Island Parent Fall 2023
Vancouver Island’s Parenting Resource for 35 Years: Out & About in Nature: Rain or Shine • The Cool of Volunteering at School • Lessons from a Little Kid • Setting Kids Up for Success at School • Be Gentle with Yourself • Tweens & Teens
Vancouver Island’s Parenting Resource for 35 Years: Out & About in Nature: Rain or Shine • The Cool of Volunteering at School • Lessons from a Little Kid • Setting Kids Up for Success at School • Be Gentle with Yourself • Tweens & Teens
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FALL <strong>2023</strong><br />
Vancouver <strong>Island</strong>’s <strong>Parent</strong>ing Resource for 35 Years<br />
FREE COPY<br />
Out & About in<br />
NATURE<br />
Rain or Shine!<br />
The Cool of<br />
Volunteering<br />
at School<br />
Lessons from<br />
a Little Kid<br />
Inside:
Preschool for today’s child<br />
...and tomorrow’s inner child.<br />
•<br />
FA M I LY • FAVO U R I T E S<br />
NOMINEE<br />
<strong>2023</strong><br />
FULL DAY<br />
Program<br />
starting <strong>Fall</strong><br />
<strong>2023</strong>!<br />
Children possess boundless imagination,<br />
perfect openness to the world<br />
and all its beauty, and the inborn idea<br />
that anything is possible. We believe<br />
that these wonderful gifts should not<br />
fade with age.<br />
With an innovative program enriched<br />
by music, dance, theatre and visual<br />
arts, our goal is to enable children<br />
to fully explore and express these<br />
gifts in an endless variety of ways.<br />
Inspiring and nurturing today’s child<br />
firmly implants their future inner child<br />
– that playfulness, creativity, vision and<br />
confidence that will enable them to<br />
realize their dreams.<br />
Pre-K to Grade 12 www.ArtsCalibre.ca 250-382-3533<br />
“When I examine myself and my method of<br />
thought, I come to the conclusion that the<br />
gift of fantasy has meant more to me than<br />
my talent for absorbing knowledge.”<br />
– Albert Einstein<br />
2 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Fall</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 3
INTHISISSUE<br />
6 10<br />
Need to Know<br />
9<br />
FALL<strong>2023</strong><br />
I ❤ <strong>Island</strong> Out & About in Nature<br />
Jim Schneider<br />
Publisher<br />
publisher@islandparent.ca<br />
Sue Fast<br />
Editor<br />
editor@islandparent.ca<br />
RaeLeigh Buchanan<br />
Account Manager<br />
raeleigh@islandparent.ca<br />
12<br />
Set Kids Up for Success<br />
18<br />
Giving Back<br />
14<br />
Lessons from a Little Kid<br />
20<br />
Kids’ Reads<br />
16<br />
22<br />
Always Half Full<br />
Cut It Out!<br />
Kristine Wickheim<br />
Account Manager<br />
kristine@islandparent.ca<br />
<strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine, published by<br />
<strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Group Enterprises Ltd., is<br />
a bimonthly publication that honours and<br />
supports parents by providing information<br />
on resources and businesses for Vancouver<br />
<strong>Island</strong> families. Views expressed are not<br />
necessarily those of the publisher. No material<br />
herein may be reproduced without the<br />
permission of the publisher. <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> is<br />
distributed free in selected areas. Annual<br />
mail subscriptions (7 issues) are available<br />
for $21 (GST included). Canadian Publication<br />
Mail Product Sales Agreement 40051398.<br />
ISSN 0838-5505.<br />
For distribution inquiries, please email<br />
publisher@islandparent.ca<br />
<strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine<br />
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Victoria, BC V8Z 7Y5<br />
250 388 6905<br />
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Navigating Conflict<br />
Be a Role Model<br />
4 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
FASTFORWARD<br />
Giving Thanks<br />
out with people who love hanging out with<br />
their kids.”<br />
“Hang<br />
That’s still one of the best pieces of parenting<br />
advice I’ve ever received—as relevant now as it was when I first<br />
heard it years ago.<br />
Whether it’s hanging out over coffee in those early first days,<br />
or at a post-natal yoga class a few months later, or on a playground<br />
racing around after your teetering toddlers, being with<br />
other parents who love being with their kids is contagious. It<br />
makes everything that much more fun. And, when we need it,<br />
that much more bearable. It lets you know you’re not alone,<br />
that you’re part of a supportive and bigger community.<br />
Like <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong>.<br />
What an honour, for the past 25+ years, to be part of such a<br />
supportive, inclusive and vibrant community that makes up the<br />
<strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> family: the readers, the writers and my colleagues<br />
at the magazine. Thanks to you, we’ve heard each other’s stories,<br />
lent our ears, shared wisdom, offered our hearts, spilled<br />
our tears, told jokes, swapped recipes, suggested places to go<br />
and things to do and dished out an occasional word or two of<br />
advice.<br />
To say that I’ve loved hanging out with all of you would be<br />
an understatement.<br />
So it is with a heavy yet grateful heart that I say farewell. I<br />
am so thankful to have been part of the <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> community<br />
for all these years and now, with four adult children—and<br />
four grandchildren!—look forward to remaining part of that<br />
community…but in a whole new way!<br />
Thank you for hanging out with me at <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong>, for letting<br />
me hang out with all of you, for your contributions, your<br />
comments and for your connection. I’ve loved and always will<br />
love being part of the community and look forward to watching<br />
it grow.<br />
– Sue Fast<br />
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NEEDTOKNOW<br />
Explore<br />
Spooky<br />
Victoria<br />
Explore the spooky side of Victoria<br />
on a special Halloween edition<br />
Ghostly Walking Tour! These hourlong<br />
walking tours, suitable for adults<br />
and kids, are the perfect way to get<br />
you in the Halloween Spirit. The special<br />
Halloween tours start in Market<br />
Square and tell you all the spooktacular<br />
tales of Victoria’s past—and<br />
current—hauntings as you weave<br />
through our fine city. Even if you’ve<br />
done a ghostly tour before, the route<br />
changes every year, and you never<br />
know what spooky new things you’ll<br />
learn! For more information and to<br />
book your tickets visit discoverthepast.com/ghostly-walks.<br />
Top 10<br />
Threats<br />
to Kids in<br />
Canada<br />
The annual Raising Canada report<br />
tracks the top 10 threats to childhood<br />
and highlights emerging<br />
threats like technology misuse and<br />
cross-cutting themes like access<br />
to healthcare and social services.<br />
Among the key findings: half of<br />
Canadian youth experienced depression<br />
during the pandemic, and<br />
incidences of child violence, poverty<br />
and racism have increased significantly<br />
over the previous year. Given<br />
the ongoing rise of inflation, it’s also<br />
not surprising that food insecurity<br />
among young people increased by<br />
29 percent. To read the full report,<br />
visit childrenfirstcanada.org.<br />
6 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
Your Online<br />
Mommy<br />
BFFs<br />
Real-life best friend and mom<br />
duo Kristin Gallant and Deena Margolin<br />
(the founders behind Big Little<br />
Feelings) have launched a new<br />
podcast. “After Bedtime with Big<br />
Little Feelings” is kind of like the<br />
“mommy group” you wish you had—<br />
one where you show up after a long<br />
ass day of parenting, with spit up<br />
on you, in sweatpants with a wild<br />
mom bun, and you talk about allllll<br />
the things we’re all experiencing<br />
as parents that no one talks about,<br />
along with all the “taboo” topics—<br />
marriages changing after kids, miscarriage,<br />
feeling like a failure, sex<br />
drive, guilt—in a real/raw way that<br />
leaves you feeling less alone and<br />
more empowered by the end<br />
of each episode.<br />
podcasts.apple.com<br />
I am proud<br />
to continue<br />
my support<br />
of parents,<br />
families and<br />
youth in<br />
Oak Bay-<br />
Gordon Head.<br />
MLA Murray Rankin<br />
Oak Bay – Gordon Head<br />
Murray.Rankin.MLA@leg.bc.ca 250-472-8528<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Fall</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 7
Nature<br />
in Action<br />
Between mid-October and mid-<br />
December every year, millions of<br />
Pacific salmon make their way up the<br />
streams of the Pacific northwest to<br />
spawn and eventually die. One of the<br />
very best places to see these beautiful<br />
salmon fighting their way up the<br />
stream is in Goldstream Park. Stand<br />
and watch quietly to see the various<br />
ways the salmon make their way upstream—some<br />
alone, some in pairs.<br />
You may see a female select their<br />
spawning space and dig the hole by<br />
turning on her side and whipping her<br />
tail into the gravel. No one is really<br />
sure why and how they make their<br />
way back to their parent streams to<br />
spawn, but it truly is mesmerizing to<br />
watch them. See how many kinds<br />
of salmon you can spot!<br />
goldstreampark.com/salmon.htm<br />
GVPL<br />
Writing<br />
Challenge<br />
Want to win a gift certificate to<br />
Russell Books? If you’re over the age<br />
of 13 and living in Victoria, you still<br />
have time to enter the tiny stories<br />
contest for your chance to win! Tiny<br />
stories are composed of 450 characters<br />
or less (excluding the title).<br />
And yes, characters, not words. This<br />
means every letter, space, punctuation<br />
mark is a character and counts<br />
towards that 450 count. Pick up your<br />
tiny stories postcard at any Greater<br />
Victoria Public Library branch and<br />
challenge yourself to write your own<br />
original story. Simply mail it in or<br />
drop it off at your local branch by<br />
October 21. You can enter up to 3<br />
times. Full details at gvpl.ca.<br />
8 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
I ❤ ISLAND<br />
Blurb?<br />
Jenny Marie’s Crackers<br />
Go crackers for these handmade crackers! These<br />
yummy crackers come in a variety of flavours and<br />
make an awesome vessel for anything from jam<br />
to tuna, to…whatever you crave! They’re even<br />
delicious on their own. Made in Victoria, you can<br />
find them at local markets, in grocery stores or<br />
online.<br />
jennymariescrackers.com<br />
Yeshi Dressings<br />
Surprise your taste buds! Yeshi Foods is an island<br />
owned, family business dedicated to making<br />
gluten free food taste delicious! Find these tasty,<br />
innovative, nutrient rich dressings and other products<br />
in stores near you or online.<br />
yeshifoods.com<br />
Louis Pasture Pork Crisps<br />
Crunch those cravings! In 2015 two Vancouver<br />
<strong>Island</strong> sisters created these protein-rich snacks to<br />
satisfy the cravings for salty snacks while still following<br />
the Paleo diet. Using local, ethically raised<br />
pork, these tasty snacks can be found at the Duncan<br />
