Severely handicapped class arrives - The Lowell
Severely handicapped class arrives - The Lowell
Severely handicapped class arrives - The Lowell
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f»tt 14. Vie Lawett. Apnl 12. IMS<br />
FUTURE _<br />
SCHOOL DAZE<br />
By Nkk FSonntlnos<br />
Many of you muse be wondering why senior Kerin Allen's Khool<br />
jacket has been seen on *> many different people this year. <strong>The</strong> c.v<br />
planation U :implc; Krvin is suffering from a d ; vaic known as<br />
"psychoonihromorphJuU." You &ec, Kevin Is actiUily wearing his<br />
jacM all the time, bitt In certain phases of his disease his appearance<br />
chances producing ihs effect that someone else is wearing his jacket.<br />
I told you ii was nimple.<br />
M1.1v of yoj tWt suy around to see the afterschool activities going<br />
on in bie rounyanl. For instance, I saw a group of kids playing<br />
catch with a football. Frew tan Danny Cao was running long. Someoae<br />
threw him a pass, and the ball was stightlv overthrown. He<br />
had his eye on the pass the whole time. Danny stretched out his<br />
hands and, w^th th; ball at his fingertips, he ran into a garbage can.<br />
But don't worr, — the garbage can wai all right. As for Danny, in<br />
the future, he's sticking lo hackysack.<br />
I work at a nujor department store JX Stoncstown. I won't mention<br />
an)' names, but it's the one with the big "E." Anyway, a lot of<br />
<strong>Lowell</strong> students pas* through on tlieir way to the bus stop Well,<br />
sophomore Silvia Martinez was cu the escalator going up. and she<br />
noticed a "we" *ign on some of the merchandise on the floor<br />
below. Her curiosity got the best o( her, an*f she stuck out her head<br />
to see what mis on sale. Unforturuiely f screw in a<br />
lightbulb? Scv:n — c*»e to hold the bulb, and six to turn the Udder.<br />
How many tenon does it take to screw in a li^htbulb? 360 — one to<br />
K.rcw it in. nnd 359 to tighten it *o they could write on their<br />
transcripts that they were in the Electrical Engineering Club.<br />
P.S. — Redeem ihi* School DJC article to Kevin Allen, for one<br />
(ten mod of wearing hu jacket, but remember, he tu> ihc right to<br />
refuse service to anyone!<br />
ByEricFastiff<br />
<strong>The</strong> truth came out in Ms. Gonzalez's Philology Class. Marc<br />
Badcr and Valeric Neck dcm?nsirj;cd for the cr.tirr <strong>class</strong>, and soon<br />
for the entit: world, which sex is tougher. <strong>The</strong> historical cxpori<br />
ment: While students were told to prick their fingers for a blood<br />
sample. Mure, the adventurous scientist tlut he t*. seemed to be very<br />
interested in hit vein*. While IT probed and probed, blood gushed<br />
and gushed. Poor Valeric! <strong>The</strong> more blood that flowed, the weaker<br />
her stomach became. Suddenly Valerie swan-dived to the floor in a<br />
dead faint. Marc said he will be willing to search for his vein again,<br />
once bis finger heals, if he can have another volunteer.<br />
While in Berkeley for the Model United ^Nations Conference<br />
<strong>Lowell</strong> students again proved why they arc s> /" ~ .o the rest of the<br />
world. Jesse "<strong>The</strong> Navigator'* Schwartz \hu\*ca>cil his uncanny<br />
talent for reading maps by getting lost. Chris Cri«rra and Pat<br />
Magee proved they know their sports: they snuck into the Cal foot<br />
ball stadium lo play soccer.<br />
I have always thought psychology was the study of the mind.<br />
However, it seems lo have something to do with luces z\ well. Thi«<br />
explanation stems from a recent <strong>class</strong> period when Henry WOIIJJX<br />
note was touched by Vlncc Carter. I think that an ctpkruiion h in<br />
