C4 antho - Chamber Four
C4 antho - Chamber Four C4 antho - Chamber Four
~118~ The Chamber Four Fiction Anthology swivel chair. “And I suppose the short answer is no, there are no rules. As long as you’re a consenting adult and abide by state law, you’re welcome to any partner you can land.” Dad’s eyes widened and he nudged my ribs. “Hear that, pal?” he asked, raising his eyebrows. “Any partner you can land.” “But easy, cowboy, let’s not count our chickens before they’ve hatched,” White chuckled, standing, his balls plopping to the desk like twin paperweights. “First things first, let’s get you two out of those nasty old clothes, huh? We’ll see where that leads us.” * * * * It was a bit like tearing off a band-aid: The longer you ho-hummed around the more painful it became. Dad had the right idea, removing his pants in a single, fluid motion. He had the grace of a matador. At 14, I’d had far fewer opportunities to publicly remove my pants and was slightly more hesitant. Not that anyone around us seemed particularly interested in what I had to offer. We’d stepped outside, which gave me full view of a beach volleyball game that had developed a hundred feet away, and closer still, a pair of middle-aged, hairy-reared men flying a kite. Neither group seemed the least bit concerned with me. “Whenever you feel comfortable, son,” the mayor said, bending down to clear the sand from his flip-flop, exposing a dark cavern of butt hair. Upon realizing that I probably wasn’t going to feel any more “comfortable” in the next half an hour or so, I reached slowly for my shoe and began the long process of undressing.
The Naturalists ~119~ With each piece of strewn clothing, I flashbacked to one locker room horror or another―wedgies, purple nurples, testy tickles. I remembered there being something slightly barbaric about the whole situation: Being some kid’s lab partner one period and having to share a bar of soap with him the next. But Nature’s Bounty felt different, safer, and while I considered asking Mayor White what percentage of residents suffered from purple nurples, I decided to withhold my question. I removed my shirt, my pants, and, after taking a deep breath, pulled my plaid boxers down around my ankles, stepped out of them and balled them up in my hand. “Well? Not so bad, is it?” Dad chuckled, running to introduce himself to the kite-flyers. “Oh, and, Frankie,” he called, running backward, balls flopping like a couple of basset hound ears, “let’s rendezvous at dinner, huh? I heard it’s bratwurst night!” * * * * That night, I wrote Mom a letter: Dear Mom, Hey! How are you? How are the Spurs? Things are fine here. Today Dad and I joined a nudist colony. The people are nice, and the mayor wears a cowboy hat and leads everyone in calisthenics after dinner. Tonight, we had bratwursts. They were pretty good. This place has it all―a barbershop, a dentist, even a
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The Naturalists ~119~<br />
With each piece of strewn clothing, I flashbacked to one<br />
locker room horror or another―wedgies, purple nurples,<br />
testy tickles. I remembered there being something slightly<br />
barbaric about the whole situation: Being some kid’s lab<br />
partner one period and having to share a bar of soap with<br />
him the next.<br />
But Nature’s Bounty felt different, safer, and while I considered<br />
asking Mayor White what percentage of residents suffered<br />
from purple nurples, I decided to withhold my question.<br />
I removed my shirt, my pants, and, after taking a deep<br />
breath, pulled my plaid boxers down around my ankles,<br />
stepped out of them and balled them up in my hand.<br />
“Well? Not so bad, is it?” Dad chuckled, running to introduce<br />
himself to the kite-flyers. “Oh, and, Frankie,” he called,<br />
running backward, balls flopping like a couple of basset<br />
hound ears, “let’s rendezvous at dinner, huh? I heard it’s<br />
bratwurst night!”<br />
* * * *<br />
That night, I wrote Mom a letter:<br />
Dear Mom,<br />
Hey! How are you? How are the Spurs?<br />
Things are fine here.<br />
Today Dad and I joined a nudist colony.<br />
The people are nice, and the mayor wears a cowboy<br />
hat and leads everyone in calisthenics after dinner.<br />
Tonight, we had bratwursts.<br />
They were pretty good.<br />
This place has it all―a barbershop, a dentist, even a
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