SB_issue58_Digital

smorgasboarder 

SURF 

2023 

#58 

magazine 

Ocean lore 

Hugh Powell 

Under Sail 

Forrest Ladkin 

Man of many 

Kale Brock

Celebrating 

48 YEARS 

Celebrating 

45 YEARS 

Gerringong | 90mins south of Sydney 

Online 

+ 

In-store 

Australia’s Largest Independent Surf Shop. 

Proudly Family Owned & Run. 

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#58 

CONTENTS 

2023 

46 

36 

72 

92 

16 CONTROVERSY 

18 STUFF/NEWS 

22 COMPETITION 

24 ACROSS THE DITCH 

36 KALE BROCK 

46 FORREST LADKIN 

72 HUGH POWELL 

78 MITCHELL RAE 

92 CURL 

96 BRADLEY AUBERGINE 

98 ALOHA BARRY 

smorgasboarders 

Editorial | Amber O’Dell 

amber@smorgasboarder.com.au 

0420 615 107 

Editorial & Advertising | Dave Swan 

dave@smorgasboarder.com.au 

0401 345 201 

Social Media | Phoebe Swan 

phoebe@smorgasboarder.com.au 

0459 705 404 

New Zealand | Jiff Morris 

jeff@smorgasboarder.co.nz 

0220 943 913 

South Australia | Jimmy Ellis 

james@smorgasboarder.com.au 

0410 175 552 

Design | Horse & Water Creative 

mark, val, helen, taylah, sarah 

mark@horseandwater.com.au 

Accounts | Louise Gough 

louise@smorgasboarder.com.au 


SURF 

Ocean lore 

Hugh Powell 

Under Sail 

Forrest Ladkin 

2023 

#58 

magazine 

Man of many 

Kale Brock 

our cover 

Photo: Daygin Prescott 

Surfer: Hugh Powell 

get involved 

Stories, photos, ideas, new and 

interesting surf-related stuff you 

want to share? Drop us a line on 

editorial@smorgasboarder.com.au 

get your fix 

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Smorgasboarder is published by Huge C Media PTY LTD ABN 30944673055. All information is correct at time of going to press. The publication cannot 

accept responsibility for errors in articles or advertisements, or unsolicited manuscripts, photographs or illustrations. The opinions and words of the authors 

do not necessarily represent those of the publishers. All rights reserved. Reproduction in part or whole is strictly prohibited without prior permission.

see the wood 

photo credit: Lukie Surf ‘n Sun

for the seas 

Eco-conscious. Sustainable. 

Hand-made. High performance. 

All Australian. Built to last. 

Boards. Kits. Fins. Blanks. Accessories. 

and BALSA BOARD BUILDING COURSES. 

www.balsasurfboardsriley.com.au

MADE IN AUSTRALIA 

FOR THE WORLD 

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SUNZAPPER.COM.AU | @SUNZAPPER

Be happy 

“What do you want to be when you grow up? What do you want to do when you finish 

school?” 

My youngest child Sam recently celebrated the completion of his schooling years as this 

edition went to print. I couldn’t recall how many times he was asked that question through the 

years, the former more recently of course. And while both are valid questions, I couldn’t help 

but think that possibly a more appropriate question might be, “What makes you happy? Now 

that school is finished, how will you pursue what makes you happy?” 

Concerningly, it would appear that so many people undertake a career or a trade because 

of what they have been cajoled into pursuing. Sometimes that might be due to their grades, 

their parents own occupations, school career counsellors and/or their wider circle of family 

and friends. The last criteria however would appear to be that said individual’s interests. We 

spend so much of our lives working, surely it is plain common sense that we must first make 

sure we enjoy what we do to earn a dollar? 

“Don’t you want to go to uni? Shouldn’t you know by now what you want to do?” The 

endless procession of questions ensues. We seem to pressure our youth to come up with an 

immediate answer to what they want to do with their lives when so many of us change our 

studies and jobs incessantly until we at least hit our thirties. A lucky few know what they want 

to do throughout the entirety of their lives, but they are the exception rather than the rule. 

Why is it so pivotal that there must be an answer to this question when one finishes school? 

Sam doesn’t know what he wants to do, and you know what, I don’t care. I only care that he 

is happy and what he does makes him happy. At one stage he wanted to be a professional 

footballer, but his passion waned and he changed his mind. While I was initially disappointed, 

as I felt he might be wasting his talent, I agreed with his decision because I am cognisant of 

the fact that if you don’t have a true passion for what you do, you will never put in the hard 

yards to realise that dream. When you do something you love, you will always put in the effort 

to make it worthwhile. Sure, the desire and love for that certain pursuit may wax and wane 

from time to time, but there will always be an underlying passion driving you to succeed. 

So, most importantly, I want Sam to be happy, to live life and enjoy everything he does, work 

and play. Too many young adults today battle depression and some unfortunately commit 

suicide for us all not to be concerned about their happiness, first and foremost, above all 

else, including their careers and salaries. 

I consider Katie and I fortunate that our kids are so far pursuing what they want to do and are 

loving life. Mikaela is belting away on her drums, playing with a host of bands while selling her 

art at the markets and most recently hosting her first ever exhibition. Phoebe works with me 

at Horse & Water, our creative agency, which also produces this esteemed publication, and 

so of course she loves what she does and considers herself so incredibly fortunate to work 

with such an amazing boss. And I have full confidence that Sam will figure out in due course 

what he wants to do because he is a smart cookie. My only bit of guidance is to pursue what 

makes him happy, and perhaps pay him a little bit of money so I don’t have to constantly 

refuel his car. 

Where am I going with all of this? Well, this is the ‘long-winded edition’… Jokes aside, this 

edition has a bit to do with aspirations and passions. Our feature story is about a young man 

by the name of Forrest Ladkin. Forrest regales his early childhood dream of being a pirate 

and how he has kind of realised that dream. Sailing the seas, not the plundering. He is an 

incredibly talented waterman but had next to no experience sailing a yacht. Despite this he 

pursued his dreams by going over to Sweden to buy himself a yacht. His ensuing journey 

ultimately brought him all the way down to Tahiti and Sumbawa, which are certainly nice 

places to end up in the pursuit of your dreams. 

In this edition we also talk to the one and only Mitchell Rae, surfboard alchemist, artisan and 

every other complimentary superlative you can think of. Mitchell’s pursuit of his passion, 

crafting magical surfboards, has enabled him to live the life he desired. Best of all, he has 

recently been acclaimed as one of the best in the world at doing what he loves. What a 

beautiful accolade. 

Mark Riley and Stephen Halpin also love what they do. The pride and passion they put into 

each of their boards is on clear display. We chat with them about their big wave wooden guns 

in particular. 

We also chat with surfing legal eagle Hugh Powell about ocean law and former television 

personality turned surf coach Kale Brock who can certainly rip (pictured here pulling a nice 

floater). If that wasn’t enough, even our good mate Darren Marks, aka Curl, who brings to 

us the antics of Aloha Barry each edition, talks about his love of drawing. Curl will have you 

rolling around in stitches as he describes the immense joy he feels working with us. Hell, 

even our controversy column talks about pursuing what interests you and not what’s deemed 

cool. The weird and wonderful have always appealed to us and it’s amazing how many of 

the inventions we’ve tested through the years might appear out of the ordinary, but their 

performance most certainly is, for all the right reasons. 

So, be happy people. It is a joyous time of year, the season to be jolly. Make sure to seize the 

day and live your life to the fullest. Merry Christmas from all of us at Smorgasboarder. 

The Smorgasboarders

Photo supplied courtesy of Kale Brock

CUSTOM 

SURFBOARDS 

SINCE 1969. 

COWES 03 5952 2578 

147 Thompson Ave, Cowes 

SMITHS 03 5952 3443 

225 Smiths Beach Rd, Smiths Beach

islandsurfboards.com.au

DROP IN 

Latest summer 

stock in store now. 

Reader photos 

Joe Brayford at G-Land tucking into 

a few small ones. He also happens to 

be a Team Rider for Mark Benson of 

Mr Damage Surfboards in SA. 

BUSINESS FOR SALE 

Contact Peter 0417 727 875 peter@kpsgroup.com.au 

1/12 The Terrace, 

Brunswick Heads NSW 

p: 02 6685 1283 

# 58 // smorgasboarder // 

13

AN. LEGEND.

MANLEGEND. 

BEACH. BUSH. BUILT. 

beaugunn.com.au

words: dave swan 

EVERYTHING 

& ANYTHING 

Fish Finger 

MORE Surfboards 

Rather than a controversial 

topic per say, or my regular 

rant as this column has 

so often become depending 

on my mood, the topic of 

conversation this time 

around is more of a personal 

observation. I believe 

surfers today, in the main, 

are averse to new things. 

By ‘things’ I mean new 

approaches to surfboard 

design, technology, fins and 

basically anything out of 

the mainstream. Essentially, 

if it’s not endorsed by a pro 

surfer, it isn’t any good. 

What makes this stance quite intriguing is that the 

whole evolution of surfing, and indeed surfboard design, 

including the shortboard revolution and so on, were 

brought about by a free-thinking, exploratory, free-spirited 

approach to almost everything related to surfing. 

Alternatives were imagined, considered and trialled 

regarding surfboard design, whether it be length, plan 

shape, deck profile, bottom profile, concave, rocker, 

materials employed, fins, fin systems, deck pads, leashes 

and more. 

Some might argue that this is proof it has all been trialled 

before and we’ve stuck with what’s proven. However, 

have surfing styles not progressed since back when these 

various creations were developed? Maybe they’re more 

relevant to today’s varied surfing styles? 

With regards to pro-surfer endorsements, these certainly 

validate the effectiveness of a said product. The question 

remains however, how much can that product benefit an 

everyday surfer? Will it make a bee’s d*ck of difference to 

Joe or Josy Average? I don’t know about you, but I don’t 

surf like a pro surfer and am not going to anytime soon. 

One could argue, “If you best want to emulate how a 

pro surfer surfs, you would be well placed to buy the 

boards and equipment they do.” Personally, I think that 

perspective is bollocks. I don’t have their ability, nor their 

stature, so maybe I am better served by looking into 

equipment that will help compensate for my shortcomings, 

things that will serve to enhance my strengths. Plus, 

maybe I am not trying to just go fast and pull off a massive 

air or cutback. Maybe I just want to drift and slide the ass 

of my board out as I attempt a bottom turn or slowly draw 

out a massive arc on the wave face. 

Getting back to this risk averse observation of mine, think 

to yourself how many times you have heard your mates 

when they’ve seen something new go, “Oh, that won’t 

work. Oh, that’s for kooks. That’s just weird.” This is 

despite the fact that they may have never tried the product. 

What ever happened to our good old Australian saying, 

“You’ll never know unless you give it a go.” It should now 

be replaced with, “Yeah nah, I don’t try anything new for 

fear of being labelled uncool or a kook.” 

FOILZ 

5 degree planular section 

Fish Finger 

training wheels 


16 

Paul cole and 

his fat penguin

winglets 

foil-section 

shaped tip 

VAMPIRATE 

GRAVE DIGGER 

low taper 

ratio 

The Wavegrinder 

5.5 fin for thrusters 

high aspect 

ratio 

planform 

rounded nose 

section 

Some people might not believe this statement to be true, 

but allow me to give you a little insight into the last 14 years 

of Smorgasboarder. Through this time, we have come to 

know of, hear about and subsequently trial so many new/ 

reinvigorated/reimagined surfboard designs, products and 

technologies. I couldn’t count how many times we were 

stopped in the street and questioned as to whether they 

worked. Although I should rephrase that, by “questioned”, 

I should say the way in which the question was asked, 

along with the facial expression, inferred part scorn, part 

belittlement and part bemusement, as if to say, “Surely that 

doesn’t work”. My reply would always be, “I don’t know, 

but there is only one way to find out and it will be fun all the 

same.” 

So, what are some of these creations? Adorned on this 

spread is but a few. Each heightened a certain aspect of 

surfing I love but not necessarily all at once — from speed 

to glide drifting, manoeuvrability, mellow cruising and 

noseriding. Surfing to me is a bit like music. I like everything 

from thrash metal through to classical, jazz, rap, reggae, rock, 

country and everything else in between. It just depends on my 

mood. 

So, what led me to pen this article? It was a recent 

conversation I had with Jack Field of Surfoilz who has been 

trialling his boards with the FoilDrive system, which basically 

speeds up the whole learn-to-foil process. This bit of tech 

enables you to get up on foil (the hardest part) and then, it is 

all up to you. 

Jack mentioned how reticent surfers were to try new things, 

like foiling and new technologies like the FoilDrive. I was 

trying to convince him that was not the case. However, the 

more I thought about it, the more I questioned my conviction. 

I then reconsidered my stance somewhat in light of the little 

community we have got going thanks to Smorgasboarder. 

In some small way, I would like to think we have influenced 

a shift in narrative and encouraged more people to try new 

things and simply go out there and have fun. Screw the 

naysayers. Just consider the revolution that is going on with 

Keith “Robbo” Robinson’s Gut Slider of late reintroducing 

those whose knees have given up long ago to the joys of 

surfing once more. 

Anyhow, I argued that may be the case with surfers in the 

main, but Smorgasboarders are a different breed. We follow 

the beat of a different drum. Through the years of us trialling 

the weird and wonderful, we have hopefully opened our 

reader’s minds to the endless possibilities for fun out on the 

water. Surfing everything and anything is a Smorgasboarder’s 

mantra – it’s our creed. Continue to open your minds to the 

endless possibilities good people. 

NASA 0012 

foil section 

cutaway 

DOUBLE ENDER 

Harvey Surfboards 

goberlygook 

by GLENN CAT 

low sweepback 

angle 

forwardly 

projecting fin root 

SEAGLASS 

Tom Wegener 

Mark Rabbidge’s 

Five Finger Splade 


17

Drowning: at what cost 

to rescue another? 

As the summer holidays draw near, beachgoers and ocean-lovers will flee to the water in 

Australia. Being in the ocean brings with it a feeling of freedom, adventure and holidays. 

But the beach is also Australia’s leading coastal drowning location. 


18 

Year in and year out, hundreds drown. Each is tragic. Each is avoidable. 

Bystanders, particularly surfers, play a pivotal role in preventing drowning. 

But, at what cost? 

The National Drowning Report 2023 recorded 281 drownings in the last 

year. 75 of those were at the beach, which is a 29% increase on the 10- 

year average. Rip currents are the number one coastal hazard and are on 

the rise with men being the highest fatality. Most beach drownings occur at 

the height of the summer holidays – January and February on Saturday and 

Sundays. 

About two thirds of drownings happen more than one kilometre away from 

a Surf Life Saving service. This is unsurprising, given that only about 4% of 

the 11,000-odd beaches in Australia are patrolled in some form. Inevitably, 

emergency assistance falls to bystanders in the absence of Surf Life Saving 

support, usually surfers or other beachgoers. 

13% of drownings at beaches in 2022/23 were an attempted rescue of 

another. That’s 10 people in the last year who tried to do the right thing but 

paid the ultimate price. 

The lack of accurate data about successful bystander rescuers could be 

because most go unreported. However, some studies suggest that surfers 

make as many rescues as trained professional lifeguards. Most surfers do not 

possess the same level of skill to save a life as a trained lifeguard. An average 

of 10 surfers drown themselves each year and nearly 40% of surfers have 

rated themselves as being a weak or average swimmer. So, what liability 

could attach to a surfer who attempts to rescue another, but whose good 

intentions do not save a life? 

Firstly, there is no proactive duty to rescue someone in danger. It is a moral 

obligation that compels us to act. Apart from the morally questionable nature 

of the issue, while it will always depend on the circumstances, it is hard to 

envisage a situation where a viable claim would arise due to the numerous 

defences available. One exception could be if the rescue was conducted in a 

grossly negligent or reckless manner. And what if the surfer is injured during 

the rescue? 

A claim could potentially be pursued directly against the person being rescued 

if the injury was a reasonably foreseeable consequence of the situation. 

There is clearly value in generally allowing lifeguards (employed and 

volunteer) to conduct rescues without fear of being sued. In Queensland, 

generally no liability will attach to a lifeguard for an act done while rendering 

first aid or assistance to another in an emergency. The situation in New South 

Wales is slightly different in that volunteer lifeguards are still protected, but 

vicarious liability could attach to their club or the council depending on the 

circumstances. 

While Australia has always had a strong professional lifeguarding and 

volunteer Surf Life Saving service, it is inherently impossible for all beaches to 

be patrolled at all times. Surfers and other beachgoers have historically done 

their best to plug the gap and sometimes, this has sadly cost them their lives. 

