Severely handicapped class arrives - The Lowell

ftjr 14. Vit Lcxtll, May 10.19SS
- FEATURE
SCHOOL DAZE
By Eric tastifT
In some Pulitxcr Prize winning investigative reporting, stall
members of thb tabloid (oops! I mcjn newspaper) have discovered
some very disturbing new*. In a top secret memorandum written by
our Pal of Prince*, it has been discovered thai next year Lowell will
change: Lowell will become a full scalt military academy. Al long
last. Amiable Al has yielded to pressure from ROTC. In his Ixtt action
as ROTC space-cadci, senior Philip Kwong has convinced The
Doc to make Lowell a model of West Point. All students wilt be taking
seventeen classes, have thirty seconds for lunch, have two hours
for strenuous cxcerciscs. nnd the entire student body (the size will
be increased from 2,800 to 33,800) will spend the nights on the gym
floor. I wish I were a senior...
So much for fabricated openers. In actuality, next year Lowell
students will be taking ten clattcs, not six. have two minutes for lunch.
not forty, aid will be required to start school al 4:35 a.m. Now, isn't
that much better?
On a mom serious note, junior Michael Alberts (he secr.is to grow
in this column along with K.A. — I'm forbidden to say tf^t name
because the guy bcluw me talks about him all the tin*; u. ueing
recruited for Rutgers University come the fall of 1986. Al *''c recent
College Night, the Rutgers representative asked Michael I.JW much
he weighs. Michael replied 215 pound;. The .-.founded icp further
queried. "Where do you carry the 50 pounds, or. your butt?!"
Bureaucracy has come to Lowell High. In titc fotir-hcadcd monger
we call snident government, there is one council which it called the
Board fcr School, Concerts, and Sludge (it recently changed its name),
or BSCS. Well, the sludge vame out this month. JuJ because tic Comedy
Zone and Model United Nations Clubs failed t" Hie soinc form.
they were excluded from being designated as "Official Clubs." Oh.
honors! What isthti school coming to when a group of students for^c'
to fill out a form? Sure, u rule i» a rule-but come on. thK schcxi! is
made forsttidcnt pan.Jipation. Let's try to be a little fairer and more
lenient in the future- Yes, I kiuw this is not humouous. but ihiv i\
my column, and if I want to make a point, implied or direct. 1 can.
Well, i just die!. Now hack to the humor.
At the Junior Prom, junior Av| * Laurence garrulously atked the
audience that if an>body lilted him, the should meet him at the dou*
after the dance. Unfortunately for Aviv, nobody \howcd up M.i>h»
a more tactful approach would be better next >rar.
Speaking of t!.c .'uninr Prom, who was the otic ci>uplc u Im didn't
attend the post dance bull at the Hilton? There were so many rc\cl
seekers that :hc cMrataganza wai broken up by the ixuz. Hnwcvcr.
as usual, there iv a bright side tu every \tory .. the party la\ted until
5 a.m.
Congratulations to Alex WCIPJ* and the other nift*-T*. uf »V Dr.
Who Club. Thcvc cntcrrminp ^udcnlv have raised •... :.» viv c PBS
Television Sutiun 54 fr -p budget cuts. To keep ihc station on the
air. the club rnly needs to raiv anrthcr SVW.StX.* by June 1. G«*xl
luck!
II> Nick Florentine
Yes. it's time to play Umcll trivu. TcM your trivia knowledge on
subjects that you. ihc Mutlcnb. might be able to answer. Lc;\ start
off with a few question* about Icjf'-r*.
Which relatively nrw tcjcrvr, in lite Science and Math Dep irtiik-ntv.
U a long diiUncc bike racer' I don't mean 10-50 mile raccv I'm talking
about 100-200 mile race*! Yc%. its Mark Mreheim.
Science teacher Donald Murni) always joke al* -it his jpc. hut
how old is he? Here's a clue- His Social Security number iv
000-00-0003.1 wouldn't say Mr. Murray is old-r-n he did goto hi^h
school with George Hums: ar,d President Ronald Kenyan was u «uni|
in one of his classes, and Bob H"|W \\ his r.cphew. No, but scrum v
ly. rumor has it that next year. Mr. Murray's a^c will N* breaking
the speed limit.
Now iomc questions nKm' students.
