Severely handicapped class arrives - The Lowell

7V tc~W/. JVM S. I9M
r FEATURE
By Norman Ueberman
Ahh, June. SchocJ's almost o\cr and tlut means,
no thr kiuinff 4r*ftci rinhi ti m*f or*** m sluiur . > ^^9tVa •• ^^ *^ •
for Kitk>n, that is. the "senior prank" season ha*
officially opened. Tit* first dastardly deed was pcrforn*cd
early nnc morning oa the second floor.
Ncifly 600 crickctt. live and hopping, were rclcaicd
and allowed to make themselves at home in
everything from empty lockers to classrooms. Complaints
came from every angle, except from the
delighted science teachers who were seen cluing
those crazy critters down. Sources tell me thai the
w ting the kissing scenes right. It just goes to show <
*
that practice nukes perfect.
Mr. Stevens* Advanced Biolosy class was treated ,
to s live wt:er fight during class one day when An- <
m*e Chow attacked trw unsuspecting teacher with *
a -ucded **aier pun. Not to be outdone. Mr. Stevens <
grabbed the nearest water bottle and returned lire *.
The two entertained the class fur nearly 20 minutes
before order was restored, I've heard about pct»plc '
being washed up. but this Li ridiculous.
SCHOOL DAZE
pcruetratjn were caught and dealt with accordingly.
Nancy Hayes's An History class used 6.000 feet
of Saran Wrap to enclose the temporary classroom
on the back lawn to demonstrate conceptual art.
Junior Beth Dunn's theory on the project (written
up tn The Examiner and viewed 2-3» >A1 ?-4-5S sinin^
oil their hand*, trigoanf. bi caking
It's not uncommon for the conscientious
student to study with No-Doze.
he's finally jctu>c around to rme
the 50-psce* of US. -Wstey that he's
to be tested oo »MXCiutrly oery thing, a »wl
kittutmn which forcrs him to initiate
the topelcu task of trying to convince
hi* teacher t>ui he really d«c« kmm
the mnciul. but jw: fur unne rc^on
can't recall any f the dstcs. formut»,
iff thcorcrm.
Firtilly. and wont t>T a'l. :nidv^y
through the leu, the «cmi-u>«ic toL
uicd to makr the "cbcjj-oo(e»" on
the inside of his left nmtact leu may
Uart to decompose and tend Uni
tercameig in pain down the hallway
to the hxlhrcom,
At tail the long-awaited test is
hancled out.
If the test should ha^>m to be
multiplc-cVricc. the undent almost
alwsysrecognunapaarni: foe every
two i)ueuioa> te answers witli certainty,
t* foi'owi thk.' he must guess
the next three* pencil in "B"
ngardlen of the questions for the
next too after thd becaiuc they u*c
laDjuagr and terms ne>er before
seca. and funlly Luncnt every eighth
inswer becsuK the correct answer
will come to Eiim fi/e minutci after
he tumi in bis p*^*r.
Wilhirg oct of the rocsn, he tries
to UKvince hbiudf thai despite (ailing
the put five tests, the next voc
might be better.
•»— / ***"•* *
teacher Hugh Aanonsen
t?L
.r,i
."£ N0/\
Excuses, excuses
Dallas Ccmboy Cheerleader— Karina Lee. The \
moct likely t»« star in a Warner Brothers cartoon— <
Aaron Shapiro. The most likely to become the next \
"Rambo"*—lax Calc. The most likely to have his *
ego completely take over his body—Jason Ron- *
doux. (So he's not a senior, it rrjde a good •
By Junes Wboojey
category). The least likely to go m college without j What do you tell your teacher when
a little help from his friends—LewU Lock. The )ou'rc ten minutes late for cLu*. ar
most likely to become a guru and have u large cult you didn't do jouf homework, or you
following—John Crmle). The moivt likely to be lif- just didn't happen to nuke it to cUu
ting weights and explode—Mike Alberts. Most bf
likely to say "Hi" more times than humanly Oh. Mire, there arc l'ic old uaod-
possible— Linda Miesc. Most likely to become ttxi by%, the "1 had adentivl appointment
casual, even for himself— R.J. Vance. Ami last but and the tioj; ate my Kxnework" cv
not least, most likely to be >cnt to the dean on the cuses. But Low-cult's uctn to ukc a
first day of college. (No. IA me.) Jeff Lincoln. ccruin priJc in cur.ting up witn MXnc
Good tuck, people.
pretty creative p-tftSon-mc's.
"I told my tcjcbcr that my mother
was going vt& labor the nij+l liefore
so 1 couldn't Jo my homcwwlL." u^
one sophor.wre. "A week later my
tcacner vked me how the bahy wai.
and I uid *What hahy?' "
"A teacbu from one of my afternoon
claisrt asked me why I wain't
QVK it* day betore." *aid ore «nior
with a laugh. "I lo( : " i - r I a*lcdthugiiltothcpr.
- fleWnv
cd me liowa. and I WT • jevntaei'to
*uy at school. I pravi>vall> had hi.-n
crying for me."
one that often *xcxn from <
One Umcllite *ho
parochial elementary school came
home ea.ty o.f day *n fourth grade
and told Kit rtiothcr Uut one of the
nuns had dm] and ab the children had
been sent home-
There orr difrercnt approccbes to
a goc\l cAcu»e. anJ each person
werns to find hit own. One senior
prefer* in Sc open about it. "One
time i walked into class wsh » Burpcr
Kit.g cn>wn on my hc«l. a burger in
»oe hind and a drink m tSe other.
When r*y teacher ukrd me why I
*a? late. (lipped my crowc to htm
aad wd. *GUCM.* "
Tcltinje a good excuse can t vea be
fun. aconJing to one junior girt.
"It'sftnn) when a girl telb s male
P.E. Uacher the can't 50 to clxu
became it's 'that time of the month,*
and ht: geu ail ernbarrassed."
So I ow do tearhcrs tell between the
lcgitii nate CACUSC* Kki the phony onei
that often tound fuit as believable?
"I jtctues iiaven't ctunged," said
foieiga language leach*/* Anna
Nlcjfa. "They (itudenti) try to get
awir with the tune ones I used ia
sctool, aod evca if they have 1
creative excuse. I can usually tell that
thr.-y're fakwfc. Their crcuici are
pmd enough, but when they try too
bird to act innocent, they jive
Otcmselves away."
One junk* K»J a foolproof excuse
then she walked, or limped, into
class one day UmimuesUtc: "liold
the teacher 'I wai running because I
thought I was We, iv'. I tripped and
r^U depends oc
whonijou ask. But one thing is for
certain: the out-of-the ordinary excuse
U a'ivc and well at Lowrll.
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