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murakami, haruki - Norwegian wood

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and I was hearing things, and I couldn't sleep. So he suggested that I<br />

leave first, go somewhere by myself, and he would follow after he had<br />

taken care of what had to be done.<br />

""No,' I said, "I don't want to go alone. I'll fall apart if I don't have<br />

you. I need you. Please, don't leave me alone.' He held me and pleaded<br />

with me to hang on a little longer. Just a month, he said. He would<br />

take care of everything - leave his job, sell the house, make<br />

arrangements for kindergarten, find a new job. There might be a<br />

position he could take in Australia, he said. He just wanted me to wait<br />

one month, and everything would be OK. What could I say to that? If<br />

I tried to object, it would only isolate me even more."<br />

Reiko sighed and looked at the ceiling light.<br />

"I couldn't hold on for a month, though. One day, it happened again:<br />

snap! And this time it was really bad. I took sleeping pills and turned<br />

on the gas. I woke up in a hospital bed, and it was all over. It took a<br />

few months before I had calmed down enough to think, and then I<br />

asked my husband for a divorce. I told him it would be the best thing<br />

for him and for our daughter. He said he had no intention of divorcing<br />

me. "We can make a new start,' he said. "We can go somewhere new,<br />

just the three of us, and begin all over again.' "It's too late,' I told him.<br />

"Everything ended when you asked me to wait a month. If you really<br />

wanted to start again, you shouldn't have said that to me. Now, no<br />

matter where we go, no matter how far away we move, the same thing<br />

will happen all over again. And I'll ask you for the same thing, and<br />

make you suffer. I don't want to do that any more.'<br />

"And so we divorced. Or I should say I divorced him. He married<br />

again two years ago, though. I'm still glad I made him leave me.<br />

Really. I knew I'd be like this for the rest of my life, and I didn't want<br />

to drag anyone down with me. I didn't want to force anyone to live in<br />

constant fear that I might lose my mind at any moment.<br />

"He had been wonderful to me: an ideal husband, faithful, strong and<br />

patient, someone I could put my complete trust in. He had done<br />

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