Farmers Market, in some stores or online.<br />
primalsisters.com<br />
•<br />
FA M I LY • FAVO U R I T E S<br />
WINNER<br />
<strong>2023</strong><br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Fall</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 9
NATURENOTES<br />
Out & About in Nature:<br />
Rain or Shine!<br />
As the days get shorter and the sun disappears behind the<br />
trees earlier each day, it’s lovely (and easy!) to stay hunkered<br />
inside with a hot drink and a fuzzy blanket. Maybe you<br />
have a book that you can’t put down, a show that ends on a<br />
cliffhanger each episode or a knitting project for yourself or a<br />
special someone. If you asked my partner, he’d say my happy<br />
place is nestled under the blanket on the couch with a good<br />
book. And if you asked me, I’d agree! But it is just one of my<br />
happy places—I also love being outdoors and experiencing<br />
nature in all seasons.<br />
Whether sunny, cloudy or rainy, I know that being outside<br />
in nature helps my mental and physical health. And numerous<br />
studies show the benefits of spending time in nature, which<br />
include lowered stress levels, improvements in mood and<br />
emotional wellbeing, and restored capacity for concentration<br />
and attention, just to name a few! I’m fortunate to live in the<br />
southern Vancouver <strong>Island</strong> region, where we have numerous<br />
regional parks and trails to explore. The following are some<br />
of my favourites for families to explore in the fall and winter.<br />
Sooke Potholes Regional Park<br />
Sooke Potholes Regional Park, as the name suggests, has<br />
fascinating potholes to view, and in the wet winter months<br />
impressive river flow and rapids to marvel at. The potholes in<br />
the river are unique geological formations (deep pools within<br />
the river rock) that were formed by large boulders stuck in<br />
the river. These boulders were swirled around and around<br />
and created the potholes, which in many areas are surrounded<br />
steep bedrock cliffs, created by glacial erosion thousands of<br />
years ago. In the fall, there are some great trails to hike and<br />
the Sooke River is home to an annual salmon run. The river<br />
itself is the second largest on southern Vancouver <strong>Island</strong> and<br />
the sandy area just down from Parking Lot 1 offers a prime<br />
Save the date!<br />
Sunday, December 10, <strong>2023</strong><br />
• Decadent brunch buffet<br />
• Two seatings available<br />
• Pajamas & onesies encouraged!<br />
• Visit from Santa<br />
• Festive activities<br />
• Tickets on sale October 30 at<br />
islandkidsfirst.com<br />
10 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
spot to view the salmon as they prepare for spawning. Keep<br />
your eyes peeled for that splash of water as the salmon make<br />
their way up the river!<br />
<strong>Island</strong> View Beach Regional Park<br />
If you’re feeling more “flighty” than “fishy,” head to <strong>Island</strong><br />
View Beach Regional Park in Central Saanich for some birding<br />
opportunities. The trail next to the beach is accessible and<br />
offers views of the shoreline, the Gulf and San Juan <strong>Island</strong>s,<br />
and even Mount Baker on a clear day! <strong>Fall</strong> is a great time of<br />
year to go birding with or without binoculars. Many waterfowl<br />
are migrating south for the winter (some as far south as<br />
Argentina!) and <strong>Island</strong> View Beach can provide a place for<br />
these birds to rest and eat before journeying on. Check out<br />
ebird.ca to see recent bird sightings in the area and help you<br />
know what to look for!<br />
Devonian Regional Park<br />
If you’re in the mood for something other than animals,<br />
travel to one of the CRD’s smaller parks, Devonian Regional<br />
Park, to check out trees like our native Garry oak. Ever since<br />
I was a kid, I’ve loved seeing the sprawling branches of the<br />
oak trees. Something about them reminded me of fairy tales<br />
and as I grew older, I admired them not just for their beauty<br />
but for their strength and perseverance. Oak trees and their<br />
ecosystems in BC are rare and endangered in BC—less than<br />
5% of their ecosystem is remaining intact. But they are home<br />
to more species-at-risk than any other ecosystem, including<br />
Howell’s triteleia (a beautiful wildflower), sharp-tailed snakes<br />
(smallest snake species in BC) and the propertius dusky-wing<br />
butterfly (a butterfly completely dependent on Garry oak trees<br />
for survival). Visiting parks like Devonian remind me of the<br />
importance of having parks to protect ecosystems like these.<br />
Whichever regional park you and your family explore, take<br />
time to enjoy the sights, sounds and smells of what’s around.<br />
Marvel at the big stuff and feel in awe of nature. Then take<br />
time to zoom in and appreciate the small stuff and be filled<br />
with amazement at the whole other mini world that lies beneath<br />
your feet. Always remember that staying on trail helps<br />
protect these animals and plants—big and small—for me, you<br />
and future generations to enjoy. Whether that’s in just a few<br />
months with wildflowers blooming or in years to come with<br />
future oak trees looming overhead.<br />
One thing is for sure—rain or shine this fall, I’ll be out and<br />
about in nature! How about you?<br />
Lauren Sherwood is a Parks Naturalist with the<br />
Capital Regional District. She enjoys being out in nature<br />
with family and friends of all ages, rain or shine.<br />
For more information about Regional Parks programs<br />
visit crd.bc.ca/park-events.<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Fall</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 11
LEARN<br />
Setting Kids Up<br />
for Success at School<br />
Relationships are crucial for human development. It’s attachment<br />
that tethers us together and it’s our greatest<br />
need: to belong, to be “gotten,” to love, to feel significant<br />
and to feel sameness.<br />
<strong>Parent</strong>s can start by taking responsibility to preserve the<br />
relationship so children can let go and be themselves. When<br />
we meet the attachment and dependency needs of our kids,<br />
they emerge as viable, separate beings. How?<br />
• Help children feel safe at home to experience all their big<br />
feelings. When home is an easy place to have their tears, kids<br />
are better able to navigate mistakes, failures and disappointments—for<br />
example, not getting the red crayon or not getting<br />
to play with a friend at recess.<br />
• Encourage play so kids may naturally work through<br />
worries and stresses while expressing and discharging big<br />
feelings. Settling back into the routine of school is a big<br />
transition for kids (and parents). Make space for all the feelings—excitement,<br />
anxiety, worry, frustration. Keep your after-school<br />
activities simple. Hopefully now you’re settled into<br />
the new routine and have come to terms with saying goodbye<br />
to your summer selves. Prioritize time for rest and play.<br />
• Ensure proper sleep. Sleep is restorative. If you must<br />
wake your child in the morning, they aren’t getting enough<br />
sleep.<br />
• Eat well. Healthy diets can help prevent “hangry” kids.<br />
• Establish routines. Routines can help kids feel connected<br />
because they know how the day will unfold.<br />
• Take charge of health, safety, boundaries, and support<br />
good decision making. Set limits with confidence so children<br />
can rest in knowing we’ll take care of them.<br />
• Understand that upset is normal and take responsibility<br />
for preserving your relationship with your child.<br />
• Lead with empathy, delight in your child, allow them to<br />
exist in your presence and don’t take things personally.<br />
<strong>Parent</strong>s will likely have a range of feelings about “Will my<br />
child behave in school?” And “What can we do to set them<br />
up for success?”<br />
According to psychologist and author Gordon Neufeld,<br />
there are six traits of well-behaved children that can’t be<br />
taught and must be grown.<br />
1. Children should want to be good for the people they are<br />
attached to and resist orders from those they are not.<br />
12 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
2. Children are easily alarmed. A healthy alarm system<br />
moves a child to caution and makes them conscientious and<br />
concerned about their actions.<br />
3. Children feel futility. They can adapt to not getting their<br />
way, accept another’s decision and adjust to the limits and<br />
restrictions in their life.<br />
4. Children are appropriately attached to adults. These<br />
adults are role models and share similar values.<br />
5. Children are well intentioned. They can form their own<br />
goals and agendas.<br />
6. Children are well tempered. They have self-control.<br />
They can think twice! (This needs prefrontal brain integration<br />
which doesn’t happen until 5-7 years old and later for<br />
sensitive kids.)<br />
Kids are teachable because they have a fulfilling relationship<br />
with someone. <strong>Parent</strong>s can help attach their child to the<br />
teacher who will be their compass. We can play matchmaker!<br />
“When kids see that their parents like their school and<br />
teacher, it can go a long way to helping them trust their<br />
adults at school, says clinical counsellor and author Dr. Deborah<br />
MacNamara.<br />
• AN ENGAGING EDUCATION<br />
• AN INCLUSIVE COMMUNITY<br />
• BEFORE AND AFTER-SCHOOL CARE<br />
ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS FOR 2024<br />
Play is NOT work. There is no outcome.<br />
It’s ‘a spontaneous activity that cannot<br />
Christ Church Cathedral School<br />
Victoria’s Anglican School for Jr. K – Grade 8<br />
be taught or commanded.’<br />
– Dr. Gordon Neufeld www.cathedralschool.ca | 250-383-5125<br />
“<strong>Parent</strong>s need to take an active role and play matchmaker<br />
with the teacher by speaking with warmth about the teacher,<br />
conveying trust in them, orienting them to the school culture<br />
and rules and ensuring that the relationship with their teacher<br />
stays on track,” adds MacNamara. “Kids do best when<br />
adults take the lead in introducing them to the people that<br />
will take care of them. It provides both security and a sense<br />
of rest so that the focus can go towards learning.”<br />
Create and seize opportunities to matchmake your child to<br />
their teacher and their wider school community.<br />
Get to know your school community<br />
• Find your school <strong>Parent</strong> Advisory Council (PAC) social<br />
media page or other platforms to connect and inform families.<br />
• Attend school events.<br />
• Join the PAC! Everyone can find a meaningful way to<br />
contribute. Volunteering is a great way to meet other parents,<br />
contribute to school culture and offer hands-on help.<br />
Cultivating even one or two important connections will go<br />
a long way.<br />
Lindsay Coulter is a writer, educator, facilitator,<br />
naturalist, community catalyst, soul activist, mentor,<br />
and dedicated mother of two. She’s the Director of<br />
Communications, Culture and Community at EPIC<br />
Learning Centre, a forest and nature school in Victoria.<br />
