The Courage of Children: Boston and Beyond XXXIII

PAIGE ALLAN
LINDSAY WORSTELL AND ALEX FERNANDES, TEACHERS
Normandin Middle School, New Bedford, MA
To me, courage means sticking it out, even when things are hard. It also means
that, even when you have fear, you just have to push through it anyway. The
most terrifying thing I have experienced is my dad dying from drugs, cancer,
and an infection. I had courage because it’s hard to lose someone you love and
continue moving forward. I was a daddy’s girl. In February 2023, my dad
started having difficulty swallowing. In March, he was rushed to the hospital
because his inability to swallow had worsened.
I was trying to be strong. They did testing, and a mass was found in his throat.
When they tried to insert a tube, the mass burst, and fluid leaked into his chest
cavity, which meant they had to put in chest tubes. When I went to go see him,
I was brave but still terrified. I didn’t know if he was going to live.
While my dad was in the hospital, I saw him as much as possible. He was
diagnosed with esophageal cancer. (I was shielded from this news at the time.)
I kept thinking, Just keep pushing. I used all the courage I had. Then he
developed an infection and lost so much weight.
Months later, he was transferred to rehab. Things were finally looking up, and
he was discharged. I was happy knowing he’d be home, and I thought that
meant he was going to be fine.
But he wasn’t. My mom finally told me the hard truth—he had cancer.
“HAVING COURAGE
WAS THE ONLY THING
ON MY MIND. I HAD
TO STICK IT OUT.”
Then came May 28, 2023. My mom came into my room crying. “He’s gone,”
she said. Those were the only words playing over and over in my head. I was
told another truth, then, that had contributed to his death: he did drugs. I was
devastated, but I stayed strong.
During the funeral, I needed to be brave. I had major anxiety, but now, it’s
better. My dad put lies and anxiety into my head. He stole from people. Drug
dealers knew his address. I never thought he would do drugs. My instincts were
telling me something was wrong, but I thought nothing of it. I had no idea what
was going on, but I had to be brave. Now I know why he kept apologizing; he
knew his lifestyle contributed to his death. I’m still trying to get used to living
without him, and I’m still trying to get over fears I had. We know he’s in a
better place and not suffering anymore. I love and miss my dad every day, but
the question “Why?” will haunt me forever.
A week later, he was back in the hospital. Having courage was the only thing
on my mind. I had to stick it out. We went to see him, which was devastating.
He kept saying, “I’m sorry for everything.”
The doctors said there was nothing they could do, and he was put on hospice.
He was going to die. I tried to remain courageous when my mom told me,
“We have to go see him.” When we got to his room, I said goodbye. I felt his
hand squeeze mine. I wanted to comfort him because he was afraid to die. I
didn’t want the feeling of his touch to go away. I have no idea what to do when he
dies. I will have no dad to grow up with or walk me down the aisle, I thought. He
was going to miss out on my whole life.
THE COURAGE OF CHILDREN: BOSTON AND BEYOND
VOLUME XXXIII
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