With the summer holidays now upon us and temperatures predicted to be 

higher than ever, there will be more people in the water and more pressure 

on our Surf Life Saving services. The beach is a hazardous and unpredictable 

environment, so let’s be safe this summer as we remember the brave people 

who put their own lives at risk to save another. 

schultzlaw.com.au 

i

NEWS 

Building a surfboard with your dad, mother, 

brother, sister, uncle or good friend is more than 

just the joy of crafting something with your own 

hands. It is the opportunity to spend quality time 

with those you love. This Christmas, if you’re 

considering what may be the perfect gift for 

that special someone who loves to surf, think 

no further than a board building course. They 

will not only have something tangible they can 

take away from the experience, it will also be 

something they can enjoy over and over again 

and, most importantly of all, you will both have 

an indelible memory of that special time spent 

together. That’s how special bonds are formed. 

Conor Hegyi bought a board building course for 

his father Charles last Father’s Day. He spoke of 

the memorable experience. 

“I had such a great time creating these boards 

with Dad. 

“If you are lucky enough to still have your dad 

with you and you were thinking it’s time to do 

something meaningful together, then this is your 

reminder. We don’t live forever so go make it 

happen. Go make some memories. 

“Thank you Mark Riley at Riley Balsa Surfboards 

for making this opportunity possible. It was an 

honour to meet you and work with you learning 

your art.” 

Mark conducts a number of board building 

courses throughout the year and yes, gift 

certificates are available for Christmas. 

There are indeed many reputable places around 

Australia that host board building courses, 

ranging from hollow wooden surfboards through 

to solid balsa classics, eco-friendly creations 

and those made of foam and fibreglass. 

Listed below are a number of courses that have 

appeared in the pages of Smorgasboarder throughout 

the years: 

balsawoodsurfboardsriley.com 

(Cronulla, New South Wales) 

www.facebook.com/treehouse.shapes/ 

(Helensburgh, New South Wales) 

shapesbysteveo.com (Sunshine Coast, Queensland) 

tomwegenersurfboards.com 

(Sunshine Coast, Queensland) 

barenakedboards.com.au 

(Sunshine Coast, Queensland) 

bywaterdesign.com.au (Brisbane, Queensland) 

treetosea.com.au (Mt Eliza, Victoria) 

thesurfboardstudio.com.au (Melbourne, Victoria) 

connectedby.org (Perth, Western Australia) 

redleafsurfboards.com (North Island, New Zealand) 


19

stuff 

SET YOUR 

Riding with sunglasses can be a 

SIGHTS 

hassle. They fog up, get splattered 

with water droplets that hamper your 

vision and can fall off and sink to the 

bottom of the ocean. New technology 

now makes those stereotypical 

problems a thing of the past, as seen 

HIGHER 

in this interview with Pete Walmsley 

from LiP Sunglasses Australia as he 

discusses eye protection in the water. 

Realistically, how much of a problem is the 

sun's glare for our eyes and how much worse 

does it become when combined with water? 

The core risk to eye health is from UV radiation. Most 

of us are aware that the sun's ultraviolet rays are 

completely invisible yet damaging to our skin and 

can lead to sunburn and skin cancer. It's why we use 

sunscreen to block out these harmful rays. 

The eyes and the skin around the eyes can also be 

damaged by exposure to UV radiation. Like visible 

light, UV light reflects off water and increases your 

exposure to UV radiation and the associated risks to 

your eye health. A secondary but also important issue 

associated with the sun's glare is the loss of visual 

performance. Glare can be extremely uncomfortable, 

quickly leading to irritation (redness and dryness), 

headache and blurred vision. 


20 

What happens to our eyes when directly zapped 

by sunlight glare? 

Without UV blocking lenses, UV-A radiation can 

damage the macula, a part of the retina at the back 

of the eye, whereas UV-B radiation can damage the 

front of the eyes like the cornea and lens. Macular 

degeneration, cataracts, pterygium (aka: 'surfer's 

eye'), skin cancer and corneal sunburn all result from 

UV exposure to the eyes and can lead to temporary 

or even permanent blindness. Most importantly, the 

damage that UV does to our eyes is cumulative over 

our lifetime, so it's really important to get into the habit 

of wearing sunglasses at an early age. 

What should we consider when protecting our 

eyes from UV radiation on the water? 

Our eyes may be protected from UV damage with UV 

blocking sunglasses, but the degree to which they 

are protected will also be determined by the shape of

stuff 

the frame we are wearing. UV is indiscriminate and 

ubiquitous and there is an abundance of reflected 

UV flying around when we are out on the water. 

All of our watershades are an 8-base (or 'wrap') fit, 

which means the frame closely contours the face. 

This has the dual benefit of minimising UV and 

light leakage from the sides, top and bottom of the 

frame, and also significantly enhances peripheral 

vision, which has a big advantage for fast-moving 

watersports. In combination with UV blocking 

lenses, this helps to minimise the amount of UV that 

can penetrate behind the lenses from the sides, 

bottom and top. The larger the gap between the 

frame and face, the more likely UV will penetrate 

into the eyes and the skin around the eyes. 

How should we reduce glare when out on the 

water? 

The best way to reduce glare is to wear sunglasses 

with polarised lenses. Polarised lenses have a 

special filter that blocks out horizontally reflected 

light that comes off surfaces like water and snow, 

which we perceive as glare. 

How do lenses differ? What makes a highperformance 

lens? 

It is helpful to think about lenses as comprised of 

two components – one, the lens material substrate, 

and two, the lens coatings. 

There are many materials used in lenses, ranging 

from glass to polyurethane. Each material has its 

own characteristics in terms of clarity, weight, 

impact resistance, refractive index and scratch 

resistance. For impact sports like surfing, 

kiteboarding and wing foiling, lightweight and highly 

impact resistant materials like polycarbonate, trivex 

or nylon are the most suitable. 

Coatings can be applied to the base lens material 

to provide enhanced functionality and performance. 

Coatings like anti-fog, anti-reflection, hydrophobic, 

anti-scratch, mirror and, in some cases, polarisation 

are all applied on top of the substrate. It is the 

addition of these coatings that differentiate one 

lens from another in terms of functionality and 

performance but, as with everything in life, you get 

what you pay for as not all lens coatings are created 

equally. We only source our lenses from leading 

lens suppliers. Most of our sunglasses have ZEISS 

lenses, as the quality of their lens substrates and 

coatings is unrivalled in the industry. 

When did LiP Sunglasses produce their first 

shades for water use? 

We are passionate watersports people and aim to 

do everything we can to ensure people can spend 

more time out in the water doing what they love 

while also protecting their eyes. 

Our first watersports sunglasses design, the 

Typhoon, was created in 2012. The name was 

inspired by a South Korean windsurfer, 'Typhoon 

Jeon', who spent much of his time windsurfing on 

the island of Boracay with our founders. Since then, 

we have continued to refine our designs and grow 

the range from one to three different models with a 

variety of lens tints and frame colour combinations. 

What makes LiP Sunglasses different? 

Our sunglasses utilise state-of-the-art lens and 

coating technology supported within lightweight 

and flexible frames that are comfortable and can 

absorb impact loads. The frame designs also offer 

an optimal field of view with a wrapped frame 

curvature and extensive eye protection. 

We utilise a premium hydrophobic coating on the 

inside and outside of our lenses which aggressively 

repels water to keep the lenses clear. We have 

also developed a unique double-stage retainer 

system so you can’t lose your sunglasses, even in 

the biggest wipeouts. We are so confident in the 

quality of our sunglasses that we offer a three-year 

warranty across all models. 

As a way of acknowledging 

and celebrating the passionate 

watersports readers of this 

publication we are pleased to offer a 

10% OFF COUPON 

for a limited time 

‘SmorgasboarderSunnies’ 

Visit lip-sunglasses.com.au, choose 

your sunnies, pop in the coupon code at 

checkout, get your 

sunnies in the post 

and then spend more 

time out there on 

the water, without 

the glare, while also 

protecting your eyes. 

lip-sunglasses.com.au 


21

IN! 

WIN!WIN! 

WIN! 

GHOST 

RACKS 

comp 

LIKE TO 

WIN A 

VOODOO 

CHILD? 

Here’s your chance to 

be the proud-owner 

of this 6’4” quad/ 

thruster hand-crafted 

by Stephen Halpin. 

Board 

The board you are in the running 

to win is this magic 6’4” x 22” x 2 

5/8”. Super responsive and an easy 

paddler, it’s sure to get you onto 

plenty of waves. Featuring beautiful 

pin lines and Hawaiian hibiscus fabric 

inlay, it is truly a sight to behold. 

We must sure like these Ghost Racks because we now have quite 

a few around the place — at home, in the office… The reason being 

quite simply because they don’t detract from the display of your 

beloved surfboard, skateboard, snowboard and now guitar. 

Ghost Racks are a near transparent, super strong acrylic rack system. 

The appeal is undeniable and the reason why the racks have taken 

the world by storm. 

The good folks at Ghost Racks now make every kind of rack 

imaginable from surfboard racks to skateboard racks, corner racks, 

horizontal, vertical, multi-angle, free standing and overhead options… 

you name it, they have it. Better yet, Ghost Racks cater for a diverse 

array of board shapes and fin setups too, so your board doesn't 

get jeopardised. We love them so much at Smorgasboarder we are 

offering up a set of Ghost Racks for one lucky reader in every edition. 

So how do you enter? 

This is a game of chance. All you need to do is 

two things to be in with a chance to win: 

1. Signup to the Smorgasboarder newsletter, 

if you have not already. Go to our website 

smorgasboarder.com.au and click on the 

Newsletter Sign Me Up link and enter your 

email details 

2. Go to our Smorgasboarder Instagram page: 

a. Follow our Smorgasboarder Insta page 

b. Like the WIN A VOODOO CHILD post 

c. Share it on your Instagram page 

d. Tag us on your shared post 

Things you need to know… 

We’ll pick a winner on Wednesday 31st January 2024, so you 

have plenty of time to enter. We will announce the winner on our 

Instagram via an update to our GHOST RACKS COMP post. 

This competition is open to Smorgasboarder readers worldwide. 

The prize will be your choice of either a vertical or horizontal 

wall rack from the Ghost Racks surf range. We will even post 

the racks to you at their expense! This is a game of chance. 

Things you need to know… 

We’ll pick a winner on Wednesday 31st 

January 2024, so you have plenty of time to 

enter. We will announce the winner in our 

March 2024 Easter edition. 

This competition is open to Smorgasboarder 

readers throughout Australia and New 

Zealand. 


22 

how to enter 

Go to our Smorgasboarder 

Instagram page: 

a. Follow our Smorgasboarder Instagram page 

b. Like the GHOST RACKS COMP post 

c. Share it on your Instagram page 

d. Tag Smorgasboarder and Ghost Racks on your 

shared post 

It’s that simple. 

Please note: It will be the winner’s 

responsibility to collect their prize from 

Shapes by Steveo at Shed 30, 133 Quanda 

Road, Coolum, Queensland. 

Kaizen and Shapes by SteveO 

Aside from his hollow wooden surfboards and Hemp Tech eco-friendly range, 

Stephen also crafts a number of traditional foam and fibreglass models under 

his Kaizen brand, “Kaizen” being a Japanese term meaning change for the 

better or continuous improvement. Upon viewing Stephen at work in his 

factory you can see the various design templates and construction techniques 

he employs in his continual pursuit to refine and improve the boards he 

makes. You can tell he lives and breathes this philosophy. 

shapesbysteveo.com


23


24

Across the ditch 

Most surfers are in tune with nature in some form or another, at the very least. As a result, 

an appreciation and respect for nature is almost a given. Well, there is no better place to be 

completely awestruck by Mother Nature than New Zealand. In this edition, we head inland 

somewhat to marvel at her natural wonders. Hey, you can’t surf 24/7, seven days a week. 


25


words: amber o’dell 

A STEP 

FURTHER 

There’s a reason that, out of all the beautiful 

places in the world, New Zealand was chosen to 

host the greatest high fantasy adaptation of all 

time. The island’s landscape is beyond majestic, 

and we aren’t just talking about the coast. 


26


To say that we love the surf in New Zealand would 

be an understatement. The country has a heavenly 

15,000 kilometres of coastline, with each stretch 

being made up of turquoise swells, black sand bays 

and long beaches, some even framed by snowcapped 

mountains and temperate rainforests. Also, 

as most of you know already, we are suckers for 

cold water surfing. 

Every one of the island’s dreamlike beaches and 

secluded coves ooze paradise, which must say 

a whole lot about what lies further inland, deeper 

among New Zealand’s mountains, fjords, lakes and 

volcanoes. Our curiosity was officially piqued when 

an insightful little book came across our desks – 

Greatest Walks of the World. 

As surfers, we cannot help but feel the desire to 

chase and conquer all of the natural wonders that 

cross our path. Needless to say, we were quite 

taken by this comprehensive guide to the world’s 

most famous nature trails – each chosen for their 

outstanding natural beauty and popularity among 

the hiking community. 

Published earlier this year, Greatest Walks of the 

World is written by Stuart Butler and Mary Caperton 

Morgan Stuart – authors who share the belief that 

“there’s no more satisfying way of exploring the 

world than on foot”. In addition to being avid hikers, 

Stuart and Mary are science, guidebook and travel 

writers for publications such as Lonely Planet and 

Canon’s EOS magazine, so they really do know their 

stuff. 

As you can imagine, we initially flicked straight 

to the New Zealand section of the guide, which 

features walks that weave through glaciers, jagged 

cliffsides, forests, volcanic plateaus and some of the 

highest waterfalls in the world. It really does take 

a whole lot of planning and experience to navigate 

this exhilarating stuff, which is one of the problems 

that this book aims to solve. 

The read obviously features many of the major 

international walks that appear on a lot of people’s 

bucket lists, but what makes it especially handy is 

that its pages are filled to the brim with local insider 

advice – which is really some of the most valuable 

travel insights you can get. 

When it comes to the Land of the Long White 

Cloud, it’s no surprise that we were drawn to its 

most magnificent and well-known trail – the Milford 

Track. Built upon the ancient Māori footpaths 

that make up the Fiordland National Park on the 

South Island, the walk follows a 53-kilometre route 

linking enormous glacier-carved valleys along the 

southwest coast. 

While the first few days of the walk (which includes 

a long, scenic boat ride to the north shore of Lake 

Te Anau) seem pretty cruisy, the book goes on to 

explain that the biggest physical test of this track 

makes itself known on day three, with the hike up 

McKinnon Pass. 

“Māori call this pass Omanui, meaning the ‘great 

escape’, as it’s a bit of a hidden route up and over 

the mountains between the Clinton River valley and 

the Arthur River valley. The trail zigzags up through 

dense rainforest before emerging into the alpine 

zone between Mount Hart and Mount Balloon, 

gaining more than 731 metres of elevation. 

“On clear days, you’ll be rewarded with a 

360-degree view of the surrounding landscape, but 

these days are rare, as visibility at the pass is often 

restricted by clouds and rain. But even wet weather 

is beautiful here, as fog adds an air of mystery to 

the landscape. 

“If you find yourself wet and shivering at the top of 

the pass, warm up in Pass Hut – a day lodge at the 

summit. The current hut is the fifth built at the pass, 

with three of the previous four having been blown 

off the summit by high winds.” 

Yeah, it’s a bit dicey, and a little different from the 

kinds of dangers that the ocean normally throws our 

way, but it’s all a part of the experience in regards 

to New Zealand’s beautiful untamed wilderness – 

expect wind and a whole lot of rain. 

After a four-day trek, the Milford Track comes to a 

spectacular end at Milford Sound, also known by 

its Māori name, Piopiotahi. In addition to looking 

like one of Bob Ross’s dramatic landscape oil 

paintings come to life, this famous fjord is known for 

its breathtaking views, which encompass towering 

rock faces and waterfalls that drop over 152-metres 

on either side of the Tasman Sea. 

Scenery like this really makes you understand why 

people spend days navigating some of the most 

perilous and unexplored corners of the world. 

The read obviously features 

many of the major international 

walks that appear on a lot of 

people's bucket lists, but what 

makes it especially handy is that 

its pages are filled to the brim 

with local insider advice . 


27



28 

Speaking of which, despite featuring 200 different trails 

(with each having its own set of unbelievable photos, might 

we add), the book really is thorough, and even specifies 

difficulty ratings with plenty of detail around the duration 

of the trek, the severity of its elevation and inclines, the 

types of equipment needed and the amount of experience 

required. 

Which is great, because unlike the Milford Track, New 

Zealand’s Tongariro Alpine Crossing requires a lot more grit, 

In addition to being avid hikers, 

Stuart and Mary are science, 

guidebook and travel writers for 

publications such as Lonely Planet 

and Canon's EOS magazine, so they 

really do know their stuff. 

The 

authors 

Mary Caperton Morton 

Stuart Butler 

especially since the trail passes through a valley of active 

volcanoes, meaning eruptions could happen at any time. 