Find her @SaneAction on Instagram and Facebook.<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Fall</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 13
PARENTING<br />
Lessons from<br />
a Little Kid<br />
My daughter started Kindergarten this year. Now, a few<br />
months in, I have accepted that she is no longer a little<br />
kid. Not a really little kid at least. She’s way past diapers,<br />
past the terrible twos. Teething is a distant memory. Naps<br />
vanished long ago. All those baby accessories—the BabyBjorn,<br />
the Diaper Genie, the Exersaucer have long since been<br />
cleared out and donated. But as I embrace my not-so-little<br />
kid, I think of everything her babyhood and toddlerhood<br />
has taught me—not about parenting, but about how I navigate<br />
my own life as an adult.<br />
Here are a few things my daughter’s early years taught<br />
me:<br />
Sleep is everything.<br />
This was the biggest lesson from the newborn stage, when<br />
the midwife came over one day and asked me if I knew how<br />
to nap. I did not. I do now. A well rested child is a happy<br />
child. A late bedtime for a toddler can wreak havoc for days<br />
to come. And adults? Just the same. It’s so much easier to<br />
fall apart on a bad night’s sleep. So much easier to snap at<br />
your partner when you’re tired. So much easier for a little<br />
thing to push you to tears. Sleep will save you and not<br />
enough of it will pull you under.<br />
Do not back down.<br />
I can’t tell you how many times my daughter threw a fit<br />
because she didn’t want to have a bath, or go to bed, or<br />
leave the playground or try going to the bathroom before<br />
bed and I’d think to myself—wow this is both very annoying<br />
and very impressive. I wish I had this kind of resolve<br />
when I present an idea in a meeting rather than saying “just<br />
a thought…” or when no one offers to make Turkey dinner<br />
for Thanksgiving and suddenly I’m hosting. Little kids will<br />
stand their ground, tear-streaked face, thrashing legs, violent<br />
arms and all. And adults? We need to do the same (only<br />
without the screaming fits).<br />
14 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
Pull out the fancy.<br />
I was surprised how young my daughter was when she<br />
gravitated towards anything shiny. Sparkly shirts, tutus,<br />
blow up floaties filled with glitter, glitter itself. How she<br />
loved dressing up and how she’d stop and gasp on the rare<br />
occasions I wore a dress. Mommy you look beautiful! Sparkles<br />
may not be everyone’s idea of fancy, but appreciating<br />
the beauty around us and seeking it out never gets old.<br />
Make it fun.<br />
Washing your hair is boring. Unless you sing a song while<br />
lathering cherry flavoured Little Mermaid shampoo. Why<br />
use mint toothpaste when it can be bubble gum flavoured<br />
and covered in Minions? Why just have a bagel when you<br />
can cut it in half, add grape eyes and make it into a smiley<br />
face? Too much of adulthood is drudgery. Bring on the silliness!<br />
Say it how it is.<br />
My niece once said I like Nanna better than Grandma.<br />
To Grandma. This isn’t the best example of honesty but<br />
between my daughter’s why do you have lines on your forehead?<br />
to her why do you put pokey things in your eyes?<br />
her opinions were always clear. No bending herself backwards<br />
to placate others, no walking on eggshells around the<br />
grumpy guy at work, no offering to do things she doesn’t<br />
want to do. Little kids are brutally honest. As we grow up,<br />
we learn what’s expected of us, sometimes at the expense of<br />
our true selves.<br />
There was a point during Covid when my daughter<br />
started saying just a minute every time I asked her to do<br />
something and insisted on sending imaginary emails before<br />
we left the house. I was both amused and mortified at how<br />
she was imitating us. But it goes both ways—just as kids<br />
learn from the adults around them, adults can absorb all the<br />
childhood wisdom we’ve forgotten over the years. We can<br />
be reminded of finding joy, living authentically and taking<br />
care of ourselves. When we see what works and doesn’t for<br />
kids, it helps us to reflect on our own lives.<br />
Now grown-ups, it’s time to put yourself down for a nap,<br />
break out the finery and tell your boss how you really feel.<br />
41 st Peninsula Co-op<br />
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November 25, <strong>2023</strong>, 5:20 pm<br />
For full<br />
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Julia Mais is a policy and communications<br />
professional in Victoria. She looks for beauty in<br />
the everyday through writing, photography and<br />
the outdoors. She lives in a messy, cheese-filled<br />
home with her husband and preschooler.<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Fall</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 15
DADSPEAK<br />
Always<br />
Half<br />
Full<br />
Because of the tyranny of print<br />
publication schedules and my own<br />
relentless urge to be ahead of the<br />
game, I’m writing this in mid-August,<br />
and here you are reading it, like, six<br />
months later. But, this is fresh on my<br />
mind so work with me for a minute, even<br />
though it’s old news to you.<br />
I decided this year to not wait until the<br />
last minute to get school supplies, even<br />
though no one wants to think about the<br />
return of school in early August. But I did<br />
(maybe my teenage daughter refers to me<br />
as Danny Tanner for a reason), and I was<br />
blown away by my own planning skills.<br />
I saw a note I had left to myself that<br />
Get back<br />
to your<br />
favourite<br />
activities.<br />
Registration<br />
is open for<br />
City of Victoria<br />
fall recreation.<br />
victoria.ca/recreation<br />
16 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
said “look in bag in office,” so I stumbled<br />
into the office, found an unusual bag that<br />
had a note on it that said “school supplies<br />
to reuse for Grade 7,” then crossreferenced<br />
the school supply list and<br />
found that, much to my pleasure, I need<br />
to buy a grand total of two things, everything<br />
else is still good from Grade 6. (Do<br />
I bother buying the second eraser and<br />
second fine-tip black felt marker or do I<br />
just wing it, and allow myself a summer<br />
of buying zero school supplies? I’d like to<br />
say I just wing it but the Danny Tanner in<br />
me didn’t not allow that: I bought them.<br />
So what’s the point here? Leave yourself<br />
notes that you’ll forget about then<br />
read months later as if someone else<br />
wrote them, leading you around the<br />
house on a scavenger hunt of sorts? Well,<br />
yeah, that was weird and awesome and<br />
I felt pretty good about it. Be organized<br />
and do stuff early? Always, but that’s<br />
pretty lame and no one wants to hear it.<br />
Something about back to school? No,<br />
that was like a month ago by the time<br />
you read this.<br />
My point is, man, did I ever have a<br />
secret little smile on my face the evening<br />
this all went down. No one knew what I<br />
was doing, probably no one cared, but it<br />
was just...a win. Take ‘em where you can,<br />
I figure. As a dad—as a parent—you can<br />
go through long stretches without those<br />
wins. Not that life is a miserable slog, but<br />
just that it’s go, go, go, and it can be an<br />
uphill battle sometimes.<br />
But don’t dwell on that. I’ve been making<br />
the mistake of zoning out on social<br />
media a bit lately, doing the hatescroll,<br />
just watching everyone be miserable and<br />
hate everything. I’ll do it for 10 minutes,<br />
snap out of it, and feel horribly embarrassed<br />
for wasting my time. My only<br />
takeaway is that there’s a lot of people<br />
out there seeing the cup half empty.<br />
And no matter how hard it gets, no<br />
matter the struggles—personal, private,<br />
public, major, or minor—that we<br />
face as parents, I refuse to see the cup<br />
as half empty. Even during the hardest<br />
times—housing issues, medical diagnoses,<br />
moments of defeat—I’ll stick that note<br />
somewhere secret to remind myself that<br />
there will be brighter days ahead (that<br />
note is metaphorical, of course; even<br />
Danny Tanner here has his limits).<br />
I mean, there always are brighter days<br />
ahead, more victories down the road.<br />
And sometimes they’re just small victories.<br />
Sometimes it’s just reusing two<br />
orange duotangs from Grade 6 for Grade<br />
7. But they were in great shape, man, and<br />
it almost made me pump my first in the<br />
air in victory.<br />
And it’s not much, at all. By the time<br />
this is in print, I’ll probably barely<br />
remember any of this happening, too<br />
caught up in whatever else is happening,<br />
whatever parenting ups and downs have<br />
me by the throat at that particular point<br />
in time. But here and now, the orange<br />
duotangs are a reminder that there are<br />
always moments of victory to be found,<br />
you sometimes just have to work a bit<br />
to find them, and sometimes you have to<br />
make them happen yourself.<br />
Greg Pratt is the father of three<br />
children and a local journalist and<br />
editor. His writing has appeared<br />
in, among other places, Today’s<br />
<strong>Parent</strong>, Decibel and Douglas. He<br />
is @gregprattwriter on Twitter.<br />
•<br />
NOMINEE<br />
<strong>2023</strong><br />
FA M I LY<br />
•<br />
FAVO U R I T E S<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Fall</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 17
LEARN<br />
Giving Back<br />
A measure of wealth through an Indigenous lens<br />
While often described as celebrations, festivals and/or<br />
feasts, the Potlatch tradition of the Pacific Northwest<br />
Coast Indigenous Peoples is so much more. The Potlatch tradition<br />
is about acknowledging the past while embracing the<br />
future. It instills pride and respect for time-honoured cultural<br />
practices. But more importantly, it inspires a deep sense of connection<br />
to community.<br />
The word Potlatch (Ṕačiƛ – Patshalt) comes from the language<br />
of the Nuu chah nulth Peoples of the west coast of Vancouver<br />
<strong>Island</strong> and aptly means “to give.” It was during the fur<br />
trade era when Potlatch became the generic term used in reference<br />
to cultural gatherings through a trading language known<br />
as the Chinook Jargon.<br />
Potlatch is also sometimes confused with the word, Potluck,<br />
which originated in England. It was said that if you arrived<br />
after the dinner hour, you were lucky to get whatever was left<br />
at the bottom of the pot. Today it is a term used to describe a<br />
gathering where everyone is bringing and sharing food together,<br />
which may have understandably, contributed to the confusion.<br />
A Potlatch is a large gathering hosted by Indigenous community<br />
leaders where invited guests attend as witnesses to substantial<br />
events. These include, but are not limited to, the raising<br />
of a totem pole, the passing down of hereditary rights and<br />
names, the validation of marriage alliances and the honouring<br />
of individuals who have passed on. Practiced in diverse ways by<br />
all Indigenous Peoples inhabiting the Pacific Northwest Coast<br />
