Advocacy Matters - Spring 2024

1. Give your undivided attention
Listening to understand requires the listener’s undivided
attention on the speaker. It is not something
you can do while multi-tasking. It requires a
deep focus. Put your phone down and move away
from your computer screen. Go to a quiet room.
Sit or stand face to face. Not only does facing the
speaker signal your undivided attention, it positions
you to be able to see non-verbal cues that could otherwise
go unnoticed. For some personal or sensitive
discussions, maintaining eye contact may feel too
intense, even invasive. For those situations, try sitting
side by side facing forward together.
2. Pay attention to non-verbal cues
Non-verbal cues tell us as much or more than
the content of what is said. Notice the speaker’s
body language, tone of voice, facial expressions.
Pay attention to pauses and changes in pace or
volume of the speaker’s speech. Take in this information
and let it live beside the content of
what the speaker is saying. Later you can determine
whether there is alignment or discord
between the verbal and non-verbal communication,
and what that might mean, but while
you are listening, just notice it.
3. Pay attention to what is not being said
The speaker may talk around their core message
without hitting on it directly. Try to understand,
based on their non-verbal cues and the verbal
content, what is being left unsaid, and why.
4. Defer judgment
You are listening to understand, not to respond,
and not to judge. Don’t jump to conclusions. Let
the story emerge the way the speaker needs
to tell it. If the speaker feels judgment coming
from the listener, they will clam up.
5. Put yourself in the speaker’s shoes
Try to understand their circumstances and where
they are coming from. Think about why the speaker
is sharing this information with you, what they
want you to do with the information, and why they
are sharing it now. You don’t have to agree with
what they’re saying, you just need to understand it.
6. Give the speaker space
Don’t interrupt. Don’t try to predict what they
are going to say or try to finish their sentences.
Allow the speaker to finish their thoughts and
relay what they need to relay. Don’t take them
off track with your responses or objections.
7. Give the speaker regular feedback
The speaker will be attuned to your reactions to
what they are saying. Try to encourage them to
continue speaking with non-verbal cues like maintaining
eye contact, nodding, leaning in. You can
also interject with verbal encouragement, e.g., “tell
me more about that” or “what happened next?” or
“that must have been hard on you”.
8. Create a mental picture of the story
As you listen, envision the story the speaker is
telling. Situate it in time and space. Notice any
gaps in your picture. This will help you put the
pieces of the story together cohesively, even if
the speaker is not terribly cogent in their speech.
9. Ask clarifying questions
Try to hold your questions until the speaker
has finished speaking. They may be gearing
up to address the points you need clarification
on later. Let them get to it in their own time.
Keep your questions on topic and in line with
the speaker’s core message. If your questions
take the speaker off track, try to retrace the last
thread they were discussing before you interjected
and let them continue.
10. Reflect, reframe, summarize, verify
From time to time, and especially towards the
end of the speaker’s speech, reflect back to
them what you’ve heard in your own words,
e.g., “What I’m hearing from you is that this experience
with the senior partner has left you
feeling underappreciated at your firm, and possibly
concerned about job security. Do I have
that right?” Make sure you verify that your reflections
or summaries are accurate.
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