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cause I could be myself completely and not maintain a
facade – it felt like a huge weight was lifted from me,
very refreshing.
A lot of your posts recognise that women should
be able to be wholly uninhibited in bed without being
chastised for doing so by men, other women or
society in general. Do you think things are getting
better for women in that sense?
I think, and hope, that we are moving in the right direction
with this. I do, of course, support the view that
women are not passive creatures who have sex ‘done’
to them: we have wants and needs and desires, just as
men do. However, I don’t want to preach that women
‘should’ have to be some kind of ‘tiger’ in the bedroom,
because I think that gives off the wrong message to
young women and men: sex should be about equality,
about two people sharing something, about having fun,
not about one person fulfilling a fantasy representation
of what their sexuality ‘should’ be.
Saying that, whilst I do seriously question the view
of female sexuality in the media (given that women
are almost exclusively either ‘pure virginal’ types, or
‘naughty slutty’ types), I also think that women do
need to get more active in bed and take charge of their
sexuality – regardless of how society views them. We
need to move beyond the stereotypes and create a new
version of our sexuality; one that will encompass our
desires and wants – from our viewpoint.
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Hopefully by doing this, more women will be able
to state their needs; will be able to express their wants;
will be able to take a more active role in their own
enjoyment; and as a result, both women and men will
have better sex. That’s what I reckon, anyway, and from
the emails I’ve been sent, I suspect many others think
this way too. My fingers are crossed that this happens:
having a more open dialogue about sex can only be a
good thing.
And finally – do you have any words of advice for
young people?
First, have oral sex, and by this, I mean TALK about
it. People need to be able to have an open dialogue
about sex before doing it, then they’ll be able to discuss
what they want and how they feel. And, as a bonus,
talking about it can be like foreplay – it can be very
erotic to discuss what you might like to do – so having
a dialogue is an important part of the sex act.
Second, I would always advise having safe sex. I
always have condoms on me, and think anyone thinking
of having sex, should do so too: there is no excuse.
Boys need to practise putting them on when alone,
so they become familiar with them; girls can practise
putting them (with their hands or mouth) on a sex toy
or even a cucumber, for that matter. The point is to get
familiar with them, so it becomes part of the sex act:
it can be very erotic doing so. If someone refuses to
use a condom, then refuse to have sex with them: it’s
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