Toted as one of the best day hikes in the world, the 

19.5-kilometre walk takes you through the alpine landscape 

of Tongariro National Park, which is littered with luminous 

pools and dominated by the region’s three largest 

volcanoes – Ruapehu, Ngāuruhoe and Tongariro. 

The book describes that, for the entire length of the 

crossing, you’ll be hiking on solidified lava flows, loose 

tephra (smaller rock particles ejected from the volcanic 

vent), lava bombs and larger rocks that were thrown by the 

volcano during its past eruptions. 

“The landscape is amazingly colourful with many hues of 

red iron and yellow sulphur standing out against the dark 

rock. In several areas, active fumaroles roil at the surface, 

spewing steam and sulphur dioxide. 

“In August and November 2012, the Te Maari craters 

on Mount Tongariro erupted, showering the route with a 

layer of ash and volcanic rocks. Nobody was hurt, but the 

Ketetahi Hut was damaged by volcanic bombs, and the trail 

was closed for several days after both eruptions. 

“Ngāuruhoe has erupted more than sixty times in the last 

150 years, with the most recent events occurring in 1973 

and 1975.” 

Obviously, Tongariro Alpine Crossing is a pretty hardcore 

trek, but despite its obvious intensity, many might be 

swayed to take it on due to the simple fact that Ngāuruhoe 

was the mountain used to represent Mount Doom in the 

Lord of the Rings series. In fact, plenty of breathtaking 

settings in Middle Earth were filmed along the trails featured 

in the book. You’ve got to admit, it does add to the fanciful 

experience of being immersed in some of the most outthere 

landscapes on earth.


However, as tempting as it might be to try to re-create some 

of the dramatic scenes on Mount Doom, Greatest Walks of 

the World states that the local Māori tribe campaigned to 

have Ngāuruhoe closed to outsiders after the movie in order 

to protect the mountain from erosion. 

“But don’t be too disappointed – the volcano’s steep slopes 

are covered in loose, volcanic ash, and the hike to the 

summit is a slog. If you really want to tag a high point along 

this route, Tongariro is a far better climb to a spectacular 

view. Just be aware that it adds considerable mileage and 

elevation gain onto an already long day.” 

Conveniently, every featured trail in the book comes with 

suggestions for similar walks to try next, with each trek 

linked by a common theme such as the type of terrain, 

region and wildlife. It was within these recommendations 

following the raw volcanic beauty of the Tongariro Alpine 

Crossing that we recognised Mount Taranaki – the second 

highest mountain on the North Island. 

There are few sights more striking than a lonely, snowcapped 

mountain almost entirely surrounded by ocean in 

the middle of a temperate forest. The Mount Taranaki trail 

really is beautiful, and most importantly, it is only a little over 

30 kilometres as the crow flies from the region’s famed surf 

breaks, like Stent Road and Graveyards. 

While our infatuation with New Zealand led us down the 

path of exploring its many famous trails, there are quite 

literally hundreds more hiking routes in this handy little 

book. We recommend checking out Greatest Walks of 

the World for those that seek adventures beyond the 

coastline, whether that be closer to home among the capes, 

mountains and prehistoric trails of Australia or somewhere 

far off on the other side of the earth. 


29


As the days grow longer, and the 

sun bites at our shoulders, 

We ride a nice little right-hander, 

before turning to paddle back out. 

It’s summer for us, and there’s so 

much fun to be had. 

But, as the saying goes... 


30 

it’s always 

Winter somewhere!


The shop is again bulging at the seams with our summer watersports 

lines — the likes of Torq & Modern surfboards, RedAir Inflatable 

SUP’s, Ripcurl and Vissla wetsuits and Hyperlite and Liquid Force 

wakeboard packages, to name just a few. 

Ironically, with a plethora of summer product instore, this time of year 

we are also taking delivery of all that great new winter product, ready 

for your Northern Hemisphere sojourns or preparing yourself for winter 

2024. As we struggle for shop space, all this preseason product can 

be seen on our newly redesigned website — www.nzshred.co.nz. 

Between days in the shop and trips down the coast, we’ve been 

spending a few moments, fine tuning the details of our annual Japan 

snow experiences. Based over a 21+ day excursion, we frequent both 

islands of Honshu and Hokkaido, visiting smaller towns and resorts 

while still having the comforts of quality infrastructure, with traditional 

Japanese charm. Doing both islands, allows participants to undertake 

in the whole trip or pick a leg to suit their own work or personal 

situations. 

Having the chance to travel to the “Land of the Rising Sun” some 

dozen times now, it is always such an experience and privilege. And 

the mix of group members is also a highlight, both for us organising 

and for often life-long friendships that are developed from this time 

away. 

But, we can’t kid ourselves… it’s yuki that we’re all really going for… 

and there is a truck-tonne of it. Wherever you go, whatever you do, 

a Japanese winter has an amazing amount of snow. The resorts we 

frequent, register an average snowfall of 13+ metres through these 

colder months, with some even pushing the 16m bar. 

And it’s not all about holidays and fun times. With the help of a variety 

of brands such as Oakley, Jones, Nitro and Burton, we take a whole 

lot of winter gear to demo – this is passed around the group and gives 

us a chance to get real-time feedback on how products perform and 

how it suits potential customers in the field. 

To check out the newly landed winter product and our huge range of 

summer clothing and toys, jump on our website or contact us directly. 

Keep an eye on our social channels to keep up with our day-to-day 

activities, as well as the 2024 Japan snow trips. 

NZ SHRED 

www.nzshred.co.nz 


31

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32 

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36 

photo: guy williment

interview 

words: amber o’dell 

MAN 

OF 

MANY 

SURFING OFTEN LENDS 

ITSELF TO MANY 

BRANCHING PASSIONS. 

THAT’S WHY WE 

ENDEAVOUR TO EXPLORE 

EVERYTHING WE CAN IN 

SMORGASBOARDER, FROM 

TRAVEL, PHOTOGRAPHY, 

HEALTH AND JOURNALISM 

TO COACHING, FILM, 

NUTRITION AND ART. 

Most surfers pick up one or two of these 

pastimes and run with them, but Kale Brock is 

not most people – he does it all. On the surface, 

he travels the world surfing while telling stories 

about surfing, but there’s a lot more to his 

vibrant, multifaceted career than that. 

Before his days of television, film and social 

media stardom, Kale grew up in Adelaide, 

which, as he pointed out, has a lot of ocean but 

not a lot of waves. 

“Adelaide is a good place to grow up, but it’s 

tough as a surfer. You’ve really got to put time 

in the car to go and find waves. I first interacted 

with the ocean on a regular basis through Surf 

Life Saving, which I started when I was really 

young, maybe six or seven. Through that I got 

introduced to some surfers and caught my first 

wave when I was about ten on someone else’s 

longboard, just a little whitewater. 

“I remember catching that wave and getting 

that feeling of the glide and going, okay, I think 

this is pretty serious. I said to Mum afterwards, 

‘Oh, there’s something pretty special about this 

sport.’ 

“I didn’t really start surfing regularly until I was 

maybe 15 when my brother got his licence so 

we could drive. Then it became more of an 

obsession. I ended up giving up Aussie Rules 

football, which was going to be my career at 

that point. But I just didn’t love it as much as 

surfing, so I thought, nah, I need to just commit 

to surfing.” 

“I remember catching 

that wave and getting 

that feeling of the glide 

and going, okay, I think 

this is pretty serious. I 

said to Mum afterwards, 

‘Oh, there’s something 

pretty special about this 

sport.” 

We know as well as anybody else that it takes a long 

time for a surfing beginner to go from falling off and 

stumbling on surfboards to carving through waves 

with ease (although, wipeouts are still half the fun, 

even for such talented surfers as ourselves, Mark 

excluded). 

Learning to surf is hard, and yet, despite growing 

up on a waveless coastline and being unable to 

surf properly until his mid-teens, Kale’s surfing 

progression could be best described as meteoric. 

Kale informed us that a part of the reason why he 

developed his surfing skills so quickly was due to the 

surfing trips he often took with his older brother and 

friends. 


37

interview 


38 

“Naturally, they were a lot better. You sort of catch 

up very quickly when you surf with people who 

are better than you. My second rapid progression 

I would say happened when I actually started 

coaching people, funnily enough. 

“I had to reverse engineer surf techniques, so once 

I started doing that, I started looking at my own 

technique and going, ‘Oh hang on, what am I doing 

there? Why isn’t that working?’ I would see the 

footage and reprogram. That was a really big help 

to start developing some better habits. 

“I think that those two major milestones are where 

my surfing progressed most. I mean, obviously 

there are much better surfers than me around the 

world, but I think I’m quite capable, especially for 

someone who grew up in Adelaide.” 

Remarkably, Kale started coaching surfers when 

he was only in his mid-twenties. Over the years, 

he has perfected the intricate art of helping surfers 

access their peak performance by producing a 

myriad of content, including courses, tailor-made 

surfing experiences, video analyses and surfing 

retreats. 

Kale let us know that, when it comes to coaching, 

he focuses predominately on high-performance 

shortboarding. 

“I can coach people who ride longboards, and I 

can coach them in the basics of fundamental surf 

techniques like bottom turns, catching waves, 

positioning, angle take-offs and whatnot, but when 

it comes to actually cross-stepping, it’s not my 

forte, so I can’t really coach it. 

“But, you know, you can achieve high-performance 

shortboard style surfing on performance midlengths, 

which I think is an expanding category 

and one that deserves more interest and use 

throughout surfing demographics.” 

No matter how many years you’ve been surfing for, 

and no matter how much of a pro-surfer you think 

you might be, there will always be that lingering 

curiosity that drives you to find new ways to 

improve your form, or at least shake it up a little bit. 

When we asked what kind of go-to learning 

resources Kale takes advantage of to help other 

surfers evolve their skills, he said one of the primary 

tools he uses is SmoothStar – a skateboard 

designed to simulate the feeling of riding a wave 

that allows people to practice outside of the water. 

“I’ve worked with them from the start because they 

reached out and said they would love me to try out 

their boards. I instantly thought that wow, these 

are amazing. They’re really good at getting people 

to iron out their technique, as it’s high repetition 

without the need to actually catch a wave. That’s 

why they’re so effective. 

“They have really good crossover too, and need 

the same movements that are required to get a 

board moving. They’ve been a really good tool for 

my students and myself as well, particularly on my 

back end, as it really cleans up some technique 

issues. It can come across as a little bit kooky and 

even at face value, you know, ostensibly it kind of 

is kooky, but it’s just such a helpful training tool 

that I can’t not use or recommend. It’s really good.” 

“I had to reverse engineer surf techniques, 

so once I started doing that, I started 

looking at my own technique and going, 

‘Oh hang on, what am I doing there? Why 

isn’t that working?’ I would see the footage 

and reprogram. That was a really big help to 

start developing some better habits.”

interview 

photo credit: matt pearson 


39

interview 


40 

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Of course, when you are lucky enough to come across a renowned 

surf coach as detail-oriented as Kale, you have just got to ask about 

their boards. If you couldn’t tell already, he is definitely a shortboard 

kind of guy. However, when it comes to the rest of his quiver, Kale 

said he rides anything that is appropriate for the conditions, which he 

thinks is a big lesson that many people should try to abide by. 

“A lot of people just ride the same board all the time, regardless of 

the surf. As I’ve progressed in my own surfing, I’ve started to have a 

broader quiver and I’ll have boards for different conditions, which puts 

me in a good stead to travel the world and extract as much joy from 

each session as possible. 

“I must say, it totally depends on the conditions. I think I get the most 

joy out of catching tubes. So whatever board is appropriate for the 

tubes, be it an everyday shortboard or a bit of a high-performance 

shortboard, those are generally the sessions that I like most.” 

As a creative storyteller who documents some of the best waves that 

this planet has to offer, Kale has been fortunate to surf an unbelievable 

number of breaks. Most recently, his trips have led him to the beaches 

of Morocco, Spain, Portugal, Central America, Bali and the Maldives, 

in addition to a surf resort in Texas – just to name a few. 

So, you can imagine our surprise when, after drawing upon his 

worldwide surfing experiences, Kale said his favourite place to surf is 

at home. 

“There’s some really good waves at home. It’s quiet, there aren’t too 

many people and I know the spots very intimately. It will always have a 

special place in my heart. 

“At the same time, my work tends to take me all around the world. I 

was just in Nicaragua and had an incredible experience there. I’m in 

France right now and it’s been pumping and the weather’s amazing. 

It’s been absolutely incredible. 

“I also love the northern New South Wales coast. It’s such a beautiful 

part of the world. Australia in general is just the best I think for surfing 

anywhere, so that’s always been my preference.” 

Our chat with Kale soon gravitated towards the topic of big, heavy 

and intimidating waves – you know, the ones that send chills up your 

spine and adrenalin coursing through your veins. Yet again, Kale said 

that out of everywhere he has travelled, nothing compares to South 

Australia. 

“It’s the best. It’s the heaviest. It’s the scariest. Of all of the glory 

waves that I’ve had in my life, the best waves have all happened back 

home. 

“The only place I haven’t been that I would probably expect to be 

on that list is Hawaii, and I haven’t been there because the crowd 

situation kind of scares me. Growing up in South Oz, I’m very allergic 

to crowds. 

“There are a few breaks at home that make me very nervous. Not 

just because of the waves, but also because of what’s potentially 

underneath the waves, but I won’t share the names of those…” 

Naturally, as with all Smorgasboarder interviews, sharks creeped their 

way into the conversation. While Kale mentioned that he’s had a scare 

or two from sharks across his twenty-odd years of surfing (again, 

mostly at his home in South Australia), he also said that he’s dealt 

with his fair share of something else that strikes fear into the hearts of 

surfers – localism. 

“Spain was actually the worst experience I’ve ever had surfing in 

terms of localism. It was just absolute chaos and unjustified hierarchy 

where kooks were ruining the lineup and it was just a bizarre 

experience. I probably won’t go back to Spain for that reason, at least 

for surfing. 

“Otherwise, most people are super chill. I get approached all the time 

when I’m in a surf location by people who watch the videos and who 

have an in with the local crowd. Then all of a sudden I’m paddling 

out with the King of Anchor Point in Morocco and getting called into 

eight-foot bombs ahead of everyone else because I’ve just met this 

wonderful human. 

“So, you know, there’s good and bad examples of that. I would say 

most of my experiences are very positive in that respect.”

“As I’ve progressed in my own 

surfing, I’ve started to have a 

broader quiver and I’ll have boards 

for different conditions, which 

puts me in a good stead to travel 

the world and extract as much joy 

from each session as possible.” 


41

interview 

There’s this common snippet of trivia about the true meaning 

of passion. The word comes from the Latin root for suffer, and 

generally means a willingness to sacrifice for what you love. 

Not only has Kale had to juggle a lot while pursuing his many 

passions, but has also had to travel an insane amount while 

doing so. When asked if being constantly on the move ever 

gets draining for him, without hesitation, Kale simply said yes. 

“I love the travel, and I’m really grateful that I get to do it, but 

as time has gone on, I wane. I’ve travelled now for probably 

ten years for at least three months of every year, if not six 

to nine months. I’m just a little bit tired and feeling quite 

fatigued, so I’ve been looking at buying a house, settling down 

in Australia and being more tight around my schedule if it 

involves travel. 

“It’s important to build a good team too. I have a wonderful 

assistant, and I’m about to get a second assistant. I have a 

manager who manages all of my collaborations, and my mum 

is also my accountant. So I have some really big help, which 

is great. That’s how I do it, but it’s not easy and I find myself 

requiring more and more meditation as time goes on. 

One of the first spheres of work Kale was enticed into was 

wellbeing and inner health, which was actually initiated by an 

unfortunate heart condition he had when he was 16 called 

supraventricular tachycardia. 

“I love the travel, and I’m really grateful 

that I get to do it, but as time has gone 

on, I wane [...] 

I’m just a little bit tired and feeling quite 

fatigued, so I’ve been looking at buying 

a house, settling down in Australia and 

being more tight around my schedule if it 

involves travel.” 


42 

At the time, Kale said he was offered an ablation, which is 

a procedure aimed at burning away the sinoatrial node, the 

electrical conductor of the heart that manages the electrical 

currents across the four different chambers, as it just wasn’t 

working properly. 

“I thought, hang on, this is really illogical. Why are they burning 

the thing that’s not working properly? I’m 16 – I don’t want 

to have heart surgery. That just shot me off in a different 

direction. Long story short, I was able to turn that condition 

around within about a year and then manage it consistently up 

until now, just with a good diet and supplementation. 

“There’s obviously a lot more to it than that, but that sparked 

not just a personal journey, but also a career. The health and 

wellbeing side of things was definitely a past occupation 

and not something I really focus on now outside of my own 

personal pursuits in those spaces. But I was in that space for 

eight or nine years and it was really fun. I learned a lot, but I 

just ran out of gas from a professional standpoint. 

