Windward Review Vol. 20 (2022): Beginnings and Endings

By the end of summer, Eleanor, Noah, and I went to Dallas for a Coldplay concert. In
twenty fifteen, Coldplay had just come out with a new album that talked about “brothers
in blood, sisters who ride… if you love someone, you should let them know.” I watched Eleanor
and Noah stare at each other as Chris Martin sang their favorite song… I watched them
fall in love, and I hoped one day he would be my brother as it already felt like he was…
When I was ten, I was a lot smaller than when I was sixteen, and I always felt a big
brother connection to Noah. Every time I saw him at church, I ran up to him and he gave
me a big hug and picked me up and twirled me around… I always thought he was cool,
and still did when I was sixteen… The Coldplay album is still an association with our
relationships with them, and Eleanor and I still think about how fun seeing them with
Noah was. It was her favorite band.
Fall / Winter
In November, we took a trip to Austin altogether, and they wore their red caps as we
strolled down to home slice pizza, experiencing Eleanor’s past life (she went to UT). We
caught a movie, as their parents and sister sat beside us. We were good for them, and
they were happy to be in our lives… As December creeped up on us, we celebrated yet
another church parade and festival, wearing beanies and singing as the brothers stood
in front of us. The five of us matched outfits as we wore red and white on Christmas Eve.
“Well, this was unplanned,” Eleanor said as Noah joked
about his red tie and her red dress. For some reason red was
always a thing between them… He bought her a movie ticket
charm that she wore on a necklace with a red bead beside
it, and she always associates her past feelings with him to
Taylor Swift’s song Red.
Loving him was like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end
street, faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly.
Dean and I wore white, and took a picture where I was head over heels for him.
Although I was sixteen, I loved him in a way I didn’t believe a sixteen-year-old could.
Perhaps it’s just because he was my first love, but I never imagined him out of my life…
That picture was one of my favorites, and I still have it… Eleanor still has the ticket.
…
Dean and I hung out a lot during the weekends, and almost every day during
winter break. Most of the time we liked to stroll to the newly opened Bahama Bucks
on Saratoga, eat the tasty tiger’s blood shaved ice and compete against each other in a
game of Jenga.
“Dean, stop you’re making me laugh,” I said as I shakily removed a block from the
wobbly Jenga tower.
“I want my fifty cents,” he laughed.
Spring / Summer 2017
While Eleanor and Noah continued their weekly hangouts, sometimes on weekends
happy for me when I made the cheer team. In June, we attended another trip in Houston,
and had more volleyball nights than ever. I turned seventeen in July, and the brothers
wished me happy birthday in our group message. We cheered with Joy as we watched
Noah walk the stage during his college graduation, extremely proud of him for being the
first of his family to be a college graduate.
Sometimes emotions roared through the brothers’ bleeding
hearts. Dean being only seventeen, sometimes became manipulative,
and angry when we didn’t do things his way… which left me sad. I had a
hard time trusting him—he always said words to make me happy, but
sometimes his eyes were on other comets… Being the emotional boys
they were, Eleanor and I would come home from dates—frustrated
often, as tears filled my eyes and rage rushed through her voice.
Beginnings X Endings
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