Issue 1 | 2024

REAL PEOPLE | REAL STORIES | REAL HOPE
DAR VUELTA
PARA VER
EN ESPAÑOL
BUILD AN UNSHAKABLE
FOUNDATION
GIVE GOD YOUR GRIEF
A magazine
on a mission:
see page 2
Beyond Justice to Mercy
Issue 01 / 2024

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VICTORIOUS LIVING
DELIVERS HOPE AND HELP
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VICTORIOUS LIVING
Victorious Living magazine provides real life
testimonies of the transforming power of
Jesus Christ through our bilingual magazine,
available in print and digital formats.
ARE YOU IMPRISONED
AND NEED
ENCOURAGEMENT?
Care Team provides pastoral care to currently
and formerly incarcerated people and their
families and connection to re-entry support.
Correspondence Team provides relational
support and Christian discipleship through
written and digital communication.
National Facility Tours provide encouragement
and life-skill tools to correctional leaders and
incarcerated persons through on-site events.
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mental health, addiction recovery support,
and Christian discipleship on prison tablets.
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PHOTO BY SHARP

ISSUE 1, JANUARY 2024
“But in your great mercy you did not put an end to them or abandon them,
for you are a gracious and merciful God.” Nehemiah 9:31 NIV
Publisher & Executive Director
Kristi Overton Johnson
Production Manager
Christina Kimbrel
Debra Moerke
Kenny Munds
Editor
Rachel Overton
Director of Digital Content
Sheridan Correa
Cover Photography
Amy Elizabeth Photography
Spanish Translation
Ebert Morillo
Editorial Team
Karissa Anderson
Kristi Overton Johnson
Christina Kimbrel
Rachel Overton
Carla Owens
Creative Designer
Lauren Jones
Creative Content Team
Deborah Griffin
Kristi Overton Johnson
Christina Kimbrel
Administrative Director
Carla Owens
Director of Prison Correspondence
Lauren Everett
Director of Care/Correctional Liaison
Pat Avery
Director of Partner Relations
Ashley Smith
Hispanic Outreach Director
Denise San Miguel
Story Contributors
Lisa Appelo
Stephen Barbee
Stephanie M. Carter
Sheridan Correa
Kristi Dews Dale
Lauren Everett
Jerry Howard
Kristi Overton Johnson
Christina Kimbrel
Photography
Alamy
Amy Elizabeth Photography
Anne Say Photography
Carla Owens
Carley Summers
Emmanuel Pezoa/DB Arcade
Geri Simpkins Photography
Ivy Johnson
Jerry Howard (Courtesy of)
Joey Meddock Photography
Jomarys Leon-Lorenzo
Mark Losey
Mike Barber Ministries
Moerke Family (Courtesy of)
SHARP
Stephanie Fletcher
Stephen Barbee (Courtesy of)
Artwork
Incarcerated Family Member
Victorious Living magazine is a publication of Kristi Overton Johnson Ministries, a 501(c) (3)
organization. Copyright © 2024, Kristi Overton Johnson Ministries, all rights
reserved. For permission to reprint or copy any material contained herein, please
contact us at admin@vlmag.org.
DISCLAIMER: The articles featured in Victorious Living are designed to inspire and encourage
our readers by sharing powerful testimonies from people who, we believe, have been transformed
by God’s grace, love, and power. The articles are focused on each individual’s testimony.
Although we conduct some independent research, we rely heavily on the information provided
to us by those we interview. Our articles are not intended to be an endorsement of the views,
opinions, choices, or activities of the persons whose stories we feature. The statements, views,
and opinions of those persons whose stories we feature are purely their own, and we do not
control and are not responsible for any such statements, views, or opinions.
HOW TO REACH VICTORIOUS LIVING
General, Subscription, and Partnership Inquiries
• Victorious Living
PO Box 2801, Greenville, NC 27836
• 352-478-2098
• admin@vlmag.org
All VL Prison Outreach Correspondence
• Victorious Living Correspondence Outreach
PO Box 2751, Greenville, NC 27836
• hope@vlmag.org
Scripture Permissions
Scripture marked NIV is taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®, copyright
©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. | Scripture marked NLT is taken from the Holy Bible, New
Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. | All Scripture is
used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
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NVI®, copyright © 1999, 2015 por Biblica, Inc.® | La escritura marcada NTV es tomada
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| Toda la escritura usado con permiso. Reservados todos los derechos en todo el
mundo.
VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM
Issue 01 / 2024
3

THE VICTORIOUS LIVING STORY
One visit with an incarcerated friend in 2013 opened the eyes
of Victorious Living founder, Kristi Overton Johnson, to the
hopelessness of life behind bars. It also birthed in her a desire to
deliver hope to the souls of incarcerated men and women.
Soon after, God opened doors for Victorious Living magazine to
be distributed in the prison system. He then led Kristi and the VL
team onto prison yards to share His message of hope in person and,
more recently, digitally through prison tablets.
Before that prison encounter, Kristi had
spent 35 years water-skiing competitively
worldwide, never considering those
who had lost their freedom. But God
had a plan for this world champion
water-skier to go behind bars to
encourage hearts with God’s love
and His message of redemption
and to equip people to get up and
experience victorious living for
themselves.
Since 2013, Victorious Living
magazine has impacted the lives of
over one million incarcerated souls...
and the story is still being written.
BE A PART OF THE
VL STORY
Victorious Living is a great
way to carry out God’s
command to remember the
prisoner (Matthew 25:34–40;
Hebrews 13:3). Here’s how
you can help us deliver hope
to the incarcerated.
SHARE
Share VL with your local church,
chaplain, jail, or prison. VL is a
great mission to support and a
good tool to use too!
SUPPORT
VL is partner supported. Your taxdeductible
gift sends copies of
VLMag into jails and prisons, where
it saves lives. And when you give,
we’ll send you a copy too.
SPONSOR
Sponsor jails and prisons to receive
quarterly cases of VL. It costs us
$500 to supply 1 case of VL to 1
facility, each quarter, for 1 year.
SOCIAL MEDIA
Visit our website and social media
platforms. Like. Follow. Share.
@victoriouslivingmag
PHOTO BY MIKE BARBER MINISTRIES PHOTO BY JOEY MEDDOCK PHOTOGRAPHY
VISIT VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM OR CALL 352-478-2098

ISSUE 1, JANUARY 2024
CONTENTS
8
9
STEPPING FORWARD
Taste and See
BY KENNY MUNDS
When God’s Will Is Hard
BY KRISTI DEWS DALE WITH
KRISTI OVERTON JOHNSON
29
Three Cs That Can Transform
Your Life
BY KRISTI OVERTON JOHNSON
Close, Clean, Confident—three words that
can lead to a stronger relationship with
Christ. Draw close to God and stay clean
before Him through prayer and confession
and be confident in who you are in Christ.
after hearing these words, Lauren learned
that her husband, renowned BMX racer
Dave Mirra, had taken his own life. This
promise from Matthew 14:27 and the
foundation of faith she and Dave had built
together are what got Lauren through the
days and months that followed.
COVER STORY
13
Give God Your Grief
FEATURES
20
Moving Beyond Justice to
Mercy
25
BY CHRISTINA KIMBREL
Sit with Jesus
BY SHERIDAN CORREA
TRANSFORMED
LIVES
10
Head to the Cross
THE STORY OF STEPHEN BARBEE
Preacher’s kid Stephen Barbee rebelled early
despite the bright prospects before him.
Alcohol, drugs, and reckless behavior dragged
him right down into the pigsty next to the
Bible’s prodigal son. In his own strength, he
failed to stay clean, but a true surrender in
prison brought healing and purpose to his life.
THE STORY OF DEBRA MOERKE
Foster mom and lay chaplain at a local jail,
Debra Moerke faced the unthinkable when
one of her foster children was murdered
by her mother—who then called Debra
for prayer and counseling. Only through
the power of Christ in her was Debra able
to move beyond her desire for justice to
extend the mercy offered through the
saving blood of Jesus.
PHOTO BY AMY ELIZABETH PHOTOGRAPHY
18
Draw Close to God in Grief
BY LISA APPELO
Difficult times can make it seem like God
is far away. Here are ten practical ways to
draw near to Christ in suffering.
14
Build an Unshakable
Foundation
THE STORY OF LAUREN EVERETT
“Don’t be afraid. I am here.” Mere hours
ON THE COVER
Could you forgive
someone who
murdered the one
you loved? Debra
Moerke’s story is a
living testament to
how unconditional
love and relentless
obedience can
transform even the
darkest of nights into
mornings of hope.
26
30
Trains, Bullies, Cops…and Jesus
THE STORY OF JERRY HOWARD
At ten years old, Jerry dodged a train…and
the adrenaline rush that followed kept him
playing chicken for the next two decades.
Jerry’s daredevil nature merged with natural
leadership qualities, and he looked good…
right up until everything fell apart. But
that’s when he turned to God, and today, he
teaches CEOs and other executives to lead
like Jesus in the marketplace.
The Beauty in Forgiveness
BY STEPHANIE M. CARTER
When Stephanie learned her cheating
husband’s mistress was pregnant, she went
off the deep end. Hurt and anger became
hatred. Suicidal thoughts became murderous
ones, but as she cried out to God, all she
heard was “Forgive them.” When she finally
surrendered to that command, she found
freedom and purpose for her pain.
IN EVERY ISSUE
6
Publisher’s Note
Roll Back the Rug
33
Want to Know Jesus?
I’m Saved...Now What?
34
Ministry Info/Resources
VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM
Issue 01 / 2024
5

PUBLISHER’S NOTE
Roll Back the Rug
Would you like to partner with
our magazine to deliver God’s
hope and to impact the lives of
incarcerated men and women?
Your gift enables us to send
this magazine into prisons
around the nation. Each
magazine impacts many lives
for years to come. To help, visit
victoriouslivingmagazine.com.
The Victorious Living team has the
great privilege of going into prisons
nationwide and meeting individuals
who read this magazine, watch
our broadcasts on prison tablets, and
correspond with us. We refer to these incarcerated
men and women as our I-Fam.
They are our brothers and sisters in Christ
whom we value and love.
We recently visited Roanoke River Correctional
Institution. There, I shared my
life story and a message of God’s hope with
hundreds of men in three services. I also
heard from many of them how Jesus had
transformed and restored their lives.
These men were so thankful and incredibly
free despite remaining locked
up. Their stories and the participation of
Roanoke’s men and facility leaders fueled
my desire to share God’s love and message
of hope even more.
The honor of speaking on a platform and
publishing this magazine is something the
Victorious Living team and I take seriously.
We never want to misrepresent God or His
message by saying something we think
is clever or feel someone needs to hear.
There’d be no power in that.
Our team prays over every word in this
magazine and at our speaking engagements.
We want God to give us a message
straight from the throne room of heaven,
filled with His truth, love, and power. We
desire His heart to be revealed through
our words.
Often, God gives me fresh insight as I’m
speaking and writing. And that’s precisely
what happened during the last session
at Roanoke River CI. I was on the stage
speaking when I suddenly heard myself
sharing something I’d never thought of
before. The men sitting in the chairs had
no idea I was hearing the revelation for the
first time myself.
I was at the end of my message, sharing
how God takes the charred remains of
our lives and transforms them into something
beautiful. Isaiah 61:3 says He gives
us beauty for our ashes. I imagine it to be
like those specialty jewelers who take people’s
ashes and create a diamond to be set
in a ring or pendant.
It’s an incredible process resulting in a
beautiful memorial and ornament that the
world can see. Interestingly, the garland of
beauty God promises to give us is an ornament
others can see too. The exchange of
ashes for beauty is something to behold.
But as I was relating this familiar thought,
I realized that before God can transform
the ashes of our past or present ruin and
turn them into an ornament of beauty, we
must give those ashes to Him. But that’s not
usually our first response, is it?
Most of us like to hide our pain. And
that’s what I saw in my mind’s eye as I was
talking. I saw a person frantically sweeping
ashes under a rug and then going about
their day. It happened repeatedly, and I
saw the ashes of sorrow, frustration, disappointment,
and regret growing and becoming
a mound. People had to walk around
it, or they’d trip.
I sensed the Lord inviting us to roll back
our rugs, expose our pain, and give Him the
broom so He could make those ashes beautiful
before the world’s eyes (Romans 8:28).
You’re about to witness the splendor of
God through the testimonies of people who
gave their ashes to Christ. As you do, I pray
you’ll realize that what God did for them,
He can do for you too.
Kristi Overton Johnson
Publisher & Executive Director
PHOTO BY JOMARYS LEON-LORENZO
6 Issue 01 / 2024 VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM

Through the stories of
Victorious Living, men and women
behind bars meet the God
of another chance.
Testimony of
Victorious Living Impact:
Jeffrey Pyatt
PHOTO BY IVY JOHNSON
SPONSOR A PRISON IN YOUR STATE
AND IMPACT LIVES TODAY.
Visit victoriouslivingmagazine.com.
Thank you, Victorious
Living, for being there for
me while I was incarcerated.
Being in prison was a constant
reminder that my life was in a
shambles. I am grateful for the
visits of your magazine.
VL reminded me there was
hope for my life. God used
the testimonies and His Word
as shared throughout the
magazine to lift my spirits, to
show me His love, and to help
me see my value before Him.
While in the Florida DOC, I
counted down the time until
the next issue of VL would
arrive so the articles could
inspire me. I especially loved
reading about people who had
been in the pits of life, only to
surrender to Christ and be lifted
into a new life.
I still read the articles now
that I live on the outside, and
they are just as uplifting here
as they were there.
God has been so good to
me. He’s helped me start and
operate a thriving business, and
He’s given me a beautiful, godly
wife. He has also restored my
relationships with my kids and
helped me stay free of drugs
and alcohol for almost 11 years.
Because of Christ, life is
worth living. Yes, I still have
challenges, but He helps me
through them all. Because of
Him, I will never go back to that
old life.

