Focus on the Family Magazine - August/September 2023
It can be a struggle to raise a family while balancing your work life, social life and relationships. Focus on the Family magazine is here to help! Each complimentary issue delivers fresh, practical Biblical guidance on family and life topics. Every issue comes packed with relevant advice to build up your kids, strengthen your marriage, navigate entertainment and culture, and handle common challenges you may face in your marriage and parenting journeys. Plus you'll find seasonal advice ranging from back-to-school activities to date night tips for you and your spouse.
It can be a struggle to raise a family while balancing your work life, social life and relationships. Focus on the Family magazine is here to help! Each complimentary issue delivers fresh, practical Biblical guidance on family and life topics.
Every issue comes packed with relevant advice to build up your kids, strengthen your marriage, navigate entertainment and culture, and handle common challenges you may face in your marriage and parenting journeys. Plus you'll find seasonal advice ranging from back-to-school activities to date night tips for you and your spouse.
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25<br />
Helping Families Thrive in Christ<br />
AUGUST / SEPTEMBER <strong>2023</strong><br />
YEARS OF<br />
BOUNDLESS<br />
‘I’M<br />
MARRIED?’<br />
Piecing toge<strong>the</strong>r my life<br />
with my husband of<br />
whom I had no memory<br />
page 30<br />
THE<br />
GREAT<br />
SMARTPHONE<br />
DEBATE<br />
BOUNDARIES<br />
IN MARRIAGE
This summer, make family devoti<strong>on</strong>s a blast for your kids!<br />
Set up four family devoti<strong>on</strong>s your kids will never forget, with help from<br />
our free video series.<br />
Just imagine your kids’ faces when you electrocute a pickle till it glows,<br />
shoot streams of toilet paper into <strong>the</strong> air, or smash a ripe watermel<strong>on</strong> at<br />
your kids’ feet – all to teach your kids important spiritual truths.<br />
The instructi<strong>on</strong>s are simple and <strong>the</strong> devos take just minutes,<br />
but your kids will remember <strong>the</strong> less<strong>on</strong>s for years!<br />
Sign up for <strong>the</strong> Kinda Dangerous<br />
<strong>Family</strong> Devoti<strong>on</strong>s video series<br />
and learn how to sizzle, whoosh,<br />
slosh and smash your way<br />
through <strong>the</strong> most fun family<br />
devoti<strong>on</strong>s ever!<br />
SIGN UP FOR FREE TODAY!<br />
<str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g>OnThe<strong>Family</strong>.ca/<strong>Family</strong>Devos
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong><br />
table of c<strong>on</strong>tents<br />
28<br />
in every issue<br />
4 LETTER FROM THE PRESIDENT<br />
5 MINISTRY SPOTLIGHT<br />
6 OFF THE SHELF<br />
8 HACKS & FACTS<br />
24 ADULT KIDS<br />
42 GRANDPARENTING<br />
46 MY THRIVING FAMILY<br />
kids & teens<br />
12 REACHING YOUNG HEARTS<br />
Robin J<strong>on</strong>es Gunn became<br />
a missi<strong>on</strong>ary to milli<strong>on</strong>s<br />
through her writing<br />
by Benjamin Hawkins<br />
17 YOU KNOW YOU’RE A<br />
HOME-SCHOOL PARENT WHEN . . .<br />
by Skay Johns<strong>on</strong><br />
18 WHO GOD MADE THEM TO BE<br />
Does your home-educati<strong>on</strong><br />
philosophy treat your kids as<br />
projects or individuals?<br />
by Leah Boden<br />
20 THE GREAT<br />
SMARTPHONE DEBATE<br />
Is your child ready<br />
for <strong>the</strong> resp<strong>on</strong>sibility?<br />
by Arlene Pellicane<br />
23 TAYLOR SWIFT: MIDNIGHTS<br />
by Adam Holz<br />
39<br />
6<br />
Great Reads<br />
From <str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g> <strong>on</strong><br />
<strong>the</strong> <strong>Family</strong><br />
17<br />
couples<br />
26 CONVERSATION 2.0<br />
Improve communicati<strong>on</strong> by<br />
dismantling defensiveness in<br />
your marriage<br />
by Jill Savage<br />
28 BOUNDARIES IN MARRIAGE<br />
How to set marriage-streng<strong>the</strong>ning<br />
boundaries with your spouse<br />
by Vicki Hooper<br />
30 ‘I’M MARRIED?’<br />
Piecing toge<strong>the</strong>r my life could<br />
<strong>on</strong>ly be d<strong>on</strong>e with my husband’s<br />
help—a husband of whom I had<br />
no memory<br />
by Marcy Gregg as told to Margot Starbuck<br />
faith &<br />
inspirati<strong>on</strong><br />
36 BOUNDLESS<br />
25 years of reaching young adults<br />
by Scott Johns<strong>on</strong><br />
39 FAMILY MEMORY VERSE<br />
Depend <strong>on</strong> God<br />
20<br />
40 MOVIE MESSAGES: TOY STORY<br />
Seek and find worldviews<br />
while having fun as a family<br />
by Plugged In staff<br />
44 GRANDMA CAUGHT YOU . . .<br />
Living out your faith<br />
3
LETTER FROM THE PRESIDENT<br />
Jean-Paul Beran is<br />
president of <str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g> <strong>on</strong><br />
