Severely handicapped class arrives - The Lowell

f»tt 14. Vie Lawett. Apnl 12. IMS
FUTURE _
SCHOOL DAZE
By Nkk FSonntlnos
Many of you muse be wondering why senior Kerin Allen's Khool
jacket has been seen on *> many different people this year. The c.v
planation U :implc; Krvin is suffering from a d ; vaic known as
"psychoonihromorphJuU." You &ec, Kevin Is actiUily wearing his
jacM all the time, bitt In certain phases of his disease his appearance
chances producing ihs effect that someone else is wearing his jacket.
I told you ii was nimple.
M1.1v of yoj tWt suy around to see the afterschool activities going
on in bie rounyanl. For instance, I saw a group of kids playing
catch with a football. Frew tan Danny Cao was running long. Someoae
threw him a pass, and the ball was stightlv overthrown. He
had his eye on the pass the whole time. Danny stretched out his
hands and, w^th th; ball at his fingertips, he ran into a garbage can.
But don't worr, — the garbage can wai all right. As for Danny, in
the future, he's sticking lo hackysack.
I work at a nujor department store JX Stoncstown. I won't mention
an)' names, but it's the one with the big "E." Anyway, a lot of
Lowell students pas* through on tlieir way to the bus stop Well,
sophomore Silvia Martinez was cu the escalator going up. and she
noticed a "we" *ign on some of the merchandise on the floor
below. Her curiosity got the best o( her, an*f she stuck out her head
to see what mis on sale. Unforturuiely f screw in a
lightbulb? Scv:n — c*»e to hold the bulb, and six to turn the Udder.
How many tenon does it take to screw in a li^htbulb? 360 — one to
K.rcw it in. nnd 359 to tighten it *o they could write on their
transcripts that they were in the Electrical Engineering Club.
P.S. — Redeem ihi* School DJC article to Kevin Allen, for one
(ten mod of wearing hu jacket, but remember, he tu> ihc right to
refuse service to anyone!
ByEricFastiff
The truth came out in Ms. Gonzalez's Philology Class. Marc
Badcr and Valeric Neck dcm?nsirj;cd for the cr.tirr class, and soon
for the entit: world, which sex is tougher. The historical cxpori
ment: While students were told to prick their fingers for a blood
sample. Mure, the adventurous scientist tlut he t*. seemed to be very
interested in hit vein*. While IT probed and probed, blood gushed
and gushed. Poor Valeric! The more blood that flowed, the weaker
her stomach became. Suddenly Valerie swan-dived to the floor in a
dead faint. Marc said he will be willing to search for his vein again,
once bis finger heals, if he can have another volunteer.
While in Berkeley for the Model United ^Nations Conference
Lowell students again proved why they arc s> /" ~ .o the rest of the
world. Jesse "The Navigator'* Schwartz \hu\*ca>cil his uncanny
talent for reading maps by getting lost. Chris Cri«rra and Pat
Magee proved they know their sports: they snuck into the Cal foot
ball stadium lo play soccer.
I have always thought psychology was the study of the mind.
However, it seems lo have something to do with luces z\ well. Thi«
explanation stems from a recent class period when Henry WOIIJJX
note was touched by Vlncc Carter. I think that an ctpkruiion h in
onict. gcnt«men.
There art more Lowell hcroc* who appear on the front pjgo of this
paper. While at the Model U.N. Conference, senior Jon Albert* apprchcrkicd
v«nc terrorist delegates who were killing people with
water pistoU. The real United Nanons is flying Jon lo New York so
he can be honored as an "h.tcmaii'TV Peace Keeper."
In other newv senior David Cho has received an award from hi
employer tor bebg "Top Coif Can Washer of tht Month." I think
David deserves a big hand of applause for his tremendous effuru.
Senior IJUIHC Bcilon and junior Michael Alberts have begun a
campaign to petition the College Board to begin an A.P. Interior
Decorating Cass It stems the p-ir enjoy redcco"\ting their hutwy
room more than studying Europe.
Do you worship the Devil when you play your records backwards?
Do yea feel discriminated agaimt because you wear Spandex? If you
ouwer in the affirmative to both of these queries, then you should
spply fot membership in the highly selective Twisted Sbter Fan
Club. Alexandria 'The Original Twisted Sister" Sage, club
founder, extolls the menu of tltc club: "Not only do you get to appreciate
jreat and cultural music with other great and ctilturu TSFC
roembert. but aL*o top colleges, such as Harvard, Stanford, and the
Univeisity of Alboq ;crque. regard membership in TSFC as a perfect
addition to any appt'eation. And most importantly for Lowell
studenu, U.C. Berkeley automatically accepts members of TSFC
who have an average 230 cAT score along with a score of 5 in A.P.
Bondage." One las! sen A*cunrina warm, "Please don't confuse
. TSFC with the CanKnal Cms* les or The Jeremiah Turner Fan Cub.
Thanks, for that important not:. Sis.
What are
horoscopes?
By JoinS. Kim
Do the Mart control one'*
destiny? Do horoscope* accurately
predict one's tuture? In other
wordi, docs aurology offer truth to
, believer*?
"That question i« deceptively
simple and its answer U trrmendoutly
comr/lcx. . .." telU author
Roy GalUnt, in his book. Astrology:
Senie cr Koniense?
