murakami, haruki - Norwegian wood

pupils and taught them at home. But the pain I felt was excruciating. It
was as if my life had ended. Here I was in my early twenties and the
best part of my life was over. Do you see how terrible that would be? I
had such potential, then woke up one day and it had gone. No more
applause, no one would make a big fuss over me, no one would tell
me how wonderful I was. I spent day after day in the house teaching
neighbourhood children Beyer exercises and sonatinas. I felt so
miserable, I cried all the time. To think what I had missed! I would
hear about people who were far less talented than me winning second
place in a competition or holding a recital in such-and-such a hall, and
the tears would pour out of me.
"My parents walked around on tiptoe, afraid of hurting me. But I
knew how disappointed they were. All of a sudden the daughter they
had been so proud of was an ex-mental-patient. They couldn't even
marry me off. When you're living with people, you sense what they're
feeling, and I hated it. I was afraid to go out, afraid the neighbours
were talking about me. So then, snap! It happened again - the jumble,
the darkness. It happened when I was 24, and this time I spent seven
months in a sanatorium. Not this place: a regular insane asylum with
high walls and locked gates. A filthy place without pianos. I didn't
know what to do with myself. All I knew was I wanted to get out of
there as soon as I could, so I struggled desperately to get better. Seven
months: a long seven months. That's when my wrinkles started."
Reiko smiled, her lips stretching from side to side.
"I hadn't been out of the hospital for long when I met a man and got
married. He was a year younger than me, an engineer who worked in
an aeroplane manufacturing company, and one of my pupils. A nice
man. He didn't say a lot, but he was warm and sincere. He had been
taking lessons from me for six months when all of a sudden he asked
me to marry him. Just like that - one day when we were having tea
after his lesson. Can you believe it? We had never dated or held
hands. He took me totally off guard. I told him I couldn't get married.
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