“Plus, as if I would choose that over surfing. I think surfing 

offers a juncture at which all those different points cross 

– spirituality, well-being, health, mind and body. That in 

itself enables me to juggle so many different aspects of the 

business, because I feel looked after and refuelled every day 

because I’m surfing every day. So I think that’s one of the 

most important things.”

interview 

It was Kale’s expertise in all things nutrition paired with his knack 

for words, creativity and storytelling that led him to publish The Gut 

Healing Protocol: An 8 Week, Holistic Guide to Rebalancing Your 

Gut, The Art of Probiotic Nutrition: Mastering Fermented Foods For 

Better Digestion, Weight Control, Immunity & Longevity and Mandy 

Microbe’s Big Gut Adventure, a book aimed at teaching gut health 

lessons to children. 

As an incredibly healthy guy and renowned surf coach, we couldn’t 

help but pick Kale’s brain for the magic ingredients to a healthy 

diet. Kale said he normally sticks to seasonal, local, organic, whole 

food in addition to lots of vegetables, some animal protein and a 

little bit of fruit. 

“If I’m within that, then I feel pretty comfortable. Nothing beats the 

feeling of having a healthy routine. I find that when I’m travelling it’s 

a little bit hard to stick to those routines, so I always feel the best 

and healthiest at home for sure. 

“I’m in France, so I’m having a lot more bread than I normally 

do. I don’t eat any bread at all unless it’s gluten-free sourdough, 

but they make such good sourdough over here that I’ve been 

having bread with a lot of my meals. I’m not too pedantic about 

it anymore, but I definitely like feeling really alive, electric and 

healthy, and I think that comes from a clean dietary approach. 

“Supplement-wise, I take a few things. I’ll generally take a green 

powder, and I take a little bit of herbal extracts. At the moment I’ve 

got elk antler, which is a pretty interesting one. I don’t take it all the 

time, but I tend to rotate between some pretty high-potency herbal 

extracts. 

“There’s only so much you can take, and you don’t want to overdo 

it because then you don’t know what’s working too. But nothing 

feels as good as walking out of a good surf – so that’s really 

probably the most important factor there.” 

Throughout his many ventures, Kale is probably best known for 

writing, directing and starring in The Gut Movie (2018) – a film that 

investigates the human microbiome through a scientific, quirky and 

fun journey where Kale travels to Namibia to live with the San Tribe. 

And because he seemed incapable of slowing down, it was only 

a year later that Kale released The Longevity Film, where he is 

featured travelling to the world’s ‘blue zones’ to investigate the 

dietary and lifestyle factors that cause their extraordinary health 

and longevity. 

While still generally focused on mental and physical wellbeing, 

Kale’s online presence has since shifted, with his social media, 

videos and documentaries being centred completely around 

coaching and surfing content. In relation to his current film 

schedule, Kale said he is constantly travelling with the team 

members he mentioned previously in addition to his filmmaker and 

editor. 

“We’re looking at sort of shifting into more tight schedules where 

I’ll film in like two to four-week blocks instead of extended trips, 

just because it does get a little bit draining having to feel like you’re 

on that content treadmill. 

“In the past, it’s been very ad hoc. It’s been very creative and very 

whimsical. What’s the surf doing? What sort of message haven’t 

I shared? Let’s shoot that. Whereas now, because everything’s 

grown so much and it’s getting pretty chaotic, I actually just find I 

need to be more structured in that approach. 

“Nothing beats the feeling of having a healthy 

routine. I find that when I’m travelling it’s a little bit 

hard to stick to those routines, so I always feel the 

best and healthiest at home for sure.” 


43

interview 


44 

“So working with those people that I mentioned before, we’re 

starting to develop a content schedule that spans out three 

months, six months, 12 months and 24 months, and then 

working towards that. I hope that comes into play in the next 

couple of months, because right now everything’s in my head, 

which is not that fun.” 

Before his life became so crazy, and prior to his films, books and 

social media fame, Kale’s career actually began in television on 

the well-known children’s show, Totally Wild. After working at 

Channel Ten for two years, he put his articulate nature to good 

use by doing a lot of podcasting and speaking on stage. 

In addition to his work in overlapping industries, Kale chalks a 

majority of his reach up to his approach to surf coaching, as it 

helped him amass a large following relatively quickly. 

“I think, in surfing, there was such a big gap between core surf 

culture and this huge influx of people we’ve seen getting into the 

sport. There was no roadmap as to how to become ‘a surfer’, 

particularly when it came to technique. 

“I just had to reverse engineer a lot of the technique stuff that 

I’ve talked about because, in my opinion, there was just nothing 

out there. Nothing was effective, relatable or comprehensive. So 

I think the main driver and goal for everything that I was doing 

was, ‘Hey, how can I help people move from wherever they are 

on that roadmap further along their journey so that they can get 

closer to achieving those peak experiences on a regular basis?’ 

“I think it would also be remiss of me not to acknowledge my 

past media experience. I think with that, I’ve been able to fall 

back on a large skill set. It’s this cross-section of thinking I’m 

great at editing, there are better editors than me, but I’m great at 

it. There are better surfers than me, but I’m good at it. There are 

better storytellers and presenters than me, but I’m good at it. 

“I think it’s the combination of having those three fundamental 

skills that have enabled me to build a good media catalogue that 

is comprehensive and relatable for people.” 

Needless to say, Kale has carved out a niche for himself in 

surfing media. The engaging storytelling, creative coaching 

methods and intuitive perspective that he delivers through social 

media is certainly unique in the fact that it can be enjoyed by 

everyone. 

With that said, given that he is not a former professional surfer, 

his modern approach to surf coaching has created quite a stir 

in the industry, particularly within certain sections of surf media 

that seem to unfairly contest the ability of social media surfers 

against professional surfers. 

In response to this, Kale said he has had both positive and 

negative experiences when it comes to the core surfing 

community. 

“Most of the time it’s been really positive. Just getting 

begrudgingly endorsed by them has been kind of satisfying 

in a way, even though I’m not looking for validation from 

them anymore like I was when I was 16. I’ve sort of created 

my own lane here, and I’m very comfortable doing what I’m 

doing without worrying about what’s going on in the core surf 

community. 

“I think the core surfing media represent such a tiny portion of 

the actual total surfing demographic, so it’s just irrelevant what 

they think of me and what they say about me. Most of the time, 

as far as I know, they’re not really talking about me. 

“To be honest, and it sounds a bit arrogant, but I surf better than 

most of them anyway, so I mean, fair enough. If there’s a prosurfer 

who doesn’t like what I’m doing, whatever, I’m not going 

to change their mind anyway. But most of the people I’ve found 

who criticise me are not that good of surfers, and they would 

actually benefit from the information and the coaching that I 

have. So yeah, I don’t really care.”

All of this, and we still haven’t mentioned perhaps the magnum opus of 

Kale’s coaching legacy, The Surfers Roadmap – a structured follow-along 

series of programs fit for surfers wanting to progress their surfing journey, 

and the ultimate expression of Kale’s surfing knowledge combined with the 

passion he has for the industry. 

Out of everything he has done throughout his colourful career, Kale said 

the most rewarding experiences have been simply interacting and living 

alongside other surfers – which is something a lot of us can look up to and 

relate with. 

“We obviously put out a lot of free content on YouTube, and a lot of that 

drives people to The Surfer’s Roadmap because it is a structured, step-bystep 

approach to improving your surfing. From there, people tend to join 

me on a retreat and that’s where I feel most fulfilled. 

“Working with people one-on-one or in a small group, depending on the 

retreat, is my jam. Sitting down for dinner with people, getting to know 

them for over a week and just learning about them is such a pleasure in 

addition to helping advance them on their journey towards more peak 

experiences through surfing. It is just such a wonderful job. I couldn’t ask 

for anything more. 

“I don’t know where my fulfilment would come from if I was just focusing 

on myself and my surfing. I’m a lot more interested in hanging out with 

interesting people who surf rather than surfers. A lot of my students have 

become friends, investors or advisors. It’s such a wonderful experience. 

“I think that’s really what I’m focused on from a professional standpoint 

and obviously from a personal standpoint. I’m just looking at growing and 

becoming a better human every day. I feel like my work is a reflection of 

where I’m at personally. So yeah, if I keep myself in good stead, then I’m 

offering the best service that I can to the world, and I think that’s a good 

place to be.” 

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45

words & photos: Forrest Ladkin 

SWEDEN 

to 

SPAIN 

b 

Sail y 


46

Sailing into Dominca in the Carribean West Indies whilst onboard Sailing Virgins 40ft Beneteau Libby.. 

This is the story of a young Aussie who sailed through the 

North Sea, eight metre tides and the busiest shipping lane in 

the world only to be (temporarily) arrested in Spain. 

As with most good sailing stories, a man overboard, romance in 

France and a near catastrophic collision also play their part. 


47

The Dream 

My name’s Forrest, I’m 29 years old from Gerringong 

on the south coast of New South Wales. Like many 

Australians, I have a love for the ocean and travelling. 

Maybe you’re one of these people too. Combining these 

and sailing the world one day was the logical dream. 

At as young as five years old I insisted to my parents that when 

I grew up, one day, I would be a pirate. Thankfully I outgrew the 

idea of travelling the world pillaging as I pleased, but the sailing 

part stuck with me. As I grew up though, I was sucked into 

the narrative that many people have about becoming an oceangoing 

skipper, that unless you’ve got loads of money and half 

a lifetime’s worth of experience, it’s simply too expensive and 

dangerous to participate in. I resigned myself to the fact that it 

wasn’t realistic and maybe one day, when I was much older, I 

could embark on this adventure. 

Thankfully, two things happened in my early 20’s that broke 

this illusion. The first was meeting Julius, a young German/ 

Portuguese surfer traveling Australia in his van. My family 

embraced him, and we spent a whole summer living together 

surfing, windsurfing and diving. One day coming out of the 

water, he mentioned that in a few years’ time he planned to buy 

a sailboat in the north of Europe and live on it while studying. 

Assuming he must have a trust fund I didn’t know about, he 

went on to explain that boats are dramatically cheaper in Europe 

(and at times, half of what we pay in Australia). He concluded 

that as long as you didn’t mind living in a relatively small space, 

you could get a sturdy, ocean-going sailboat for less than a 

Toyota 4WD here. 


48 

Yet still the doubts about becoming a skipper endured… I’d 

never even been on an actual sailboat and the few sailors I’d 

come across had big-noted themselves and their exploits, 

making it sound like only them, with their wealth of experience 

and skills, could have survived their harrowing voyages. Then, 

out of the blue I came across a video on YouTube that changed 

everything. Riley and Elayna were a young Australian couple 

who had defied the naysayers, bought a yacht in Europe with 

no experience and started sailing around the world, figuring it 

out as they went. At the time of their inception eight years ago, 

channels like theirs (Sailing La Vagabonde) didn’t exist and this 

story was a revelation. The expression ‘If you can see it, you can 

do it.’ really rang true for me in this instance, and I have them 

to thank for pushing me over the edge. The money I had saved 

for five years as an intended house deposit suddenly had a new 

cause. I was going to buy a boat in Europe, move onto it and 

see how far I could sail.

The Boat 

With Julius’s help we made a shortlist of 

boats and got ready to make a decision. 

In the end, instead of going for a modern 

French production sailboat (which sailed 

fast, but arguably lacked safety in heavy 

seas) we opted for an almost 50-year-old, 

31-foot Swedish Hallberg-Rassy (HR). 

We soon learnt HR was one of the most 

prestigious boat builders in the world, 

famous for making classy ocean-going 

sailboats that were slower but built like 

tanks. Before I knew it, the paperwork 

was done, the majority of my life savings 

were transferred and I was stepping onto a 

sailboat for the first time in my life. My new 

home ‘Bellis’ had been meticulously looked 

after, but still had one major downside. 

The original 47-year-old Volvo engine was 

somehow still going. Rusting, leaking oil 

and (comically) needing to be hand cranked 

due to a dying starter motor, it was clearly 

coming towards the end of its long life. 

Parts of the Northern European Baltic Sea 

freeze during the winter and the sailing 

season was already drawing to a close 

when I bought Bellis. So Julius and my 

girlfriend at the time, Tarryn, decided to 

spend a month sailing through Denmark 

and Sweden before hauling the boat out 

for the winter. That way, I could prepare for 

the big journey the following spring. Tarryn 

did an incredible job of turning the bare 

boat into a home that felt warm and vibrant, 

while Julius and I did our best to learn the 

systems on the boat and get us sailing. It 

turns out reading forecasts and actually 

sailing was surprisingly easy, and no doubt 

helped by a shared background in surfing 

and windsurfing. However, when it came to 

navigating, docking and everything to do 

with maintaining a yacht, we were woefully 

ill-prepared. Despite this, the books came 

out, we researched hard and we soon learnt 

fast from trial and error (lots of trial and 

error). 

Glassfibre reinforced plastic (GRP). Fuel tank 

and floor moulded in GRP. Ballast keel, iron, 

moulded in GRP. Main bulkheads laminated to 

the hull on both sides. 

Light alloy fore hatch with 

translucent acrylic glass panel and 

heavy framing, type Gebo or equal. 

My new home ‘Bellis’ had been meticulously 

looked after, but still had one major downside... 

MAIN DATAS: 

Length overall 

Length in wl 

Beam 

Draft 

Displacement 

Keelweight 

Sail area 

Height of mast above wl 

Number of berths 

Speed under power 

9.36m 

7.50m 

2.87m 

1.40m 

abt 4.2 tons 

1.9 tons 

39 sqm 

abt 12.8m 

6 

7,2 knots

Bellis, Swedens west archipeago 

I’ll never forget the first time we decided to 

anchor instead of finding a marina to safely 

tie up in. Underestimating our passage time, 

we arrived in complete darkness (mistake 

#1). It then became apparent we both 

thought the other was the one who knew 

how to actually anchor properly. So lacking 

in confidence of our eventual technique, we 

put every possible fender around the boat 

in case we hit something during the night. 

After this embarrassing first attempt, we soon 

researched the dynamics of safely anchoring a 

five-ton sailboat. 


50 

Our trio’s time came to an end. The boat was 

safe in a Swedish boatyard and I had the 

whole Australian summer to research and 

plan my trip down the west coast of Europe 

the following spring. It would be a journey 

through eight countries, and from what I had 

been told by other sailors, some of the most 

difficult sailing around. Compared to the 

protected and tideless Baltic Sea, infamously 

huge tides, strong currents and the heaviest 

shipping traffic in the world lay between me, 

the warmer weather and prospect of surfing in 

southern Europe. I was giddy with excitement, 

but also extremely nervous that I was taking 

on too much too quickly. Tarryn and Julius 

wouldn’t be with me this time, so I was either 

going solo or with whatever friends happened 

to be traveling Europe at the time. 

Julius, Baltic Sea 

Tarryn

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51

The warm weather 

and 20-degree 

water we had 

experienced the 

previous year was 

replaced with an 

unusually cold 

and stormy spring. 

A scary start in Scandinavia 


52 

Finally the European spring came around and 

I flew into Sweden, only to receive a shock. 

The warm weather and 20-degree water 

we had experienced the previous year was 

replaced with an unusually cold and stormy 

spring. The ocean was still a dangerously low 

eight degrees and, more than once, hail and 

even snow broke out overhead while trying to 

get the boat ready. In Sweden it’s custom to 

take your mast off during the winter. This is 

easy enough, but putting the rigging back on 

correctly requires some knowledge. I didn’t 

have the budget for a professional rigger but 

was blessed with the next best thing. I had met 

David two years earlier Windsurfing in Peru and 

he just so happened to live an hour away and 

knew how to rig a boat (perhaps this shouldn’t 

have been a surprise, I went on to learn Sweden 

has the highest number of sailors in the world 

per capita). While having never done a boat this 

size before, I’ll always be grateful for David’s 

optimistic grin as we craned the mast back on 

and adjusted the rigging. I’d worked hard for 

weeks to give Bellis an epoxy bottom coat and 

fresh anti-foul, and now we’d even managed 

to rig the boat ourselves. It was a huge relief 

and sense of accomplishment for someone 

who was admittedly far from handy on the tools 

back home. Aside from David, I was touched by 

how generous the mum and dad owners of the 

boat yard had been in guiding me to complete 

my work. They’d even gone out of their way to 

introduce me to a salty old grandfather who 

used to own the same model boat as Bellis. 

He spent hours showing me sides of the boat 

I never knew about, telling stories of his time 

sailing the Swedish archipelago and even gave 

me a tour of his wooden boat workshop. These 

unplanned interactions were surely one of the 

most special things about traveling, I reflected. 

