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“Stop that,” I said at the red light.
There were no cars, but Logan stopped at the corner and faced me,
bending to make level eye contact. “What’s wrong?”
What could be wrong? We were three blocks from home, if home was a
place where you slept alone and pretended you didn’t. If home was living
with furniture you didn’t pick and a stranger you agreed can’t ever, ever
love you.
But there was a truth inside his house. An honesty about who we were
and what we wanted. Between us, there was no lying, no regret, no grudges.
“How about this?” I wiped my cheek with the back of my hand. “Last
one in gets locked out.”
“Wha—”
I took off before he finished, running along the smooth sidewalk with
long strides, barely slowing at the corners to check for cars. With the wind
in my ears and a cramp forming at my side, I ran to safety.
But your satellite just thinks you’re the star, Estella.
No. He wasn’t allowed to say stuff like that. He didn’t circle me. I
wasn’t the center of his universe. We were lost planets from separate
systems, looking for different suns.
I collided into the front door and was surprised when his body crashed
into my back, reaching around me to hit the door code. It opened and we
tumbled in. He slammed the door and came to me in half a stride, putting
his hands on my arms and his lips level with mine.
“Stop!” The word bounced off the high ceilings, taking on a life of its
own.
I didn’t know what I was doing or what I wanted but the security of his
arms around me. I wanted to give into the impulse to let him have me, but I
wouldn’t.
I’d promised myself I’d be good. And I was going to be.
Spinning on my heel, I ran upstairs before my cry to stop finished
echoing. I burst into my room, and he thrust himself in after me.
“Ella!” He cupped my jaw in both hands, bending again, so I could see
the tenderness he should be reserving for another woman.
“Just stop. No pet names. No more”—I pushed him off me—“touching.
Don’t lead me on. Don’t care about me. Don’t offer me anything but what
we signed off on. Okay? Can you do that? Can you just help me be good?”