Who played Mr. Wi/jrd in last s ..'. ..law of >Vs spirit week
skit? Chris Grant.
Whnic block jacket has the most patches on it. Mike
Zimmerman's.
Who played B-ltoiny in last scar's play The FitntaMic^i? I>tnK
Jones.
UrTul brand of perfume dim L)M Lewin wear? Giouio.
At Twin Day this year, unit two seniors showed up each wearing
a sign that vid "in." thuily nuking them * tuo ins"" (twins)? Dusc
Lew and Dan Harrington.
Who fcis the mo*t writing on hiv block jacket? Orphtus
Crutch field.
Which fresh mail jumped out ul .» third floor window U\t month
thinking that he could fly? No one, I w.uited tu nuke sure I had yur
attention.
What brand uf underwear docs Jesse Schwartz wear? Calvin Klctn.
Who is Student Body Vicc-Picsidcm.' Lcxa Thomson.
Whose block jacket has a patch of a gorilla on it? Kt» in Allen's.
Whose birthdays arc on the same day as Adolf Killer's? Jim Archuleta*^
«ind Davt Thompson's.
Who is ol Jcr, Jim Archulda or Dave Thompson ? Jim Archuleta
is one year older.
If we were to Uphabcmc all Lowell students, u hose name would
be last? Kelly ZychowikJ.
What sophomore's name sounds like it should be a iw*M in your
mouth? Molly Baler.
Are seniors Cindy and Ftttncto Brown rclatcu? I believe not.
What nationality b» frcihmen -Sue ArtemoiT? Ruuian.
Who U talicf. sophomore Eunice Woo or wphonwrc Eunkr Yonn?
Eunice Yoon.
Whose birthday b on the day that i> iht exact mi-Jdle of a non-leap
year (182 days before it. and IS? days left to go) and wr-v is this
date? June 2 U my birthday; I juu war-'ci to rwe sure that date iv
written m your l
Prom anxieties abound
By Bctiy Menenkb
It icenu like only yesterday thai it
was Batbie and Ken goinc 10 the
prom.
Spring is here and that mean* that
it i* prom time once again. For
njmc. this is the most dreaded lime
of the year. CVScrs look forward to
it with greed)' anticipation.
Now ihal the Junior Prom u out of
the way, it u lime for someihinjt far
more serious. It U time frr Lowell
Senior Prom 1985.
Thii b the time of >car thai
Lo»cl| rtudcntt begin to search
dcipcni'ely for the perfect, or at
least nearly perfect, or perhaps "alt
right." of slightly acceptable dale.
Boys begin to noti.-c that the girl
who t:u behind them in Probability
and Statutes clais is really ion of
decert looking, an) might pmsibly
tool: kind of acceptable in a nice
Jo:.e dreis which coverv her thick
anklcv •
Al Low«ll in the 'S(H. however, it
it not only the bo>* uhn need to
veck a uatc to ask to their prum.
Man> fitl\ are forced to imagine
what ihc 98-pound weakling boy
new to her in English would look
tike under cover of a tu* with uili
Can he find a how t.e large enough
to rover that fairiv Urge Adam's
apple?
What do >ou *a> when >ixi»vk ton-cone?
You cannot sound overconfident
— because )ou .lrcn'i.
How ever. ) ou can'l help beinp
wimewtut cuitcd aNiut asking that
special wnncone. but u'v, bevi to
concrjl that )ou aic vtcttinj jour
[*ant;. time in the KKI if >our
mind \vu can't help but think thjl
llicy dcfimietv Mill say. "No" Hilc
the ptcviou* r ivc citlv).
While uimc dji.»cv* undinunatn
muvt d^pcrjtclv s*:rt*unfe for a djte
had a djic for jtxitl three nn-tithx
mm. Everyone b«ipe* thut ct-uplc
rus defective suvpenders, a fijt tu.*
and mutuplc n>lon runv
The pnwn itwlf loom' nn tlie
hort/on like a itivivtei ujismf. ' -
happen There iv *.> miwh ..vjr
i.< IHi; hVI^NT. trui
tina^mev hinivelf UHiLin^ Ianta\licall)
cjeai, their date tm^inj;
edicmelv prcat. , iip in J tutallv
great car. cjiinp an a^cvuixh jrcjt
dinner. UVtnj; J tctrifi«.all> yricii
picture, darKinp a frcat. ttrc^t d^jt,
an>l coinp nut for a m*.-\c!i-ml>
^teal nine aftcrwa-d* Sounds $te*\.
dnewi t ii?