The afternoon before departure, I was getting 

ready to attach a forgotten VHF radio antenna 

to the top of the mast, just as a passing 

German Shepard and his owner knocked the 

antenna off the dock and into the water. “Are 

you the young Australian who’s living on his 

boat here?” he said. Looking away from the 

antenna on the bottom of the harbour and up 

at the silver-bearded Swede, I replied “I am”. 

Upon learning it was my last night in Sweden, 

this dad in his 60’s helped me fish the antenna 

out and insisted on escorting me out to sea with 

his boat at sunset (so I could test sail Bellis and 

her engine with a backup vessel close by). If 

that hadn’t been enough generosity, he then 

insisted on cooking me and my recently arrived 

crew home-made Swedish meat balls for our 

final dinner.

At 3:30am my alarm went off and we began our first ever 

crossing. It was 100 kilometres to Denmark over the Vikings 

famed Kattegat Sea and I estimated it would take us around 

14 hours. With the help of my two crew we had both sails up 

quickly and were soon aiming for an empty horizon. My crew 

were fresh out of Byron Bay High School and at the start of 

their European gap year. Jarrah (my cousin) and his best mate 

Archie would join me for a full month, all the way to Amsterdam. 

At least that was the plan. 

The morning started off in high spirits with a golden haze 

creeping over the horizon. Excitement soon turned to anxiety 

as the haze developed into a thick unforecasted fog. We’d 

barely started and already found ourselves in a challenging 

situation. The stormy spring weather had made it difficult to 

find a window with favourable wind, so we decided to continue 

as long as the visibility didn’t drop below 50 metres. The boat 

wasn’t equipped with AIS (an instrument that allows you to see 

other vessels plotted on your GPS chart), so we were relying 

solely on our eyes and ears. It was a freezing and draining 

first day and sure enough, as we approached the shipping 

lane 50 kilometres out to sea, a huge tanker loomed out in the 

distance. My heart was racing but the fog had slowly started 

to recede, so I knew we had just enough visibility to navigate 

the lane safely. 

As darkness crept in, we passed right by a huge offshore 

wind farm, which absolutely dwarfed our little boat. Right on 

schedule we floated up to the Danish coastline and the first 

Carlsberg’s of the trip were enjoyed. Later we would come to 

find out that while we had been crossing, a fast ferry to the 

south near Copenhagen had come flying out of the same fog 

and hit a sailboat, virtually splitting it in two. Fog was suddenly 

much scarier than high winds and rough seas. 


53


54

Moored in paradise later on in this journey 

At as young as five years old I 

insisted to my parents that when 

I grew up, one day, I would be 

a pirate. Thankfully I outgrew 

the idea of travelling the world 

pillaging as I pleased, but the 

sailing part stuck with me. 


55

Highs and lows in the North Sea 

It had been almost a month since we crossed the 

Kattegat Sea to Denmark. We had settled into life on the 

boat as we cruised down the protected Danish coast 

and through the Kiel canal. Statistically the busiest 

canal in the world, the Kiel canal funnels shipping over 

the German mainland, connecting the Baltic Sea to the 

North Sea. Unlike the Panama Canal which requires an 

expensive guide and multiple locks to cross, in typical 

German fashion the Kiel canal was highly efficient. A 

payment of 10 euro is made at a booth right at the start 

and a series of huge lights indicate when it’s time to enter 

the canal. The real challenge lay at the other side, as the 

river Elba flows out from Hamburg, passes the Kiel Canal 

and spills into the exposed North Sea. Suddenly we 

found ourselves in huge tides, strong currents and the 

largest concentration of shipping traffic in the world. The 

currents in this region are so strong at times, that even 

when sailing and motoring at maximum speed, you’ll still 

be going backwards. On top of that, 350 kilometres of 

exposed tidal sand bars lay between us and safety at 

the first deep water port to the south in Holland. Bellis 

only travelled at around 10km/h, so this felt like a serious 

undertaking. Timing the tides, currents and winds was 

critical. The hundreds of wrecks littering the North Sea 

serve as a reminder of what happens if you don’t. 

I’d now been waiting for over a week on the edge of the 

river Elba. The weather window finally arrived and Bellis 

cast her lines from the marina right on the turn of the 

tide. The faint glow of morning could be seen as the river 

grabbed Bellis and sucked her straight out of the marina 

entrance. In a swirl of eddying currents we hurtled along 

at double our usual speed over ground. The Elba was 

getting ready to shoot us straight out into the North Sea 

like a cork from a bottle. The thought of not being able to 

turn around for the first time due to the current churned 

in my stomach. It was also going to be our first multi day 

and night passage. We had seriously better have our act 

together. 

As it turns out, the captain of the tanker coming in the 

opposite direction didn’t think so. With the boys now 

back asleep and myself momentarily adjusting the 

foot of the main sail, the autopilot had quietly become 

overwhelmed by the swirling currents and was now 

sending us on a direct course for the oncoming ship, 

straight up the wrong side of the Traffic Separation 

Scheme (TSS). Adrenaline pumping, I scrambled back 

to the cockpit and turned the boat immediately back into 

our lane. Moments later the ship came towering past us. 

To my sheer embarrassment, the well-dressed captain 

of the German tanker had left his position inside and 

come all the way out to the railing to look down at me. 

We made eye contact, and he threw his arms up in the 

universally recognised sign for ‘what the f*ck’. I gestured 

as apologetically as I could and sank back into the 

cockpit completely rattled. I’d been told it was a 4,000 

euro on-the-spot fine for not navigating this critical TSS 

properly. For hours I waited for the German police cutter 

to hunt us down, perhaps the tanker captain had even 

radioed them. Thankfully my paranoia was unfound, and 

the morning progressed into a beautiful day. 

Forrest, Jarrah, Archie and Anders (a young professional sailor who helped the crew out in Aarhus) 


56

It was 100 

kilometres to 

Denmark over the 

Vikings famed 

Kattegat Sea and 

I estimated it 

would take us 

around 14 hours. 

The boys kept watch during the day and I rested, 

preparing myself for the overnight sail ahead. As 

the sun faded, dark and moody clouds rolled in 

and lightning flickering in the distance. Anxiety 

started to grip me and my thoughts raced. What if 

the forecast was wrong? Was I prepared enough 

for the worst-case scenario? How long would it 

take us to find shelter if conditions changed for 

the worst? For literally days I calculated. 

With no moon, a complete darkness set in. I 

flicked the navigation lights on and looked up to 

make sure they were working. The red and green 

lights attached to the bow shone bright, and 

then suddenly went out. I couldn’t believe it, my 

stomach sank, and I ran forward to check if they 

were truly broken. They were. Okay, no critical 

navigation lights and no AIS for the entire night 

ahead. My anxiety peaked and I dry retched over 

the side of the boat. Careful not to let the boys 

see how I was feeling, I steadied myself and put 

things back into perspective. We were safe and 

could take whatever came. This anxiety was 

really just a form of excitement, I told myself. 

There was a wind change expected, and sure 

enough the dark clouds had brought with them 

an utterly still night. Hours or minutes later a 

strange blue glow caught my eye, so I looked over 

the side of the boat and couldn’t believe what I 

was seeing. Electric blue bioluminescence was 

glowing in spectacular ebbing and flowing waves 

around the boat. At the same time I realised the 

clouds had cleared, revealing the spectacularly 

vivid Milky Way. I stood up and stared around, 

gripped by genuine awe. The stars were mirrored 

off of what was now a perfectly glassy North 

Sea. Suddenly it felt like we were gently floating 

through space. Stars above and below, the 

horizon hard to distinguish and the propellor 

firing a bright blue jet of bioluminescence astern. 

It was so beautiful I think I even laughed. The 

night that had started with dry retching had 

suddenly become one of the most soothing and 

beautiful experiences I’ve ever had. 

An hour before dawn, the wind change finally 

hit, a brisk offshore filled the sails of Bellis and 

she began cutting through the North Sea on 

a lean once more. Apart from the delay, the 

wind forecast had been bang on. We sailed all 

day and found ourselves in a new country. The 

Netherlands and a fun night out in Amsterdam 

was literally just over the horizon. 


57

Pints in the 

English Channel 

Jarrah, Archie and I said our goodbyes after 

what was sure enough a memorable night out 

in Amsterdam. Cabin fever had well and truly 

set in by the time we made it to Holland and 

being able to pull up right next to one of the 

coolest cities in the world, we thought, was 

pretty bloody great. Remembering my two 

18-year-old companions eye the size of dinner 

plates as we did the obligatory walk through 

the famous red-light district still makes me 

laugh. They’d never come across anything 

quite like this growing up in Byron. 

The next leg of the journey was the one time 

I was able to find a fellow sailor to come join 

me, and I was extremely glad for it. I met Bob 

from the UK for about 10 minutes at a cousin’s 

wedding a few months earlier in Australia. 

His daughter Kat was the bride and a flippant 

comment about sailing together ended up with 

the two of us sailing through four countries in 

just two weeks. With what became a funny 

father-and-son dynamic, we pushed the boat 

in 30 knot head winds, had a pint in Dover 

and explored Hitler's anti-tank wall in the 

Channel Islands before finally breaking out 

of the muddy, turbulent waters of the English 

Channel and right into the Atlantic Ocean. We 

had barely hit the stunning blue water before a 

pod of dolphins descended on Bellis’ bow for 

the first time. They continued to surf our wake 

for over 40 minutes. The way I saw it, this was 

both a welcome to the Atlantic and a reminder 

it was finally time to unzip the board bag. 

We had barely hit the stunning blue water before 

a pod of dolphins descended on Bellis’ bow for the 

first time. They continued to surf our wake for 

over 40 minutes. 


58

A close (French) shave 

The welcome was short-lived. The forecast 

breeze never eventuated, and we had to motor 

all through the night. The sun was slowly 

coming up and it shed light on a site I’d never 

seen. A sheer, towering wall of fog for as far 

as you could see was approaching. Almost 

instantly we were engulfed, barely able to see 

past the bow of the boat. This was like no fog 

I had ever been in and clearly, it was no joke. 

We lowered our speed, the airhorn came out 

and we began giving fog blasts as often as we 

could. My hand was shaking slightly on the 

tiller, ready to throw the boat in either direction 

at a moment’s notice. Sure enough the notice 

came, about two seconds worth in the form of 

another sailboat appearing suddenly straight 

ahead. I threw the tiller quickly to port as far as it 

would go. The oncoming boat also veered, and 

I had just enough time to see a French flag, a 

moustache and the flash of a smile as the other 

captain passed, disappearing into grey nothing 

just as quickly as he had appeared. My heart 

was racing and I swore to myself I’d save up for 

an AIS system as soon as I could. 

And then it was over. We came bursting out 

of one grey world and right into another. It 

was a crisp bluebird day and I laid eyes on 

France for the very first time – a rolling green 

country side complete with crumbling castles. 

This felt so much cooler than arriving in an 

airport somewhere for the first time, I thought. 

We rounded the corner of Brittany and soon 

had a rubber ducky alongside us. My French 

mate Benoit just happened to live in this quiet 

corner of France and there he was, yelling and 

laughing with his hands up in the air, clearly 

finding it surreal to find his Australian mate on 

his doorstep in a little boat from Sweden. After 

insisting on finding us a free local mooring ball, 

they ferried us to shore and straight into a huge 

home-cooked French lunch. I soon came to 

strongly admire Benoit’s family and the way 

they lived. The Carpentier’s were a special kind. 

"Suddenly though, 

summer hit that little 

corner of France and 

I was living in board 

shorts, surfing with 

my mates every day 

and above all, feeling 

a burning sense of 

accomplishment." 


59


60 

Benoit has gone on to 

become world champion in 

stand-up paddle surfing, 

now alongside names like 

Kai Lenny. He is also one 

of the highest ranked 

competitive longboarders 

in Europe...

A replica of the famous 1779 French War Ship ‘Hermione’ and Benoit pictured on foil 

While I’d never trade the months leading up to 

France because of what it taught me in tough 

sailing conditions, the reality was that most the 

time it had been thoroughly uncomfortable and 

unenjoyable. It had been freezing, mostly raining 

and I was tired of living in heavy, foul weather gear 

day and night. I had found myself questioning 

what the hell I’d been thinking. I could be living 

like a king in Mexico with a nice van for what this 

had already cost me in maintenance. Suddenly 

though, summer hit that little corner of France and 

I was living in board shorts, surfing with my mates 

every day and above all, feeling a burning sense 

of accomplishment for making it this far. It had 

all been worth it, and better yet the trip was just 

beginning. 

Apart from being extremely welcoming and 

generous people, the Carpentier’s love for the 

ocean, family and traveling was evident in every 

aspect of their lives. The family owned and 

ran the local surf school, they still had meals 

together almost every day and they were sharing 

moments in the water together nonstop at home 

and overseas. Benoit has gone on to become 

world champion in stand-up paddle surfing, now 

alongside names like Kai Lenny. He is also one of 

the highest ranked competitive longboarders in 

Europe, but more to the point, he is a humble guy 

and rips on everything. Shortboard, foil, you name 

it. They even get the bodyboards out occasionally 

in winter to surf a few local slabs. To me, their 

openness in riding everything, regardless of its 

perception of being cool or not, says everything. 

My time with Bob was coming to an end, but not 

before an interesting shift seemed to occur. True 

to the English stereotype, Bob had expressed to 

me at the start of the trip that he wasn’t particularly 

fond of the French, and for this reason we had 

gone out of our way to follow the British coast as 

far as possible before crossing the channel again 

and heading south. Would there be a culture clash 

when we met Benoit’s family, I wondered. But the 

absolute opposite took place, and while there was 

a clear cultural difference, it was met with respect 

and curiosity from both sides. Watching the 

friendship and laughs grow throughout the week 

was honestly heart-warming. Both parties told me 

at the end how much they were going to miss the 

other. 


61

Forrest, Billy and Falcon 

Best mates & baguettes 


62 

Billy and Falcon started laughing, an apprehensive but ‘screw it’ sort 

of laugh. Bellis was tied to her mooring ball well off the shore and I was 

explaining operation ‘get to the boat with all of our gear dry’. There 

was no outboard engine on my little red dingy yet, but if I swam and 

they rowed, we could do it in one trip. The pair were two of my best 

mates and they’d just arrived. Also from Gerringong, Falcon you might 

recognise from what is now one half of ‘The Inspired Unemployed’. 

We’d all been to school together, travelled together and even had jobs 

together back home. It was going to be my first time sailing with really 

close friends my own age. Little did we know over the coming weeks 

Falcon would fall in love for the first time, the boat would almost crash 

at full speed and I would be taken away in the back of a Spanish police 

car (completely sober). We did know one thing for sure though – we 

were about to have a great bloody time. 

Instead of crossing the 600-kilometre-wide Bay of Biscay directly to 

Spain, the boys insisted we go the long way so I could visit Hossegor 

for the first time. They had friends there and we could park the boat 

up right near the centre of town. The couple of weeks it took us to sail 

there were some of the happiest of my life, the boys enthusiastically 

embraced learning how to sail, the sun was beaming every day and 

we soon settled into a flowy sort of rhythm. Reading, dragging off the 

back of the boat, cooking hearty meals and ending each day with a 

glass of red, cards and the sort of deep conversations that only seem 

to come about when you’re somewhere totally isolated and content – 

this was the sailing life I’d dreamt of. We still had our fair share of tense 

moments, challenging conditions and long nights, but we later reflected 

that it was because of the slight adversity and the camaraderie that 

comes from it, which actually made the trip so special. Fun in the sun 

with a sprinkling of ‘Are we going to die tonight?’ 

Hossegor (the unofficial surfing capital of Europe) was even better 

than I’d imagined. Fun surf, cool people from all over the world and 

long, warm nights drinking and laughing in the town square. We could 

skate everywhere, had a local group of mates and before long Falcon 

had fallen for a beautiful French girl, Flora. When we finally departed 

for Basque country in Spain, as soon as we arrived in San Sebastian 

he decided to catch a bus straight back to spend a few more days 

with her. They’d go on to travel through northern Europe together later 

in the year.

"Fun in the sun with a 

sprinkling of, 'Are we going 

to die tonight?’" 


63 

Anchored off Île de Guiriden, 12km off the coast of France

A series of 

unfortunate 

events in Spain 

Another friend from back home arrived and with 

him, perhaps the three biggest incidents of the 

entire trip (completely coincidental of course). 

His name is Dom, but you might know him as Big 

Twisty or simply the funniest dude you’ve ever 

come across on Instagram. A storm was on its 

way to us, funnelling out of the North Atlantic and 

right towards our region. The only choice was to 

find somewhere to bunker down for a few days. 

It was the calm before the storm and we had 24 

hours before the weather was due so I decided 

that we’d motor through the night and make it to 

a town called Gijón. The ocean was calm, boat 

traffic was virtually non-existent and there was 

four of us to rotate two-hour shifts. A cruisy night. 

