murakami, haruki - Norwegian wood

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it in hot water, taking a few days off from practice: nothing worked. So then I got scared and went to the doctor's. They tried all kinds of tests but they couldn't come up with anything. There was nothing wrong with the finger itself, and the nerves were OK, they said: there was no reason it should stop moving. The problem must be psychological. So I went to a psychiatrist, but he didn't really know what was going on, either. Probably pre-competition stress, he said, and advised me to get away from the piano for a while." Reiko inhaled deeply and let the smoke out. Then she bent her neck to the side a few times. "So I went to recuperate at my grandmother's place on the coast in Izu. I thought I'd forget about that particular competition and really relax, spend a couple of weeks away from the piano doing anything I wanted. But it was hopeless. Piano was all I could think about. Maybe my finger would never move again. How would I live if that happened? The same thoughts kept going round and round in my brain. And no wonder: piano had been my whole life up to that point. I had started playing when I was four and grew up thinking about the piano and nothing else. I never did housework so as not to injure my fingers. People paid attention to me for that one thing: my talent at the piano. Take the piano away from a girl who's grown up like that, and what's left? So then, snap! MY mind became a complete jumble. Total darkness." She dropped her cigarette to the ground and stamped it out, then bent her neck a few times again. "That was the end of my dream of becoming a concert pianist. I spent two months in the hospital. My finger started to move shortly after I arrived, so I was able to return to the conservatoire and graduate, but something inside me had vanished. Some jewel of energy or something had disappeared - evaporated - from inside my body. The doctor said I lacked the mental strength to become a professional pianist and advised me to abandon the idea. So after graduating I took 142
pupils and taught them at home. But the pain I felt was excruciating. It was as if my life had ended. Here I was in my early twenties and the best part of my life was over. Do you see how terrible that would be? I had such potential, then woke up one day and it had gone. No more applause, no one would make a big fuss over me, no one would tell me how wonderful I was. I spent day after day in the house teaching neighbourhood children Beyer exercises and sonatinas. I felt so miserable, I cried all the time. To think what I had missed! I would hear about people who were far less talented than me winning second place in a competition or holding a recital in such-and-such a hall, and the tears would pour out of me. "My parents walked around on tiptoe, afraid of hurting me. But I knew how disappointed they were. All of a sudden the daughter they had been so proud of was an ex-mental-patient. They couldn't even marry me off. When you're living with people, you sense what they're feeling, and I hated it. I was afraid to go out, afraid the neighbours were talking about me. So then, snap! It happened again - the jumble, the darkness. It happened when I was 24, and this time I spent seven months in a sanatorium. Not this place: a regular insane asylum with high walls and locked gates. A filthy place without pianos. I didn't know what to do with myself. All I knew was I wanted to get out of there as soon as I could, so I struggled desperately to get better. Seven months: a long seven months. That's when my wrinkles started." Reiko smiled, her lips stretching from side to side. "I hadn't been out of the hospital for long when I met a man and got married. He was a year younger than me, an engineer who worked in an aeroplane manufacturing company, and one of my pupils. A nice man. He didn't say a lot, but he was warm and sincere. He had been taking lessons from me for six months when all of a sudden he asked me to marry him. Just like that - one day when we were having tea after his lesson. Can you believe it? We had never dated or held hands. He took me totally off guard. I told him I couldn't get married. 143
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HARUKI MURAKAMI was born in Kyoto i
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First published as Normeei no marl
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The stewardess came to check on me
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a kick to some part of my mind. Wak
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"I just know," she said, increasing
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along the path. "I'm sorry," she sa
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Once upon a time, many years ago -
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national anthem, too, of course. Yo
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for ashtrays held mounds of cigaret
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anything about the others myself, I
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"But that's impossible," he said ma
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Almost a year had gone by since I h
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eally wouldn't be any bother to you
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occupying that central position. Tr
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wiper. Kizuki had left no suicide n
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Naoko called me the following Satur
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somebody in the dorm had taken down
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answers they wanted. And so I went
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hesitation. "Not exactly fashionabl
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he said. "Swallowed 'em whole." "Wh
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and while she was putting on her st
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That winter I found a part-time job
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arrived at Naoko's room the cake wa
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trying to go on, but had come up ag
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I picked up my clothes and dressed.
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at the end I added: Waiting for you
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etter. As you say, this is probably
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Maybe this firefly was on the verge
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During the summer holidays the univ
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dust covered his desk and radio. Hi
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she said. "I had a perm this summer
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omantic company? New women in far-o
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lecture. When it was over I went to
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Watanabe, I have this feeling like,
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problems far more urgent and releva
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ain." "Shouldn't you go home and ge
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expensive school trips. For instanc
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esting on her lap. "That was the pr
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you." "I'd like that," I said. Mido
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the shutter and stepped a few paces
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"Thanks," I said. It suddenly dawne
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I nodded, swallowing a mouthful of
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"You're very clear about what you l
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"I'd go and have a look around at l
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unning away." "Even if this place b
Page 92 and 93: "It's true. Don't you think I'm ter
Page 94 and 95: different from other people's. I'm
Page 96 and 97: call," I said. 'As long as lunch is
Page 98 and 99: At 11.30 Nagasawa was ready to give
Page 100 and 101: "So find a vending machine and a ni
Page 102 and 103: the events had undoubtedly happened
Page 104 and 105: this time I am very, very calm. Cle
Page 106 and 107: We eat freshly picked fruits and ve
Page 108 and 109: to the Ami Hostel. A woman receptio
Page 110 and 111: still taste my morning coffee. By t
Page 112 and 113: PRIVATE NO TRESPASSING. A few clues
Page 114 and 115: merely a nice person but whose nice
Page 116 and 117: my question. "The first thing you o
Page 118 and 119: "What should I do, then? Give me an
Page 120 and 121: I nodded. "I think the three of us
Page 122 and 123: we can ask a staff member to buy fo
Page 124 and 125: "I'm sure I'll be fine." "So, that
Page 126 and 127: With Naoko gone, I went to sleep on
Page 128 and 129: weightlessness on the secretion of
Page 130 and 131: "It's lovely, though," said Naoko.
