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as really attractive.” But also an ice-pick wielding psychopath?
“Yeah well, take the rough with the smooth.
As I said earlier ‘no-one’s perfect’” My suggestion that
Fatal Attraction is a misogynistic farrago is dismissed
too “No, I don’t think Fatal Attraction means anything.
The message is don’t fuck a woman who sits in a loft
playing Madam Butterfly, and don’t fuck Michael
Douglas!” Well, you can’t argue with that.
We’re all very drunk now (well I am anyway), so
I just bat random subjects up and let Julie take them.
First up is Ariel Sharon (readers of a sensitive disposition
may wish to skip the next paragraph).
“To me he’s the God that failed. He could have been
such a great man and he’s just a fucking pacifist now.
No – don’t leave it! Israel is the only country I would
fucking die for. He’s the enemy of the Jews. Chucking
his own people off the Gaza; to me that’s disgusting.
I’ve given you want you want; is that the ‘money shot’?
He’s a good man but he’s got to learn to stand by his
own people. ‘Cos no-one else will; Christ knows.” Julie
certainly gets into her stride when I bring up the sordid
subject of the Spectator sexual shenanigans which have
so dominated the headlines of tabloids and broadsheets
alike in recent months. (For the uninitiated, the proprietor,
editor and half the staff of the fusty old Tory journal
have been caught going at it hammer and tongues lately;
the former with our former Home Secretary).
“Well it all made me glad I live the life of a provin-
BUY Julie Burchill books online from and
cial lady. Rod [Liddle]’s a great young man, he once
told me he applied for my old job at the NME, but he
was always known as a lothario. I know one woman,
a great friend of mine who thought he was so sexy she
waited for three hours in a Bournemouth Travelodge
on just like a promise – but she didn’t get none. Thank
God I’m not a woman so I don’t fall for him. Simon
Hoggart? What a dirty old man! Its always the quiet
ones isn’t it? When it comes to Kimberley Quinn … I’ll
say this and it doesn’t show me in a very good light …
I never thought I’d use the word ‘slag’ about anyone.
Me and my friends, we know prostitutes, we don’t slag
them off, but when it comes to her … we use it and God
it feels good! Poor Mr Blunkett; fancy doing that to a
blind man? Where was the dog? Must have been tied
to summat. That’s what I can’t stand; it’s the animals
that suffer in the end. But no, my friends have put it
around, fucking like sailors and shit, but they’d never
used that word before. But with Kimberley … It’s the
creepy fertility relay race thing that did it I think. She
just wanted to get knocked up. Desperate woman. She
just wanted some sperm race. Like an egg and spoon
race. Or a sack race. Or an egg and sack race – HA HA
HA!! Put that in Ben right??”
Didn’t you once write for The Spectator though?
“I did some book reviews when my friend Dominic
Lawson was editing. But then I’ll do anything for a Jew.”
Julie’s whirl of conversation swings one way to the
130
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