Confident girls have their complete
prom get-up 11 the closet liv
nin^ on (he leftover
£>mn% (the drccv of the Umponwi]
bivement) the da;> >( the dance
When the hip nijiht an:-.?., once
the cum.; '.-vni h»«'kv are 1'ijruicd
once the uraplc»\ f> *n ucunninpU
WiHch-tjpcJ. the ne\t pmblcm u
the cttlui!|kC of the corvi^i* and
bouumierre. Be aisurcd that the. triage
will clash with the Jrcu.
Needlcvt to lay, no matter bow intense
the effort, it simply cannot he
pinned on to that irughcui •unp.
Have cttra pinv around, at the pin to
that bouitmiem: will undoubtedly be
mnplaced. CirU. try agair. if >ou
drjvk Mood. Mom and Dad tan'i
bclicv: htm grownup their tiidc
hitiy (buy or piril lookk. Menu
«>mcb»iw alwayv volunteer to pin on
the coruge.
^nd aren't no*eca>* oitc'' Hi«
often do *«*i get a chano; '•• *»CJT
one o( th»v: tun little item*?
Dinner is an inevitable JiwpjH'inimcni.
!«>nicthing will be vpillrd
down the fron: of ihjt virpn white
tu*edo »hirt. There \\ A vcru>uv prohlem
of cat ing the urpc lettuce
leaves m that v»underfill valjd.
Thing* fjll miw Ihe ^trjplr%\ fittwn;
ictncvj' iviHit of:he*iu:Mii>n L>t.T
ner let lw« nrver cmt t>UI bclotc,
either. A tip- avoid luiuti UHHI Oft
jnd that'* not the kind of tip the
-Ajitcr )% antivipatini;.
Your pntm ptcturrv record >o*ir
x(*--.l day fur pmteniv. Al! ihjt
"' s.nv jr-d Mane prJitKC vntilm*
*•'. (jit for njupKt A I-* r*nn:.-r
mif;ht he in ufd-'f- cb-nA ler irt-
/ pmiitooed food per*
tklcs. Do H4 blink >oure>c» for the
six miauic* it lakes the
photosn[bcr to get your date In
focui. Tall JIIU, uand on you.*
knees. Short boys, sund on her
knees. Remember that you get two
povci. to plan ahead. Maybe you
can cwhangc out Cm between snap?.
CirU should remember that at the
prom iuclf (a small part of this
whole enterprise), shoes with hecU
higher ttun four inches ihould be
avoided. Unleu you enjoy looking
downhill at your date. Tncrr arc a
U>t of ilov diners at the prum.
Ttut'h gotiw; hccU, ji you
aren't reaJI> rcijiiircii to nxtvc yi^ur
'cci very far.
Firully. alter the prom, there's
Mi!lm.>»-cn'ucrpcni in More. There
iv a IUMC tntul law of our culture
that abwlmdv forhtdt an)one coinp
home before the t in iuc\ in the
CJM. Absolutely no nutter how
met jitir fl.v*ef> fade, vimr f.-et
I-de, jnd >(Hird^:c IJJC* A Ia>t lip:
JVOK! chcmiviry Mudetiu. Divcuv-
\ion»of chcmivirj al 4-Ml A.M. are
the pttv
Hcrt'i wuhinp \ou a fabulovil)
iiicjt. ^rejt time jt the Senior Pmrr.
"*Discount Prices*^,
MODEL SEARCH
Sar FrancUco tnodcltni; school and
agency is looking for new faces for
fas'n? n. photography and television
modcltti Some training scholarships
arc available.
For information, free brochure, and
scholarship application, call AO'2-i l J09.
S I G N A T U R E M O D E L S
SchoulStui
have «t-pre
gn»tns.
Cmrtrr Ticl
cn^inccnn,
and broad*,
nun^ mot
Benelits
ning from
vclf-cont'K>
fteldt.
SinhR.
ucrn. feel*
after they t
tcmship pt
moreahn:
more matt
"Ii"»
throujhua
added.
Vanlyn
iigrtrd. "1