from Washington State northwards to the southeastern coast of<br />
Alaska, the Potlatch is the pivotal social event.<br />
During these occasions, the host displays their wealth in the<br />
form of songs, masks, and dances, and by presenting gifts to<br />
their guests. The more they give away, the more prestige they<br />
acquire. An Elder from the Kwagiulth – Kwakwaka’wakw Nation<br />
was quoted as saying, “A person potlatches to share his<br />
wealth. There is no honour or virtue in keeping your wealth…”<br />
writes Edward Malin in Masks & Totems: A Northcoast Odyssey.<br />
Therefore, a leader’s wealth is determined by how well they<br />
provide for their community, as opposed to personal gain. This<br />
way of thinking supports the origin stories of potlatches as being<br />
a means to evenly distribute food and resources throughout<br />
a village. Over the course of countless generations, the Potlatch<br />
evolved to become the crucial point of coastal cultural practices.<br />
Potlatches also serve as reminders of creation stories, historic<br />
events or occurrences like floods, earthquakes, and droughts.<br />
In this instance, masks and dances are used for the re-telling<br />
of the story and the portrayal of heroes who looked after their<br />
people during these challenging times. This theatrical display<br />
encourages community members to be grateful for each day,<br />
while inspiring youth to contribute to the well-being of their<br />
communities.<br />
18 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
It is often the traditional role of<br />
grandparents to encourage, inspire and<br />
preserve the valuable lessons learned<br />
through the Potlatch. In fact, some coastal<br />
territories acknowledge grandparents<br />
as “Wisdom Keepers” who share their<br />
life experiences and knowledge with the<br />
intention of providing guidance, support<br />
and encouragement. It also serves as an<br />
opportunity to “give back” to the upcoming<br />
generations.<br />
I was fortunate to have these teachers<br />
throughout my youth and appreciated<br />
that, no matter the challenge, I could<br />
always rely on their gentle guidance to<br />
lift me up and set me back on a healthy<br />
and fulfilling path. I am also grateful to<br />
have had the opportunity to attend and<br />
participate in many Potlatches over the<br />
years and still feel the deep resonance of<br />
history reiterating the past while embracing<br />
the future. It has inspired me to want<br />
to “give back” and although I do not live<br />
within my traditional territory, there is<br />
opportunity to provide Indigenous perspectives<br />
within urban populations by<br />
inviting the public to consider education<br />
through an Indigenous lens.<br />
I am now grandmother to eight beautiful<br />
grandchildren, and l look forward to<br />
watching their faces when the sound of<br />
the drums, crackle of the fire and pageantry<br />
of dancers awaken their curiosity.<br />
For up-to-date information on CRD<br />
Regional Parks and its programs, visit<br />
crd.bc.ca/parks-events.<br />
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significance for these Nations and provide<br />
important food, medicine and spiritual places.<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Fall</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 19
KIDS’READS<br />
A Little Bit of Joy,<br />
Warmth & Self-Love<br />
Even though the school year is no longer brand new, it<br />
can still be stressful for children. So it’s important for<br />
us to take time to check in with them and see how they<br />
are doing. However, you might have noticed that kids aren’t<br />
always the best at explaining what’s wrong, and we don’t<br />
want to step on their toes by just jumping into a conversation<br />
if they haven’t said anything.<br />
So, it might be a good idea to use a book as a starting<br />
point. That way you can read about a child who is having a<br />
particular problem, talk about what your child would do if<br />
they were in that situation, and then ask them if they’re struggling<br />
with something they would like help with. If you don’t<br />
have any books that your child would be interested in, here<br />
are a few books that I think would be a great starting point.<br />
The first is I’m Not (Very) Afraid of the Dark by Anna Milbourne<br />
and illustrated by Daniel Rieley (Usborne, <strong>2023</strong>). As<br />
the title suggests, the young protagonist is only slightly afraid<br />
of the dark, but they are not willing to say so out loud. But<br />
when the sun sets and it gets darker, it’s harder for him to pretend<br />
he isn’t scared. This fun book is filled with the gorgeous<br />
and interactive pictures I’ve come to expect from Usborne. Rieley’s<br />
work is impeccable and filled with magic, so make sure<br />
you read this story with a flashlight nearby. That way you can<br />
shine light through all of the cut outs and see what the main<br />
character sees. For ages 4 to 8.<br />
If you think your child is struggling with sadness instead of<br />
fear, His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso and<br />
Desmond Mpilo Tutu, the Archbishop Emeritus of South Africa<br />
have created a little picture book called The Little Book<br />
of Joy, illustrated by Rafael López (Crown Books for Young<br />
Readers, 2022). While this wouldn’t be a good book if your<br />
child has clinical depression, because we don’t want to tell<br />
them to just be happy, it is a good reminder that there is a reason<br />
to be joyful all around us. And this story reminds us that<br />
when we find joy we should share it with others so together<br />
we can make the world a brighter place. For ages 4 to 8.<br />
Another emotion that you might notice if your children are<br />
stressed is anger. If that’s the case, I recommend getting Anger<br />
Management Activities for Kids by Holly Forman-Patel and illustrated<br />
by Claudio Cerri (Rockridge Press, 2020). Unlike the<br />
previous two books on the list, this is not a story, it is a selfhelp<br />
book for children. There are a variety of activities and<br />
lessons in it to help you and your child learn why we get angry<br />
in the first place, discover how to stop the anger monsters<br />
Christina Van Starkenburg lives in Victoria with<br />
her husband, children and cat. She is the author of One<br />
Tiny Turtle: A Story You Can Colour and many articles.<br />
To read more of her work and learn about her<br />
upcoming books visit christinavanstarkenburg.com.<br />
Facebook: facebook.com/christinavanstarkenburg<br />
and Twitter: @Christina_VanS.<br />
20 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
local innovative theatre<br />
from multiplying, and failing that, create effective strategies to<br />
release those anger monsters in a healthy manner. The pictures<br />
in this book are adorable, and the cuteness helps children remember<br />
that anger monsters and their buddies aren’t bad they<br />
just need special attention. For ages 5 to 9.<br />
While I would love for this to never be the case, one thing<br />
that might be stressing our children out is bullies. Bullies can<br />
decimate our kids’ self-esteem, and it can be really tough to<br />
rebuild that. If you think your child is struggling with a bully,<br />
or with low self-esteem in general, check out A Kids Book<br />
About Self-Love by Brandon Farbstein (A Kids Co., 2021).<br />
Farbstein understands what it feels like to be bullied because<br />
of your appearance, and what it feels like to dislike yourself,<br />
which is why he wrote this book about self-love: what it<br />
looks like, what it feels like, and how to start loving yourself.<br />
There are no pictures in this book, but don’t let that deter you<br />
because Farbstein’s writing style is comforting and conversational<br />
so it won’t be hard for children to remain engaged. For<br />
ages 5 to 9.<br />
The last book is What You Need to Be Warm: A Poem of<br />
Welcome by Neil Gaiman and many others (Quill Tree Books,<br />
<strong>2023</strong>). As Gaiman explains in the foreword, this is a collaborative<br />
poem; he wrote it using memories that people shared<br />
with him about what it meant to be warm. While the aim of<br />
this poem is to draw attention to refugees without adequate<br />
shelter, you can also read it with your children and talk about<br />
what it means for your kids to be warm or to feel loved. In<br />
addition to the poets, 13 artists contributed to this story. Each<br />
with their own unique style, but all of them held onto the<br />
same colour scheme creating an orange glow that seems to<br />
emanate warmth from the very pages you’re holding. For ages<br />
8 to 12.<br />
I know school and the coming winter can be hard—especially<br />
when the nights get darker faster and the weather<br />
turns cool—but hopefully these books will help you and your<br />
children embrace your fears, find pockets of joy, hug your<br />
monsters, love yourself, and discover your own items to add<br />
to Gaiman’s list of what it takes to be warm.<br />
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<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Fall</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 21
CUTITOUT!<br />
Be Gentle with Yourself<br />
While we experience profound<br />
love and great joy when we<br />
become parents, it can also<br />
be shocking. We soon discover that we<br />
can’t control another person. We can’t<br />
make them poop on the potty, be nice<br />
to their sibling, care about homework,<br />
or joyfully unload the dishwasher.<br />
If we invest our mental energy in<br />
constantly worrying about our kids<br />
and trying to get them to listen to us,<br />
we become depleted. When we try too<br />
hard, attempting to be their one-person<br />
entertainment centre and doing everything<br />
for them, we exhaust ourselves.<br />
When we hold the bar too high because<br />
we don’t understand the nature of<br />
childhood, we see their behaviour as<br />
deliberate, and we find ourselves overreacting.<br />
Tell yourself:<br />
1. My child is just trying to cope<br />
right now.<br />
2. This is a stage that kids go<br />
through.<br />
3. I can get through this, and I can<br />
cope.<br />
4. I can see some humour in this situation<br />
and anger won’t make it better.<br />
5. Children can’t help but be impulsive,<br />
it’s natural.<br />
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22 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
It’s a given that:<br />
1. You will not always be patient and<br />
loving.<br />
2. There will be many times when<br />
you don’t know what to do.<br />
3. You will give in just to keep the<br />
peace.<br />
4. You will wonder if your child is<br />
normal.<br />
5. You will feel like you are failing as<br />
a parent.<br />
Find your calm energy:<br />
1. Observe the bigger picture of times<br />
that behaviour is challenging and what<br />
sets it off.<br />
2. Learn about your own triggers and<br />
immature reactions.<br />
3. Let go of unnecessary control over<br />
things that don’t really matter.<br />
4. Build resources through relationships<br />
and education.<br />
5. Think about your true values as a<br />
parent and put it in writing.<br />
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Develop a mantra that reflects your<br />
true values:<br />