Suddenly I woke. It was morning and a hazy glow 

could be seen through my hatch, I made my way 

through the boat and into the cockpit which, to 

my horror, was totally surrounded by thick fog 

glowing golden in the early morning light. We were 

still motoring at full speed, so and I turned to Billy 

quickly and asked if we had just hit the fog bank. 

“No it’s been like this for a while now”, he said. 

Shaken, I slowed the engine down and got the fog 

horn out. “Something else happened as well by 

the way…” Billy explained that he had been on his 

shift, looked up from his book and suddenly saw a 

big wooden Spanish fishing boat right next to us. 

It had been stationary and we’d almost t-boned 

it. “When we made eye contact the captain had 

his hands up in the air, he didn’t look happy”, 

he said. I let that soak in and felt ashamed. 

It was obviously completely my fault and my 

responsibility, and while I’d told everyone to wake 

me at the slightest disturbance, I hadn’t thought 

to mention fog as one of the dangers to look out 

for. We hadn’t seen another boat in 10 hours and 

the ocean was still calm, so the boys figured it 

was business as usual. Yet again the sea fog had 

been completely unforecasted and came from a 

perfectly clear night. The fog was unrelenting as 

we slowly motored into Gijón, constantly on edge 

waiting for something to appear before us. 


64 

Finally docked, a wave of relief 

came over me, only to be replaced 

by anxiety again as two maritime 

police appeared out of the fog. 

Finally docked, a wave of relief came over me, only 

to be replaced by anxiety again as two maritime 

police appeared out of the fog. With zero English 

they asked for all of our passports and gestured 

angrily to my mast. Where there was supposed 

to be a Spanish ‘courtesy flag’ on the starboard 

spreader, there was nothing. I later found out 

that depending on where you are in the world, 

courtesy flags can either be optional and seen 

as a fun form of tradition, or as I was about to 

find out, mandatory and vital to showing respect 

and perhaps even following the law. We’d later 

find out this coastline was the biggest entry point 

for cocaine in Europe, so that’s why there was 

maritime police here in the first place. Regardless, 

these two macho Spaniards weren’t impressed 

at all. We could barely string a few sentences 

together in their language and we weren’t even 

flying their flag. They were going to teach us a 

lesson if they could.

Vince, Basque country while waiting out head winds 

Pouring through our passports for half an hour, 

they finally found something to take issue with in 

mine. I had gone out of my way to be stamped into 

the UK but hadn’t managed to get one when I was 

leaving. This meant they could technically choose 

not to deduct any of my time in the UK from my 

time in the European Schengen zone. I had kept 

marina records and receipts to prove my time in 

the UK, but they didn’t care. By the book I had 

now overstayed my visa by a whole week. I was an 

illegal alien fit for deportation. Next thing I knew I 

was looking through the back window of the police 

car, Bellis and my friends looking equally forlorn. 

I was held for half a day before being led to an 

office. The captain of the Gijón Police Station was 

huge, deep voiced and had a head of bulging frizzy 

hair (in fact she looked remarkably like the Spanish 

version of Miss Trunchbull from Roald Dahl’s 

Matilda). Regardless of her appearance, one thing 

was clear, this women had clearly seen some sh*t 

in her time and was not to be f*cked with. Speaking 

quickly in Spanish she started questioning me. 

I replied in broken Spanish that I was very sorry 

but didn’t speak much Spanish, and asked if there 

someone who does and could help us. No one in 

the station spoke English, but thankfully they had a 

friend who was a school teacher and could help us. 

They got her on the phone and thank god the 

woman was an absolute saint. She soon explained 

that they were waiting for a decision from Madrid 

on what to do with me and they took the matter 

quite seriously. It was within their rights to fine 

me, deport me and then ban me from Europe for 

a period of time. I connected with the woman, 

and she sympathetically explained my case to the 

officers. In the end they said the best they could do 

is give me a stamp in my passport that says I have 

72 hours to leave the EU or face imprisonment 

and deportation. If I wanted to get a two-week 

extension so I could complete my journey and 

make it to the marina I’d organised to leave Bellis 

at for the winter, I’d need to write a letter and go 

to the local government building two hours away, 

although they stressed there was no guarantees 

they would help me. The officers dropped me 

back and I stayed up all night crafting the letter. I 

shaved, found a collared shirt and left the boat first 

thing in the morning. Just as I was passing through 


65

A memorable moment as Billy stepped up to become captain 


66 

the marina office, a hand caught my shoulder and 

one of the policemen from the day before handed 

me a piece of paper. “Dos semanas”, he said, 

raising two fingers. The piece of paper afforded 

me two extra weeks in Europe, all I needed to 

complete the trip. I couldn’t have been more 

relieved. Grinning, I ran back to the boat to share 

the news. The sangria flowed in town that night. I 

never found out why the police said it was out of 

their hands but then helped me anyway. My guess 

is the sweet and compassionate translator had a 

hand in it, or maybe in the end they appreciated 

that I never got angry or argumentative. I’d 

actually thanked them at the end of the day 

and said I understood they were just doing their 

jobs. I could see I had made a mistake and was 

genuinely sorry for it. 

Bellis had now sailed thousands of miles and 

visited eight countries, and I could hardly believe 

it was now the final leg of the trip for that year. 

We said our farewell to Billy and welcomed a 

German/Danish mate onboard. Vince was doing 

his Biology PhD in Denmark. I had visited his lab 

on the way down the Danish coast months earlier. 

He is sponsored by Quiksilver Germany for 

surfing and has an almost overwhelming froth for 

surfing and the ocean. Having grown up fishing 

in fresh water, he had all his gear with him and 

was pumped to try saltwater fishing for the first 

time. Trawling off the back of the boat, he actually 

caught us all a nice fish for dinner on the first 

day. The second day couldn’t have been more 

different though. We were sailing faster, and from 

time to time the lurer would max out and skim 

the surface of the water. The afternoon light was 

reflecting off the white caps and Vince was just 

starting to accept defeat when the buzz of the 

fishing reel cut through the air, with our newest 

crew member literally screaming with excitement. 

Those screams soon turned to collective moan as 

we all saw what was really on the end of the line. 

A fully grown cormorant sea bird had taken the 

bait and was being dragged, thrashing through 

the whitecaps. While not the size of a pelican, 

this was no mere chip thieving seagull. It’s huge, 

hooked beak could be seen from a mile away. 

There was never a question to cut the line, we 

were either going to set it free or put it out of its 

misery. With sails still up, we did two drive-bys 

while Vince frantically tried to grab the squawking 

animal from over the side. It was no use – the boat 

was too high out of the water. I looked around to 

assess the conditions, then Vince and I looked 

at each other and we both knew he was going 

in. The German surfer was in his underpants 

and overboard in a matter of seconds. The wind 

was onshore and with little swell I knew Vince 

could (absolute worst case) swim the few miles 

into shore. Sails still up, I circled Vince and the 

thrashing bird while bellowing at Falcon to get out 

of bed and come help me get the sails down. 

While Dom had brought the most laughs, he’d 

unfortunately also brought with him an exotic virus 

that was slowly but surely taking down the whole 

boat. Falcon was currently very ill and fighting 

off a fever. His voice was completely gone, but 

still he was my only hope to help get the sails 

down fast, and it was important that Dom kept 

eyes on Vince at all times. Credit to Falcon, he 

literally crawled out of his sick den and up to the 

tiller, doona still wrapped loosely around him with 

a weary, punished look in his eyes. I ran forward, 

desperately trying to pull the main sail down at 

the foot of the mast, but the boat was still slightly 

off course relative to the wind and waves. 

We made eye contact and I yelled at him to turn 

more towards port, he tried to yell back, but 

nothing came out. Doona now over his head, 

he slumped forward in defeat. In the water, 

the situation was also deteriorating, Vince had 

successfully intercepted the cormorant and was 

desperately trying to calm the bird down but it 

was no use, every time he tried to untangle 

the mess of lines the bird would fiercely attack 

him. To make matters worse, Vince’s legs had 

become tightly wrapped in the trailing fishing 

line. “We need to get the bird on the boat with a


IT’S A STICK UP 

Sticker packs 

available at the 

Smorgastore 

smorgasboarder.com.au 

pair of scissors!”, he yelled. Falcon and I had finally got the sails 

down and were now successfully stalling the boat, bow into the 

white caps. In a commendable effort, Vince somehow held onto 

the attacking bird with both hands and kicked mermaid-style all 

the way upwind to the back of the boat. Meanwhile, I had gone 

flying into the kitchen to grab whatever I could think of to put the 

poor animal out of its misery should the worst-case scenario be 

realised and the lure been swallowed whole. I came back with an 

Ikea bread cutting knife… great. 

Thankfully it never came to that, as Vince approached the stern 

he explained the bird was only entangled and we just needed to 

cut it free. Now it was finally Dom’s time to shine. Leaning over 

the back of the boat, he managed to grab the large, struggling 

sea bird and carefully raise it to eye level, both arms stretched 

straight in front of him. The moment felt uncannily like when 

Simba is raised in front of a crowd atop pride rock in The Lion 

King. Alas, our Disney moment was short lived. In a scene that 

seemed to slow down time, the long head and neck of the 

cormorant lashed out straight for Dom’s face. Unable to protect 

himself for fear of dropping the creature, all he could do was stand 

there and yell in pain. The sharp hooked beak found its mark on 

his left eyebrow, leaving a small pincer mark like he’d just had 

it pierced. It was not lost on Dom that he’d narrowly avoided 

losing an eye (and becoming a real pirate) so the bird was hastily 

placed inside the cockpit instead. Vince was soon half way up the 

ladder and leaning over into the cockpit with scissors, with Dom 

holding it back from anymore eyeball attempts. Before long the 

struggling bird was free and Vince was yelling at Dom to get the 

bird back overboard. Maybe he thought it would be like releasing 

a dove, or maybe it was just the most efficient way to depart the 

enraged bird, but Dom stood up and shot-put the bird. If you 

hadn’t already guessed, it didn’t take to the sky like a dove, but 

face-planted awkwardly into the sea below. No one said a word 

as we all stood over the railing, staring and waiting with bated 

breath. The bird sat still in the water, collecting itself with deep 

breaths. 30 seconds passed, still nothing… Then suddenly in a 

flash of perfectly unbroken wings it flew off gracefully like nothing 

had ever happened. Adrenaline still pumping, the boat erupted in 

over-the-top celebration. Everyone had played a part in what we 

were convinced was the greatest rescue in history. 

THE RIVERMOUTH 

CAFE 

Later that evening, parked up safely in a harbour, Vince and I 

prepared to jump into the smelly marina water to help an old 

French couple with a propeller wrap from some fishing ropes. 

Upon cutting the rope free, the couple handed Vince a bottle of 

wine and began speaking to him enquiringly in French. Vince 

spoke perfect French, but I watched confusion spread over his 

face nonetheless. Eventually he cleared up whatever it was they 

had asked and we headed off. Laughing, Vince explained that 

the couple had sailed right past us in the peak of our cormorant 

catching operation and had politely asked him how it had tasted. 

They thought we’d captured the bird to eat.

An unexpected 

new chapter 

I’m happy to say that from there onwards, it was 

finally smooth sailing. Anchored across the bay from 

A Coruña on our final night, the marina there ready to 

take Bellis in for the winter, I’d never felt such a feeling 

of relief and accomplishment. I realised however, I 

shouldn’t need to feel hugely relieved just to make it 

from point A to B. Now finally understanding I should 

have done this from the outset, it was time to finally 

get experience under some real, seasoned sailors. 

I reflected that the best surfers in the world didn’t 

become the best by keeping themselves isolated 

from others, they analyse, surf with and are inspired 

by those who are better than themselves. 

To my surprise I got a reply from the very first 

email I sent to an offshore sailing school run by 

fellow Aussies with a home base in the Caribbean 

and operations all over the world. It was a dream. 

They were willing to trade my occupation as a 

photographer/videographer for their ocean skipper 

courses instructed by seasoned yacht masters. What 

was supposed to be one week in Croatia turned 

into two months sailing up and down the windward 

islands of the Caribbean and a particularly special 

week in Tahiti. When Covid19 hit, Bellis was left 

stranded, with Julius visiting her when he could. Last 

year we were finally reunited. Now with significantly 

more skill and experience, I decided it was time 

to step up and sail single-handed down the coast 

of Portugal. The old engine now all but useless, it 

turned into an equally eventful voyage… But that’s a 

whole ‘nother story. 

In a surreal turn of events I now work for the YouTube 

channel that inspired me from the start, Sailing La 

Vagabonde. Our most recent trip was actually on 

surfer Torren Martyn’s borrowed sailboat, Calypte. 

The trip across the top of Sumbawa couldn’t have 

been more eventful and the hour-long video they 

ended up producing from it, titled ‘7 days at Sea to 

find this!’, has reached 1.2 million views on YouTube. 

But now, after years of work they’re about to launch 

their custom 60 foot trimaran. Complete with electric 

engines, hydro generation and a top speed of over 

50km/h, it’s enough to make any sailor… you know. 

I’m obviously really looking forward to helping 

document their adventures as best I can, while 

slowly learning the art of fast multihull sailing, which 

is something that will be completely new to me. 


68

# #58 // smorgasboarder // 

69

I hope you enjoyed my long-winded 

story. As my 30th birthday approaches, 

if I’m honest, I do look back and cringe 

at many of the risks I initially took with 

my friends onboard. I’m grateful we 

made it through those times unscathed 

– even the bird! 

If you’ve ever considered getting into 

sailing, I hope you do. Assuming I’ve 

turned you off the idea of just winging 

it, I can recommend Sailing Virgins or 

Vagabonde Adventures. They offer 

courses for all levels as well as just 

weeks cruising about to see what life 

on the water is like. I’ve found it doesn’t 

matter how beautiful a place is if you’re 

sharing a small space with the wrong 

people. These two companies are ran 

by professional skippers who are just as 

importantly humble and fun to be around. 

Their websites will have everything you 

need to know. You can also get in touch 

with me at forrest.ladkin@me.com or 

through my Instagram – @forrest_ladkin. 

Cheers! 


70

#58 // smorgasboarder // 

71


72 

words amber o’dell 

URFING 

THE LAW 

In the words of our surfing solicitor 

Hugh Powell, it’s fair to say that 

these days, surfers are much more of 

a diverse bunch than they used to be.

photo: daygin prescott 


73

interview 

“ THE BROADER ACCEPTANCE OF 

SURFING IN SOCIETY HAS CERTAINLY 

OPENED THE DOOR TO MORE AND 

MORE GIVING IT A CRACK. IN MY 

VIEW, THERE’S NO BETTER AND 

MORE ENJOYABLE WAY TO STAY FIT 

AND HEALTHY” 

You could place any profession or personality next 

to the words “don’t surf” and chances are, they 

have been uttered before. And yet, thanks to the 

countless people we have been fortunate enough 

to meet through this magazine, we have seen for 

ourselves that these statements are, more often 

than not, nonsense. 

That’s the thing about surfing – it’s free. From 

doctors and scientists to architects and lawyers, 

everyone surfs. Don’t get us wrong, these 

misconceptions go both ways too. Hugh agrees 

that, nowadays, surfing seems to have lost a lot of 

the negative associations it once had. 

“The broader acceptance of surfing in society has 

certainly opened the door to more and more giving 

it a crack. In my view, there’s no better and more 

enjoyable way to stay fit and healthy.” 

Readers may recognise Hugh as the curator of 

Smorgasboarder’s ‘Above Board’ column, where 

every edition he delves into legislation that is 

becoming increasingly relevant to the world of 

surfing. Hailing from Travis Schultz & Partners, a 

boutique law firm on the Sunshine Coast, he is as in 

tune with the law as he is with the waves. 

Naturally, we were curious about what came first – 

the lawyer or the surfer? Hugh informed us that he 

has always been enamoured with the sea, and said 

he was fortunate enough to have grown up on the 

pristine beaches of Caloundra. 

“My dad has always been, and still is, an avid surfer 

and would take me out to Happy Valley on an old 

single fin in the early days. 

“From there, I have spent most of my time out 

at Moffat – a great and, in my biased view, 

underappreciated right hand point. 

“Like most places, it gets pretty busy these days 

but there are still plenty of days where I can jag it by 


74

interview 

photo supplied 

myself or with just a couple of others out.” 

We really do mean it when we say that this man can 

surf – just look at the incredible photos gracing this 

spread. Like most other groms growing up on the 

shoreline, Hugh did the usual competition circuits 

around the Sunshine Coast and Gold Coast through 

school, but soon branched out to work in different 

areas of his community. 

Despite the obvious talent that he showcases when he 

is amongst the waves, Hugh said that the competitive 

surfing industry was never really for him. 

