C4 antho - Chamber Four

~104~ The Chamber Four Fiction Anthology
June 16, 1954. Today Eric took me to see the sculpture at
the Museum of Modern Art. A revelation! I sat for an hour
just looking at “Bird in Flight.” Eric is like the sculptures of
Brancusi: very spare, abstracted, but underneath writhing
with a wild force. We walked back through the park talking
about how art is a much more powerful medium than language
for expressing the complications of human perception.
Suddenly we realized that fifty years ago today
Leopold Bloom walked through Dublin’s streets. Eric bought
me a rose to commemorate.
July 7. Making love is absurd and freeing and profound
all at once. I pity all those girls their preoccupations with
rings and respect and reputations and who owes whom what.
July 19. E. and I talked today about going to Paris. We
could just go, he said. He said I shouldn’t worry about finishing
my degree. I will learn much more just reading and
being sentient in the world. He said in Europe men and
women live together all the time without the formality of
marriage. To be free! To read! To walk! I said yes! We
drank wine to celebrate.
August 27. Pregnant. I can’t believe my body betrayed
me this way.
August 31. I talked to Eric about getting an operation,
but he cried when I even mentioned it. I love you. I want to
marry you, he said. These are the words other girls wait
their whole lives to hear. Even though it was 95 degrees out,
I began to shiver. I couldn’t stop, not even when Eric put his
arms around me.
September 12. City Hall wedding. Grotesquely fat clerk,
Professor Steinsaltz as witness. We went out for lunch afterwards,
but as always I felt too sick to eat.
February 27, 1955. E. took me shopping for baby things.
The layette. The lady kept piling things on the counter and