1. You matter.<br />
2. I believe in you.<br />
3. You are listened to.<br />
4. We can handle this.<br />
5. Mistakes are a part of life.<br />
Think through repeated difficulties<br />
at a neutral time and come up with a<br />
plan of how you want to respond. Be<br />
predictable knowing that it might not<br />
change the immediate, challenging behaviour<br />
in front of you.<br />
Sometimes effective parenting really<br />
is about what you don’t do. If you have<br />
made it through the day holding onto<br />
some of your values without losing the<br />
plot, can you let that sink in? Can you<br />
give yourself some genuine appreciation?<br />
Can you be gentle with yourself?<br />
Can you do that now?<br />
Dr. Allison Rees is a parent<br />
educator, counsellor and coach<br />
at LIFE Seminars (Living in<br />
Families Effectively),<br />
lifeseminars.com.<br />
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<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Fall</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 23
WHAT’SFORDINNER<br />
Get Kids<br />
Cooking!<br />
Anyone who is familiar with this column knows that I<br />
am a huge fan of teaching kids how to cook. So when<br />
I heard that Touchwood Editions (the Victoria-based<br />
publisher behind my cookbook, Fermenting Made Simple) was<br />
putting out a kid-focused cookbook, I was super excited!<br />
Let’s Eat is a cookbook written for tweens and teens. It offers<br />
real food recipes, like spaghetti Bolognese and chicken pot<br />
pie, along with beginner-friendly basics on how to cook eggs,<br />
rice and potatoes. The authors, DL Acken and Aurelia Louvet,<br />
are Salt Spring residents behind a lot of BC-based food writing<br />
(Edible Vancouver <strong>Island</strong>, Cedar and Salt).<br />
Food deskilling is when someone doesn't have the skills<br />
needed to cook healthy food from scratch. It’s a global problem<br />
linked to poor dietary choices and subsequent health problems.<br />
While the huge amount of processed foods available in our grocery<br />
stores is partly to blame, the main reason for food deskilling<br />
is that kids are no longer being taught how to cook.<br />
Here are a few recipes that can help you get your kids cooking!<br />
STAGES<br />
Performing Arts School<br />
since 1980<br />
Come Dance With Us<br />
• Offering classes for Teens & Pre-Teens in Jazz,<br />
Ballet, Lyrical, Tap. Musical Theatre, Acrobatics &<br />
Hip Hop, in a non-competitive atmosphere.<br />
• Not sure which class to take?<br />
- Try a Drop-In: No hassle, No Obligation.<br />
•<br />
FA M I LY • FAVO U R I T E S<br />
WINNER<br />
<strong>2023</strong><br />
Daytime Pre-School Classes<br />
for the little angels...<br />
STAGES Performing Arts School<br />
#301 1551 Cedar Hill X Rd<br />
Call 250-384-3267 Email us at: stagesdance@shaw.ca<br />
Or visit our website: www.stagesdance.com<br />
24 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
Quesadillas<br />
Quesadillas are the perfect way to get little kids helping out in the<br />
kitchen. They can chop vegetables, grate cheese and put together<br />
their own quesadillas. Quesadillas are typically cooked on a griddle,<br />
however, this oven-baked recipe allows you to make enough for<br />
everyone to eat at the same time.<br />
8 to 12 small corn tortillas<br />
1 can refried beans<br />
6 spring onions, finely sliced<br />
4 mushrooms, sliced<br />
3 tomatoes, diced<br />
1 large red bell pepper, diced<br />
1 can of chopped black olives, drained and rinsed<br />
1 cup grated cheese<br />
Salsa, sour cream, and hot sauce for serving<br />
Tweens and Teens<br />
Most tweens and teens are capable of independently preparing<br />
dinner. The only trick is, that they need to be shown how.<br />
It takes experience to know how to sauté onions or figure out<br />
how long it’s going to take wash a head of lettuce.<br />
Online recipes can be quite difficult for kids to follow. Since<br />
they involve scrolling between the ingredient list and the instructions<br />
and often steps are missed. I recommend having<br />
them work from a cookbook and staying nearby so you can<br />
check on them periodically. They’ll feel better knowing that<br />
you’re available to help, if they need it.<br />
Let’s Eat is designed for kids 9+ with a focus on recipes for<br />
tweens and teens. The following recipe is an excerpt from the<br />
cookbook.<br />
Preheat the oven to 400˚F. Lightly grease two baking sheets with<br />
vegetable oil.<br />
Depending on the age of your child, have them help with dicing the<br />
vegetables and grating the cheese.<br />
Spread a few spoonfuls of refried beans over half of the corn tortillas.<br />
Let everyone decorate their tortilla their favourite fillings. Top with a<br />
handful of grated cheese, then put a second tortilla on top.<br />
Place the quesadillas on the baking sheets. Bake for 8 minutes.<br />
Remove from the oven. Press down on each quesadilla with a spatula<br />
to stick the layers together, then carefully flip the quesadilla over. Bake<br />
for another 8 minutes, until the cheese is melted and the tortillas have<br />
started to brown.<br />
Slice the tortillas into quarters and serve with salsa and sour cream.<br />
Store in an air-tight container in the fridge for up to 1 week.<br />
Little Kids<br />
If you aren’t sure where to start, here are somethings that<br />
little kids can do around the kitchen.<br />
• 0 to 2 years: Keeping your baby or toddler in the kitchen<br />
while you cook, is a great way to get them interested. Let them<br />
play with foods as you prepare them. As they get older, they<br />
can help wash vegetables and stir batters.<br />
• 3 to 5 years: Preschoolers LOVE to help out their parents.<br />
Let them pack their own snacks or lunch boxes. They can also<br />
slice up soft items, like tofu and mushrooms, with a butter<br />
knife. They can even do some highly-supervised cooking, like<br />
flipping pancakes, grating cheese, or stirring a pot on the stove.<br />
• 6 to 8 years: Little kids are able to do a lot more independent<br />
cooking. They can make muffins, prepare a salad, and<br />
help with dinner. The amount of supervision and assistance<br />
needed will decrease as they gain patience and skill.<br />
Emillie Parrish loves having adventures with her<br />
two busy children. You can find more of her recipes<br />
in her recently released cookbook Fermenting Made<br />
Simple. fermentingforfoodies.com<br />
Sweet Potato Thai Curry<br />
(by DL Acken and Aurelia Louvet)<br />
Although this recipe calls for sweet potatoes, curry is an ideal dish<br />
for vegetables like cauliflower, potatoes or peas, and proteins like<br />
chickpeas, tofu, shrimp or chicken. Basically, anything covered in<br />
curry sauce is YUM! Try different Thai curry pastes: there are green,<br />
yellow and red varieties, and each has a different flavor, but be sure<br />
to check out their spice levels on the packaging for mild or spicy<br />
kinds. Not a fan of coconut milk or have an allergy? Use the equivalent<br />
amount of vegetable stock instead.<br />
¼ cup (60 mL) olive oil<br />
4 sweet potatoes, peeled and cut into medium dice<br />
2 small onions, cut into medium dice<br />
¼ cup (60 mL) curry paste (like Thai Kitchen)<br />
2 Tbsp (30 mL) brown sugar<br />
2 (each 14 oz/400 mL) cans coconut milk<br />
2 cups (500 mL) stock of choice (beef, chicken, fish, and vegetable<br />
all work well)<br />
4 tsp (20 mL) fish sauce<br />
2 cups (500 mL) cherry tomatoes, washed and halved<br />
2 cups (500 mL) baby spinach, washed<br />
In a large Dutch oven or soup pot, warm the olive oil over medium<br />
heat and cook the sweet potatoes and onions, stirring occasionally,<br />
until they’re starting to brown.<br />
Add the curry paste and stir it into the sweet potatoes and onions.<br />
Cook, stirring occasionally, for a few minutes to cook off the curry paste.<br />
Add the sugar, coconut milk, stock and fish sauce and stir to combine.<br />
Cover the pot with a lid and turn the heat down to low. Cook until<br />
the potatoes are al dente, about 10 minutes.<br />
Stir in the tomatoes, cover and cook another 5 minutes. Stir in the<br />
spinach and cook for another minute until the spinach has wilted.<br />
Serve with rice, mashed potatoes or naan.<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Fall</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 25
MOM’SPOV<br />
The Cool of<br />
Volunteering at School<br />
The school bell rings. The children<br />
will be entering the classroom<br />
in seconds.<br />
I’m in my daughter’s Grade 2 classroom,<br />
about to be in the spotlight. I<br />
flip another round of pancakes on my<br />
griddle while my stomach does a flop.<br />
My forehead breaks out in a nervous<br />
sweat. I wish I wore sandals instead of<br />
runners. But it’s too late to consider<br />
cooler wardrobe choices now.<br />
The children file into the classroom<br />
and are instantly distracted at the<br />
sight of a guest—me. I breathe, wipe<br />
my brow and then smile. I’ve got this.<br />
Children are a forgiving audience and<br />
my daughter is always telling me it is<br />
okay to learn from our mistakes.<br />
I love participating in PJ Day as<br />
much as the children do. I am rocking<br />
my rubber ducky PJ pants. I also love<br />
that my youngest daughter still loves to<br />
dress up in matching outfits with me.<br />
Twinning as she calls it. She also enjoys<br />
twinning with her friends.<br />
One child approaches me. She is<br />
wearing an adorable unicorn onesie.<br />
She tells me about her dad’s pancakes<br />
that he makes every weekend. Another<br />
child asks whose mom I am. My own<br />
daughter comes and hugs me. Many<br />
more children come over to view the<br />
extra toppings of whip cream, strawberries,<br />
and chocolate chips that are<br />
laid out on the table at the front of the<br />
classroom.<br />
I get a chance to eat some pancakes<br />
with my daughter, but not before<br />
tripping the breaker by plugging in a<br />
second griddle. I remind myself that<br />
children are a forgiving audience and<br />
so is the teacher as I apologize for<br />
blowing the breaker. I move to the<br />
hall to use a different outlet to finish<br />
cooking the last of the pancake batter.<br />
Thankfully, it was only one outlet and<br />
not power for the whole class. As I’m<br />
cleaning up, children are still chatting<br />
to me while they’re supposed to be<br />
practicing their spelling. I say goodbye<br />
to my daughter’s teacher and the whole<br />
class thanks me at the same time. By<br />
this point, I’m comfortable and far less<br />
nervous.<br />
This year I also attended my son’s<br />
Maritime Museum field trip where<br />
I helped with fun activities to learn<br />
about supply and demand and trading.<br />
I was nervous during my role for<br />
this field trip as well because I was the<br />
checker of various activities that the<br />
children completed on cards to earn<br />
pelts for trading at the trading post. It
was also exciting because I managed<br />
to sit by my fellow mom friend on the<br />
bus. We coordinated our outfits as I<br />
would have back in the day with my<br />
friends.<br />
I also went on a field trip with my<br />
son’s class to the Royal BC Museum,<br />
and the children in my group started<br />
running up the escalator the wrong<br />
way. It was challenging to get them to<br />