onict. gcnt«men.<br />
<strong>The</strong>re art more <strong>Lowell</strong> hcroc* who appear on the front pjgo of this<br />
paper. While at the Model U.N. Conference, senior Jon Albert* apprchcrkicd<br />
v«nc terrorist delegates who were killing people with<br />
water pistoU. <strong>The</strong> real United Nanons is flying Jon lo New York so<br />
he can be honored as an "h.tcmaii'TV Peace Keeper."<br />
In other newv senior David Cho has received an award from hi<br />
employer tor bebg "Top Coif Can Washer of tht Month." I think<br />
David deserves a big hand of applause for his tremendous effuru.<br />
Senior IJUIHC Bcilon and junior Michael Alberts have begun a<br />
campaign to petition the College Board to begin an A.P. Interior<br />
Decorating Cass It stems the p-ir enjoy redcco"\ting their hutwy<br />
room more than studying Europe.<br />
Do you worship the Devil when you play your records backwards?<br />
Do yea feel discriminated agaimt because you wear Spandex? If you<br />
ouwer in the affirmative to both of these queries, then you should<br />
spply fot membership in the highly selective Twisted Sbter Fan<br />
Club. Alexandria '<strong>The</strong> Original Twisted Sister" Sage, club<br />
founder, extolls the menu of tltc club: "Not only do you get to appreciate<br />
jreat and cultural music with other great and ctilturu TSFC<br />
roembert. but aL*o top colleges, such as Harvard, Stanford, and the<br />
Univeisity of Alboq ;crque. regard membership in TSFC as a perfect<br />
addition to any appt'eation. And most importantly for <strong>Lowell</strong><br />
studenu, U.C. Berkeley automatically accepts members of TSFC<br />
who have an average 230 cAT score along with a score of 5 in A.P.<br />
Bondage." One las! sen A*cunrina warm, "Please don't confuse<br />
. TSFC with the CanKnal Cms* les or <strong>The</strong> Jeremiah Turner Fan Cub.<br />
Thanks, for that important not:. Sis.<br />
What are<br />
horoscopes?<br />
By JoinS. Kim<br />
Do the Mart control one'*<br />
destiny? Do horoscope* accurately<br />
predict one's tuture? In other<br />
wordi, docs aurology offer truth to<br />
, believer*?<br />
"That question i« deceptively<br />
simple and its answer U trrmendoutly<br />
comr/lcx. . .." telU author<br />
Roy GalUnt, in his book. Astrology:<br />
Senie cr Koniense?<br />
Wt>ai is astrology? Ihe World<br />
Book Encyclopedia definei<br />
astrology as "the ancten: art or<br />
Kte.xe of divining the fate of star*<br />
and other heavenly bodies." Thit<br />
i\. aerology ts a study of the reV<br />
liomhip of the itan to human tt'e.<br />
Amologen. persons who "wit<br />
fortunes" by studying the 'tan,<br />
predict the future of a pcrvxi oy<br />
catting a hormcope of Uwt particular<br />
person.<br />
A horoscope (Greek Ur "heur<br />
watcher") U a chart that rc*ca!* a<br />
pervon'i character or future. "Rut<br />
chart *how-\ the relative r/otiiton* of<br />
the uin. tnoon, and other planet* to<br />
the zodiac tigm at a specific moment<br />
in time.<br />
A hormcope hat three num partv.<br />
(1) the /ixliac. (2) the houie*. and<br />
(3) the pbnclt.<br />
<strong>The</strong> iodise (Latin for "a circle of<br />
amnult") ii a band of itars that<br />
Kem tu encircle the earth <strong>The</strong><br />
ftxliac com»u of 12 divtiton* callo!<br />
\tgn\.<br />
A person comes under the ipecial<br />
influence of one particular sign<br />
depending on h» htrthdate. For example,<br />
a person tx>ni from March<br />
21 lo Apnl 20 iv under the mfluer.ee<br />
of the lodljc vifn Ancs and » uid<br />
to be an Aries.<br />
<strong>The</strong> houvci represent inugni.ir><br />
divuttmv of the celestul Kxly in<br />
rcljtiun to one'* position on earth.<br />
When cavtinf a pervon'* h»ri»*cupe.<br />