STEPPING FORWARD
Taste
and See
BY KENNY MUNDS
TASTE IS SOMETHING I HAD TAKEN
for granted until recently when I lost my
ability to taste and smell.
I love food. Not all food, though. Especially
not the healthy stuff. I’d rather have
things like chili dogs, hamburgers, french
fries, onion rings, spaghetti and meatballs,
ice cream, pizza, donuts—the list goes on.
My unhealthy diet caught up with me
recently, though, and I ended up in the
emergency room, diagnosed with esophagitis
and gastritis. Before they released
me, the doctors said I had to change my
diet or else.
The new diet does not resemble any
menu I’ve ever liked, so it’s been a challenge
to consume these so-called healthy
foods, but my significant weight loss
should prove I’m sticking to it. On top of
all that, I’ve suddenly been unable to taste
or smell anything I try to eat.
My first thought when that happened
was that I had contracted COVID-19, but
when the test I took came back negative,
I started searching the internet for other
possible causes. One possibility suggested
that the settings on the CPAP machine I
use for sleep apnea might be incorrect.
That could result in a dry mouth and affect
my sense of taste and smell. (Believe
me, getting old is not fun.) That wasn’t it,
though, and I’m still searching for an answer.
Frankly, staying upbeat has been
difficult.
I will say, this malady has led me to
rediscover Psalm 34:8, which tells us to
“taste and see that the Lord is good” (NIV).
It also promises joy and blessings for those
who take refuge in Him.
I have to admit, for a while there, not
only was I not eating physical food, I was
also not consuming much spiritual food.
I just didn’t feel like it. Instead, I was isolating
myself at home, watching worthless
television, and playing with my dog.
I wasn’t praying, reading God’s Word,
gathering with friends, or giving to others.
In his daily devotion book, Grace for
the Moment, Max Lucado identifies those
four actions—praying, reading God’s
Word, gathering with friends, and giving to
others—as daily habits that help us grow
in our faith, no matter how complex or
disappointing the season. These habits
keep us close to God where we can taste
His goodness and find the comfort and
help we need.
When I finally started pushing past
my emotions and practicing those habits
again, I began rediscovering how good
God is.
His Word, the “Bread of Life,” has been
a tasty delicacy. Prayer has led me to en-
Those who seek God will
lack no good thing.
joy the fragrance of His healing presence.
Getting together with friends has again
become an enjoyable event, and giving
when needed most is a blessing that’s hard
to describe.
Now, that’s food for thought.
Have you discovered these habits? Are
you tasting the Lord and realizing His
goodness for yourself? I know it isn’t always
easy. Sometimes, we just don’t feel
like taking a bite of God’s Word. But those
are the times we need to push past our
emotions and consume everything He has
to offer.
You’ll never regret tasting God’s gifts.
Psalm 34:10 says that those who seek God
will lack no good thing.
Still, I can’t wait to enjoy a chili dog
again and smell the coffee brewing!
KENNY MUNDS takes the good news of
God’s love and forgiveness into prisons across
America. To learn more about his ministry, go to
kennymundsministry.org.
8 Issue 01 / 2024 VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM

STEPPING FORWARD
When God’s Will Is Hard
BY KRISTI DEWS DALE WITH KRISTI OVERTON JOHNSON
THERE’S NOTHING LIKE WALKING with
the Lord, knowing that you are in the center
of His will, and using your spiritual gifts to
serve and glorify Him. I love it when I pray,
and suddenly, God answers. Doors open, my
pathway becomes clear, and I rejoice as I
experience the goodness of God.
Many doors He’s opened in my life, however,
have led to difficult paths. He’s asked
me to leave behind comfortable lifestyles
or people who weren’t leading me closer to
Him. It’s not always easy to follow Him.
I read the last page of a book first. Not
knowing what lies ahead is stressful for me.
How I wish I could have coffee with Jesus and
ask Him all my questions, and that He would
answer me right then and there.
Recently, I searched the Bible for examples
of others with questions and found the
story of Rebekah and Isaac. This couple
could not conceive, so Isaac prayed for God
to open Rebekah’s womb. God’s answer soon
led to a difficult path for Rebekah.
Genesis 25:22–23 reveals that she noticed
a war in her womb and asked God what was
happening. The Lord answered, saying, “Two
nations are in your womb, and two peoples
from within you will be separated; one people
will be stronger than the other, and the
older will serve the younger.”
The Lord’s answer to Rebekah that she was
carrying twins and that those children would
not be best friends was not comforting news.
Twins, fine. But the rest of it—that they’d be
enemies? Can you imagine?
Notice that God did not address her immediate
concern, the pregnancy’s pain. Instead,
He revealed the outcome of the path ahead.
I’m sure Rebekah was full of questions after
that, trying to understand the pain and the
arduous task and outcome facing her.
God’s will for my life has been hard to understand
at times. Like Rebekah, I’ve asked
God why. His usual answer is, “Trust Me.”
Trusting God is the key to stepping forward
down dark, lonely, and confusing paths.
Proverbs 3:5–6 says, “Trust in the Lord with
all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight” (NIV).
God has never failed to make my paths
straight. His Word has been “a lamp for my
feet, a light on my path” (Psalm 119:105
NIV). The Lord Himself has held my hand
and walked with me. And at times, He has
carried me like a child.
Trusting God doesn’t mean I don’t ask
Him questions. I talk to God all the time. So
can you. God can handle our questions and
requests.
When the angel Gabriel told Mary that she
would carry the Son of God, she had questions!
God welcomed them because she
asked honestly and humbly; she trusted His
heart toward her and believed nothing was
impossible with Him. (See Luke 1:34–38.)
It helps me to remember that God is in
control and that nothing is impossible, especially
when I encounter the troubles Jesus
and Peter promised (John 16:33; 1 Peter
4:12–13). I remind myself that He is writing
His story for my life, and it’s a good one.
No, the paths we walk aren’t always easy.
We will have questions. But, as we trust the
Lord, we can walk those roads victoriously,
witnessing the faithful One write a beautiful
story of promise and redemption through
us, just like He did for Rebekah and Mary.
KRISTI DEWS DALE is a wife and mom of four
amazing kids. She is a public health manager with a
master’s degree in public health. She glorifies the
Lord by serving, teaching, and loving others as they
learn more about Jesus.
VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM
Issue 01 / 2024
9

HEAD TO
HE CROSS
THE STORY OF
STEPHEN BARBEE
God blessed me with parents
who loved the Lord. They
ensured my five siblings
and I knew that God was a
loving Father who would never leave us
and who sacrificed His Son to forgive us
of our sin (John 3:16). My dad, Pastor Leo
Barbee Jr., preached the gospel weekly,
and at the age of seven, I professed my
faith in Jesus and was baptized.
Being a preacher’s kid wasn’t easy. Peo-
me every Sunday. I was sure I was an embarrassment
to our family name.
Sports provided a place to shine and
somewhat helped keep me out of trouble.
Then we moved to Kansas when I was in
high school, and I really struggled. Being
the new kid on top of being the preacher’s
kid...well, it wasn’t fun. I turned to sports to
gain popularity. Soon I was being invited to
parties, and there, I worked hard to fit in.
I’m sure it was difficult for my parents
running back and was being recruited by
esteemed colleges like Stanford. But on
every recruiting trip, I got high. My lack
of control did not go unnoticed. Several
coaches warned me to slow down, but I
ignored them.
In 1985, I accepted a full-ride scholarship
to play football and baseball for Peru
State College in Nebraska. But my appetite
for alcohol and drugs quickly impacted my
performance. I started using cocaine, and
PHOTOS COURTESY OF STEPHEN BARBEE
ple in our church and community had high
to watch me being so careless with my
my life became unmanageable.
expectations that I often failed to meet.
God-given potential and opportunities.
During the summer break after my
Whispers and disapproving stares met
I had earned an All-American honor as a
junior year of college, I drove while
10 Issue 01 / 2024 VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM

impaired, blacked out, and hit a telephone
pole going 85 miles per hour. The car was
totaled. It was a miracle that I survived and
suffered only a few injuries and battery
acid burns.
I was afraid to tell my dad and couldn’t
face my team. Humiliated and depressed,
I called my football coach to tell him I was
quitting. But Dad found out and made me
face the music. He drove me back to college
and made me stand before my coach
and teammates and confess my actions.
I was sure they’d hate me, but they
didn’t. Surprisingly, they rallied around
me and encouraged me not to give up.
Their support led me back to the field until
an injury took me out of the game for the
rest of the season.
I went to church two whole times during
college, one of which was when my dad
did a chapel service for our team. I was
filled with shame as he preached before
my peers, coaches, and teammates. Everyone’s
eyes were on me, just like when I was
young. I’m sure my teammates wondered
how someone could have such a godly father
and be so off the chain. It didn’t make
sense to me either.
In hindsight, I know why. I had wandered
from God’s Word and the structure
of our family’s faith values. My waywardness
made me vulnerable to the attacks of
Satan, an enemy who wanted to rob me of
my destiny (John 10:10).
Reckless behavior and drug use soon
ended my academic and athletic future.
One night, during a blackout, I pulled an
illegal stunt that led to the college dean
telling me I could either withdraw or go
to jail. I quit school and walked away from
my scholarship and my dreams.
Because of my reputation as an athlete,
I landed a coaching job as an offensive coordinator.
My comeback was cut short by
my prideful and careless actions when a
coach discovered I’d gotten high with some
students and our star players. The school
immediately asked for my resignation.
Once again, I had disgraced myself and
our family.
I should have gone home, faced my father,
and asked for help. Instead, I moved to
Chicago with a girl I barely knew, thinking
that a change of scenery and a fresh start
was all I needed. When the relationship
fizzled, I found myself defeated and alone.
An uncle in the area offered me a place
to stay while I got on my feet with the condition
that I wouldn’t get high while I lived
with him. I stayed true to my promise, got
a job, and saved for my own place. But the
first thing I did in my new apartment was
get high. As always, that decision undid
any progress I had made.
I went off the deep end in the late 1980s
MY WAYWARDNESS
MADE ME
VULNERABLE TO
THE ATTACKS OF
SATAN.
when the crack epidemic struck Chicago.
One hit of crack swung wide the door to destruction.
Before I knew it, I was homeless
and desperate and doing unimaginable
things. I was like the prodigal son in Luke
15 who found himself in the pigsty.
I roamed the streets, sleeping on park
benches and begging for food—all the
while thinking how good my life had been
before drugs and the world got hold of me.
Finally, I came to my senses and prayed for
God’s mercy. I wanted to go back to church,
my family, and the Bible.
But would God and my father take me
back? Would they forgive me? The answer
came swiftly through a divine intervention
that included the kindness of a stranger,
a sandwich, and the police.
Opposite: Stephen shares his life story with
the incarcerated and mentors men through his
ministry, Passion to Purpose.
Right: A rebellious spirit caused Stephen to
forfeit the opportunities his God-given athletic
ability had provided.
One night, desperate for food, I rang
a random doorbell and asked an elderly
woman for something to eat. She answered
my plea with a PB and J and a Coke. But
just as I sat down on her steps to eat, two
police cars pulled up.
I explained to the officers I wasn’t there
to cause trouble, but one of them cut me
off. “Just get in the car, son.” I gulped down
my sandwich and soda and complied. After
the longest ride of my life, we pulled
up at a bus stop. The officer talked with
the bus driver, put me on the bus, and told
me not to get off until the driver said I’d
reached my stop.
Grateful to not be going to jail, I obeyed.
I had no clue where I was going. When the
bus stopped at State Avenue in downtown
Chicago, the driver opened the door and
told me, “Okay, son. Just keep walking till
you see the cross.”
I stepped off the bus and began my journey.
I walked and walked until the cross
came into view. Then I saw a sign: Pacific
Garden Mission. I began to cry. Through
this rescue mission, I knew God was welcoming
me, His son, home (Luke 15:20).
He was rescuing me from my pit of despair
(Psalm 18:16; 40:2).
When I walked through the mission’s
doors, I embraced my deliverance journey.
After a good night’s sleep in a warm bed, I
signed up for the residential discipleship
program. While there, I soaked in everything
the program had to offer.
VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM
Issue 01 / 2024
11