stop but was overall a fun day of learning<br />
for all of us. I found ways to assess<br />
the personalities in my group and who<br />
needed extra jobs to keep busy and not<br />
get distracted. It was a day of counting<br />
and ensuring that we all stayed<br />
together. My son became quite upset<br />
at one point because I was helping another<br />
student and he couldn’t’ see me.<br />
I definitely could not be a teacher; I<br />
respect teachers and all the challenges<br />
they face.<br />
At the end of my volunteer days, I<br />
was relieved that we didn’t lose anyone<br />
and my nervousness was outweighed<br />
by the thrill of being back at school.<br />
The feeling took me back to my school<br />
performance days. I had the role of<br />
Marilla in Anne of Green Gables. After<br />
performing, I felt exhilarated and<br />
like I could accomplish anything. I feel<br />
the same way after volunteering at the<br />
school. I had a forgiving audience back<br />
in my Drama class days too. I’m looking<br />
forward to volunteering again this<br />
school year. I encourage you to take a<br />
day off work and spend a few hours<br />
with your child’s class—especially<br />
while your child still thinks it’s cool to<br />
have you at school.<br />
Learn a new sport or refine<br />
your skills: come join our<br />
rock climbing teams!<br />
Book a<br />
Birthday Party<br />
with us on<br />
Saturday or<br />
Sunday!<br />
•<br />
FA M I LY • FAVO U R I T E S<br />
NOMINEE<br />
<strong>2023</strong><br />
Serena Beck works full-time<br />
as a Technical Writer. She loves<br />
to write, travel and swim at the<br />
beach with family and friends.<br />
Details and registration at climbtheboulders.com<br />
The Boulders Climbing Gym<br />
1627 Stelly’s Cross Road | Saanichton, BC | 250.544.0310<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Fall</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 27
DADSPEAK<br />
You’re My<br />
Hero, Dad<br />
My 6-year-old kid looks up to me. Or so I thought.<br />
Recently, in the middle of another great adventure<br />
together, he looked at me and said, “I want to be a<br />
champion!”<br />
Gulp, how the hell do I show him this?<br />
He gets these mid-week epiphanies. They can be inspired by<br />
seeing the medals on his 17-year-old big brothers’ walls, from<br />
finding boxes of my old medals, or from catching glimpses of<br />
his auntie’s shiny medals lining her at-home gym.<br />
Like Captain Underpants, I stood there, wind blowing at my<br />
unsculpted back, and thought “I can do this, I can somehow<br />
figure out how to help shape the hero in him.”<br />
I’ve got the recipe—or so I thought.<br />
I’ve got a bit of charisma, energy, willingness to fail, grit to<br />
succeed and I surround myself with rockstar humans. However,<br />
my last decade of marriage and only recently a year out has<br />
taught me that I’ve got to tread lightly, play small, cautiously,<br />
within boundaries. Ugh, feels awkward and compromising.<br />
There’s got to be a formula for showing my kid success on<br />
the health-related battlefield regardless of the hamster ball I<br />
seem to be spinning on.<br />
Let me back up a bit. Hudson, my extraordinary kiddo is a<br />
legendary boy. He’s got a curiosity fused with kindness, goofiness<br />
laced with imagination, and a “what can we do today Dad<br />
that’s going to be fun” mentality. He’s not the kid that bounces<br />
off walls but takes more of a pensive approach to things. So<br />
naturally I can’t take a back seat to the “champion” mentality<br />
I want to instill in him. Time for me to dust off my lagging<br />
health goals and show him what it means to crush goals.<br />
The Coles Notes version of my life helped provide some answers<br />
as to what this path might look like for him. My mom’s<br />
always been my hero. I’m not really sure when it happened, but<br />
at some point in my early 20s I saw her as a beacon for integ-<br />
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28 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
ity and selflessness. She’s always been that voice of reason<br />
and moral standard in my life. Then there’s my father, the<br />
guy I look up to as far as work ethic and goal setting goes. It<br />
wasn’t anything they did that made me realize I’d struck<br />
gold with incredible parents, but the culmination of their<br />
character jackhammered into me from the day I was born. I<br />
think at some early point, they also tossed me into every<br />
sport imaginable and told me to do my best. So I did. And on<br />
the field was where I learned what it was like to be a champion.<br />
This was where my attitude on life began.<br />
Training sucked. Or at least starting to train felt like<br />
a sucker punch. I worked out my legs and somehow my<br />
shoulders were sore for days. I wouldn’t say my form was<br />
unorthodox, but the areas my body pinched and creaked told<br />
me otherwise.<br />
Trimming the “bad habits” fat was a necessary evil. If<br />
I was going to emulate what it looks and feels like to be a<br />
champion in life for Hudson, I was going to have to eliminate<br />
things. Let’s start with wings, fermented barley, and<br />
what felt like a need to attend social hour every day! At a<br />
minimum let’s set up a path to cut these down a bit, or a lot.<br />
The more I regained my mental and emotional turf, the<br />
more I put him as a reason, and the more it mattered to me.<br />
The more it mattered to me, the less and less he became the<br />
focal point, and I started taking action for myself.<br />
Setbacks were everywhere. Disappointments, not being<br />
where I wanted to be, any excuse I could find to sabotage<br />
my growth all seemed like Goliath-like realities. I was in status<br />
quo mode, and didn’t let myself push many boundaries,<br />
whether physical, spiritual, emotional, or mental. So I opted<br />
for help from everyone around me. I leaned heavily on phenomenal<br />
friends who helped carry me when I couldn’t carry<br />
myself.<br />
It took time to regain my confidence in me, and while<br />
every day hasn’t become a win, my son sees my victories as<br />
his. And so we share these small wins with each other.<br />
I’ve got a race coming up and nothing means more to me<br />
than showing my kids I can push myself. It’s not necessarily<br />
the medal for me, but because of my son’s affinity for pirate<br />
treasure, his eyes will light up when he sees that I’ve got<br />
something shiny and gold!<br />
It’s turned into a symbiotic relationship. I win, and so<br />
does my son. We do this as a team. We weren’t always a<br />
team. When once he’d run around me at all cost trying to<br />
get to his mom, he’s now starting to see me as a hero in his<br />
life and runs to me with reckless abandon every day after<br />
school. He got gut-punched a year and a half ago through<br />
my separation, though I’m helping him learn and heal, while<br />
I’m also the one that’s learning to listen to his heart and feelings,<br />
inevitably helping show him how to regulate his own<br />
big emotions.<br />
“You’re my hero, Dad” has always been the pinnacle of<br />
fatherhood gifts, though in this process of showing him how,<br />
I’m finding that he’s in fact becoming mine.<br />
•<br />
FA M I LY • FAVO U R I T E S<br />
NOMINEE<br />
<strong>2023</strong><br />
With 15 locations across British Columbia.<br />
Visit our website to find the location nearest you!<br />
Thank you for nominating<br />
us as best Recreation Centre<br />
and Birthday Party venue!<br />
Something for the whole family!<br />
From skating and swimming to fitness classes<br />
and our weight rooms*, there’s something for<br />
every member of your active family.<br />
*15+, 13+ with a youth orientation<br />
Michael Morrell, father, creative and<br />
relentless, works with single dads trying to<br />
affect positive change, impact and relationship<br />
with their kiddos.<br />
Find your next family outing!<br />
OakBay.ca/Parks-Recreation<br />
Phone: 250-595-7946<br />
Ask about hosting<br />
a birthday party!<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Fall</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 29
PLAY<br />
Halloween Skate<br />
Put on your Halloween costumes and head over to the Archie<br />
Browning Sports Centre in Esquimalt on Sunday, October 29 between<br />
1pm and 2pm for a spooky ice-skating session! Everyone is welcome<br />
to skate during this time but kids wearing their costumes get in for free!<br />
esquimalt.ca/community-events/events-listing/<br />
calendar/halloween-skate<br />
COWICHAN VALLEY<br />
Scarecrow Spectacular<br />
The Milner Gardens and Woodland Scarecrow Spectacular in Qualicum<br />
Beach is an awesome way to spend time with family and get in the<br />
Halloween spirit! Wear your costume, wander the Scarecrow Lane<br />
through the Haunted Gardens, and don’t forget to vote for your favourite<br />
scarecrow. Visit from October 27 to October 29 from 11am to 3pm.<br />
visitparksvillequalicumbeach.com/events/milner-gardenswoodland-scarecrow-spectacular<br />
COMOX VALLEY<br />
GREATER VICTORIA<br />
Dog Man: The Musical<br />
The Cowichan Performing Arts Centre is proud to present Dog Man:<br />
The Musical on Tuesday, October 25. If your kids are fans of the series<br />
Dog Man by Dave Pilkey, they’ll love Dog Man: The Musical! This 90-<br />
minute show is suitable for ages 6 and up and will entertain both<br />
kids and adults. Get your tickets now!<br />
cowichanculture.ca/show/591363/view<br />
NANAIMO & AREA<br />
Campbell River Witchy Market<br />
Visit the Crow’s Nest Artist Collective on Saturday, October 28 from<br />
6pm to 10pm and have a spooky time at this year’s Witchy Market.<br />
This family-friendly event will have local craftspeople, Halloween<br />
themed snacks, and activities such as face painting, card reading<br />
and costume contests.<br />
hunthalloween.com/event/<strong>2023</strong>-campbell-riverwitchy-market-eid4a7d4v9q39<br />
Need help with the Affordable Child Care Benefit?<br />
Looking for child care? Taking care of children?<br />
Need child care training?<br />
Call your local CCRR for free referrals and resources.<br />
Victoria & Gulf <strong>Island</strong>s: 250-382-7000<br />
Sooke: 250-642-5152 ext 239 West Shore: 250-940-4882<br />
Cowichan Valley: 250-746-4135 local 231<br />
PacificCare (Ladysmith North): 250-756-2022 or 1-888-480-2273<br />
gov.bc.ca/ChildCareResourceReferralCentres<br />
Your community’s best source of<br />
child care information and resources.<br />
Funding for the CCRR is provided by the province of B.C.<br />
30 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
PRESCHOOL&CHILDCARESPOTLIGHT<br />
The Best Foundation for a Lifetime of Learning<br />
Nanaimo, BC | 250.390.2201 | AspengroveSchool.com<br />
Cloverdale Child Care<br />
OPENINGS<br />
At our Cloverdale site in our half day<br />
daycare and preschool starting Sept <strong>2023</strong><br />
Half Day Daycare<br />
9:15–2:15 Mon–Fri<br />
Mon–Fri, Mon/Wed/Fri<br />
or Tues/Thurs<br />
Preschool 9:30–1:30<br />
4-year-olds: Mon/Wed/Fri<br />
3-year-olds: Tues/Thurs<br />
For information visit:<br />
cloverdalechildcare.com<br />
To register:<br />
cloverdale@shawbiz.ca<br />
3427 Quadra St, Victoria<br />
Christ Church Cathedral Childcare<br />
& Jr. Kindergarten..................250-383-5132<br />
ECE and specialist teachers provide an<br />
