Windward Review Vol. 20 (2022): Beginnings and Endings

time, it could have been fatal. But she’d been the one talking and starting the fight about
the restaurant in the first place.
Focus. The break-up was happening either way.
“Jason,” she said, looking down at the pavement and watching their shadows.
“I don’t think we should see each other anymore.” The words sounded like a suggestion,
not a fact.
She didn’t look at his face, but she saw his shoulders drop. “Why?”
“I don’t feel like things are working between us,” she said. “And I don’t want to
waste either of ours time if it isn’t.”
She turned to look at him and his sad face. He held out his hand, but she shook
her head. His hand fell.
“Is this because of the accident?” he asked, perking up with clarity. “Because
I get it. Like, it’s scary, right? Things could have ended just like that.” He snapped his
fingers to signify just how quickly things could have ended. Rhiannon winced. “It makes
everything seem so tentative. But it made me realize how much I need you.” He shifted
toward her. “That’s all I’ve been thinking about these past few days. To help cope, you
know?” He scoffed and shook his head at himself. “I even thought - I started imagining
how I would propose to you. Not now, obviously, but down the line.”
This was not what she wanted to be discussing in a break-up.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I can’t be that for you.”
“But you already are that.”
“You’re not the guy I marry down the line.” The words came out too fast. She
pulled her hair back again. “I’m sorry. I’ve got to go.”
“Wait -” He reached out and grabbed her wrist. She stayed sitting, not wanting
him to pull her back down if she stood. “Can’t you just - give it a few day’s thought?
You’re kind of rushing into this.”
His fingers were cold on her wrist. “I’ve given it enough thought.”
“But if you -”
“Goddamnit, Jason.” She yanked her wrist free and stood, then stepped back.
Confidence filled her - or rather, the fear left her, just for a few seconds, leaving a feeling
of weightlessness. “I’m not - I’m not doing this anymore. It’s over. I’m sorry.”
She hesitated, waiting for some sign she was doing the right thing. But there
weren’t any signs. So she turned and walked back to her car.
She kept on without looking back, not even when her surge of confidence left
her alone with resounding doubt. She’d nearly died, her life was upturned, and now she
was abandoning one of her few constants. A constant who loved her. Maybe the accident
had changed him for the better and she was being selfish in leaving him.
She neared her car, but she stopped walking to try to slow her breathing. Black
dots appeared in the edges of her vision, feeding on her panic. She couldn’t pass out, not
in some parking lot five minutes from her house.
She forced herself to her car, ignoring the black dots, then placed a hand on it
to steady herself. She was okay. She would be okay. Taking Jason out of her life was her
only option to keep going.
She shut her eyes, drew in a breath, and opened her eyes again. There. She got
in her car and drove home.
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