“I enjoy the element of solace in surfing, and just being 

immersed in nature. I surfed around Iceland a few 

years ago, and had great waves with no one around. 

Though that was definitely one of the few occasions 

where it would have been nice to see people in the 

lineup. 

“More recently, my family and I did a trip to the 

southern atolls of the Maldives earlier this year and 

managed to score a great run there. Nothing solid, but 

just super friendly, fun and perfect waves in crystal 

clear water. That’s hard to beat.” 

It’s hard to imagine how blissful of an escape surfing 

must be for someone in a profession that is so 

infamous for its intellectual and emotional demand – 

but that is not all Hugh occupies his time with. 

In addition to trying his best to keep his young family’s 

veggie garden alive and well, he is also a board 

member of Sunshine Coast Rugby Union, a volunteer 

solicitor at Suncoast Community Legal Service and a 

former committee member of the Sunshine Coast Law 

Association. 

In between all of these responsibilities, we couldn’t 

help but wonder what kinds of boards Hugh grabs on 

the way out the door when he does get the chance to 

disappear into the waves. We were interested to know 

that, when it comes to his surfing preferences, he 

tends to pick and stick. 

“I’ve never been one to be too experimental or out 

there with board selection, mostly jumping between 

two boards. My go-to for the last 15 or so years has 

been a 5’7 original Lost Rocket – fast, loose and fun. 

“It’s the perfect board for the Sunshine Coast given 

that it rarely gets above 5 to 6 ft throughout the year. I 

usually just swap back and forth between the Rocket 

and a performance shortboard, which is currently a 

Highline Pyzel, for when it is a bit more solid.” 

Of course, when he is not carving it up on the shores 

of the Sunshine Coast and taking up important 

roles within his community, Hugh works as a highly 

regarded lawyer. 

While the cliché of a ‘stiff’ lawyer combined with a 

‘chill’ surfer certainly makes for an interesting contrast, 

the demand for all legal lines of work in Australia has 

actually increased by 45 percent since 2011, so it’s 

really no surprise that we are seeing more and more 

surfers embracing a career in law and breaking the 

flimsy stereotypes that surround both lifestyles. 

Hugh said there wasn’t any one particular thing that 

led him into the world of law, as it was a natural 

fascination that simply grew over time. 

“I developed a general interest in it during high school 

and then dived straight into studying law at university. 

I then found myself working in insurance litigation in 

Maroochydore, which is the defence of personal injury 

claims on behalf of insurance companies. 

“After a while, it became a bit soul-destroying working 

for insurers. When I was struggling to answer for 

myself what value I was giving back to the community, 

I realised it was time to move on. I eventually saw the 

light and jumped across the other side of the table, 

joining Travis Schultz & Partners in 2019. 

“I am now a Partner and head up the Sunshine 

Coast office of the law firm. We are a specialist 

compensation law dedicated to making a positive 

impact on our clients and throughout the community 

by offering expert legal advice without the price tag.” 

After successfully completing his Bachelor of Laws 

from the University of Queensland in 2011, Hugh 

zeroed in on personal injury and compensation law – 

also known as tort law. For those that aren’t fluent in 

legalese (us), tort law is essentially civil wrongdoing 

committed by one party against another, and includes 

cases around negligence, trespass, defamation and 

personal injury. 

Not only did Hugh become highly experienced in this 

specialised area, but he also went so far as to reach 

the finals at the prestigious Ron Shorter Awards in 

2018 run by the Australian Insurance Law Association. 

Hugh said he has also been fortunate enough to have 

received some recognition by his peers over the past 

couple of years in Doyles Guide – awards that are 

determined by peer-review based surveys as well as 

extensive telephone and face-to-face interviews with 

clients, peers and relevant industry bodies. 

“This year in Queensland I was recognised as a 

Leading Lawyer in Workers Compensation and Public 

Liability law as well as a Recommended Lawyer in 

Accident Compensation. 

“In reality, any recognition like this is more a reflection 

of the great team and people we have at Travis 

Schultz & Partners who all individually contribute to 

the outcomes we achieve.” 

It was Hugh’s expertise in all things compensation 

that led to his insightful articles on tort law and public 

liability – topics that overlap with the surf a lot more 

than you might think, especially considering the boom 

in surfing statistics over the years and the increasing 

number of people moving to the coastal towns of 

Australia. 

As you would expect, Hugh has dealt with his fair 

share of beachside cases while working for a law firm 

nestled behind the shoreline of Mooloolaba. When 

asked about the fascinating crossroads between 

legislature and surfing, Hugh said that, interestingly, 

some of the landmark cases in tort law have involved 

people injured while at the beach or in the ocean. 

“For example, Wyong Shire Council v Shirt (1980) 146 

CLR 40 involved a situation where the Council was 

held to be negligent for a water skier who broke their 

neck because the Council placed a ‘deep water’ sign 

where the water was actually shallow. 


75

interview 

“I ENJOY THE ELEMENT OF 

SOLACE IN SURFING, AND JUST 

BEING IMMERSED IN NATURE.” 

“There have otherwise been countless cases over the years 

involving injuries from diving from bridges and other platforms 

as well as into sandbanks. Some won, some lost. 

“There have also been numerous cases involving injuries 

suffered when struck by a surfboard between the flags. There 

has been the odd successful case, usually on the basis that 

the beach or the area between the flags was not sufficiently 

patrolled or supervised, but many have been dismissed. 

“The reason why these cases always involve the injured person 

being between the flags is because that allows the claim to be 

pursued against either the local council or lifesaving club, who 

are insured against these events, rather than the person who 

actually caused the harm, who is likely to be uninsured and 

more difficult to recover anything from.” 

After making the rounds in the media earlier this year, perhaps 

the most significant legal development that has caught the 

attention of the surfers recently was the ground-breaking 

decision by the Byron Shire Council to make legropes 

compulsory when using a surfboard. 

This change was sparked by an incident at Wategos Beach 

in Byron Bay after surfer Matthew Cassidy was struck by a 

stray surfboard before suffering life-threatening injuries. Hugh 

discussed this incident in Smorgasboarder’s very first ‘Above 

Board’ column, as the revived discussion about the use of leg 

ropes compelled people to think a little bit differently about how 

the law interacts with the lives of everyday surfers. 

Hugh let us know that he is not aware of any legal action that 

arose from that incident, but the potential is certainly there 

given the nature of what happened. 

“What we could see happen is that this incident, and the Byron 

Shire Council’s decision to mandate the use of leg ropes, could 

actually be a catalyst for claims in that region. 

“Having made its well-publicised decision, the Council has 

inherently acknowledged the risks associated with surfers failing 

to wear leg ropes in crowded breaks were significant enough 

to warrant some action in response – unless this is properly 

enforced by the Council, it could come back to bite them.” 

Given the increase in the number of surfing-related incidents 

over the years, and considering that surfing is one of the fastest 

growing activities, we are certainly grateful to be able to pick 

the brain of Hugh on how to stay safe and reduce risk amongst 

the waves. 

Needless to say, lawyers do surf, and it’s a very good thing 

they do too. Who else will be there to speak on behalf of surfers 

and help maintain the essence of surfing within legislature? 

Especially when more laws, and more people, are becoming so 

intrinsically tied to our way of life. 


76 

photo supplied

OKESURFBOARDS.COM 

1/1-7 Canterbury Rd, Braeside, VIC 

P: 03 9587 3553 

E: rory@okesurfboards.com 


77

gear 

words: dave swan 

DUE 

RECOGNITION 

The induction of Mitchell Rae into the International Surfboard 

Builders Hall of Fame has truly been one of the highlights 

of our year here at Smorgasboarder. In our humble opinion, 

Mitchell’s work is the pinnacle of everything we have seen in 

the board building sphere in our collective lifetimes. If you 

ever get a chance to call into his factory on the North Coast of 

New South Wales, and we strongly suggest you do, you will be 

amazed at the workmanship before your eyes. It is something 

to behold. 


78 

7’10 Zen Blade, full carbon, Flex Tail 

/ 3 kinds of carbon fibre, EVA foam / 

hand painted original art.

gear 

Lydie & Mitchell Rae 

We recently caught up with Mitchell on his 

return from the United States for a quick 

Q&A just before we went to print. 

Being inducted into the International 

Surfboard Builders Hall of Fame I 

believe is a fitting reward for your 

artisanal work at the cutting edge of 

surfboard design and construction. 

That’s my opinion however, more 

importantly, what does the award mean 

to you personally? 

I am truly honoured to be inducted 

into the International Hall of Fame, an 

acknowledgement I think of my life’s work. 

It is the highest honour one can receive as 

a surfboard designer and builder. 

As a grommet, my mates and I would 

pore over the latest surfing mags from the 

States, drool over the surfboard ads from 

Hobie, Velzy, Greg Noll, Yater, Jacobs, 

Hansen, the photos by Severson and 

Grannis of Phil Edwards, Dora, Robert 

August, David Nuuhiwa, Mike Doyle, 

Rabbit Kekai, Dewey Weber, Donald 

Takayama, Billy Hamilton and Linda 

Benson surfing those legendary breaks 

like Malibu, Rincon, Huntington and The 

Ranch. 

So, for me, this was in a way, a pilgrimage 

to my surfing mecca, a journey to pay 

tribute to those who paved the way for my 

career and lifestyle. 

Can you please tell us a little about the 

event itself and the awards ceremony? 

The award was conceived and introduced 

in 2000 by Bob Bolen and Mike Ester to 

honour the lifetime achievements of its 

inductees who are involved in the surfing 

industry. 

The list of inductees is a veritable roll call 

of surfboard building royalty, from Duke 

Kahanamoku at the top, through all the 

greats of California and Hawaii… George 

Downing, Pat Curren, Phil Edwards, Renny 

Yater, Dick Brewer, Bob Simmons, Barry 

Kanaiaupuni, Skip Frye, Greg Noll… the list 

is stellar, including our own Midget Farrelly, 

Joe Larkin, Bill Wallace, Barry Bennett, 

Bob McTavish, Mark Richards and my 

mate Dick Van Straalen, who nominated 

me for the award. Too many to list here. 

The event itself was held at Huntington 

Beach Pier, the day was perfect with a blue 

sky and perfect waves breaking out the 

front. It was quite a ceremony with many of 

the previous inductees in attendance. 

Hawaiian hula girls and a kahuna blowing 

a conch set the tone for the ceremonies. 

This year there were seven inductees, 

including the Campbell Bros of “Bonzer” 

“The event itself was held at Huntington 

Beach Pier, the day was perfect with a blue 

sky and perfect waves breaking out the front. 

It was quite a ceremony with many of the 

previous inductees in attendance.” 


79

gear 

fame, Craig Sugihara of Town & Country Surfboards, 

Californian legends John Kies, Wayne Brown, Bernie 

Crouch and myself. 

Do you feel this accolade recognises, and indeed 

validates your devotion to a lifetime of board 

building? 

I built my first board when I was 12 under a mate’s 

house. I rode that board in the first Australian 

schoolboy’s competition, making it into the finals with 

Mark Richards. Funnily enough, Mark was one of the 

first to message me congratulating me on my award. 

Back then, around ’67, the only way for me to make a 

living from surfing was by making boards. 

My first job was as a sander at Peter Clark Surfboards 

in Brookvale. After a year of sanding, I got a gig as a 

shaper. Not long after, with two friends we started Outer 

Island. 

Midget Farrelly was moving his factory to Brookvale, so 

we stepped straight into his old factory in a boatshed at 

Palm Beach. 

As the factory grom, I cut and glued blanks with multiple 

stringers, glassed, sanded, polished, made fins and 

shaped. 

You might say I have paid my dues! 

You have employed various technologies and 

design nuances to heighten the properties of flex 

in a surfboard, none more so than your ‘flextail’. 

Some may have scoffed at the relevance of flex 

in surfboard design, more specifically the flextail 

component. Does this award give you a wry sense 

of ‘told you so’ to the naysayers through the years? 

It must be incredibly satisfying to see this aspect of 

your design has been recognised on the world stage 

by your peers? 

I think that my contribution to surfing is considerably 

broader than just the Flex Tail. I did a lot of early work 

with deep concaves and hard edges in the late 60’s and 

early 70’s, before they were a ‘thing’. The exploration of 

variable curves and different ways to achieve controlled 

flex and flex construction is another. I’m confident in the 

performance of my designs and don’t need validation by 

those who don’t ‘get it’. 

Through the years you have maintained your ‘cottage 

industry’ approach to surfboard manufacturing, 

resisting the temptation to mass produce and make 

big dollars. Have you ever regretted that decision? 

Small independent surfer shapers are the core of 

surfboard design. I have no regrets about staying close 

to my roots. 

How does it feel to be internationally recognised? 

One of the highlights of my trip was a visit to the surfing 

heritage and culture centre at San Clemente. To quote 

PT (Peter Townend – Australian surf legend and first IPS/ 

ASP World Surfing Champion) it is, “the best collection 

of surfboards on the planet”. 

The curator Barry K. Haun certainly knows his surfing 

history. He gave me a personal guided tour of the surf 

museum and anecdotes about many of the exhibits. 

The collection chronicles the development of surfboard 

design from the Duke’s solid redwoods, through 

Simmons, Pat Curren guns for Waimea, original boards 

by Dale Velzy, Greg Noll, Yater, a turning point down rail 

board by Mike Hynson, Greenough spoons, McTavish V 

bottoms. 

Every board there is of real significance with its own 

story to tell. I have been invited to contribute one of 

mine to the collection. 

It gave me a deep sense of perspective on the history of 

the evolution of surfboard design. 

It made me very conscious of what a great honour it 

is to be included in this role call for the International 

Surfboard Builders Hall of Fame. 

It is undeniably an honour well deserved in our 

opinion. Mitchell deserves his place in the sun. 

8’4 Super Mal for Toes on the Nose 

Bird’s Surf Shed, San Diego 

Kirk & Mitchell 

with Zen Blade 


80

San Clemente sunset 

Richard from Toes and Mitchell 

7’10 Flextail, variable curve 

V2 Flex. Greenough inspired 

transparent tail 

Board on stands / Simmons 

at the SHAAC Museum 


81

GUN SHOW 

CARRY A BIG 

STICK 

WORDS BY: DAVE SWAN 

gear 

AHH YES THE PHRASE AMERICAN 

PRESIDENT THEODORE “TEDDY” 

ROOSEVELT MADE FAMOUS. IN 

FULL IT WAS, “SPEAK SOFTLY 

AND CARRY A BIG STICK — YOU 

WILL GO FAR,” AND IT INFERRED 

THAT DIPLOMACY AND NON- 

AGGRESSION ARE BEST, BUT 

BE READY TO BACK IT UP WITH 

FORCE IF NEEDED. 

Well, when the swell climbs above 10ft, you 

need something with a fair bit of bloody 

force — a big stick just like these magnificent 

big wave guns, and these quietly spoken 

gentlemen are the guys to talk to about that. 

Now most of you would be aware, Mark Riley 

is a good friend of mine. My friendship is 

nearly as strong as my love for his boards. 

Jokes aside, Mark’s boards are exquisite, 

particularly his big wave guns. Sleek, 

beautiful and precision-engineered, they are 

like Formula One racing cars. 

# 58 // // smorgasboarder // // 

82 

If Mark’s guns are like a McLaren, the board 

I recently received from Stephen Halpin to 

test is like the big wave equivalent of a Dodge 

Ram. It is a big solid brute built to tackle 

some serious swell. My only concern is that as 

I get older, I get more chicken, but I shall wait 

in readiness until some cyclone wells arrive 

later this year. 

Following is a bit of a rundown on these two 

beautiful boards.

RILEY BALSAWOOD 

SURFBOARDS HAWAIIAN GUN 

gear 

This 9ft classic balsa beauty was created 

and hand-built by Mark Riley for the 

American market. It’s the first Riley board 

to be built for the US market since Mark 

started building balsa boards in 1996. 

The surfboard features seven Australian 

redwood stringers with matching cedar 

balsa combination blocks to finish off the 

nose and tail with incredible workmanship. 

It has a recycled polystyrene core with the 

total weight coming in at just 5kgs. 

The board has been signed and numbered 

No. 1 by Mark for surfers or collectors in the 

USA. 

It has a matching wood-coloured fin 

box and a hand-foiled balsa and cedar 

laminated fin that shines and sparkles just 

as brilliantly as the board itself. 

Mark worked on this board for countless 

hours, blending balsa from South America 

and Papua New Guinea with Australian red 

cedar stringers. 

Shaped to classic Hawaiian templates, at 

9’0” x 19” x 3” it’s a proven big-wave plan 

shape and rocker and is sure to go like the 

clappers. This gun is a one-off and a labour 

of love for Mark and is most definitely in 

the collector’s category. The pride in his 

creation is clearly evident. 