the hcj\cn u dm kU intu I. pjii*<br />
or houtc-v.<br />
Each of ihcse Souvci influence* a<br />
certain par: of a person's life. For<br />
c&lc. >ne first home i«<br />
asvocatcd vith an irxlivkJoal\<br />
career, health, rrurruge. or wme<br />
other interest.<br />
<strong>The</strong> planets iGrccV for<br />
"wanjcrcii") include the tun and<br />
moon, u well at Jupttcr. Mm,<br />
Mercury. Neptune. Pluto. Saum.<br />
Ur^nu*. and Vcnuv. <strong>The</strong> planet tticl<br />
fall* within a particular bc*nc influence*<br />
nutters pcruining in that<br />
house.<br />
For example, if Vcnu\ (ituoaicd<br />
with beauty) it located in the first<br />
house Uuociaied with appearance)<br />
in a certain person'* birthchan. the<br />
person i» likely to have an attractive<br />
phvttcal appearance.<br />
U jvirolopy a pveudovcience? hy<br />
Jacobs, a full-time ptnfe\wKul<br />
jMro'ojcr prxticinp in Sjn Fr«r.<br />
ci'v.ti, commenlcvl, " . .avirol£} iv<br />
r.' more pteudotcience than<br />
p»>cholopy. amhrop«lci(:>. or<br />
Why do people seek 'Jw help of<br />
iMtolojci.? iSey ate concerned<br />
with problems in evrry area of life.<br />
Ac^'tdin- in Jacob*, ir-j^t of hi*<br />
clients arc womed about moncv anj<br />
iu.ccs!v ur love and tei.<br />
MIKADO<br />
Japan Center<br />
San Francisco<br />
922-94S0<br />
Japanese Cuts<br />
Sanrio. Mitsubishi T.D. i G.T.C.<br />
Astrologically speaking<br />
By A'rundria Saj«<br />
and Mariloe TrtUun<br />
AKIE5 (Much 21 to April 19)<br />
)VM< hum- that myucrious stranger<br />
LIBRA (September 23 to OctPOcr 22)<br />
Libra, this is yvur month! Do<br />
something *ild and enxQr. Co out<br />
andbuyyou*^tfann*toofrbnclt.<br />
in your EngUA dais, Ariel ? He/the Go on. Splurge. Remember that<br />
is just waiting for you to tjiprns ••A"4UPE?YoKOeenf<br />
yt<br />
your prvfcundtst thoughts about the tcothbfttsh, baoy.<br />
life. Say Umtthing tfoqutn; tikf. "I<br />
SCORPIO (October V> lo November<br />
hate it HVWI there's nevtr any pink<br />
paper left in the Origami set.''<br />
21)<br />
<strong>The</strong> nbttliout yo*lh ir >ow mutsbf<br />
TAURUS (April 20 (o May 20) tamed. Scorpio, jvit tht army,<br />
Doo'r be overly tenacious this ton 11 jrt •. jrte mat /loi/rv. loo<br />
month, but still Uci to \\*ur guns cf i m cbxha ut UOe• kitkrr<br />
and male up yvtir mind. Tale peo- boat You'll Jrt lo mm, tj exotic<br />
ple's opinions to heart, but placts. meet new, zzciitn* people<br />
remember that tome of it is bull. and kill them. Pint's the foe!.<br />
GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) Jack!<br />
This month may be pivotal for yvu. SAGITTARIUS (Nmmbcr 22.»<br />
BrMire of pop ouizies in social IVcerobcrll)<br />
science ax they may change the You've been t lacking off<br />
course of your history.<br />
academically. Sarxaiim. tmiaite<br />
CANCER (June 21 toJuly 21) wranda, brmt up the enemy, and<br />
Though It u \vtu nature, don't do espand your horizon. Read<br />
anything too mGlitnant, <strong>The</strong> middle unxthh; intellectually Btmuk&te.<br />
of the month HI// see you more "War and Peace."' maybe...."K-nt<br />
calm, but remember to be smdiout. Uar"...."Hollyxd Hiwj."<br />
LEO (July 23 to August 22) CAPRICORN (December Zl u<br />
Kwj may not be the cat't pajamas January 19) -<br />
thii month, but you toon MI// be the ft'.- time meet nJofcUlhataeim-<br />
lion J rvur. Don't let thu r*rll yvur lion. Capricorn. Kick a freshman.<br />
ego. or it *itl be cataciytmic. Co on. BAM BAM BAM. M>J.<br />
doeait that feel bener?<br />
VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) | AQUARIUS (JanunyWIoftbnary<br />
/• the romantic side of you yearn- IS)<br />
jny to be tetfree. Vir^o? <strong>The</strong>n take Thil ninth Isn't yvur At