The Crown of Gilded Bones (Blood and..

what he felt for me, but also the tangy-bitterness of agony
that stole my breath. “What?” I shifted onto my back, my
gaze searching his. “What is wrong?”
“Nothing.” His throat worked on a swallow.
“Don’t.” I rose onto my elbow so we were face-to-face.
“Don’t tell me nothing. I can feel that it is something.”
His lashes swept down, shielding his eyes, but I saw the
dark shadows there. Ghosts. “Hiding one’s innermost
feelings isn’t exactly easy around you.”
“I know. I would say I’m sorry.”
“But you’re not?” One side of his lips tipped up.
“Yes, and no. I don’t like to pry when I know it’s not
wanted.” I spoke into the breath between our lips. “Talk to
me, Cas.”
“Cas.” He shuddered, and then his lashes lifted. “Do you
know why I love hearing you say that?” He swallowed again
as he touched my cheek with the tips of his fingers. A long
moment passed. “When I was held by the Ascended, there
were times I feared I would forget my name—forget who I
was. I did, actually—when I was starved. When I was used. I
was a thing. Not a person. Not even an animal. A thing.”
I bit down on the inside of my lip as my heart twisted. I
didn’t say a word. I didn’t dare move or breathe too heavily.
I didn’t want to do anything that would make him stop
talking.
“Even after I was freed, I sometimes felt that way. That I
was nothing more than this thing without a name or
autonomy,” he admitted hoarsely. “It would just…creep up
on me, and I’d have to remind myself that I wasn’t.
Sometimes, that didn’t work, and it was always Kieran and
Netta or Delano—Naill, or even Emil—who would snap me
out of it. As would my parents. They didn’t even know. None
of them did, other than maybe Kieran.” His fingers trailed
down my arm, to where my hand rested on his hip, above
the brand of the Royal Crest. “It was just someone saying,