“In our 25 years of building Riley Balsawood 

Surfboards this is the first of its kind for 

the USA. It was built with passion and 

solely by hand. Laid up with custom 

redwood/balsa nose and tail blocks, it has 

7 stringers using gorgeous deep red Aussie 

cedar. Yes, gorgeous! It’s fitted with a handmade 

cedar/balsa fin with the sunrise and 

wave design. 

“There is no denying the sensation of 

gliding through the water with a wooden 

surfboard like this is truly unique and 

cannot be replicated by any other material. 

The natural beauty and organic connection 

to the environment make handmade 

boards crafted from sustainable materials a 

top choice for surfers looking for a one-ofa-kind 

experience.” 

Mark has even crafted some handmade 

timber wall racks to match along with a 

signed framed photograph of Mark and the 

board. Someone in the US is sure to receive 

one hell of a Christmas present this year. 


83

gear 


84

gear 

SHAPES BY STEVEO HOLLOW 

WOOD GUN WITH FLYERS 

Regular readers of Smorgasboarder would be 

familiar with Stephen Halpin’s stunning recycled 

wood creations. He lovingly crafts hollow wooden 

surfboards from fish to funboards, guns and 

malibus under the name of Shapes by Steveo, 

all made with a combination of salvaged and 

sustainable plantation-grown timber. What 

readers might not know however is the penchant 

this man has for monster swells – the kinds of 

waves most normal surfers like myself would see 

us doing our best impersonation of a squid under 

duress. I’ve seen the photos of Steveo surfing Red 

Bluff in Western Australia, that he is too humble 

to share with the general public, and the waves 

are frightening. 

This board he lovingly crafted to surf Pipe 

(Pipeline on the North Shore of Oahu in Hawaii) 

but constant lockdowns amidst the pandemic put 

paid to those dreams. 

It is 7’10” x 19 ½” x 3” with a 11 ½“ nose and a 11 

¾“ tail with 70/30 rails. It features an incredibly 

intricate cedar, paulownia and balsa parquetry 

nose and tail block. The deck and bottom are 

made from a combination of recycled cedar blinds 

with balsa decorative strips. The skill entailed 

in building a board like this is testament to the 

several decades Steveo’s spent plying his trade. 

“Boards like this aren’t just made to surf a cyclone 

swell or two. I’ve made this to surf a lifetime of 

cyclone swells. To damage this board, you would 

have to be chasing something bigger than I’ve 

ever surfed (and believe me when I say that is 

seriously big and not something mere mortals 

like myself would consider). 

“This is a board you can pass down from 

generation to generation. Now it’s over to you 

Dave to see what kind of history you can create 

with it. I hope you’re up to it.” 

Nothing like a bit of pressure to deliver the goods. 

I have no fear the board will hold up, it is just my 

ageing body. Anyhow, challenge accepted, let’s see 

what happens. 


85

gear 

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Love the outline on this. 

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90 

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91

interview 

Oh, how we have enjoyed publishing the witty humour of Phillip Island cartoonist Darren 

Marks, aka Curl, and his beloved character Aloha Barry. After so many years we felt it was 

only fitting we publish a collection of his greatest works that have featured in the pages of 

Smorgasboarder (and some extras from around the traps). 


92 

The Aloha Barry hardcover — aptly entitled 

Sand in my Crack — has recently arrived back 

from the printers, just in time for Christmas. It’s 

perfect to gift to anyone you don’t think much 

of and couldn’t be tossed finding a present of 

any real value for. 

I recently caught up with Curl to ask a few 

questions about what it was like to publish 

his first hardcover and where, and on whom, 

he would be spending his immense riches 

on once the royalties start rolling in. Curl’s 

answers were quite the eye-opener I must say, 

and whilst we have not yet featured a sealed 

section in the pages of Smorgasboarder, 

this interview calls for it (although our printer 

unfortunately couldn’t oblige at such late 

notice). So please, to any of those who are 

easily offended, and who possibly don’t read 

Aloha Barry as a result, this is a warning to look 

away and strictly do not read on. 

With the imminent release of your hard 

cover Sand in My Crack, I’m guessing 

there’s a real sense that you’ve made it 

now? 

There is a deep swelling that’s for sure, and a 

sense of pride and accomplishment. I know 

we had a heated debate about whether we 

should release this as a quality hard cover or 

as a lower budget style magazine, but I think 

we have made the right decision. In my twilight 

years I think it will be more comfortable to 

construct a small hut out of unsold hardcovers 

to live in, rather than sleeping on a park bench 

under a handmade quilt of surplus magazines. 

As an artist with a retirement plan, yes, I 

certainly feel as though I’ve “made it”. 

Am I right in assuming 90% of the proceeds 

will go to the Smorgasboarder Charity 

Trust? We are, of course, a not-for-profit 

organisation. 

Certainly, that charity trust is a very noble and 

worthy cause. I would hate to think how many 

20-cent pieces have been shoved down the 

front of dancer’s undergarments in the name of 

charity over the years. I recall attending some 

of Smorgasboarder’s philanthropic evenings... 

Knickers were jingling like Christmas carols. 

The dedication to the redistribution of wealth 

on the Gold Coast alone, is something to be 

commended. I’m not too sure how many pole 

dancer’s* kids would have been put through 

school, but it must be in the thousands. They 

are truly doing the Lord’s work. 

No doubt you feel incredibly indebted to 

Mark and Dave for spring boarding your 

career by featuring Aloha Barry in their 

esteemed publication? 

Mark and Dave have been instrumental in the 

development and expansion of my artistic 

practice. Just as Don King was to Mike Tyson 

and Colonel Tom Parker to Elvis, these two 

infallible gents have squeezed every drop of 

creative juice from my plump plums, leaving 

me with dried out, desensitised prunes. 

When Mark and Dave invited me aboard their 

company yacht to discuss the contractual 

minutiae for the book, I was at first flattered, 

thinking I’d finally made it within the inner 

circle. It wasn’t until I found myself dangling 

in a bull shark infested estuary, clutching a 

cod carcass for a life preserver, that I thought 

maybe, just maybe, their interest in me was 

blackened by the shadow of financial gain.

interview 

“All my anticipated earnings have been already accounted for. I outlaid a large portion of 

my royalty advancement on upgrades to my seagull processing plant.” Curl said. 


93

interview 

“Just as Don King was to Mike Tyson and Colonel Tom Parker to Elvis, 

these two infallible gents have squeezed every drop of creative juice from 

my plump plums, leaving me with dried out, desensitised prunes.” said Curl. 


94 

What shenanigans are planned for the book 

launch afterparty? 

At this stage the book launch is scheduled to be held 

at the infamous ‘Chillhouse’ on Phillip Island. There 

will be an assortment of entertainments and activities 

planned, with honey wine samplings from Phillip 

Island Meadery, as well as the associated party 

accompaniments. When, and only when, the last 

book has been sold, we have a troupe of diminutive 

circus performers scheduled to arrive on goatback 

to enact a musical interpretation of “Ned Kelly’s 

Last Stand”. It will be performed in the round with a 

28-piece jazz ensemble and brought to life by a full 

light and sound spectacular. 

I believe we’re printing something like 500 copies 

of this book. How large is your family? 

My family is quite small and disinterested in my 

cultural comings and goings. I also think that the 

mere concept of Barry has brought much shame 

and embarrassment to my relatives. I don’t think 

they will be clambering over each other to claim a 

copy of the book or even to be associated with me 

as a published author. The mere mention of this 

book brings a polite smile and a gentle changing of 

the subject. To be honest with you, I think I will be 

disowned like my dear uncle Martin who was caught 

handing out yo-yos at a McDonalds playground. 

What do you plan to spend your immense 

royalties on? 

All my anticipated earnings have already been 

accounted for. I outlaid a large portion of my royalty 

advancement on upgrades to my seagull processing 

plant. We have been able to double production over 

the summer months and by December we hope 

to be announcing a new range of deep-fried treats 

which includes seagull nuggets, popcorn gull bites

interview 

and southern fried seagull tenders. We have an oversaturation of these filthy 

bastards down our way, and though their flesh is a little sinewy and muddy on 

the palette, it is a viable alternative to chicken and turkey. This may sound like 

a ridiculous claim but our humble company, The Succulent Seaside Seagull, 

hopes to have rotisserie cooked free range birds in most major supermarkets 

by the end of the 2023 financial year. 

Your explanation of the characters contained within, and the musings of 

your mind are quite deep, soulful, and insightful. Did someone else write 

this? Usually, you can’t string words together and yet you come out with 

something like this. 

Everything is ghost written. I have employed, well “engaged”, a gaggle of 

immigrants that I bribe with the fear of extradition. They come from all corners 

of continental Asia, with specific races being delegated to the various topics 

on which I muse. There is Miss Sing Dong, a Thai ladyboy who writes on all 

matters sexual and a Buddhist monk from Laos named Grahame who is my 

spiritual scribe. I have a couple of Balo’s who specialise in the ways of the 

Aussie Bogan. I also keep a rotating assortment of intellectuals from mainland 

China who have a wealth of knowledge on diverse topics such as 19th-century 

Romanian poetry, Lithuania’s economic foreign policy and the fascinating 

intricacies of the West African hippopotamus’ breeding cycle. 

Our favourite character, Kevin the Dolphin, seems 

to have fallen on hard times. What started his downward spiral and is 

it true he has a shot at redemption as the mascot for the Sushi Train 

restaurant franchise? 

Kevin’s story is sad and confusing. His opportunities in life have been bountiful, 

yet he continues to jeopardise himself with certain proclivities, addictions, and 

lifestyle choices. While his intentions are pure, there is a thick rope of selfdestruction 

that knots and tangles itself around the propellor of his life. He 

has, as you mentioned, been offered a senior ambassador position with the 

franchise and will be the face of their new dolphin meat range. Kev travels to 

shopping malls across Australasia spruiking the health benefits of this life-giving 

flesh. The new range of sushi rolls include braised blowhole, deep fried dorsal 

fin, and pickled porpoise anus. The decision has obviously caused a stir within 

the pod, but Kevin seems to be embracing this redeeming opportunity to feed 

the hand that bites him. 

Whatever happened to Barry’s dog Pimples? Was it true he tried his hand 

at greyhound racing and hasn’t been seen since? 

Ahh, sorry there must have been a miscommunication, it wasn’t greyhound 

racing, it was greyhound rooting. Pimples was going out with a three-time 

Sandown Park winner, “Butternut Lass”, who was getting bored with the shady 

racing scene. Pimples would be waiting in the mounting yard with his milk crate 

and as a result even sired a fine young son “Pimplenuts”. His son had the longbodied 

grace of his mother, but the stumpy muscular legs of his Jack Russell 

father, which is the kiss of death in the world of the dish lickers. Barry and 

Pimples continue to be on good terms, and we may even see Pimples return to 

the coast as his relationship with Butternut Lass didn’t survive her penchant for 

the pokies. 

In the unlikely event this does nothing for you career, will you return to 

bottomless waitering? 

Bottomless waitering continues to be an ongoing and reliable source of income 

in the unpredictable world of a semi-professional artist. I’m currently on hiatus 

after incurring a nasty injury at my previous employment. I think that as nature 

runs its course, and certain body parts sag and elongate, you must be smarter 

with your workplace choices. Korean BBQ is perhaps a little precarious for 

a middle-aged gent with exorbitantly low hanging fruit. Luckily kimchi helps 

prevent swelling and inflammation if applied in a timely manner. I currently have 

a resume with a frozen yoghurt franchise, it doesn’t pay much, but it should at 

least aid with the healing process. 

*Note, pole dancers refer to the traditional dancers of Poland. We have no idea 

what you might have been thinking. 

At this stage the book launch is 

scheduled to be held at the infamous 

‘Chillhouse’ on Phillip Island. 


95

KNOBS RETURN? 

Who could forget the meteoric rise of Knobs Surf Wax? Though, as quickly as it appeared, it all 

seemed to vanish into thin air, disappearing out of sight like a gerbil in a bathhouse. 

So, what exactly happened to Knobs? We recently caught up with Bradley Aubergine, the 

mastermind behind the brand who formulated his white gold using the recycled scraps from his 

Brazilian waxing salon. Bradley was not only a demigod of repurposing waste, but also a passionate 

equal opportunity employer. He was dedicated to giving those considered ‘beyond their prime’ an 

opportunity to join the workforce once again with meaning. Devastatingly, his honest and good 

meaning endeavours all came crashing down like the rafters in the Knobs Surf Wax building when 

a fire engulfed the facility. The report below from Smorgasboarder correspondent I.P. Knightley 

gives a graphic account of the tragic scenes that unfolded that fateful night. 


96 

It was a sad day when the factory burned down, everything Bradley had 

worked so hard for was all but lost. An unstoppable blazing decimation 

of his third storey Parramatta factory left nothing but a hot, dripping 

pile of hairs from the nether regions, wax and cinders. The loss was 

immense, 3.8 tonnes of recycled body wax — disintegrated, 14 bales of 

pubic hair — singed, 37 elderly workers — medium rare. 

Knobs surf wax, since its inception, was revolutionising the surf industry. 

It’s prize-winning formula and reputation for recycling ingenuity had 

seen sales numbers skyrocket as customers craved its sticky, white 

goodness between their toes. Bradley was forced to upscale with haste 

and rented an open floored factory space in Sydney’s northwest. This 

was now ground zero for his recycled body wax de-pubing operation. 

Senior citizens were bussed in from all over the metropolitan area, given 

a rigorous arthritis examination and then provided an opportunity to 

supplement their dwindling pensions with tweezers and a steady hand. 

Opportunities were even created for those with deteriorating motor 

skills to sort the pubic hairs by length, universal frizz metric (UFN) and 

then colour coded for bundling. Business was booming in the world of 

depluming. 

Details of how the blaze started remains a little cloudy. One of the few 

survivors reported seeing 83-year-old Clarry Thompson fumble a scotch 

finger biscuit while on an unofficial tea break at around 2am on the 

Tuesday morning shift. Clarry tried retrieving the soggy morsel from his 

hot tea, burning his fingers, which caused him to release a lit Dunhill 

gold into the bushel of 'Ginger Glory' he was packing. The blaze was 

soon unstoppable in the mountainous pile of crotch fleece. 

Thick smoke quickly engulfed the factory as the elderly work force made 

a slow-motion stampede towards the door. The real tragedy unfolded, 

however, when a cluster of walking frames became entangled in the 

rush to make it safely down the rickety steps. It was a truly dramatic exit 

for the avalanche of the aged in the stairwell that night. 

Bradley was understandably devastated. A multimillion-dollar 

incineration of his dreams and business left a pain in his soul that would 

take more than an endless procession of warm hugs from devastated 

families to soothe. There was nothing he could do but dance. 

‘BUSHfire’ the musical was born. An interpretive celebration of rhythmic 

human movement to a curated contemporary playlist, accompanied 

by a state-of-the-art laser light experience. It captivated audiences 

from its first performance in the burned-out factory shell, which was 

live streamed on Facebook. Viral videos exploded with standout clips 

featuring Bradley expressing himself to Bruce Springsteen’s “I’m On 

Fire” and the Australian classic “Burn For You” by the iconic John 

Farnham. 

A long-standing residency was offered by the Rooty Hill RSL, and over 

the next 18 months Bradley cemented himself in the history books 

as the longest continually running interpretive dance experience this 

country has ever seen. He was even acknowledged with an ARIA 

nomination for “Best Marginally Bearable Cabaret, And Or Other, 

Performance By An Individual”, being narrowly defeated by the lead in 

the Shepparton production of “Menopause the Musical”. 

Without a doubt though, one day the music must inevitably stop. All 

that can be heard now are the painful screams of the ghosts of groaning 

geriatrics. The curtain has now been drawn and as he sits alone 

backstage a burning question remains. Can Bradley Aubergine make 

Knobs rise again? 

...it has. 

Like a phoenix, 

Knobs have 

returned.


97

Well, lah-de-dah... 

So, you thought Aloha Barry couldn’t get any classier? 

Well, wrap me in a hardcover and call me Sherelle - Sand in my crack, Life as 

a Beach Bum is available now, in all of its philosophical glory. 

Over 100 pages of collected cartoons, brand new unseen work, unique artist 

insights and other deep thoughts and musings. 

Class up your home interior, like a Country Style magazine cover. Impress 

friends with your artsy side. Use as a TV tray for dinner. Get one for yourself and 

one for a friend as the greatest gift you could give, other than a kidney. 

You keep loving these 

bits every edition.... 

Now get Barry’s bits all 

in one place, in this sexy 

beast of a book... 

Books, t-shirts, merch and limited 

edition Aloha Barry bundles available at 

OUT 

NOW! 

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DELIVERY 

with code: 

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smorgasboarder.com.au

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outerislandsurfboards.com 

email: outereye@gmail.com | phone: 02 6655 7007

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