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A few weeks ago a furtive<br />
character crept into our office<br />
and offered us world rights on<br />
what he described as an explosive<br />
document. Demanding<br />
only that we referred to him as<br />
"Redgie" (I think that's what he<br />
said, but with his scarf around<br />
his mouth it was rather muffled),<br />
he paused only to wave his pipe<br />
at us before disappearing down<br />
the lift shaft Iwe really must get<br />
the lift fixed, or at least put up a<br />
warning notice!,<br />
It is after lengthy consideration<br />
and deep heartsearching for<br />
what must have been at least<br />
twenty seconds, that we have<br />
decided to publish extracts from<br />
this document for, although we<br />
have no idea who the persons in<br />
volved were (as some sort of<br />
code was used!, the public has a<br />
right to know!<br />
Minutes of the All Party<br />
Emergency Meeting and<br />
Debate.<br />
DATE: 10.1 1 .80<br />
VENUE: 10 D'n'gSt.<br />
PRESENT: PM. NL (Chn. Exchl,<br />
DS (Lib.),<br />
PM: Order, order. Ladies and<br />
Gentlemen, we face a crisis<br />
which threatens to rend the very<br />
fabric of our society!<br />
NL: I told you that you should<br />
have supported my tax on cloth.<br />
I hope you regret it now.<br />
DS: Don't be stupid, she doesn't<br />
mean that kind of fabric. The<br />
trouble would have never arisen<br />
if you'd passed my bill on<br />
limiting the powers of landlords.<br />
WELCOME<br />
PM: Be quiet both of you, you're<br />
both wrong Istrikes both across<br />
the knuckles with a ruler). In the<br />
next few years our policies are<br />
likely to cause massive<br />
unemployment, what we need<br />
is something to distract the<br />
general public from this situa<br />
tion.<br />
NL. We could imporl a few<br />
missiles from the USA and . . .<br />
PM: No, people aren't bothered<br />
any more. No-one will ever even<br />
hear of "you know where"<br />
Common, all those marches and<br />
protests are a thing of the past.<br />
NL: I wasn't going to suggest<br />
that, if you'd only let me finish<br />
but you always interrupt me, so<br />
just for that I'm not going to say<br />
so there!<br />
PM: I'm sorry, come on. tell us<br />
please. Pretty please?<br />
NL: Oh all right. I was going to<br />
say, get a few missiles and .<br />
DS: Sell them to Argentina!<br />
Great idea, they're always<br />
friendly and cooperative, and<br />
then get them to attack Brazil,<br />
we'll spread a rumour ihat they<br />
plan to dump their excess coffee<br />
on them. . .<br />
NL: (Stamping his foot) No. No. I<br />
have been trying to suggest we<br />
blow up Manchester. That'll cut<br />
down the population, and those<br />
still left who are unemployed<br />
can clear up the mess as a sort of<br />
Job Creation Scheme.<br />
PM: Ummm. It's an idea, but I<br />
think we'd have problems with<br />
the unions, employing people on<br />
a short term basis and not pro<br />
viding any training. And think of<br />
the cost of supplying protective<br />
clothing, we'd never get away<br />
with blaming radiation sickness<br />
on the smoke from the factories.<br />
DS: Couldn't we provoke a<br />
strike in a major section of the<br />
nationalised industries, say the<br />
Steelworkers or something 7<br />
That's always good for a few<br />
months distraction!<br />
PM: Yes. but we need<br />
something more permanent.<br />
I've taken the liberty (mutters of<br />
poor old D) and invited the best<br />
brain in Britain to join us, he<br />
should be here by now. anyway<br />
I've informed him of the problem<br />
and the combined force of MEN<br />
TAL have been working on it.<br />
(There is a knock on the door, CS<br />
enters.)<br />
CS: Sorry I'm late, this black<br />
watch of mine seems to be play<br />
ing up.<br />
PM: Well man, don't hang<br />
about, what have you to suggest?<br />
CS: A project so incredible, so<br />
awesome, so immense . . .<br />
ALL: Yes?<br />
CS: So brilliant, so unique, so<br />
fantastic. . .<br />
ALL: YES, YES?<br />
CS: So devious, so utterly and<br />
amazingly ingenious. . .<br />
ALL: Get on with it!<br />
CS: We'll get the general public<br />
hooked on COMPUTERS!<br />
PM: Is that it?<br />
CS: Yes, isn't it so wonderful,<br />
so absolutely . . .<br />
ALL: Shut up!<br />
DS: But, I mean, how 7 Those<br />
things take up a whole room,<br />
cost a fortune and we'd have to<br />
train everybody to get a degree<br />
in maths.<br />
CS: No, I can invent a machine<br />
which will be cheap, small<br />
enough to carry and relatively<br />
simple to use.<br />
PM: (Laughing hysterically) Oh<br />
yes, and I suppose it'll work with<br />
normal home equipment like a<br />
TV and a tape recorder!<br />
CS: Now there's an idea!<br />
PM: And what do you want for<br />
this service?<br />
CS: Oh, I'm not fussy, I fancy<br />
one of those three wheeled cars,<br />
they look so cute!<br />
PM: If you succeed I'll give you a<br />
knighthood.<br />
(All the others present collapse<br />
with laughter and mutter<br />
things like "Don't tease him<br />
M.")<br />
PM: Well off you go, and don't<br />
call us, we'll call you.<br />
(CS exits, all those present roll<br />
around on the floor laughing.<br />
eventually PM stops, sits up and<br />
calls meeting to order.)<br />
PM: Well we aren't going to get<br />
any help there, let's have a look<br />
at your missile idea again N.<br />
Here the paper ends in a<br />
burnt, charred edge as if<br />
someone has tried to set fire to<br />
it.<br />
Back to reality!<br />
First I would like to welcome<br />
Cliff Joseph, who has joined us<br />
as my assistant and is working<br />
frantically to keep my extremes<br />
under control. I'm sure we all<br />
hope his time with us will be long<br />
and enjoyable.<br />
inside<br />
This issue includes a special<br />
feature on computer adventuring,<br />
a part of computing which<br />
has grown rapidly over the last<br />
year or so, but we have not<br />
sacrificed any of the other areas<br />
to produce it. You'll find the<br />
whole gamut of program listings<br />
to enter, from Arcade to Utilities<br />
for all the Sinclair machines.<br />
Reviews, Articles, News and of<br />
course a great Competition!<br />
So, can you afford to merely<br />
read the editorial while standing<br />
in the newsagents? NO 1 Take it<br />
home and peruse these pages at<br />
leisure.<br />
Thanks<br />
To a local shop, Minehead Radio<br />
for lending me a QL for a couple<br />
of weeks (I must admit to really<br />
liking that machine), a super<br />
BASIC and nice Wordpro.<br />
However, before I could<br />
discover more the colour went<br />
and the microdrives developed a<br />
fault. Haven't we been here<br />
before?<br />
And now all that remains is to<br />
pack up your troubles in your old<br />
kit bag and over the top me lads<br />
and into the fray . . .<br />
Shuffling slip<br />
Dear ZX Computing<br />
1 was happy to see that you had<br />
published my letter (Faster<br />
Shuffling, Dec/Jan 85), but<br />
disappointed to find two<br />
misprints, especially the one in<br />
the vital line of the program. The<br />
correct versions are:<br />
Text: 3rd para, line 8: Q 52<br />
and'<br />
Program: Line 1 30 IF RND *<br />
Q > - N THEN GOTO 110<br />
Yours sincerely<br />
W. E. Thomson<br />
6 ZX COMPUTING APRIL/MAY 1985 6
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