outstanding all day licensed program for<br />
2.5–5 year olds at our Fairfield and<br />
Gordon Head locations.<br />
cathedralschool.ca<br />
Half Day Daycare 9:15-2:15 Monday-Friday<br />
Families can register for: Monday-Friday, Monday, Wednesday, Friday or Tuesday and Thursday<br />
4-year-old Class Monday. Wednesday and Friday<br />
Preschool 9:30-1:30<br />
3-year-old Tuesday and Thursday<br />
For more information please visit our website: www.cloverdalechildcare.com<br />
register please email: cloverdale@shawbiz.ca<br />
Licensed child care facility with spots available for children<br />
aged 3-5 years. Contact us to book a tour today!<br />
Victoria Social Innovation Centre: 1004 North Park St<br />
littlephoenixchildcare.ca<br />
director@littlephoenixchildcare.ca 778-269-2273<br />
3427 Quadra St Victoria BC V8X 1G8<br />
Ready Set Grow Preschool.....250-472-1530<br />
Join our learning through play preschool located<br />
in Hillcrest Elem. Our caring ECEs offer<br />
an enriched Program for 3-4 hour, 2-5 days a<br />
week and help with kindergarten transition.<br />
heoscmanager@gmail.com<br />
SEEDLINGS<br />
Forest Education<br />
Where nature becomes the Teacher!<br />
Seedlings Forest Education is a Nature based program<br />
that includes After School Care, Nature Preschool, <strong>Parent</strong><br />
Workshops, Saturday Seedlings, Summer Camps and more!<br />
250-880-0660 seedlingsforesteducation.com<br />
Thriving Roots Wilderness School<br />
thrivingroots.org<br />
Thriving Roots provides hands-on,<br />
wilderness education and counselling<br />
services for youth and adults.<br />
Our year-long programs and summer<br />
camps are immersive in nature, fostering<br />
connection to land and community through<br />
earth-based skills, play, music and more.<br />
info@thrivingroots.org<br />
Nestled on 4 acres of lush west coast forest, our Award<br />
winning, Nature based program will not disappoint!<br />
While firmly embracing the Reggio-Emila (Italy) Philosophy our<br />
dedicated team of educators use the environment as the third<br />
teacher as we encourage your child throughout their day.<br />
Our purpose built facilities have been handmade using the<br />
trees from our forest. Come take a virtual tour on our website!<br />
lexieslittlebears.ca Waitlist: 250-590-3603<br />
BC Award of Excellence in Childcare & Prime Minister’s Award of Excellence in Early Childhood Education.<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Fall</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 31
Family<br />
Favourites<br />
The Family Favourites results are in!<br />
Who has the best products, services<br />
and experiences? We asked and<br />
you answered. Developed to recognize<br />
quality family retailers and service<br />
providers in our community. Our<br />
readers were invited to vote online<br />
at islandparent.ca for their family<br />
favourites in 37 categories. The<br />
response was phenomenal. Thank<br />
you to everyone who voted and sent<br />
us such wonderful feedback. We have<br />
tallied your votes—here are your<br />
<strong>2023</strong> <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Family Favourites!<br />
Favourite<br />
Food Service<br />
FOOD TRUCK<br />
Winner: Songhees Food Truck<br />
Runners Up: Taco Justice, Deadbeetz Burgers<br />
ICE CREAM SHOP<br />
Winner: Beacon Drive-In<br />
Runners Up: Parachute Ice Cream, Cold Comfort<br />
HAMBURGERS<br />
Winner: Bin 4<br />
Runners Up: Red Robin, Big Wheel Burger<br />
PIZZA<br />
Winner: Pizzeria Prima Strada<br />
Runners Up: Famoso, Oregano’s<br />
VEGAN<br />
Winner: Green Cuisine<br />
Runners Up: Be Love, Rebar<br />
ETHNIC<br />
Winner: Foo Asian Street Food<br />
Runners Up: Sizzling Tandoor, Bao<br />
FAMILY DINING<br />
Winner: Romeo’s<br />
Runners Up: Frankie’s Modern Diner, The Old Spaghetti<br />
Factory<br />
FOOD PREP SERVICE<br />
Winner: Fresh Prep<br />
Runners Up: Wolf Meal Prep, Local Urban Bites<br />
Favourite Retail<br />
CHILDREN’S CLOTHING<br />
Winner: Once upon a child<br />
Runners Up: Children’s Place, Carter’s<br />
BABY<br />
Winner: TJ’s<br />
Runners Up: Huckleberry, Momease<br />
TOYS<br />
Winner: Mastermind<br />
Runners Up: Kaboodles, The Red Balloon Toy Shop<br />
CONSIGNMENT<br />
Winner: Once upon a child<br />
Runners Up: A to Z Kids, Sailor Jack<br />
GROCERY<br />
Winner: Thrifty Foods<br />
Runners Up: Red Barn Market, Country Grocers<br />
HEALTH & ORGANIC<br />
Winner: Lifestyle Markets<br />
Runners Up: Healthy Essentials, Whole Foods<br />
FARMERS MARKET<br />
Winner: Peninsula Market<br />
Runners Up: Moss Street Market, Esquimalt Market<br />
BOOKS<br />
Winner: Bolen Books<br />
Runners Up: Russell Books, Marmalade Books<br />
PHARMACY<br />
Winner: Heart Pharmacy<br />
Runners Up: Cridge Pharmacy, Shoppers (Royal Oak)<br />
PET STORE<br />
Winner: Bosleys<br />
Runners Up: a pet’s life, Healthy Spot<br />
BIKE SHOP<br />
Winner: Oak Bay Bike Shop<br />
Runners Up: Westshore Bicycles, Fuka Cycles<br />
CAR DEALERSHIP<br />
Winner: Wheaton Chevrolet Victoria<br />
Runners Up: Galaxy Motors, Howie’s Car Corral<br />
Favourite<br />
Personal Service<br />
OPTOMETRIST<br />
Winner: Optimization<br />
Runners Up: Cordova Bay Optometry, Cadboro Bay<br />
Optometry<br />
ORTHODONTICS<br />
Winner: Oceans Edge Nanaimo<br />
Runners Up: Shoreline, Dr. Kirk Bartlett<br />
DENTIST<br />
Winner: Sun River Dental<br />
Runners Up: Westshore Dental, Colwood Dental<br />
PHYSIOTHERAPIST<br />
Winner: Tall Tree<br />
Runners Up: Arbutus, Shelbourne<br />
Favourite<br />
Children , s...<br />
PRESCHOOL/CHILDCARE<br />
Winner: Lexies Little Bears<br />
Runners Up: Thriving Roots, Arts Calibre<br />
ARTS OR THEATRE PROGRAM<br />
Winner: Stages Dance<br />
Runners Up: Theatre SKAM, Ballet Victoria<br />
BIRTHDAY PARTY LOCATION<br />
Winner: Ponies & Pipsqueaks<br />
Runners Up: The Boulders Climbing Gym,<br />
Victoria Gymnastics<br />
SUMMER CAMP<br />
Winner: UVic Vikes<br />
Runners Up: Victoria Gymnastics,<br />
Nanaimo Gymnastics<br />
OVERNIGHT CAMP<br />
Winner: Camp Qwanoes<br />
Runners Up: Camp Imadene, Camp Narnia<br />
SPORTS PROGRAM<br />
Winner: Trident – Pacific FC<br />
Runners Up: Canada’s Best Karate,<br />
Nanaimo Gymnastics<br />
RECREATION CENTRE<br />
Winner: Saanich Commonwealth Place<br />
Runners Up: Westshore Parks & Recreation,<br />
Oak Bay Recreation<br />
Favourite<br />
Outing<br />
LIVE SPORTING EVENT<br />
Winner: Harbour Cats<br />
Runners Up: Pacific FC, Victoria Royals<br />
PLAYGROUND<br />
Winner: Cook Street<br />
Runners Up: Courthouse, Beacon Hill<br />
BEACH<br />
Winner: Wittys Lagoon<br />
Runners Up: Arbutus Cove, Spiral Beach<br />
PARK<br />
Winner: Beacon Hill Park<br />
Runners Up: Fisherman’s Wharf Park,<br />
Holland Point Park<br />
ATTRACTION<br />
Winner: WildPlay<br />
Runners Up: Butterfly Gardens, Bug Zoo<br />
FAMILY GETAWAY<br />
Winner: Tigh Na Mara<br />
Runners Up: Manning Park,<br />
Harrison Hot Springs<br />
32 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
&<br />
Tweens Teens<br />
Vol V, Ed VI<br />
4 Ways to Balance<br />
Screen Time<br />
Discord:<br />
The Know-It-All Guide<br />
Helping Our Tweens & Teens Navigate Conflict
Discord: The Know-It-All Guide<br />
Maybe you’ve noticed your teen is spending more time<br />
in their room, headphones firmly set over their ears<br />
and eyes set squarely on a computer screen. Or maybe<br />
they’re constantly sneaking peeks at their phones, thumbs<br />
tapping away and stifling laughs. One very likely answer:<br />
Discord. In the ever-evolving landscape of digital communication,<br />
Discord has emerged as a powerful platform that has<br />
brought people together in shared interests, hobbies and<br />
communities. With its roots in gaming, Discord has evolved<br />
into a versatile and user-friendly application that caters<br />
to a wide range of interests, from gaming groups to study<br />
groups, hobbyist communities and even businesses.<br />
Discord’s Origins<br />
Discord was founded by Jason Citron and Stanislav<br />
Vishnevskiy back in May 2015. Interestingly enough, the<br />
inspiration for Discord’s creation was the at-the-time archaic<br />
chat features for online video games. Citron, a gamer<br />
himself and an up-and-coming entrepreneur, envisioned<br />
a communication platform specifically for gamers. Gradually,<br />
though, the vision for what Discord would be was that<br />
of a real-time communication space for communities of all<br />
shapes and sizes to thrive in.<br />
How Discord Went Mainstream<br />
What started off as a platform for gamers quickly grew<br />
out of its original niche and evolved into something else.<br />
Discord’s user-friendly interface, reliability and robust features<br />
quickly attracted people from various backgrounds.<br />
Even before it truly hit the mainstream, it became a go-to<br />
platform for organizing events, sharing knowledge and<br />
fostering online communities. In comparison to other social<br />
media platforms like Facebook and Instagram, Discord<br />
makes it very simple to meet and talk to new people; it’s<br />
as simple as searching up your preferred topic or interest,<br />
and you’ll get a long list of servers filled with people who’re<br />
extensively discussing that exact topic. This easy navigation<br />
combines with the very accessible design of the platform<br />
itself, making creating and maintaining your own server only<br />
needing a few clicks. But what really propelled Discord into<br />
the spotlight was the year we all had to spend indoors, and<br />
the world turned to the internet in greater numbers than<br />
ever before to communicate.<br />
34 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
The New Stomping Ground<br />
It’s no secret that video games are now one of the most<br />
popular pastimes of all time, captivating kids and adults<br />
alike. So it came as no surprise that people were playing<br />
video games more than ever during the various periods of<br />
lockdown throughout the pandemic. It also follows that Discord<br />
would see users skyrocket as well, with people looking<br />
for alternative ways to socialize in response to quarantine.<br />
Discord became the new hangout spot for lots of kids. It’s a<br />
place to chat, play video games, listen to music or even just<br />
share funny videos. With the move to online school, multiple<br />
video streaming platforms with text communication were<br />
used at first to replicate classroom discussion and homework<br />
assignments, but it didn’t take long for kids to start<br />
making Discord servers for specific classes, to share notes<br />
and ask one another questions. After that, it took even less<br />
time for schools across the country to start outright using<br />
Discord for online school in favour of the more well-known<br />
apps like Google Classroom and Zoom. Discord wasn’t just<br />
a private group chat for friends, it had evolved into a digital<br />
shopping mall that had school, your favourite stores to<br />
browse and your friend’s hangout spot all in one easy package.<br />
Even after the end of the pandemic and the return to<br />
normalcy, Discord remains a very important part of online<br />
life for kids and teens everywhere.<br />
The Future of Socialization<br />
With Discord almost accidentally incorporating itself into<br />
the daily lives of many young people, it has become one of<br />
the most popular places for them to communicate and express<br />