I NEEDED TO STRENGTHEN MY RELATIONSHIP
WITH JESUS SO THAT I COULD STAND FIRM
THE NEXT TIME TEMPTATION CAME MY WAY.
My family was overjoyed at what God packed our house and two kids and left.
was doing in my life. Dad even opened his Then, after three years of separation, she
pulpit and let me preach at his church one requested a divorce.
Sunday during a visit home. It felt good to I did my best to deal with the loneliness
by staying busy. I studied daily for
make him proud.
In 1992, I got married and started a my master’s degree and worked hard. But
family. I worked as a chaplain for almost every night, I sat by the phone, waiting for
four years at Lawndale Christian Health my wife and kids to call. I missed them
Center until I felt God calling me to be terribly.
on staff at Pacific Garden Mission. It was The phone never rang, and I sank into a
humbling to work in the place that God deep depression until one day, a thought
had used to save my life. I became the first crept into my mind. Look around at your
African-American director of the men’s life, Steve. You deserve a beer. I didn’t even
ministry division.
try to fight what I knew wasn’t from God.
God seemed to be blessing me abundantly.
The ministry was flourishing, my bought a beer. A week later, that same
Instead, I headed to the liquor store and
kids were healthy, and I had a beautiful voice convinced me I deserved crack. One
wife. From the outside, everything looked hit awakened the monster of addiction
perfect. But soon I realized that in my that had lain dormant, and I threw away
quest to minister, my family had taken a ten years of sobriety.
back seat. My wife and I had grown apart First Peter 5:8 says, “Be alert and of sober
mind. Your enemy the devil prowls
in love and support. In July of 2001, she
around like a roaring lion looking
for someone to devour” (NIV). That
verse is no joke. Satan wasted no time
pouncing on my weak moment.
I’d smoke crack for days, then check
into rehab, then go back to church.
But as soon as a craving emerged, I’d
forget all about God and church, and
the craziness would repeat itself.
God soon intervened, but not as
gently this time. He allowed me to get
caught buying crack by DEA agents
in a crack house. The judge knew
my dad, and on sentencing day, he
stared at both of us before asking
me to stand.
“Mr. Barbee,” he said, “I pray that
after I render this sentence, God will deliver
you from whatever demons you are
wrestling with.” And then he sentenced me
to 70 months in federal prison where my
journey to true restoration began.
I immediately picked up my Bible in
prison. I knew I needed to strengthen my
relationship with Jesus so that I could
stand firm the next time temptation came
my way. I started in Ephesians 6 with the
armor of God.
God blessed me with an assignment
in the chaplain’s office—something that
doesn’t normally happen. There, I led
chapel services and exercised the gifts of
preaching and serving that I had developed
in the free world; I shared the gospel
with men of all faith backgrounds. I also
completed a residential drug treatment
program to address my addiction issues
and prepare myself for the pressures of
the outside world.
On January 18, 2012, I left prison with
renewed faith and a transformed heart.
For the first time, I was living for the Lord
and not myself. I had found purpose. My
life was no longer about performing, pleasing
people, having a ministry, or having a
degree. It was about loving God, His people,
and myself (Matthew 22:37–39).
God used everything—the good and the
bad and even prison—to discipline me and
sharpen me as an instrument He could use
(Isaiah 41:15; Romans 8:28).
I am grateful for the unfailing love of my
heavenly Father. In His mercy and grace,
He never gave up on me. Despite my destructive
choices, I never once lost my
identity as His son. And neither have you.
I’ll tell you what the bus driver told me:
“Just keep walking till you see the cross.”
There, you will find God’s grace and mercy;
He will help in your time of need (Hebrews
4:16). Give the Lord your dreams, disgrace,
and any destruction the enemy has caused
in your life. Without fail, He will welcome
and deliver you (Psalm 34:17).
PHOTO COURTESY OF STEPHEN BARBEE
Today, Stephen follows in the footsteps
of his father (above), bringing the
message of God’s love to others.
STEPHEN BARBEE serves the incarcerated and reentry communities as a mentor and community
outreach specialist. As the founder of P2P (Passion to Purpose), he shares his message
of hope and transformation through Christ. For more information, go to p2pministry.org.
12 Issue 01 / 2024 VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM

STEPPING FORWARD
Give God
Your Grief
BY CHRISTINA KIMBREL
MY MOM AND I HAD OUR SHARE OF ISSUES. My addiction
added to the conflict and periods of separation in our relationship,
as did my lack of respect for her. The Lord revealed this
and many other ugly truths to me in prison.
Through His Word and the conviction of the Holy Spirit, I saw
that I should have honored and valued my mother better than I
did (Exodus 20:12; Proverbs 6:20–22). She was the one person
who had stood by me through all my failures. She deserved way
more care and respect than I showed her, but for my whole life,
I had taken her for granted and blamed her for my problems.
I realized this while incarcerated, and I prayed and asked for
God’s forgiveness. I wrote letters to my mom, too, asking her to
forgive me and sharing everything I was learning in the Bible.
I kept writing even though I didn’t receive a response, and
I prayed earnestly for healing in our relationship. Lord, I want
my mom to see how much You have changed my life. Please help her
forgive me and give me a chance to honor her in a way I never have.
Mom was the first person I wanted to see when I was released
from prison. I scoured the internet and looked everywhere but
couldn’t find her. Then, one day, I discovered why. Public records
revealed that my mom had passed away.
Tears streamed down my face as I realized the date of her
death was exactly one year before my arrest in 2015. I begged
God not to let it be real, but it was. My mom was gone forever;
there would be no making things right.
I called a trusted friend for help who had endured a season
of grief. She walked in the door and found me sitting in silence.
I couldn’t even form a sentence other than “She’s gone.” I slid
my phone across the table to show her what I had read.
I was ashamed to admit it, but I was as disappointed with God
as I was angry with myself. Was He mad at me? Why hadn’t He
heard my prayers? I asked these questions out loud as pain,
guilt, and regret poured out through my tears.
My friend hugged me and listened without judgment. When
I collected myself enough for her to speak, she assured me that
everything I was feeling was normal for a grieving person. She
encouraged me to seek comfort and answers in God’s Word and
suggested I read through the Psalms. “Every day, Christina,” she
said. “That’s where you’ll find healing.”
I took her advice, and the Holy Spirit quickly led me to Psalm
34:18. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those
who are crushed in spirit” (NIV). Thank You, Jesus.
I processed my grief with the Lord through prayer and journaling.
His words comforted my soul. I knew God was listening
to the cries of my heart. He was ever so compassionate to the
little girl inside me who desperately wanted her mom back
(Psalm 34:15, 17).
For years, I wondered why God didn’t answer my prayer. But
now I know He did. God was always at work, even through the
most painful and messy part of my life, for my good and His
glory (1 Peter 4:12–16). It looked different than I’d hoped for,
but that never meant He didn’t love me.
In His way, God gave me the desires of my heart. He gave me
the gift of seeing how much Mom loved me by leading me to
prayers she had written for me in her Bible. He also gave me
opportunities to honor her, like in this writing. I pray others
will be encouraged to better love the people in their lives. God
doesn’t promise them to us forever.
If you’ve lost someone you loved, do as my friend suggested.
Spend time with God and seek comfort and answers in His
Word. Healing awaits you in His presence (Psalm 147:3). God
will never waste your suffering.
CHRISTINA KIMBREL serves as VL’s production manager. Once incarcerated,
she now ministers hope to those held captive by their past and current
circumstances while sharing the message of healing she found in Jesus.
VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM
Issue 01 / 2024
13

Build An
Unshakable
Foundation
THE STORY OF
LAUREN EVERETT
“The Lord is my strength
and my shield; my heart
trusts in him, and he helps
me. My heart leaps for joy,
and with my song I praise
him” (Psalm 28:7 NIV).
I had such a bubbling in
my spirit that day; joy
and anticipation were
simmering deep inside me.
“God, I’m ready for whatever
You have next,” I said
confidently. I didn’t know
what the next day held,
but I knew it would be lifechanging,
and I felt it had
to do with my marriage.
My husband, Dave, and I were in a tough
season. We loved each other deeply, but
something dark had entered our lives. He
was being tormented mentally, and new,
destructive behaviors were emerging.
Being the fighter that he was, Dave kept
pushing through the pain. He put on a
smile and met the world head-on. Only a
very few of our closest friends and family
knew the depths of our struggle.
I met Dave Mirra in my sophomore year
at East Carolina University. He had moved
to Greenville, NC, to be closer to his brother
and ride BMX at a local park. Dave was
a legend in the sport. I was clueless about
who he was and what he did when we met.
Until then, I hadn’t been a fan or a follower,
but I was intrigued. Dave’s smile
and kind, down-to-earth nature quickly
won my heart, and a year and a half later,
we were married.
Life in Dave’s world was different from
anything I’d ever experienced. It was
packed, fast-paced, and adventurous.
Dave rode hard on his bike and in life,
keeping me on my toes. Especially his unplanned,
often late night or early morning
“Hey, babe, let’s go to Syracuse” drives.
PHOTO BY STEPHANIE FLETCHER
14 Issue 01 / 2024 VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM

Syracuse, New York, was home, and he
liked to visit often. So off we’d go on another
spontaneous adventure.
Living in a realm of constant activity
and the public eye came with challenges,
and like every couple, Dave and I experienced
highs and lows. I often felt insecure
and unsure of my role and worth. Sometimes
I felt unworthy, which led to seeking
great, but they came with controlling and
manipulative actions. In His wisdom, God
sent me some godly friends to help me
find balance and encourage me to back off
and trust the Lord to work in Dave’s life.
I tried, but keeping my hands and mouth
off the situation wasn’t easy. God seemed
to be taking too long to get my husband on
board; surely He needed my help.
PHOTO BY MARK LOSEY PHOTO PURCHASED ON ALAMY
approval from other people. By this time,
we had two girls, and the enemy loved to
convince me that being a wife and mother
was insufficient. This internal struggle
lasted for years and often caused conflict
in our relationship.
The Lord gently reminded me to focus on
my relationship with Him, not Dave’s.
A few years into our marriage, I realized
that unless Jesus became the center of our
relationship, we wouldn’t survive. This
longing only intensified as our girls grew. I
wanted to raise them in a Christian home
as I had been. I knew firsthand how the
Lord helped my family through difficulties.
Like many young people, however, I’d
strayed from my faith roots in college, and
Dave hadn’t seen that side of me, so to him,
my desire to follow the Lord seemed sudden.
Learning to trust God was a journey
we both had to set out on.
I began to push Dave to be a spiritual
leader in our home. My intentions were
The Lord gently reminded me to focus
on my relationship with Him, not Dave’s.
Eventually, I learned to trust His process,
order, and timing, understanding
that God doesn’t shove people into a relationship
with Himself; He draws them
(John 6:44). And that’s what He did with
us both, just in different ways.
Many people don’t know this, but it
was Dave who led our family to church.
One day, browsing a local magazine, we
came across information for a church and
agreed to give it a go. Eventually, Dave led
us to Opendoor Church, where our family
still attends.
Watching how the Lord faithfully sent
people to answer Dave’s questions and
soften his heart was humbling. God also
used circumstances to reveal His love and
draw Dave close. On many occasions, He
saved Dave’s life from accidents, bike
Lauren and Dave,
pictured here at
their home a year
before his death.
Few people knew
the depths of their
struggles during
this time.
Dave’s BMX skills led him to be inducted into the
BMX Hall of Fame on June 11, 2016.
crashes, and life-threatening illnesses
like bacterial meningitis.
I’ll never forget when I learned the
despairing odds of Dave’s survival from
that illness. God had other plans, though,
and a few days later, Dave and I walked
out of the hospital hand in hand with the
sun shining brightly on us. We both knew
God had undeniably rested His mercy and
grace upon us.
God used this near-death experience to
teach me about the power of prayer and the
gift of Christian fellowship. Strangers got
on their knees in prayer for us and served
and supported us. We couldn’t believe the
outpouring of undeserved kindness; their
actions mirrored the heart of God.
As soon as possible after the meningitis
scare, Dave returned to competing. He
even expanded into rally racing, boxing,
and triathlons. I continued to draw close to
the Lord (James 4:8) and could sense Him
speaking to me, both through His Word
and through other people.
I remember a woman from church who
spoke into my life. We prayed together, and
VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM
Issue 01 / 2024
15

through her words, I finally understood
how my heavenly Father saw me. Understanding
God’s heart toward me changed
how I saw myself. As a beloved daughter
of God, I no longer needed to prove my
worth or fight for my role in my marriage.
I began settling into the faithful arms of
my heavenly Father.
God has used many people to speak into
my life at crucial times. Their Holy Spiritgiven
words have always been timely and
Suicide is complicated for the faith community
to reconcile, but Dave had placed his faith in
Christ. I know God did not abandon him.
infused me with hope and encouragement.
Such was the case on February 4, 2016,
the day after my bubbling-joy experience.
That morning was a struggle. Still, I remembered
God’s promises in His Word
and those He had spoken to me through
His Spirit. I fought on my knees in prayer
and through the singing of worship
music to regain the joy I’d had the day
before. Through tears, I laid my frustra-
Left: Lauren’s passion to help others find
God’s peace led her to direct VL’s correspondence
outreach to the incarcerated.
Below: With God’s help, Lauren found the
courage to share her painful and private story
publicly at a recent VL event. Pictured with VL
founder, Kristi Overton Johnson and Parker
Byrd (featured in Issue 4, 2023).
tions and fears with and for Dave at God’s
feet. Then, feeling some relief, I headed to
church to fulfill my commitment to teach
a Christian exercise class.
After the class, a friend who had noticed
my heavy heart encouraged me, saying,
“Lauren, God says to you, ‘Do not be afraid;
it is I.’” I had no idea how important those
words from Matthew 14:27 would become
hours later.
That afternoon, I couldn’t shake the feeling
that something wasn’t right. I’d been
unable to reach Dave on the phone, and I
was growing more anxious by the moment.
Sheer panic rose in my stomach. Finally,
around 4:00 p.m., I reached a friend who
confirmed that something was, indeed,
very wrong.
My husband of ten years had just taken
his own life.
“Oh, God,” I cried. “Please help me. Help
my girls!” The idea of life without Dave
flashed before me, and I wondered how
we would survive. How would I navigate
being a single mother? How could my girls
go on without their dad?
My friend’s words from that morning
echoed in my heart. I heard them again—
this time from the Lord: Do not be afraid,
My daughter. I am right here. And then,
inexplicably except through faith, that
peace that passes all understanding rose
in my spirit; it guarded my heart and
mind (Philippians 4:7). Those around me
couldn’t help but notice the tangible presence
of that heavenly peace.
God, who knows all things, had been
preparing me for this dark day for months,
even years, by depositing His supernatural
joy into my heart through His Spirit and
Word. The joy of the Lord was my strength
(Nehemiah 8:10). God’s presence and the
faithful love of family and friends kept me
from drowning in my sorrow (Isaiah 43:2).
PHOTO BY CARLA OWENS
PHOTO BY GERI SIMPKINS PHOTOGRAPHY
16 Issue 01 / 2024 VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM

The Lord redeemed Lauren’s loss and
provided love and support to her and
her daughters through the gift of her
marriage to Andy.
PHOTO BY CARLEY SUMMERS
It’s hard to understand why things ended
the way they did. The reality is we will
never know, this side of heaven. That’s why
Proverbs 3:5–6 says, “Trust in the Lord
with all your heart and lean not on your
own understanding; in all your ways submit
to him, and he will make your paths
straight.”
God has made my path straight as I’ve
continued to trust Him. I don’t have many
answers, but I have learned one contributing
factor through an autopsy of Dave’s
brain. He had chronic traumatic encephalopathy
(CTE), a brain disease caused by
multiple concussions. Dave’s undiagnosed
CTE had triggered the mental turmoil he’d
been experiencing.
Suicide is complicated for the faith community
to reconcile, but God has graciously
comforted me and let me know that Dave
wasn’t alone that day in his truck. God did
not abandon him. He’s also promised me
that Dave’s life was not in vain. I saw this
immediately at his funeral when 30 people
came to faith in Jesus.
Today, I believe that Dave is whole and in
the presence of his heavenly Father. I know
that because Dave had put his faith in the
Lord Jesus Christ for salvation. That’s all
I need to know—I will let the Lord sort out
the rest; His thoughts and ways are unlike
mine (Isaiah 55:8–9).
It’s been eight years since that fateful
day; our family and friends still grieve
Dave’s presence. Yet God has been faithful.
He has carried my girls and me with His
loving-kindness. And through our journey,
I’ve come to know the Lord intimately as
a father, friend, healer, provider, restorer,
and protector.
The Lord helped me navigate all the legal
formalities related to the businesses
Dave owned and kept the process from
burdening me (Matthew 11:28–29). He
Inexplicably except through faith, the peace that
passes all understanding arose in my spirit.
helped me sell our home and provided
a new, nurturing place to live. Then, He
sent me a companion. Now, that was unexpected!
Andy was a friend of Dave’s and had always
been such a support in his endeavors.
I look back at photos now and see
that Andy was there at many significant
moments of our family’s life, silently supporting
us. How God positioned Andy to
be there for us is beautiful in many ways.
We were married in 2018; the girls were
11 and 12. I thank God for Andy daily. He
stepped close when we needed him and
helped us navigate our grief even while
navigating his own.
God has been so good to me. That doesn’t
mean I don’t experience challenges—
I do, daily. I just keep clinging to God’s
words: Do not be afraid, My daughter. It’s
Me. I am here.
He says those words to you too. God is
with you and wants to help. Call out to Him:
“Lord Jesus, give me Your joy and peace.
Be my source of strength. My heart hurts;
it’s broken, crushed, and beaten down. I
need the comfort of Your presence and the
strength of Your joy. Come into my life; I
surrender it to You. Make me whole. Give
me the wisdom to move forward through
these dark times. In Jesus’s name, amen.”
You know, many people wait until
they’re in a crisis before they cry out to
God. I encourage you to seek God before
you’re in a trial. Doing so will build a reservoir
of faith that will sustain you and
keep you from going under when trouble
comes your way.
Jesus says in Matthew 7:24–25, “Everyone
who hears these words of mine and
puts them into practice is like a wise man
who built his house on the rock. The rain
came down, the streams rose, and the
winds blew and beat against that house;
yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation
on the rock” (NIV).
Friend, the rains will come, and the
floods will rise. But if you build your life
on the unshakeable foundation of God, you
will not be shaken. His love and truth will
never fail you.
“Cast your cares on the Lord and he will
sustain you; he will never let the righteous
be shaken” (Psalm 55:22).
LAUREN EVERETT helps others experience God’s
tangible peace and love through serving at her local
church and overseeing Victorious Living’s prison
correspondence outreach.
VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM
Issue 01 / 2024
17

TRANSFORMED LIVES
Draw Close to
God in Grief
BY LISA APPELO
INTIMACY WITH GOD IS THE DEEPEST COMFORT
in pain. God’s presence was nearly palpable after my husband,
Dan, died. I constantly conversed with the Lord; His
comfort was real and His counsel clear.
But what are we to do if God feels distant in our pain?
Scripture promises that when we draw near to God, He will
draw near to us (James 4:8). God’s presence is based on His
character, not our feelings. God is close to the brokenhearted
(Psalm 34:18), and that’s true whether we sense it or not.
Hebrews 4:16 promises that when we draw near to God,
we will “receive mercy and find grace to help us in time of
need” (NIV). We may not have chosen our circumstances,
but we can choose to draw closer to God.
So here are ten practical tips to draw near in suffering:
1. STUDY HIS WORD. God reveals Himself in scripture.
The Bible isn’t just for learning about God; we can encounter
Him there. Scripture is alive and active. It convicts and
guides us, points us to truth, answers prayer, and transforms
our thinking (Romans 12:2).
“All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching,
rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness, so that
the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every
good work” (2 Timothy 3:16–17 NIV). Time we spend in the
Word will never be wasted (Isaiah 55:11).
2. EXPRESS GRATITUDE. Gratitude opens our eyes to
all God does in and around us. It helps us become content
and trust God rather than groan against Him. We’re to
give thanks in all circumstances; gratitude has tremendous
power.
Jesus modeled a life of gratitude. Before feeding over
5,000 people with two fish and five loaves of bread, Jesus
gave God thanks (John 6:11). Before raising Lazarus from
the dead, Jesus thanked His Father for hearing Him (John
11:41). He even thanked God the night He was arrested (1
Corinthians 11:23–24). Cultivating intentional gratitude
helps us draw close to God.
3. LAMENT. Lament is taking our complicated emotions
and questions to God, leaving them there, and trusting
God’s character and promises to provide the comfort and
answers we need. We don’t have to hide our feelings or fake
that we’re fine. God created us with emotions. Our emotions
are safe with Him.
We find lament all through scripture. Hannah wept to
God in deep grief over her infertility and barrenness. Job,
Jeremiah, and Moses lamented to God in their situations.
A third of the Psalms are psalms of lament that reveal how
David and others took their difficulties and emotions to
God. Lamenting isn’t crying out against God in bitterness
or anger; it is crying out to Him as we draw near.
4. PRAY. Jesus often went away alone to pray (Luke 5:16).
He spent whole nights in prayer and prayed intensely before
and after crucial events. Before He called the 12 apostles,
18 Issue 01 / 2024 VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM

TRANSFORMED LIVES
Jesus spent the night in prayer. After feeding the 5,000,
Jesus went up a mountain alone to pray. And before He
was arrested, tried, and crucified, Jesus prayed vigorously.
The power and intimacy of Jesus’s prayer life must have
caught His apostles’ attention because the only thing they
ever asked Jesus to teach them was how to pray (Luke 11:1).
Jesus never let busyness or pressing needs keep Him from
prayer. While prayer may seem an obvious way to draw near
ble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is
lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or
praiseworthy—think about such things.”
Thinking about those things happens when we’re consistently
in God’s Word and carefully choosing what we listen
to, read, and view. Daily affirmations of God’s love and His
promises help us through dark seasons where we must
fight to focus on truth.
to God, we must be deliberate in listening, lingering, and
persevering in prayer.
8. REGULAR REST. God knows that endless busyness and
constant distraction keep us from abiding in Him. Rest is
5. JOURNAL. Journaling helps us process our suffering.
It unburdens the heavy emotions that weigh us down and
untangles those negative thoughts that play on a continuous
loop in our heads. For external processors like me,
journaling helps me figure things out.
Whether you’re journaling to help you study the Bible
God’s command and His gift, so we can regularly refill and
refresh. Grief is exhausting; it takes enormous physical,
mental, cognitive, and emotional bandwidth. Taking time to
rest physically is a must, but we must also practice resting
our minds and emotions in God so that He can renew our
strength (Matthew 11:28).
or you’re journaling through grief to process your loss, the
benefits of journaling are enormous. It helps us pause to
capture what God is teaching us. It allows us to make fresh
applications as we walk through the hard moments. It provides
a place for regular confession, to
record prayer requests and answers,
9. GO OUTSIDE. God’s creation helps us draw closer to
Him. Even as I write this, I can hear birds chirping and
calling. It is a reminder that if God cares for the sparrow, He
also cares for us (Matthew 6:26). We see
God’s glory in nature, from the glorious
and to write out scriptures we want to
WE DON’T HAVE TO
design of roadside wildflowers to the
meditate upon. Grief journaling helps
roaring majesty of a rushing waterfall.
HIDE OUR FEELINGS
lower stress and boosts our mood. It is
Our Creator, who holds the world together,
a safe place to work through emotions. OR FAKE THAT WE’RE
FINE. GOD CREATED
also holds our hearts together.
6. PRAISE AND WORSHIP. The day US WITH EMOTIONS. 10. COMMUNITY. We’re not meant to
my husband died, our house filled with
live isolated from others. The Bible tells
OUR EMOTIONS ARE
friends and family. I’ll never forget the
us not to forsake our gathering together
(Hebrews 10:25). The enemy knows
friend who announced, “We need worship
SAFE WITH HIM.
music,” as she popped a CD into the
player. Another friend later urged me
to come and listen as my children and their friends were
upstairs singing and playing guitars in worship.
Worship draws us near to God when we don’t have
words. It reminds us of God’s truth when circumstances
are screaming differently. It fixes our eyes on Him when
we can’t see the way through, and it renews our hope as
we anchor into God’s promises.
how critical meaningful fellowship with
godly friends and a church family is, so
he works overtime to keep us from them.
While we don’t need a church service to worship God,
gathering with other believers is irreplaceable. It is where we
find encouragement and witness the body of Christ working
together for God’s glory. Apart from this, we will also miss
the accountability of community and sweet fellowship with
others who live and love differently than the world.
Intimacy with God isn’t for a few super-spiritual people.
7. TACKLE THOSE THOUGHTS. Our thoughts are a chief
battleground when we’re in a place of suffering or grief.
Fear, worry, doubt, regret, anger, bitterness, and despair can
paralyze us and keep us from moving forward. Our emotions
aren’t the problem; the problem is those emotions can stir
God created us all for deep intimacy with Him. But a close
relationship with God won’t just happen. While some of
these practices may feel mechanical at first, push through
the awkwardness. Seek the Lord. Go to Him in honesty. And
give Him your whole heart again and again.
up lies. Therefore, we must take every thought captive to
God’s truth by letting God’s Word be louder than anything LISA APPELO is a speaker, writer, and Bible teacher who inspires women
to deepen their faith in grief and find hope in the hard. Formerly a litigating
else we hear (2 Corinthians 10:5).
attorney, her days are now filled with parenting seven children, ministering,
It’s a daily exchange of our thoughts for God’s thoughts. writing, speaking, and running enough to justify lots of dark chocolate. Find
Philippians 4:8 tells us to think about “whatever is no-
Lisa’s encouragement for faith, grief, and hope at LisaAppelo.com.
VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM
Issue 01 / 2024
19

M O V I N G
Beyond Justice
to Mercy
THE STORY OF DEBRA MOERKE
Before we even knew God, He used a
TV commercial about foster care to put
His finger on our lives.
The commercial tugged on our heartstrings,
and my husband Al and I decided
to get involved. We had a safe home and
lots of love to offer. So we said yes, filled out
our applications, and in 1982, became foster
parents. It was a life-changing decision
because, over the next 18 years, we would
foster more than 140 children.
At first, we judged and harshly criticized
the parents of our foster children. We saw
horrific cases of abandonment, abuse, and
neglect. We weren’t interested in the parents’
lives or circumstances—to us, there
was no justification for such evil. We assumed
every parent was a drug addict or
on the fringes of society.
Our attitude didn’t leave room for
grace or mercy or forgiveness. But guess
what? We had issues too, and God, who
knew what they were, was about to shake
things up in our home. Our hearts needed
transformation and humility for where He
would lead us (James 4:6).
Through a series of difficult situations
and marital distress, God got our attention
and brought us to Himself. Acknowledging
our sin, Al and I both accepted Christ as
our Savior and asked Him to renew our
marriage.
As our relationship with Christ grew, it
changed our approach to caring for the
needs of our children and those we fostered.
We could do more than just tend to
their emotional and physical needs. We
could care for them spiritually too.
The more we learned about God, the
more we knew we needed to extend His
love and forgiveness to the abusive and
neglectful parents whose children we sheltered.
God offers His forgiveness freely—
who were we to decide who was worthy of
His gift? We were expected to share the
love and hope of Christ in whatever way we
could with every person He put in our path.
But with some of the situations we saw,
that was a difficult and confusing conviction.
It seemed impossible. If that’s what
God wanted from us, He’d have to teach
us how to do it. So Al and I intentionally
PHOTO BY AMY ELIZABETH PHOTOGRAPHY
20 Issue 01 / 2024 VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM

sought His heart in the matter, and as we
did, God began to change us.
We’d been fostering children for about
14 years when we faced our hardest test.
We had just received an infant into our
home and were settling in with her when,
a few days later, a Department of Family
Services (DFS) social worker called, asking
if we had room to foster the infant’s four
older siblings. We were all about keeping
families together, so this was an easy yes.
It was another yes that would change
our lives forever.
Our home was joyful as the Bower children*
began arriving. There were squeals,
giggles, hugs, and happiness as the siblings
reunited over a week. The celebration
continued until the last child, four-yearold
Hannah, walked through the door on
June 30, 1996.
God offers His
forgiveness freely—
who were we to
decide who was
worthy of His gift?
Something about little Hannah immediately
tugged at my heart. I couldn’t put
my finger on it, but I trusted the Lord to
guide me in caring for her needs as I knew
He did for every child.
Everyone adjusted to a new routine that
included chores, family meals, and bedtime
prayers. Going to church was a family
affair. The children responded well to the
hugs and affection that awaited them there
every Sunday.
I was also volunteering as a lay chaplain
in the local jail near our home. I was on
call for any incarcerated person who requested
a chaplain, and I taught a weekly
Bible study to the women there. God had
given me a heart for prisoners. I wasn’t
sure how that fit in with the call to be a
foster parent but trusted that God knew
what He was doing.
* All names have been changed for privacy purposes
and to protect the innocent.
VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM
Issue 01 / 2024
21

DFS told us the Bower children would
be with us through the fall, so we headed
out for back-to-school shopping. Soon we
were adjusting to yet another routine. As
fall turned to winter, we were blessed to
host the Bower children for the holidays.
It was heartwarming to witness the
wide-eyed excitement of the children as
their tiny hands helped us decorate for
Christmas. When we opened a box containing
our nativity scene, I shared the
season’s real meaning.
“Do you all know what Christmas is
about?” I asked.
“Santa brings us toys!” was the unanimous
response.
“That’s one way we celebrate,” I agreed,
“but it’s not the real reason. Christmas is
when we celebrate Jesus’s birthday. He’s
God’s Son. He’s the best gift of love we
could ever receive.”
The children examined the ceramic
nativity pieces curiously. Hannah held
up baby Jesus and gazed at Him intently
as if she could see something special.
Help them to know You, Lord, I prayed as I
watched them. Help their mother too. You
are their only hope.
The Bower children had been with us
for several months when DFS began approving
visits with their mother, Karen.
I noticed a difference in the children
even after short visits. The two older kids
seemed fine, but the younger ones always
returned withdrawn. Ahead of every visit
with her mom, Hannah acted clingy and
nervous. She pleaded with me not to make
her go. It bothered me to see her so upset,
but all I could do was share my observations
with DFS.
Karen was providing a safe environment
for the visitation, and there weren’t
any visible signs of abuse, so the visits
continued. Soon it came time for the first
unsupervised overnight visit. I wasn’t surprised,
but I did go into worry overload,
especially for Hannah.
I prayed continuously during that first
visit, asking God to protect them. When I
saw headlights in the driveway, I ran for
the door. Relief came over me as the children
filed in.
Hannah beelined toward me, clutching
a new doll. With a serious face, she told me
she had fallen while bathing. “That’s how
I hurt myself.” Her forehead and left eye
were black and blue. “Mommy bought me
this doll because I was so brave.”
The following day, I reported the incident
to the caseworker. I wanted to believe
that it was an accident, but I was skeptical.
There were no other injuries after that,
but talking with Karen soon revealed a
hidden resentment toward her child. One
day, I got bold and asked Karen if she even
wanted to raise Hannah. She assured me
she did, and that’s where we left it.
Ten months later, DFS called, notifying
us that a judge had ordered all five of the
Bower children to be returned to their
mother. There would be no gradual transition,
which was unusual. I was to take
them to her that day.
Somehow I gathered the strength to do
the impossible. We finished dinner, then I
I teetered between
sorrow and rage,
questioning
God, demanding
answers on how
He could let such
a tragedy happen.
At the same time, I
leaned on Him for
strength. I was so
confused.
steadied my voice and made the announcement.
“Your caseworker called with some
news. You’re all going home today.”
After dinner, I loaded the car with their
belongings and drove to Karen’s house.
Hannah’s cries got louder the closer we
got. Through her wails, she begged to stay
with me. I was helpless. For a split second,
my emotions overrode my sanity. I thought
of taking Hannah and running away. Then
reason returned, and I knew my hands
were tied.
My only choice was to surrender her to
God and give her back to her mother. Before
I left Hannah, I reminded her to pray. “Call
on Jesus. He will never leave you,” I whispered.
Our eyes met as I hugged and kissed
her goodbye. I sobbed all the way home.
For a while, I stayed in contact with
the family. I made excuses to visit, taking
meals and gifts over in hopes of seeing
Hannah—only she was never there. Every
time, Karen told me she was at a friend’s or
with her father or somewhere else. Eventually,
she told me that Hannah had gone
to live with a relative for a while.
I couldn’t shake the feeling that something
was wrong. So many times, I prayed.
I don’t know what to believe, Lord. I have to
trust that Your hand is on Hannah. Please be
with this family.
But God made Himself clear. The door
was closed. It was time to let go.
Several months later, I was surprised
by a call from a new DFS caseworker. She
inquired if I knew how to contact the relatives
of the Bower children. Karen was
in jail and on her way to prison. DFS was
trying to locate two of her children to place
them in foster care. They were missing.
Before the caseworker could say their
names, my heart shattered. She confirmed
it was Hannah and her younger brother.
That same day, the caseworker filed
missing persons reports for both children.
Four days later, she called again. DFS had
located Hannah’s brother with a relative.
Then she told me that they had also found
Hannah. I braced myself for the worst, but
I wasn’t prepared.
“The police discovered Hannah’s decomposing
remains in the garage at the
22 Issue 01 / 2024 VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM

PHOTOS COURTESY OF THE MOERKE FAMILY
Bower home. She was wrapped in plastic
garbage bags.”
I don’t remember much of what the
caseworker said after that. I was struggling
to breathe. Jesus, please, no. Not my
sweet Hannah.
I broke the news to my family, and we
cried and held each other the rest of the
night, trying to make sense of something
for which there was no explanation. I teetered
between sorrow and rage, questioning
God, demanding answers on how He
could let such a tragedy happen. At the
same time, I leaned on Him for strength.
I was so confused.
The next time I answered the phone,
I was horrified to hear a recording announcing
it was from the local jail. And it
was Karen. How dare she call this house!
I didn’t want to take her call, but the Holy
Spirit was urging me otherwise. No way, I
thought. Lord, I don’t want to talk to her! I
pleaded, but He did not relent.
I trembled at the sound of her voice.
Karen wanted me to visit her. Are you crazy?
I shouted at her in my head. God, I can’t
do this!
Gently, the Holy Spirit showed me that
I did have a choice. I could be an angry,
brokenhearted foster mother demanding
justice for this tragedy. Or I could be
for Karen the same caring chaplain and
ambassador for Christ that I was for any
other person who called. But I couldn’t be
both. At least not visibly.
That night when I checked in at the jail
for the chaplaincy visit, I felt ashamed to
say the name of the person I was visiting.
It was a high-profile case, and I didn’t want
anyone to know I was there to see the person
who had committed this crime.
Karen entered the visitation room, and
a long silence followed. Then she told me
she had confessed to Hannah’s murder.
She had done it ten months earlier. I listened
in horror as she recounted the details
of her crime. It was all I could do not to
get up and run screaming from the room.
As the visit was ending, Karen informed
me that she was facing the death penalty,
and then, almost as an afterthought, added,
“Oh, I’m five months pregnant.”
I left the jail in a shambles with no intent
of returning. I felt like Jonah in the
Bible when God called him to minister
to Nineveh. Being swallowed up by a big
fish seemed like an excellent alternative
to doing what God was asking of me in this
situation. At least there I could mourn and
grieve in peace.
But God would not let me run away.
Instead, He prompted me to visit Karen
again after Hannah’s funeral.
She was waiting with a question. “Is
there forgiveness for what I’ve done?”
I gulped. “Whose forgiveness do you
want?” She didn’t deserve that. She didn’t
deserve mercy or grace either.
I was relieved to hear she wanted God’s
forgiveness and not mine. I had to pray
for the Lord’s help, but as I did, the Holy
Spirit took over. My grief and anger melted
away for the moment as He gave me the
words I needed.
“Yes, Karen. God will forgive you, even
for this. But only through Jesus.”
A beautiful baby girl (left), was
a gift Debra and her husband, Al,
never expected, especially from
the one who had murdered their
beloved foster child.
The joy of raising their daughter
(above) was a gift made possible
only through their willingness to
forgive.
With tears streaming down her face,
Karen told me she wanted that forgiveness
and to find hope through Jesus. I held her
hands and led her in a short and simple
prayer. I left the jail confident that her
decision for Christ was real and sincere.
As I drove away from the jail, however,
anger and grief washed over me again. I
went home to tend my broken heart and
grieving family. I wanted so badly for all of
us to heal and for things to return to normal,
but I couldn’t even remember what
normal looked like anymore. And I wanted
justice for Hannah.
Before her trial, Karen approached me
with an extraordinary request. She wanted
me and Al to adopt her unborn baby. “I
know it’s the right decision,” she said. “I
know how much you all loved Hannah.”
I believed the sincerity in her voice, and
I knew the alternative was that DFS would
take the child into custody at birth. After
much prayer and tears, we agreed. In the
spring of 1999, the adoption was final.
VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM
Issue 01 / 2024
23

That impossible thing
you’re facing is not
beyond the reach of God’s miraculous,
all-sufficient grace.
After so much suffering and sorrow, God
used a beautiful baby girl to bring healing,
joy, and life back into our family. She is a
grown woman today and a constant reminder
of how God truly does exchange
beauty for ashes (Isaiah 61:3) and brings
purpose to pain.
Karen is serving a life sentence and
continues to seek God. She ministers to
other inmates when they are interested.
I am still in contact with her, and over the
years, our relationship has evolved into
a friendship. Every time I visit her, I am
more amazed at her transformation and
spiritual maturity.
I no longer stand in judgment of Karen.
She is my sister in Christ. Romans 3:23
says, “For all have sinned and fall short
of the glory of God” (NIV). Jesus shed His
blood even for a sin as senseless and hor-
Left: In Murder,
Motherhood, and
Miraculous Grace, Debra
shares her journey toward
seemingly impossible
forgiveness.
Below: It’s been 24 years
since Debra received
the gift of adopting her
daughter. This photo is
proof of the miraculous
power of God’s grace.
rific as Hannah’s murder. God, in His mercy,
has forgiven Karen. He’s also forgiven
me of my own sins. Who am I not to forgive?
If someone had told me at the time that
God could take such a painful and sometimes
unbearable situation and assign
it eternal purpose, I would have either
laughed or wanted to throw something at
them. I have since spent countless tearsoaked
hours at His feet, and as I poured
out my despair, confusion, and need to
Him, God has changed my heart.
My experience as a foster parent, including
what happened to Hannah, will
not be wasted. It has inspired me to start
a nonprofit organization that aims to open
the McKenzie Home, Wyoming’s first
transitional home that will focus solely
on the needs of single mothers and their
children. It will be named after my grand-
daughter, whom we lost to cancer in 2019.
The McKenzie Home will offer single
moms from all walks of life access to the
resources they need to get on their feet and
provide a stable home for their families.
During one of our visits, I shared my
excitement about the project with Karen.
Her enthusiastic response encouraged me.
Then she said, “Maybe if there had been
something like that before—”
We’ll never know the answer to that, but
I am hopeful that the McKenzie Home will
help prevent more tragedies like the one
that took place in the Bower family.
We’ve acquired an old burned-down
school building that will be completely
rebuilt from the ground up. I find that
fitting since that’s exactly what God will
be doing in the lives of the women and
children who walk through the doors of
the McKenzie Home.
Despite a daunting estimated price tag
for what looks like an impossible project,
my faith is firmly anchored, and my heart
is wholly committed to completing this next
assignment. Planning and fundraising for
the McKenzie Home is underway, and many
people have joined me on the mission, certain
that, since God has called us to it, He
will provide and carry us through. I know
firsthand what God can do when I place the
impossible into His hands.
That impossible thing you’re facing is
not beyond the reach of God’s miraculous,
all-sufficient grace. Take it with you to the
throne of our Savior (Hebrews 4:16). Hand
it over to Him in exchange for His grace
that will overflow into every area of your
life. Every sin will be washed away, and
you will be able to do hard things too. God’s
grace is available to all who call on the
name of Jesus (Romans 10:13). And that
call is all it takes to move beyond justice
to mercy.
DEBRA MOERKE loves spending time with her
husband, Al, six children, and nine grandchildren.
As a Christian author and motivational speaker,
she testifies to God’s goodness by sharing biblical
principles and personal stories from her life. She is
the founder of the McKenzie Home; a transitional
home being developed to serve single moms
and their children in Wyoming. To learn more,
visit debramoerke.com.
PHOTOS COURTESY OF THE MOERKE FAMILY
24 Issue 01 / 2024 VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM

STEPPING FORWARD
SIT WITH JESUS
May the God of hope fill you
with all joy and peace as you
trust in him, so that you may
overflow with hope by the
power of the Holy Spirit.
ROMANS 15:13 NIV
BY SHERIDAN CORREA
I WAS WATCHING MY NIECES RECENTLY WHILE MY BROTHER and
his wife went on vacation, and I experienced something amazing.
When the three-year-old got frustrated, angry, or sad, she would scream
and then run to her room. She knew what she’d done wasn’t acceptable, but
she didn’t want to follow my guidance. Instead, she ran away.
I would let her go and give her time to calm down before I went to her room
to check on her. I resisted the normal adult response of berating her, correcting
her behavior, and insisting she obey. Instead, I asked, “What happened?
What are you feeling?”
“I’m mad,” she answered. “And I feel sad.”
I asked if I could sit down and hold her. With her face downcast, she said
yes. I gathered her into my arms and, with a hug, said, “It’s okay. I understand
how you feel, and I love you.” Then we cuddled until she was calm again. Only
then did she have the heart and ability to hear and respond to my correction.
Whether you’re dealing with a child or an adult, it’s not easy to extend empathy
and accept someone who’s deliberately acting out or who isn’t where we
think they should be. As a trauma-informed care counselor and coach—and
frankly, someone who has often needed correction herself—I’ve learned that
it’s better to make connections before attempting to bring correction.
Acknowledging the emotions a person is experiencing brings peace into the
situation and helps them listen and follow instructions more easily. Instead
of feeling judged and condemned, they feel seen, heard, and loved.
I learned this model from my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Throughout the
Bible, we see Him connecting with people on a heart level before correcting them.
There is a profound power in being present with a person, regardless of
their response. Showing true concern and care can be life-changing as it
creates a calming, divine alignment with the spirit and soul.
In this life, we’ll all have trouble. We’ll make mistakes and want to run off,
hide, and express our frustration, often inappropriately. I thank God for His
mercy and grace. He comes into our situations with love and invites us to come
close. He holds us and listens, then shares the wisdom and comfort we need.
His gentle approach allows easy correction that enables us to face hard things.
Jesus didn’t yell out correction. He didn’t
condemn or call people names to bring about
changed behavior. He never forced anyone to do
what He wanted. He communed with people so
they could spring back to life.
Jesus was never surprised by or afraid of a person’s
inner experience either. He entered into it,
just like He does today. His presence calms our
souls and helps us face whatever challenges are
before us.
That’s the Jesus who loves us, who lives inside
us, and who gives us unlimited access to Him,
24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
He is the Good Shepherd who connects with us
by showing empathy, unconditional love, and
constant care.
If you’re running from conflict and hiding in
frustration, stop. Give Jesus a minute...or better
yet, ten. Let Him sit with you awhile and hold you.
Let Him bring peace and speak truth to your inner
being. You’ll experience the power of His presence
and find the comfort and strength your weary
soul desires.
God will never reject, abandon, disappoint, or
leave you alone to struggle with your emotions.
He is with you always, ready to help and uphold
you (Isaiah 41:10). He is the anchor for your soul
(Hebrews 6:19). Just call out His name (Psalm
124:8; Acts 2:21).
Jesus’s last words to His disciples before He
died and ascended into heaven were “I am with
you always” (Matthew 28:20 NIV). His promise is
also for you and me. Jesus knows the challenges
we face, the twists and turns, ups and downs,
gains and losses. His presence is what enables
us to endure it all.
SHERIDAN CORREA is a biblical counselor who is
trained in trauma-informed care. She’s a wife, mother of
two teenage boys, singer, and avid runner who has been
radically changed by Jesus. She is VL’s director of content
development.
VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM
Issue 01 / 2024
25

TRAINS,
BULLIES,
COPS…
AND JESUS
The sun dimmed
behind the
approaching train.
My heart clamored
to escape my tenyear-old
body as
sweat collected
under my nose.
Bending my knees,
I readied myself to
sprint. I can make it, I
told myself. Just one
more second… Go!
THE STORY OF JERRY HOWARD
That was a real train, and I Life on the edge was exhausting
and costly—and then came
did make it…but the adrenaline
rush that followed ignited an the train I couldn’t dodge. The
insatiable desire to tempt fate financial, legal, and marital
that ran my life for a long time. problems I’d been ignoring all
For decades, I lived alongside climbed aboard an express locomotive
headed straight for
the tracks where poor decisions
are made. I knew better, but like me. I knew I was done. That’s
Jacob in the Bible, I wrestled when I remembered God.
with the Creator of heaven Desperate, I closed my eyes
and earth (Genesis 32:24). I and prayed, “God, if You’re real,
wanted what I wanted, and I snap Your fingers and make all
did what I had to, to get it. my problems go away.” Somewhere
in the depths of my
Like Jacob before he surrendered
to God, I too was a deceiver.
I dodged trains, bullies, believed that when I opened
toxic, deluded heart, I actually
and cops with one goal: to get my eyes, God would have rescued
me…but He didn’t. He let
away with, well, everything.
And all the while, I upheld a the train wreck happen.
glimmering image of success. The God who could have
changed everything, changed
nothing. I ended up in jail, had
to attend rehab, and paid some
hefty fines. I wasn’t happy.
Sometimes it takes God a
long time to do something
suddenly.
God knew best because He
knew me. He saw right past
my lies and straight into my
prideful and rebellious heart.
He knew that unless I faced
the hard consequences, I’d just
keep jumping in front of other
destructive trains.
My wild and rebellious ways
emerged early in life, as you’ve
read. I was a small, introverted,
emotional kid with an oddly
large head, and I received my
fair share of bullying in school.
That bullying led to more insecurities
and an identity crisis. I
fought back by setting out to be
successful and prove my enemies
wrong.
God planted a seed of success
in the quiet characteristics
that attracted bullies. They also
grabbed the attention of influential
people like the instructor
of the Marine Corps Junior
ROTC. He saw something in me
and put me in charge of tasks
and people. Leadership skills
took root and grew.
Promotion came quickly.
I was awarded the Legion of
Valor Bronze Cross as the number
one MCJROTC cadet across
six states. I excelled in baseball
and had excellent grades too.
The odds for success were in
my favor.
After high school graduation,
I headed to Virginia Tech and
enrolled in the Corps of Cadets
where I quickly became an esteemed
Cadre Corporal. But I
had an issue with authority and
lacked respect for the juniors
26 Issue 01 / 2024 VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM

“I DODGED TRAINS, BULLIES, AND COPS
WITH ONE GOAL—TO GET AWAY WITH,
WELL, EVERYTHING.”
PHOTO COURTESY OF JERRY HOWARD
and seniors over me. My bad
attitude and rebellious spirit
led to conduct unbecoming a
Marine Corps officer.
During the summer of my
junior year, I started drinking
and drugging. Then, I started
selling drugs and transporting
trunkloads of the stuff across
state lines. I was keeping up
with the rich kids, and my
grades quickly took a back seat
to seeing how far I could push
the limits. Criminal activity
was exciting. College dropout
became my identity; dealer my
job title.
I became more confident and
emboldened with every slip
past the police. Like a gangster
in the movies, I soon believed I
was untouchable.
About that time, a girl I had
met before my life of crime circled
back into my life. Somehow,
Sonia, a godly young
woman, still carried the same
admiration she had felt for me
years before. We started dating
in 2001.
Not long after 9/11, I had a
startling brush with the law.
Late one night, I was driving
intoxicated from a bar to a
friend’s house, when blue lights
erupted in my rearview mirror.
Seeing the repurposed CD case
containing thousands of dollars
of dope on the seat, I quickly
tossed it out the window and
pulled over.
I sat nervously in my seat
while one officer approached
the car and another searched
the ground with his flashlight.
Surely I was about to be handcuffed
and hauled off to jail.
The officer noticed the smell of
alcohol on my breath and asked
to perform a field sobriety test.
Somehow, I passed. Leery of my
sobriety, the officer instructed
me to park my car and walk
home since I lived nearby. I
did, but my mind was focused
on that abandoned coke every
step of the way.
When the sun arose, I crept
through the neighborhood and
approached my car. There,
in plain sight, was the case
that could send me to prison.
Paranoia hit hard. I was sure
the cops were lying in wait,
watching me through their binoculars.
Only when I was confident
the coast was clear did I
approach my car, snatch up the
case, and drive away. That train
was way too close for comfort.
My new relationship with
Sonia, the uncertainty of the
country’s safety due to 9/11,
and my most recent close call
severely curbed my appetite
for dealing drugs. I sold the
rest of my stash and discreetly
left the game.
Within three weeks, I enlisted
in the Marine Corps but
continued to party hard and
get high. Somehow, I passed
the drug test and was admitted
to boot camp. While on
active duty, I married Sonia,
had two children, and tried to
project success. I finished my
undergrad degree and earned
an MBA. I was drug free, but my
alcohol issues had grown.
I was arrested multiple times
for alcohol-related incidents
while in the Corps, but the arrests
happened off base, so the
commanders had no idea. I was
still playing chicken, still dodging
those trains. I was eventually
honorably discharged, but
Years of running
wild led to
incarceration.
But God’s
grace and the
unconditional
love of his
wife, Sonia, led
Jerry to a place
of peace and
purpose.
VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM
Issue 01 / 2024
27

“GOD AND HIS LIVING WORD HAVE
TRANSFORMED ME—A PRIDEFUL,
SELFISH MAN WITH INTEGRITY
ISSUES—INTO A LEADER.”
Jerry, pictured right, has dedicated
his life to leading CEOs to success
through his coaching and business
consulting agency.
I left the Corps in worse moral
shape than when I started.
Back in Virginia, life looked
good…at least on the outside.
I was a functioning alcoholic
whose heart, ego, and soul
were a mess. Within one year
of being discharged, I had accumulated
two DUIs, a showcause
charge, and multiple
convictions…and I met that
the Lord and, for reasons still
unclear, loves me. God called
her into my life when I was
at my absolute worst, and He
used her to reflect the love of
Jesus to me long before I came
to know Him personally.
I didn’t make it easy, but Jesus
kept her strong and committed
to me even though I
failed to honor her and our
Hearing scripture built my
faith too. I clung to 2 Timothy
1:7. It promises that I can
have God’s power, love, and a
sound mind for myself.
On January 24, 2010, I surrendered
my life to Jesus. I left
the world’s train tracks and
sought God’s rails—His guardrails
of purpose, provision, and
protection. His line, narrow as
children and both lead successful
businesses.
My greatest privilege is
teaching other CEOs, their executive
teams, and business
owners how to apply God’s
Word and lead like Jesus in
the marketplace. The guardrails
God set out in His Word
never fail to lead to success.
(See Joshua 1.)
PHOTO BY EMMANUEL PEZOA FROM DB ARCADE
locomotive.
marriage vows. Sonia spent
it may be (Matthew 7:13), has
Maybe like me, you’ve spent
I know now that it was God’s
countless hours praying for me
led me down a path of life and
years dodging trains. Trust me,
grace that kept me from be-
through my years of arrogance,
success (John 10:10), instead of
the consequences will eventu-
coming a Marine Corps officer. I
alcoholism, and arrests. And it
death and destruction.
ally catch up to you. There’s
was too full of myself, thus unfit
was her love that finally broke
God and His Living Word
a better way. Get on the right
to lead. Pride worked like a can-
through to my rebellious heart.
have transformed me—a
track, God’s track. Purpose,
cer in my heart, affecting every
The Bible says faith comes
prideful, selfish man with in-
provision, protection, and a
decision I made and blinding
by hearing (Romans 10:17).
tegrity issues, into a leader.
host of other blessings like
me to the cloud of destruction
It’s true.
He has blessed Sonia and me
salvation, freedom, success,
looming over me (Proverbs
Hearing about the good-
in the executive world and at
abundance, and a new identity
11:2; 16:5,18; 29:23). The fact
ness of God at home and wit-
home. Today, we have four
are on His line.
that my marriage survived is
nessing His grace operating
a testament to God’s grace and
the love of my wife.
Second only to the Lord
Jesus, Sonia is the greatest
blessing of my life. She loves
in Sonia’s life helped bring me
to faith. So did the testimonies
of addicts in Alcoholics
Anonymous and other stories
about God’s healing power.
JERRY HOWARD is an executive mentor, speaker, and author whose mission
of God is to share the Gospel of Jesus and to “go and make disciples.” Jerry owns
multiple businesses and founded iNTREPiD iMPACT Team, a comprehensive
leadership coaching and business consulting agency. He is a licensed healthcare
executive and has successfully overseen multiple post-acute healthcare centers.
He can be reached at JerryHowardInternational.com.
28 Issue 01 / 2024 VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM

TRANSFORMED LIVES
Three Cs That Can
Transform Your Life
BY KRISTI OVERTON JOHNSON
I AM ONE OF THOSE STRANGE peo-
successfully apply the three Cs to your life.
safe place, and His arms are open wide,
ple who enjoys performing under pres-
Staying close to God requires daily ac-
ready to receive you.
sure. The only problem with that is, I often
knowledgement of who He is. We draw
“Draw close to me,” He says, “and I will
equate my worth with my performance, es-
close by reading God’s Word, meditating
draw close to you” (James 4:8). This is your
pecially when it comes to my relationship
on His truths, and trusting Him and His
promise—what’s holding you back?
with God. It’s hard for me to remember that
promises (Philippians 4:6–7). We also do
Staying clean is a daily decision too. We
He doesn’t love me for what I do or don’t
this by talking to Him about what’s going
stay clean by keeping our thoughts pure
do. He just loves me.
on in our lives. Fellowshipping with other
and in line with God’s thoughts and by
He’s had to remind me of this many
believers helps too.
abstaining from gratifying the passions
times. “Kristi,” He’s said, “you already have
We draw close when we snuggle up to
of our flesh (Philippians 4:8). We can’t live
My love and favor; you don’t have to earn
God and rest in Him. I like to envision my-
with one foot in the Word and one foot in
that. It’s yours just because you are Mine.
self leaning into Him like a child does with
the world.
You’re My child; all I want is your love. Don’t
someone they love and trust. That’s how
It won’t be easy, but God will help you.
PHOTO BY JOMARYS LEON-LORENZO
worry about doing things for Me or making
things happen. I’ve got you; just stay close,
clean, and confident.”
Close. Clean. Confident.
I call these my three Cs, and I’ve realized
that as a follower of Jesus Christ, I must
commit daily to stay close, clean, and confident
if I want to live a victorious life. You’ll
need to do that too. Here’s how you can
God wants us to come to Him. He invites
us to grab hold, climb on His lap, snuggle
close, and rest our heads on His chest.
Of course, that can be hard for some people
to imagine, especially if they’ve never
had the loving lap of a father to climb onto
or a safe place to rest their heads. They’re
afraid God will reject or hurt them like
people have done. But He won’t.
The closer you draw to the Lord, the more
strength you’ll have to keep yourself clean
and set apart for Him. In His strength, you
can move away from the polluting things of
this world and walk in integrity. Studying
His Word and walking in obedience will
keep you clean too (Psalm 119:11). The
pure in heart see God (Matthew 5:8), hear
His voice, and receive His blessings.
Finally, there is the matter of being confident
in who God is and who you are in Him.
God invites us to grab
hold, climb on His lap,
snuggle close, and rest
our heads on His chest.
You are a child of God. You are created in
His image; and God doesn’t make junk.
Learn to trust Him and refuse to be shaken
by what you see or hear.
Never forget that the God in you is greater
than the evil of this world (1 John 4:4).
He has promised to be with you and to
strengthen, help, and hold you up (Isaiah
41:10). You can walk with your head held
Your heavenly Father is calling to
high—He says so (Leviticus 26:13).
you: “Come close, My child. Don’t be
If you are in Christ, no man, no circum-
afraid.” He’s inviting you to come boldly
stance, no power of hell can defeat you
to His throne of grace where you’ll find the
(Romans 8:31–39). That’s a promise you
help you need (Hebrew 4:16).
can hang on to.
Unlike people, God won’t turn you away
or scold you or point out your failures. His
throne is one of grace, not condemnation,
hate, anger, or rebuke. The Lord offers a
KRISTI OVERTON JOHNSON encourages and
equips people for victory through her writings,
speaking engagements, and prison ministry. To
learn more, go to kojministries.org.
VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM
Issue 01 / 2024
29

The
Beauty
in
Forgiveness
BY STEPHANIE M. CARTER
ain. It’s the package
God often uses to prepare
us for His call on our
lives, to order our steps
down His path (Proverbs
19:21), and to reveal His
true nature, character,
and love. Without pain,
we may not get to where
God wants us to be.
Sometimes, we must
experience darkness and
carry it in our souls to find
true freedom.
I have suffered deep pain, but none like
what emerged from my failed marriage to
my best friend. I never knew that someone
I loved and trusted and who I believed God
had given me could create such feelings
of abuse, rejection, hatred, depression,
and a deep sense of failure and sadness.
The mental anguish was staggering, and it
almost destroyed me and others. I felt like
a prisoner in my home, heart, and soul.
It wasn’t until I gave God the keys to
my broken heart that I was finally free.
He healed me and made everything new
(2 Corinthians 3:17, 5:17). He gave purpose
to the divorce and my struggles as a single
mom and used them to reveal hidden
resentment and hurt. He also helped me
discover my true self and true love.
None of us enjoy pain. Let’s face it: misery
doesn’t feel good. But if we process
and journey through the pain with God, it
can benefit us. It can even make us whole.
Many dark nights helped me learn who
I was and discover hidden strength. More
importantly, they helped me know who
God is and who He has been my whole life.
The Lord used every bit of pain to prepare
me to be His beloved daughter and bride
(Revelation 21:9).
I have been fascinated with God for as
long as I can remember. My mom took my
sister and me to church, and the things of
God were implanted in my heart. I don’t
recall my dad going with us.
Home life wasn’t bad, but Mom seemed
unhappy. We had all the necessities, went
on family vacations, spent many summers
in Florida visiting my grandparents, and
celebrated the holidays. I don’t, however,
remember witnessing expressions of love
in our home. I often longed for the warmth
and comfort of a loving family.
In my early 20s, I learned that my dad
had had multiple affairs while I was grow-
30 Issue 01 / 2024
VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM

