Cornucopia of fun Cornucopia of fun - Almaden Times

Page 28 � Nov. 2–Nov. 8, 2007 � Almaden Times Weekly
TimesFeatures
HUMOR
Hillary to spend
rest of campaign
in soundproof
glass box
Risk-averse strategy for
home stretch, aides say
In what some observers are
calling a strategic masterstroke
to avoid missteps in
her quest for the Democratic
presidential nomination, Sen. Hillary Clinton
(D-NY) will spend the rest of her campaign
encased in a soundproof glass box, aides confirmed
today.
The decision to surround the New York senator
with one-inch-thick walls of soundproof
glass struck many Democratic insiders as a
sign of just how risk-averse the Clinton campaign
has become.
But with Sen. Clinton leading all of her
rivals by a formidable margin, campaigning
inside a soundproof box could be the surest
way to protect her frontrunner status down
the homestretch, aides believe.
Sen. Clinton’s soundproof box made its
debut last night at a candidates’
forum in Davenport, Iowa, where
the New York senator was seemingly
impervious to the attacks of
her closest rival, Sen. Barack
Obama (D-Ill).
After Sen. Obama excoriated
her for voting to authorize the war
in Iraq, Sen. Clinton merely
smiled and mouthed the words “I
can’t hear you.”
Clinton aides also confirmed after
The the debate that the New York senator’s
face would be shot up with
Botox to freeze her features in the
most inoffensive expression possible
for the remainder of the campaign.
Professor Davis Logsdon, chairman of the
political science department at the University
of Minnesota, says that Sen. Clinton’s Botox
strategy could prove whether a totally lifeless,
emotionless candidate can win the White
House.
“It didn’t work for Kerry,” he says.
Elsewhere, a new survey from the American
Psychological Association shows that one out
of three adults feels extreme stress, especially
after taking a survey from the American
Psychological Association.
Read more of Andy Borowitz at www.borowitzreport.com.
Andy Borowitz is a nationally
syndicated humor columnist whose work can
be found in Newsweek and other publications.
Borowitz
Report
Andy Borowitz
StreetTalk by Carol Rosen
What do you think about the city council’s
desire to filter out porn from library computers?
(Asked at the Almaden Library/Community Center)
“It’s a great idea.
They should filter
it out of everything.
It shouldn’t
be so readily
available.”
Kris Richmond,
43
San Jose
Bookkeeper
I guess it depends
on the type of
pornography.
Some types are
considered art
and should only
be available to
adults. But the
raunchy, degrading stuff should
go.”
Carmen Frank, 48
Willow Glen
Psychotherapist
“I read about that,
but I don’t think
it’s possible. Kids
have to learn to
make good decisions
and to be
responsible for
their own behavior
and choices. Parents need to be
aware of where their children are,
what their children are doing and
what their children have access to.”
Kathy Pabilona, 48
Almaden
Third-grade teacher at Graystone
Elementary
“I think they
should do it. I’m
in favor of it. It
[looking at
pornography]
should be done
in private if it has
to be done at all;
it should not be viewed in public
places.”
Lisa Torres, 32
Almaden
Homemaker
“My husband and
I talked about it
but didn’t come
up with a solution.
I’m concerned
about
what a child can
see when he comes to the library, so
I am for filters but I know everyone
has their rights."
Marilyn DeMarco, 60
Almaden
Admin at IBM
“It’s a tough decision.
It’s an
important thing to
do to ensure the
safety of our children.
I hate to
step on people’s
rights to free speech, but our children
come first.”
Susan Graydon, 46
Almaden
PTA president, volunteer
“I think it’s fine. I
think it’s a good
thing. Why
should people
take up time in a
public library
looking at porn
when people are here to learn.”
Peggy Lehmann, 40
Almaden
Homemaker
"I think it’s a good
idea because it
will limit the
exposure to
underage children."
Paul Romberg, 39
Cambrian
Engineer
“It’s probably a good thing. I just
assumed it was blocked already. I
thought it was standard to block
questionable sites.”
Kimberly Korki, 22
Almaden / Student at San Jose State