Advocacy Matters - Spring 2024
Keep up to date on what your fellow Society members have to say in Advocacy Matters.
Keep up to date on what your fellow Society members have to say in Advocacy Matters.
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1. Give your undivided attention<br />
Listening to understand requires the listener’s undivided<br />
attention on the speaker. It is not something<br />
you can do while multi-tasking. It requires a<br />
deep focus. Put your phone down and move away<br />
from your computer screen. Go to a quiet room.<br />
Sit or stand face to face. Not only does facing the<br />
speaker signal your undivided attention, it positions<br />
you to be able to see non-verbal cues that could otherwise<br />
go unnoticed. For some personal or sensitive<br />
discussions, maintaining eye contact may feel too<br />
intense, even invasive. For those situations, try sitting<br />
side by side facing forward together.<br />
2. Pay attention to non-verbal cues<br />
Non-verbal cues tell us as much or more than<br />
the content of what is said. Notice the speaker’s<br />
body language, tone of voice, facial expressions.<br />
Pay attention to pauses and changes in pace or<br />
volume of the speaker’s speech. Take in this information<br />
and let it live beside the content of<br />
what the speaker is saying. Later you can determine<br />
whether there is alignment or discord<br />
between the verbal and non-verbal communication,<br />
and what that might mean, but while<br />
you are listening, just notice it.<br />
3. Pay attention to what is not being said<br />
The speaker may talk around their core message<br />
without hitting on it directly. Try to understand,<br />
based on their non-verbal cues and the verbal<br />
content, what is being left unsaid, and why.<br />
4. Defer judgment<br />
You are listening to understand, not to respond,<br />
and not to judge. Don’t jump to conclusions. Let<br />
the story emerge the way the speaker needs<br />
to tell it. If the speaker feels judgment coming<br />
from the listener, they will clam up.<br />
5. Put yourself in the speaker’s shoes<br />
Try to understand their circumstances and where<br />
they are coming from. Think about why the speaker<br />
is sharing this information with you, what they<br />
want you to do with the information, and why they<br />
are sharing it now. You don’t have to agree with<br />
what they’re saying, you just need to understand it.<br />
6. Give the speaker space<br />
Don’t interrupt. Don’t try to predict what they<br />
are going to say or try to finish their sentences.<br />
Allow the speaker to finish their thoughts and<br />
relay what they need to relay. Don’t take them<br />
off track with your responses or objections.<br />
7. Give the speaker regular feedback<br />
The speaker will be attuned to your reactions to<br />
what they are saying. Try to encourage them to<br />
continue speaking with non-verbal cues like maintaining<br />
eye contact, nodding, leaning in. You can<br />
also interject with verbal encouragement, e.g., “tell<br />
me more about that” or “what happened next?” or<br />
“that must have been hard on you”.<br />
8. Create a mental picture of the story<br />
As you listen, envision the story the speaker is<br />
telling. Situate it in time and space. Notice any<br />
gaps in your picture. This will help you put the<br />
pieces of the story together cohesively, even if<br />
the speaker is not terribly cogent in their speech.<br />
9. Ask clarifying questions<br />
Try to hold your questions until the speaker<br />
has finished speaking. They may be gearing<br />
up to address the points you need clarification<br />
on later. Let them get to it in their own time.<br />
Keep your questions on topic and in line with<br />
the speaker’s core message. If your questions<br />
take the speaker off track, try to retrace the last<br />
thread they were discussing before you interjected<br />
and let them continue.<br />
10. Reflect, reframe, summarize, verify<br />
From time to time, and especially towards the<br />
end of the speaker’s speech, reflect back to<br />
them what you’ve heard in your own words,<br />
e.g., “What I’m hearing from you is that this experience<br />
with the senior partner has left you<br />
feeling underappreciated at your firm, and possibly<br />
concerned about job security. Do I have<br />
that right?” Make sure you verify that your reflections<br />
or summaries are accurate.<br />
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