<strong>the</strong> <strong>Family</strong> Canada.<br />
learning godly<br />
character<br />
IT’S BACK-TO-SCHOOL seas<strong>on</strong><br />
again? I know I’m not <strong>the</strong> <strong>on</strong>ly parent<br />
w<strong>on</strong>dering where <strong>the</strong> time went. I also know<br />
I’m not <strong>the</strong> <strong>on</strong>ly <strong>on</strong>e who can get caught up<br />
in <strong>the</strong> busyness of school prep. But I want to<br />
encourage you to find ways to slow down and<br />
enjoy <strong>the</strong> last few weeks of summer.<br />
One way you can do that is through our<br />
free four-part video series, Kinda Dangerous<br />
<strong>Family</strong> Devoti<strong>on</strong>s. Tim Shoemaker, author of<br />
The Very Best, Hands-On, Kinda Dangerous<br />
<strong>Family</strong> Devoti<strong>on</strong>s, walks families through<br />
four fun science experiments and <strong>the</strong><br />
biblical less<strong>on</strong>s <strong>the</strong>y help illustrate. Visit<br />
<str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g>OnThe<strong>Family</strong>.ca/<strong>Family</strong>Devos to access this video series for free.<br />
I also want to remind you of Kids of Integrity. Uniquely Canadian,<br />
<strong>the</strong>se free less<strong>on</strong> plans will help you teach your children godly character<br />
traits like h<strong>on</strong>esty, gratitude, kindness and humility. Through Bible<br />
stories, memory verses, sample prayers, hands-<strong>on</strong> activities, crafts and<br />
more, your children can develop Christlike attitudes and behaviour.<br />
Suitable for ages three to 10, Kids of Integrity is designed to be flexible<br />
and offers great ideas for having fun while teaching your kids. Find all<br />
32 less<strong>on</strong>s (plus 10 less<strong>on</strong>s in French) at KidsOfIntegrity.com.<br />
It is our h<strong>on</strong>our to be part of your family, whatever stage of life you’re in.<br />
For 40 years, we have been helping families thrive in Canada and I invite<br />
you to learn more about this rich history. Visit <str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g>OnThe<strong>Family</strong>.ca/40<br />
to watch a video and learn more about <strong>the</strong> impact <str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g> <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> <strong>Family</strong><br />
Canada has had for <strong>the</strong> last four decades.<br />
And remember, we’re just a click, email and ph<strong>on</strong>e call away. I invite<br />
you to visit our website at <str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g>OnThe<strong>Family</strong>.ca, email us at info@fotf.ca<br />
or call our team at 1.800.661.9800. We’re happy to help!<br />
Blessings,<br />
Jean-Paul Beran<br />
CLINT BARGEN PHOTOGRAPHY<br />
president<br />
Jim Daly<br />
focus canada<br />
president<br />
Jean-Paul Beran<br />
chief operating<br />
officer<br />
Ken Windebank<br />
chief marketing<br />
& c<strong>on</strong>tent officer<br />
Tim Sawer<br />
publisher<br />
Jennifer Arthur<br />
editorial director<br />
Sheila Seifert<br />
managing<br />
editor<br />
Andrea Gutierrez<br />
copy chief<br />
Scott DeNicola<br />
associate<br />
editors<br />
Sarah Brickens,<br />
Faith Wismer<br />
cover<br />
Brittany Cruse<br />
Thank you!<br />
<str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g> <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> <strong>Family</strong> provides this magazine and<br />
o<strong>the</strong>r resources through <strong>the</strong> generosity of friends<br />
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For a subscripti<strong>on</strong>, go to <str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g>OnThe<strong>Family</strong>.ca/<br />
<strong>Magazine</strong>.<br />
<str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g> <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> <strong>Family</strong> magazine <strong>August</strong>/<strong>September</strong><br />
<strong>2023</strong>, Vol. 8, No. 4 ISSN 2471-5921, © <strong>2023</strong> <str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g> <strong>on</strong><br />
<strong>the</strong> <strong>Family</strong>. All rights reserved. Published by <str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g><br />
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for tax-deductible giving by <strong>the</strong> federal government.<br />
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Langley, BC, V2Y 0J8; info@fotf.ca.<br />
Scripture quotati<strong>on</strong>s, unless o<strong>the</strong>rwise indicated, are from<br />
<strong>the</strong> Holy Bible, English Standard Versi<strong>on</strong> ® (ESV ® ). Copyright<br />
© 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News<br />
Publishers. Used by permissi<strong>on</strong>. All rights reserved. The<br />