themselves that just aren’t possible in the real world.<br />
With the realm of possibilities that the internet had for<br />
social connection becoming a reality during the pandemic,<br />
it’s no wonder that it has become such an important part<br />
of young people’s lives. So, if you happen to see Discord on<br />
your teen’s phone or computer, take comfort in knowing<br />
that quality time with friends is still important to kids, even<br />
in the digital age.<br />
Fletcher Look is a fourth year student at<br />
the University of Alberta currently studying<br />
English and Writing. He enjoys reading,<br />
tabletop games, video games and all<br />
things nerdy.<br />
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Helping Our Tweens & Teens Navigate Conflict<br />
The “tweens” (between the ages of 8 or 9 and 12) are rough. Carefree<br />
childhood innocence rapidly slips away as kids encounter higher expectations<br />
at school and home, an ever-widening sense of a chaotic<br />
world outside themselves, confusing hormonal and physical changes,<br />
and the increasing complexity of social interaction with their peers.<br />
Suddenly, social spats aren’t simple: “Jane wouldn’t share the toy,”<br />
but can become complicated, multi-layered issues: “Jane was mad that<br />
I didn’t eat lunch with her, so she wouldn’t talk to me and told everyone<br />
not to be friends with me anymore. Then she said mean things about me<br />
on {insert social media du jour here} and now everyone hates me.”<br />
How do we help our kids get through this incredibly challenging<br />
time in a healthy way that promotes positive social skills?<br />
Apart from making sure they are secure in our unconditional love,<br />
and helping them build genuine confidence in themselves, it’s essential<br />
that kids learn how to work through conflict constructively. There<br />
are several important skills and mindsets that we can help them build<br />
that will make this easier.<br />
Over the year I noticed more students solving their own conflicts<br />
within the classroom, as well as increased empathy towards others,<br />
evidenced in their personal writing and even the way they spoke to<br />
each other.<br />
Perspective-Taking and Empathy<br />
Helping kids more fully understand how their actions affect others<br />
is something that can be practiced at home.<br />
Books. When reading, you can discuss the characters’ feelings, and<br />
point out how several characters can feel differently about the same<br />
situation. Powerful “tween” books, told from multiple perspectives,<br />
are R.J. Palacio’s Wonder and Rob Buyea’s Because of Mr. Terupt.<br />
Authenticity. Give them feedback when their words or actions have<br />
an emotional effect on you, positive or negative.<br />
Drama—the Good Kind. Role-playing is a great tool for helping us<br />
see and understand peoples’ emotions and motivations. Act out social<br />
situations and discuss what you are thinking and feeling when, for<br />
How We View Conflict<br />
Conflict is a natural and unavoidable part of human interaction, but<br />
working through it isn’t always intuitive, or easy. When I was a rookie<br />
elementary school teacher, I struggled to help my Grade 6 students<br />
sort out daily drama.<br />
I attended several workshops on Restorative Justice and conflict<br />
resolution, and learned to view conflict not as “right” versus “wrong”<br />
but as two people wanting or needing different things. Resolving conflict<br />
isn’t about punishment or exacting revenge—it’s about making<br />
sure that everyone’s experience is heard and acknowledged, and that<br />
they find a way to move forward from the conflict in a way that meets<br />
everyone’s needs.<br />
Our school formed a “Peace Squad”—a group of students, many<br />
from my class, trained to help mediate playground conflicts. This<br />
wasn’t a miracle cure for conflict and, obviously, there were issues<br />
(physical altercations, and bullying, among them) that mediators had<br />
to refer to adult supervisors. Sometimes students weren’t interested in<br />
participating when they realized that the other kid wasn’t going to get<br />
in “trouble.”<br />
However, anyone involved in the process, whether as a mediator or<br />
someone in conflict, came away from it seeing that there is an alternative<br />
to the pervasive idea that if someone “wrongs” you, they need to<br />
be “punished.”<br />
example, your best friend decides to sit with someone else at lunch.<br />
How might you react? What are some alternative ways of handling the<br />
situation?<br />
Boost Emotional Awareness<br />
Being able to describe how someone’s actions make you feel is an<br />
essential key to finding satisfying resolutions to conflict, but many kids<br />
struggle with a limited emotional vocabulary.<br />
Labelling. We can help our kids develop and expand their emotional<br />
awareness, starting with labelling and talking about our own emotions.<br />
We can also provide a safe space and opportunities for them to<br />
practice.<br />
Visual Aids. My four-year-old has a calendar with emotion magnets,<br />
and every day when we change the date, weather, and day of the week,<br />
he also takes a moment to think about how he’s feeling and picks a<br />
face. Sometimes we get into the “why” of his emotions, but just labelling<br />
them is a great start.<br />
Shared Journal. If your tween isn’t yet comfortable with verbalizing<br />
their feelings, you could try keeping a shared journal (with a list<br />
of emotion words taped inside the cover for easy reference). There are<br />
some beautifully-designed journals out there for this purpose, full of<br />
creative prompts. Some are even fill-in-the-blank.<br />
36 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
Games. Emotion charades and other activities<br />
derived from theatre sports can help your<br />
child develop and strengthen their ability to<br />
read facial expressions and body language.<br />
A lot of kids have difficulty with tone and<br />
emphasis. They might repeat something funny<br />
a TV character says and not understand why<br />
their classmate finds it hurtful (it might be<br />
said with a sarcastic tone). You can make a<br />
game of saying the same sentence in different<br />
ways and trying to guess the speaker’s intent<br />
or emotion. For example, “What are you doing?”<br />
vs “What are you doing?” communicate<br />
different messages.<br />
Calming Strategies<br />
Learning and practicing calming techniques<br />
(mindful breathing, counting, visualization,<br />
positive self-talk) helps us be rational and<br />
receptive instead of reactive. You can help<br />
your child to determine which strategies are<br />
most useful for them and encourage them to<br />
practice when you see they are agitated.<br />
Acknowledge Mistakes… and Grow<br />
When conflict occurs, it’s important to<br />
work through it so that everyone can move<br />
forward peacefully. We can’t change what<br />
happened, but we can decide to learn and<br />
make different choices in the future. To do<br />
this we need to acknowledge our own part in<br />
conflict.<br />
No one wants to believe their child is capable<br />
of causing hurt to another, but it happens<br />
every day. Not because they are “bad,”<br />
but because they are learning. If your child is<br />
involved in a conflict, take time to hear the<br />
whole story of what transpired. Encourage<br />
them to own their actions and be part of a<br />
solution. Just as in any new subject, they are<br />
going to make mistakes and that’s when they<br />
need our support the most—to help them<br />
grow positively from a negative experience.<br />
Schools are beginning to teach emotional<br />
and social skills more explicitly within an<br />
evolving curriculum, but developing empathy,<br />
emotional awareness, self-regulation, and<br />
problem-solving skills starts with parents.<br />
They watch us for cues, and if we negotiate<br />
our own conflicts constructively this goes a<br />
long way to helping them get through the trials<br />
and tribulations of Tweenhood.<br />
Kelly McQuillan is a writer,<br />
musician, teacher and fledgling<br />
mother living in Comox.<br />
kellymcquillanwriter.<br />
weebly.com, music teacher:<br />
kellymcquillan.com.<br />
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<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Fall</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 37
Be a Role Model<br />
4 Ways to Balance Screen Time Around Children<br />
Kids learn how to use technology by watching their parents and<br />
caregivers, so model healthy habits early.<br />
One of the advantages of modern technology is that you can be<br />
at the playground and scroll through your phone at the same time.<br />
We’ve all been there. We answer emails, catch up on group chats and<br />
try to get in that one last text. The thing is, children notice. They’re<br />
watching us, watching how we use devices.<br />
Lots of studies show the effects of screen time on kids and there<br />
are guidelines for how much is appropriate at what age. More importantly,<br />
kids learn their screen habits from us. But it’s common for<br />
many parents and caregivers to be distracted by their phones when<br />
spending time with their children. These tips can help you balance<br />
your own tech use and model healthy habits for the kids.<br />
Set device-free times and zones. When kids are around, set an<br />
example by using tech the way you want them to use it. Keep phones<br />
away from the dinner table, try not to multitask while using devices<br />
and turn the TV off when no one is watching.<br />
Establish screen-time goals for yourself. The secret to healthy<br />
tech use is to establish limits and stick to them. Try using your phone’s<br />
screen-time features to track how long you use it. Then set some goals<br />
for how you’d like to be using your phone when spending time with<br />
family. Be mindful if you find yourself constantly responding to emails<br />
and messages during your downtime. Before you check your phone,<br />
ask yourself: Why am I checking my phone? If you don’t have a good<br />
reason, put it down. And if you do pick up your phone in front of the<br />
kids, try to explain what you’re doing. That way, they know you’re using<br />
it for a reason.<br />
Keep distractions to a minimum. You probably tell your kids to<br />
turn off their devices during homework time. Get rid of the stuff that<br />
distracts you, too. Limit notification alerts when spending time as a<br />
family, or set your devices to “do not disturb.” Try to avoid using devices<br />
around your children on long commutes and journeys or at appointments,<br />
too.<br />
Watch and play movies, shows, and games together. Whenever<br />
you can, watch, play and listen with your kids. Ask questions that get<br />
them thinking, like Who’s your favorite character? What do you think<br />
will happen next? This is a great way to have discussions about your<br />
values. It will also help kids make connections between what they see<br />
on screen and their lives. With older kids, you can draw them out by<br />
sharing stuff from your social media accounts.<br />
Originally posted in Common Sense Media, October 2022.<br />
38 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
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