Wt>ai is astrology? Ihe World
Book Encyclopedia definei
astrology as "the ancten: art or
Kte.xe of divining the fate of star*
and other heavenly bodies." Thit
i\. aerology ts a study of the reV
liomhip of the itan to human tt'e.
Amologen. persons who "wit
fortunes" by studying the 'tan,
predict the future of a pcrvxi oy
catting a hormcope of Uwt particular
person.
A horoscope (Greek Ur "heur
watcher") U a chart that rc*ca!* a
pervon'i character or future. "Rut
chart *how-\ the relative r/otiiton* of
the uin. tnoon, and other planet* to
the zodiac tigm at a specific moment
in time.
A hormcope hat three num partv.
(1) the /ixliac. (2) the houie*. and
(3) the pbnclt.
The iodise (Latin for "a circle of
amnult") ii a band of itars that
Kem tu encircle the earth The
ftxliac com»u of 12 divtiton* callo!
\tgn\.
A person comes under the ipecial
influence of one particular sign
depending on h» htrthdate. For example,
a person tx>ni from March
21 lo Apnl 20 iv under the mfluer.ee
of the lodljc vifn Ancs and » uid
to be an Aries.
The houvci represent inugni.ir>
divuttmv of the celestul Kxly in
rcljtiun to one'* position on earth.
When cavtinf a pervon'* h»ri»*cupe.
the hcj\cn u dm kU intu I. pjii*
or houtc-v.
Each of ihcse Souvci influence* a
certain par: of a person's life. For
c&amplc. >ne first home i«
asvocatcd vith an irxlivkJoal\
career, health, rrurruge. or wme
other interest.
The planets iGrccV for
"wanjcrcii") include the tun and
moon, u well at Jupttcr. Mm,
Mercury. Neptune. Pluto. Saum.
Ur^nu*. and Vcnuv. The planet tticl
fall* within a particular bc*nc influence*
nutters pcruining in that
house.
For example, if Vcnu\ (ituoaicd
with beauty) it located in the first
house Uuociaied with appearance)
in a certain person'* birthchan. the
person i» likely to have an attractive
phvttcal appearance.
U jvirolopy a pveudovcience? hy
Jacobs, a full-time ptnfe\wKul
jMro'ojcr prxticinp in Sjn Fr«r.
ci'v.ti, commenlcvl, " . .avirol£} iv
r.' more pteudotcience than
p»>cholopy. amhrop«lci(:>. or
Why do people seek 'Jw help of
iMtolojci.? iSey ate concerned
with problems in evrry area of life.
Ac^'tdin- in Jacob*, ir-j^t of hi*
clients arc womed about moncv anj
iu.ccs!v ur love and tei.
MIKADO
Japan Center
San Francisco
922-94S0
Japanese Cuts
Sanrio. Mitsubishi T.D. i G.T.C.
Astrologically speaking
By A'rundria Saj«
and Mariloe TrtUun
AKIE5 (Much 21 to April 19)
)VM< hum- that myucrious stranger
LIBRA (September 23 to OctPOcr 22)
Libra, this is yvur month! Do
something *ild and enxQr. Co out
andbuyyou*^tfann*toofrbnclt.
in your EngUA dais, Ariel ? He/the Go on. Splurge. Remember that
is just waiting for you to tjiprns ••A"4UPE?YoKOeenf
yt
your prvfcundtst thoughts about the tcothbfttsh, baoy.
life. Say Umtthing tfoqutn; tikf. "I
SCORPIO (October V> lo November
hate it HVWI there's nevtr any pink
paper left in the Origami set.''
21)
The nbttliout yo*lh ir >ow mutsbf
TAURUS (April 20 (o May 20) tamed. Scorpio, jvit tht army,
Doo'r be overly tenacious this ton 11 jrt •. jrte mat /loi/rv. loo
month, but still Uci to \\*ur guns cf i m cbxha ut UOe• kitkrr
and male up yvtir mind. Tale peo- boat You'll Jrt lo mm, tj exotic
ple's opinions to heart, but placts. meet new, zzciitn* people
remember that tome of it is bull. and kill them. Pint's the foe!.
GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) Jack!
This month may be pivotal for yvu. SAGITTARIUS (Nmmbcr 22.»
BrMire of pop ouizies in social IVcerobcrll)
science ax they may change the You've been t lacking off
course of your history.
academically. Sarxaiim. tmiaite
CANCER (June 21 toJuly 21) wranda, brmt up the enemy, and
Though It u \vtu nature, don't do espand your horizon. Read
anything too mGlitnant, The middle unxthh; intellectually Btmuk&te.
of the month HI// see you more "War and Peace."' maybe...."K-nt
calm, but remember to be smdiout. Uar"...."Hollyxd Hiwj."
LEO (July 23 to August 22) CAPRICORN (December Zl u
Kwj may not be the cat't pajamas January 19) -
thii month, but you toon MI// be the ft'.- time meet nJofcUlhataeim-
lion J rvur. Don't let thu r*rll yvur lion. Capricorn. Kick a freshman.
ego. or it *itl be cataciytmic. Co on. BAM BAM BAM. M>J.
doeait that feel bener?
VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) | AQUARIUS (JanunyWIoftbnary
/• the romantic side of you yearn- IS)
jny to be tetfree. Vir^o? Then take Thil ninth Isn't yvur At