Women who have Sex with Women:2024 Sex and Sexuality Calendar

Alisya
Shortly after getting my period at age 13, my grandmother told me
that I should wear pads instead of tampons. Although she is a doctor
and pharmacologist, aware of the risks and benefits of different
menstrual products, I suspect she was less concerned about the
risk of toxic shock syndrome in tampon usage and more about
the potential of tearing my hymen. Where I am from, Southeast-
Asian archipelago nation Indonesia, the concept of virginity is often
culturally tied to a stretched or torn hymen, even though it was
widely accepted that you can stretch your hymen in ways outside of
sex, like riding a bike or, yes, using tampons.
Growing up, the concept of virginity, and therefore; sex and sexual
pleasure, was tied to cis- and heteronormative penetrative sex.
Friends and relatives talked about how avoiding penetration with
their partner meant they did not have premarital sex. Penetration
was acknowledged as the ‘default way’ to have sex, and everything
else before was simply foreplay; oral is third base, penis-in-vagina is
a home run.
“Sex looks different for
everyone, and sexual
pleasure isn’t just tied
to penetration.”
With the lack of access to comprehensive, queer-friendly sex
education, as a high schooler I turned to social media platforms like
Tumblr. Despite the risk of encountering even more misinformation,
or worse, harmful content, I genuinely learned a lot about sex
positivity and started to unlearn the shame I felt around ‘premarital’
sexual pleasure! Even then, it wasn’t until I researched more
comprehensive sex education after high school that I fully accepted
that sex looks different for everyone, and sexual pleasure isn’t just
tied to penetration (whether with penises or dildos or anything else!)
Now, I destigmatize sexual pleasure beyond penetration by talking
with my friends about our sexual health, continuing to learn about
sexual pleasure on my own and with my partner, and keeping upto-date
on testing and sex education opportunities! The more we
have open conversations and increased access to sexual wellness
resources, the more we can embrace–and explore–sexual pleasure in
all its expansive ways.