Page 132 and 133: never plays it unless I request it.
Page 134 and 135: laughing. "How many girls has he sl
Page 136 and 137: "I couldn't get wet," she said in a
Page 138 and 139: Reiko sat alone on the carpet, play
Page 140 and 141: She picked up the basketball again,
Page 144 and 145: I said I liked him and thought he w
Page 146 and 147: all this talk about me. You came he
Page 148 and 149: have negative thoughts about her be
Page 150 and 151: draw people - or draw me, at least
Page 152 and 153: her, outside work, or sports. She h
Page 154 and 155: est side, I'd say he succeeded. His
Page 156 and 157: anana; if we got lonely, we'd go to
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Page 160 and 161: changes to be reborn in utter perfe
Page 162 and 163: feed and a garden hose. Naoko screw
Page 164 and 165: "We'll be back before lunch." The t
Page 166 and 167: used it to make a whistle. The trai
Page 168 and 169: adios in our rooms, so if I don't c
Page 170 and 171: "It feels like ancient history," sa
Page 172 and 173: "Well, it depends how you look at i
Page 174 and 175: "She was the kind of person who too
Page 176 and 177: something inside me had died. I jus
Page 178 and 179: dining hall. "Is he a doctor or a p
Page 180 and 181: "Fine," said Reiko. "But if we keep
Page 182 and 183: most. Then I'd have her play the pi
Page 184 and 185: to go on with her story. "Well, any
Page 186 and 187: and saying "There there,' and she's
Page 188 and 189: There was nothing I could say, and
Page 190 and 191: ever experienced before, never once
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Of course. I told him everything th
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everything he could to heal me, and
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night before, Naoko was the usual N
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the way, when you went to Tokyo?" "
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her body in my hands. In the darkne
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"You see what?" "Nothing. Just "I s
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I'd make lots of babies for you as
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"Hmm ..." "And I'm just spacing out
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Midori came for me at 9.30 on Sunda
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"I don't know, I've never done it w
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like the subjunctive case and diffe
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somehow to the East India Company?'
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comes we have to treat them to sush
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Watanabe." "Glad to meet you," I sa
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"No, I guess not. It's complicated,
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"I really can't say until the time
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know if I can keep going to univers
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At 1.30 she left the hospital to do
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"After I do my laundry tomorrow mor
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ed and held it by the tip of his pe
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make people get really vicious all
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worry, I'd take care of both you an
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"Will you really take me to a porno
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stolen bases. After noon I went bac
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made myself a cup of tea with a tea
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"I do." "Look, the world is an inhe
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Eventually a waiter came and took o
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"What do you mean "that kind of tal
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"You know, Toru," she said, "I have
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"I can leave," I said. "No," said H
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of loving anybody. There's always s
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"Do you know somewhere we could pla
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"Or is it that you don't like being
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anybody's said to me in the past ye
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quadrangle. I began by telling Naok
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There was no sign of Midori at the
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I sipped my whisky and soda, then s
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open a pistachio, "the whole time I
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"You know," she said, "I have this
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"There aren't any trees around here
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early." "Wait a minute, I thought y
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"Me, too," I said. "Every once in a
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situation conducive to sexual excit
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eyond the window cast a soft white
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so painful for me to write letters.
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Thinking back on the year 1969, all
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shovelling snow when there was time
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over this, and then climbed into he
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great couple." "Yeah, right!" I sai
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I went to a phone box and dialled h
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gardeners in the area and because h
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you to one of our sessions if possi
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A letter came from Midori on 6 Apri
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eginning of October." "Whew! That c
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ago. My sister helps out there thre
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even noticed that my hairstyle had
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Saturdays and Sundays: waiting on t
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of letters like this, but from Naok
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whisky. Itoh said I could spend the
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it for you soon. I went to the univ
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"I've been really lonely these past
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you don't know the answer to someth
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eak, without a sound, soaking her h
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"But really, Watanabe, you don't wa
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her bed. I had no doubts about thos
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The fourth thing I have to say is t
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Reiko wrote to me several times aft
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nails being driven into the lid of
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The wind tore along the sand beach
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However I might phrase it, though,
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On the train out to Kichijoji, Reik
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tiny flowers in the grass, the subt
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"The jacket and trousers are hers,
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her why she was burning stuff like
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stroked her hair. "Don't worry,' I
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amount of cash. So don't worry. I w
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the point. I can't forgive myself.
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"So play it terribly." I brought ou
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myself inside her. "You're not goin
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you: you'll do fine wherever you go
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TRANSLATOR'S NOTE Haruki Murakami w
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