PHOTO BY ANNE SAY PHOTOGRAPHY
ing up. I finally understood the source of
Mom’s unhappiness and depression. Before
she died in August of 1990, I told her
I would never get married or have children.
I didn’t want the misery she had
experienced being betrayed by the man
she loved. But deep down, I still longed
for family, closeness, and love.
I had big dreams as a little girl. I was
smart, loved school, and read books of all
kinds. I wanted to be a doctor. I’m not sure
why, other than it’s what my dad wanted.
He reminded me often to be independent,
strong, and able to provide for myself. He
warned me never to depend on a man. His
words would become painfully true later
in life.
I first met my husband in high school.
There was something beautiful about him,
and he became my best friend. We didn’t
date; I wasn’t allowed to date. But we sure
did talk on the phone, sometimes all night
long. We had a deep connection, but after
graduation, we went to separate colleges
and grew apart.
I never considered that I would marry
him. I didn’t want a family, remember?
But God had other plans, as did my friend.
He told me that God had told him I would
be his wife when he first saw me in the
ninth grade.
God, the marvelous worker of His plan
for us, began to chip away at my lack of
interest in marriage. One day in college,
while lying across my twin bed, I heard
someone utter these words clear and crisp,
“I just want to be a housewife and a mom.”
I sat up, shocked, realizing that I was
the one who had spoken, and with those
words, I was suddenly filled with the desire
to be a wife and mother. God had dropped
it inside my soul.
I finished my college studies, and then,
during the first Gulf War, I reconnected with
my high school friend. I tell the love story of
how God reconnected us through a series
of dreams and events and the lessons He
taught me through our journey in my book,
Tomorrow Is Not Promised: A Personal Journey
of Submission to Holy Spirit.
On a beautiful summer day in 1992, I
married my friend, the man of my dreams.
It was the happiest day of my life. Our marriage
was a dream fulfilled by the word of
the Lord, and we both knew God had put
us together.
Our love story was so sweet and miraculous
that I assumed our journey together
It wasn’t until
I gave God the
keys to my broken
heart that I was
finally free.
would be blissful. I would have the family I
wanted with the man I loved and live happily
ever after. He would not do what my
dad had done to my mom. No way. My man
would honor our covenant and love me
as he vowed.
We were married only six years, though,
before the cheating started. Our first son
was almost three when God revealed my
husband’s actions to me. I was home in
my bedroom when the Lord told me my
husband was in a hotel room with another
woman. I was in disbelief.
Not my husband, Lord, he loves me. He loves
You. I asked God to change him.
But God didn’t work on my husband or
fix him. Instead, He worked on me and
told me to stand for my marriage. I didn’t
even know what that meant! He also told
me to forgive him.
For years, I refused to forgive. I was
hurt and angry. My disdain for my husband
increased as more affairs came.
And then, when I discovered a mistress
was pregnant, hatred roused in untold
ways for him, the other woman, and God.
I blamed Him.
God, You could have prevented this mess, but
You didn’t. How am I to live with this revelation
of a baby? What about our two sons? Do something,
Lord! You gave this man to me. He was
your gift. Fix this!
I became more confused, bitter, angry,
and caged in by the day. I wanted
to run, and several times I did. But God
kept saying, “Go back home; I will deliver
you in the fire.”
I don’t want to walk back into those flames,
Lord. They hurt. I want You to fix my situation
and my husband, to stop this nonsense and
make it right. My sons and I don’t deserve this.
But the cheating went on for 12 years,
and I, like my mother, sank into deep depression.
I curled up in my bedroom closet,
daily hiding from the world and fighting
suicidal thoughts. My husband was causing
the most excruciating emotional pain
and didn’t care. Who was this man? What
had happened to my best friend?
There was no hiding from God, though.
He climbed into the closet with me, helped
me endure years of pain, and gave me the
strength to stand. Day by day, He exposed
the hurt I had been carrying since childhood
and my feelings of being unloved by
my father. God used my husband’s rejection
to crush my heart so He could give
me a new one.
On April 11, 2010, in the middle of the
night, things came to a head with my husband.
I watched him drive away from our
home and leave behind me and our two
sons, then 14 and 8, to be with his pregnant
mistress, who was in labor.
No words can describe the loneliness
and horror I felt as I kept the birth of my
husband’s child a secret from our sons.
I vacillated between guilt and anger and
hatred to repentance. I often begged God
to kill me.
I was devastated. God was my only hope
of survival. I clung to God’s Word and kept
reading His promises of making my life
beautiful in His time.
When will that be, Lord? Pain crushed my
heart.
“Forgive them,” the Lord kept saying.
“Forgive and be free” (Matthew 6:14–15).
But why should I have to forgive? I
VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM
Issue 01 / 2024
31

Misery doesn’t
feel good. But
if we process
and journey
through the
pain with God,
it can benefit us.
hadn’t cheated. I wasn’t the one breaking
up our family. I wanted the mistress
dead and my husband to suffer. They had
purposely hurt me and my children. I was
convinced that the blood of Jesus and His
forgiveness should not reach them. They
needed to pay!
My hatred often led me to drive in my
van for hours, looking for them. I fully intended
to harm my husband and kill his
With God’s help and the support of her two sons,
Stephanie overcame great hardship, and now
she helps others do the same.
Pictured here with her sons after receiving her
associate degree at Christian Life School
of Theology Global. Stephanie continued her
education and received her doctorate degree.
mistress. God wasn’t moving fast enough
for me. I would fix this situation myself.
The pain was unbearable and clouding
my judgment. God’s grace kept me from
finding them, or I would be serving a life
sentence right now.
With time, God helped me forgive both
of them from my heart (Matthew 18:35).
And when I released my husband and his
mistress from the debt I felt they owed
me, God’s forgiveness released me. Jesus
opened the door of my prison and set
me free.
Today, on the other side of the pain, I
know that, but for this journey of suffering,
I never would have come to know God in
the deep and intimate way I do now. God
revealed Himself to me as father, husband,
and friend. He was everything and
everyone I needed. He still is. My painful
divorce led me to know the One who loves
me perfectly.
Through all the depression, suicidal and
murderous thoughts, feelings of failure,
and deep sadness, I learned to trust God’s
unconditional and never-ending love.
Through it all, despite my accusations
otherwise, He repeatedly proved that He
is a loving Father who jumps into our mess
and helps us. I saw tangible expressions of
my heavenly Father’s love and understood
this important truth: I am His beloved.
My love remains strong despite the pain
my husband caused our family. And even
after all these years, I’m still standing and
trusting God.
Being a single mom and divorcee wasn’t
my dream, but as we all know, life is filled
with unpleasant surprises. I’m sure you
can name many painful experiences that
have felt like nightmares for you.
I want to encourage you to forgive those
who’ve wronged you. Give your anger to
God and let go. Don’t become a prisoner
to hatred and bitterness.
While you’re being honest with God, let
go of your anger toward Him too. Give Him
a chance to work in and through you. He
will make all things beautiful in His time
(Ecclesiastes 3:11).
I wish I could say that forgiveness erases
or explains a person’s harmful action
toward you. It doesn’t. Nor does it make
it right. But it will set you free and make
you right. Forgiveness will give you a new
life with the Beloved. I am living proof.
STEPHANIE M. CARTER is an author and
the host of her podcast Reveal. Her heart is to
help hurting and broken women learn who they
are in Christ. To learn more, visit her websites
at revealedgrace.com and stephaniemcarter.com.
PHOTO BY ANNE SAY PHOTOGRAPHY
32 Issue 01 / 2024 VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM

WANT TO KNOW JESUS?
“Come to me, all you who are
weary and burdened, and I will
give you rest.” —Matthew 11:28 NIV
ARTWORKS BY VL INCARCERATED FAMILY MEMBER
Do you need rest? Peace? Freedom? Forgiveness? Restoration?
Call out to Jesus, accept Him as your Savior, and be made whole.
Pray: “Jesus, I invite You into my life. I confess that I am a sinner in
need of a Savior. Thank You for saving me from my sins and making
me whole. Thank You for laying down Your life for me so that I can
have a new life in You. I receive, by faith, this forgiveness of sin. Take
my life—my past and my future. Guide my steps and speak to my
heart, Lord. Use me, God. Amen.”
Let us know of your decision so we can help you grow in your faith.
Write to: VL Correspondence, PO Box 2751, Greenville, NC 27836.
PERHAPS AFTER READING the stories in this magazine, you’ve surrendered your life to
Jesus. Congratulations—it’s the most important decision you will ever make! But you might
be wondering, now what? Here are five ways to ensure spiritual growth. Remember, the
Christian life is a journey that brings lifelong transformation.
1. PRAY. Talk to God about everything and listen for His response. You don’t need
fancy words, just a sincere heart.
2. STUDY THE BIBLE. God’s Word contains all the instructions we need for life. Get
into a Bible study and discover new revelations daily. Free resources are on page 34.
3. GET BAPTIZED. Although baptism is not a requirement of salvation, the Bible
clearly tells us that we are to be water baptized after salvation. Baptism symbolizes
our dying to sin and being raised to new life in Christ Jesus (Romans 6:4). Prison
restrictions may make immersion by water difficult, so get creative and let the Holy
Spirit reveal how you can take this step of obedience until immersion is possible.
4. FIND CHRISTIAN COMMUNITY. Join a local congregation of Christ-followers. If
incarceration makes attending church difficult, fellowship with other believers the
best you can. They will help you stand strong and keep you accountable.
5. TELL SOMEONE. Share your decision to follow Christ and tell them what He has
done for you. And then, tell us! We’d love to hear from you.
WHAT NOW?
I’ve Accepted God’s Salvation.
Now What?
VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM
Issue 01 / 2024
33

MINISTRY INFO/RESOURCES
Victorious Living Prison
Outreach Information
• High transitional rates and DOC restrictions prevent us from
mailing individual subscriptions of VLMag to incarcerated
persons. However, bulk copies are provided free to prisons, jails,
recovery, and reentry programs, with or without staples, at
the request of chaplains and program directors. They may also
inquire about our national VL Prison Tour.
• We offer discipleship materials on various prison tablet systems.
Search “Victorious Living” on the prison tablet to discover MORE
Victorious Living and STEPPING FORWARD with Victorious
Living broadcasts and VL podcasts. If we are not on your tablet
system, please write to us and let us know the name of your
tablet system.
• Family members of our incarcerated family and our ministry
partners can enjoy our free resources through pandoapp.tv
and VL’s online platforms like vlmag.org, Facebook, Instagram,
and YouTube. Our care team is available to pray with family
members of our incarcerated family by phone.
• We offer fellowship through correspondence to those who are
incarcerated. Write to us at PO Box 2751, Greenville, NC 27836, or
email us through their tablet at hope@vlmag.org.
• We cannot receive COD emails or phone calls, nor do we accept
unsolicited stories for publication or legal documents.
• We encourage believers everywhere to use our materials in their
ministry. VLMag makes an incredible witnessing tool and can be
ordered in bulk copies for use in free society.
• Did you know that VLMag is available on both sides of prison
walls? It is a gift to our ministry partners and can be delivered to
anyone in free society. Call 352-478-2098 or visit vlmag.org and
click the “give now” tab. A gift of any amount is appreciated.
RESOURCES
Below are opportunities for free Christian-based
resources for both English- and Spanish-speaking
persons and chaplains. When you contact the
addresses below, tell our partners VL referred you.
VICTORIOUS LIVING
Personal correspondence available in English and Spanish.
Bulk copies of VLMag are available for jail and prison libraries
at chaplain’s request.
PO Box 2751
Email: hope@vlmag.org
Greenville, NC 27836
2ND OPPORTUNITY
Reentry and
employmentreadiness
programming; job/
housing referrals
upon request.
PO Box 3411
Peachtree City, GA
30269
PRISON
ALLIANCE
Discipleship studies
by mail; free Christian
books and Bibles for
libraries at request of
authorized personnel.
PO Box 97095
Raleigh, NC
27624
RESCUED NOT
ARRESTED
Free NIV Bibles, Bible
study correspondence
course, and NIV Life
Application Study Bible
upon completion
of study.
PO Box 90606
Phoenix, AZ 85066
CROSSROADS PRISON
MINISTRIES
Correspondence
Bible studies and
mentoring letters with
completed lessons. Free
Bibles for CRM students
upon request.
PO Box 900
Grand Rapids, MI 49509
HOPE IS ALIVE
Nationally-based sober
living homes, faith-based
support groups, and grief
support groups for those
impacted by addiction.
14400 Bogert Parkway
Suite 200
Oklahoma City, OK
73134
34
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