murakami, haruki - Norwegian wood

Midori seemed to enjoy her meal to the last mouthful.
"Not hungry?" she asked, sipping hot tea. "Not really," I said.
"It's the hospital," she said, scanning the cafeteria. "This always
happens when people aren't used to the place. The smells, the sounds,
the stale air, patients' faces, stress, irritation, disappointment, pain,
fatigue - that's what does it. It grabs you in the stomach and kills your
appetite. Once you get used to it, though, it's no problem at all. Plus,
you can't really take care of a sick person unless you eat properly. It's
true. I know what I'm talking about because I've done it with my
grandfather, my grandmother, my mother, and now my father. You
never know when you're going to have to , so its important to eat
when you can
"I see what you mean," I said.
"Relatives come to visit and they eat with me here, and they always
leave half their food, just like you. And they always say, "Oh, Midori,
it's wonderful you've got such a healthy appetite. I'm too upset to eat.'
But get serious, I'm the one who's actually here taking care of the
patient! They just have to drop by and show a little sympathy. I'm the
one who wipes up the shit and collects the phlegm and mops the
brows. If sympathy was all it took to clean up shit, I'd have 50 times
as much sympathy as anybody else! Instead, they see me eating all my
food and they give me this look and say, "Oh Midori, you've got such
a healthy appetite.' What do they think I am, a donkey pulling a cart?
They're old enough to know how the world really works, so why are
they so stupid? It's easy to talk big, but the important thing is whether
or not you clean up the shit. I can be hurt, you know. I can get as
exhausted as anyone else. I can feel so bad I want to cry, too. I mean,
you try watching a gang of doctors get together and cut open
somebody's head when there's no hope of saving them, and stirring
things up in there, and doing it again and again, and every time they
do it it makes the person worse and a little bit crazier, and see how
you like it! And on top of it, you see your savings disappear. I don't
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