_OceanofPDF

“She’s mine,” he said, pressing his finger under my chin and turning me
to face him. “And I’m hers.”
He meant it. Everything in his posture and voice screamed a truth he
believed. But it wasn’t a truth I shared. He’d fallen for someone I wasn’t,
and I loved who he really was. The imbalance would break us.
“That’s not who I am. Logan, I was fake with you. You gave me
yourself and I gave you a lie. I’m not that way. I was so bored. I fell in love
with you, but at the same time, I wanted us to change. It’s all wrong. We’re
wrong.” I turned my body in his direction. “I don’t want us back. I love
you, but that doesn’t mean I’ll be happy with you. There’s no point to love
if you have to pretend to be someone else to feel it.”
“I love you when you’re not pretending.” He leaned forward to kiss me,
and the anise and musk of him cut through the vodka, setting my skin alight
with desire.
“No.” I pulled back. “Don’t. I just… we’re not ready. Neither of us.
We’re a mess.”
“What do I have to do to prove it?”
“Drop everything that’s important to you. And I don’t want you to.
You’re Logan Crowne. You run it all. You can’t be fully present. The world
has to revolve around you or nothing works. Are you willing to give that
up?”
“I can’t.” His hand fell away from me, cutting the connection so
abruptly, my body moved forward to get it back. “Byron’s out. And my
father…”
“Is Doreen okay?”
“She is. Everyone’s okay but us.”
“You work your ass off and you have crumbs left over,” I said. “That’s
who you are. I need more. This is the right decision, and for once in my life,
I’m not going to just smash something because I’m mad or run to the wrong
man for me because it feels good. I’m going to think about the future and
plan and know I can look back and say, ‘Good fucking job, Ella.’”
He believed me, but I didn’t want him to. As much as I knew I spoke
the truth, I also wanted him to speak a different truth. If he’d only say he
loved me and that love could conquer our identities, that he could give me
everything right now, right then, with his whole heart open.
But he didn’t.
“This is what you want?” he asked.