid of
Page 328 and 329: The wind tore along the sand beach
Page 330 and 331: However I might phrase it, though,
Page 332 and 333: On the train out to Kichijoji, Reik
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Page 336 and 337: "The jacket and trousers are hers,
Page 338 and 339: her why she was burning stuff like
Page 340 and 341: stroked her hair. "Don't worry,' I
Page 342 and 343: amount of cash. So don't worry. I w
Page 344 and 345: the point. I can't forgive myself.
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"So play it terribly." I brought ou
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myself inside her. "You're not goin
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you: you'll do fine wherever you go
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TRANSLATOR'S NOTE Haruki Murakami w
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murakami, haruki - Norwegian wood

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