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The ESV may not be translated in whole or in part into any<br />
o<strong>the</strong>r language. ESV Text Editi<strong>on</strong>: 2016.<br />
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editors<br />
Vance Fry,<br />
Marianne Hering,<br />
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Thomas Jeffries,<br />
Jennifer L<strong>on</strong>as,<br />
Jeff Masching<br />
senior art director<br />
Cary Bates<br />
art director<br />
Sally Dunn<br />
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Julie Vieux<br />
media publishing<br />
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Kevin Shirin<br />
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Kat Bittner<br />
print producti<strong>on</strong><br />
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circulati<strong>on</strong><br />
Erika Lynch<br />
focus canada<br />
c<strong>on</strong>tributors<br />
Laurisha Blackstock,<br />
Vicki Hooper,<br />
Amy Van Veen<br />
4<br />
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA<br />
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA CELEBRATES 40 YEARS!<br />
Watch our video to learn about <strong>the</strong> impact made possible<br />
by friends like you over <strong>the</strong> last four decades.<br />
<str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g>OnThe<strong>Family</strong>.ca/40<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong><br />
REPRINT PERMISSION:<br />
<str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g>OnThe<strong>Family</strong>.com/Permissi<strong>on</strong>s<br />
Website references do not c<strong>on</strong>stitute blanket endorsement<br />
or complete agreement by <str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g><br />
<strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> <strong>Family</strong> with informati<strong>on</strong> or resources<br />
offered at or through those sites.<br />
Return undeliverable Canadian addresses to:<br />
<str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g> <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> <strong>Family</strong>, 19946 80A Avenue, Langley,<br />
BC V2Y 0J8; 800-661-9800; info@fotf.ca;<br />
GST# 10684 5969 RT0001<br />
Printed in <strong>the</strong> U.S.A. Paper manufactured by a<br />
mill that practices sustainable forestry.
HELPING YOUR FAMILY THRIVE<br />
MINISTRY<br />
spotlight<br />
Highlighting a few of <strong>the</strong> many ministries of<br />
<str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g> <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> <strong>Family</strong> Canada<br />
ONE OF THE UNIQUE offerings of <str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g> <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong><br />
<strong>Family</strong> Canada are our retreat programs for couples and<br />
ministry leaders held at our retreat centres.<br />
In 2017, <str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g> <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> <strong>Family</strong> Canada brought <strong>the</strong> highly<br />
successful Hope Restored marriage intensive program to<br />
Canada and since <strong>the</strong>n more than 900 couples in crisis have<br />
been helped. <str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g> <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> <strong>Family</strong> Canada has also been<br />
operating Kerith Ministry Leader Retreats for pastors, missi<strong>on</strong>aries<br />
and para church leaders since 2008 with more<br />
than 1,600 individuals and couples in ministry attending to<br />
receive rest and renewal both pers<strong>on</strong>ally and in <strong>the</strong>ir calling.<br />
Kerith Creek in Alberta, our first retreat centre, opened<br />
in 2008. Kerith Pines in Manitoba opened in 2014. And this<br />
year we opened Kerith Waters in Ontario!<br />
Kerith Retreats<br />
Working in ministry has many blessings, but an abundance<br />
of financial resources is typically not <strong>on</strong>e of <strong>the</strong>m. Many<br />
people who serve in ministry, as missi<strong>on</strong>aries or in para<br />
church organizati<strong>on</strong>s are not able to afford a luxury retreat.<br />
The Kerith Ministry Leader Retreats provide <strong>the</strong>m a unique<br />
opportunity to step away from <strong>the</strong> demands of life and find<br />
true rest in God’s presence. This program is currently held<br />
at our centres in Alberta and Manitoba, with plans to begin<br />
offering it in Ontario in fall <strong>2023</strong>.<br />
Visit KerithRetreats.ca to learn more.<br />
We offer three retreat programs at our Kerith centres:<br />
Hope Restored<br />
Hope Restored is a marriage counselling retreat program<br />
and is designed to serve couples in crisis. All marriage<br />
<strong>the</strong>rapists are trained in <strong>the</strong> uniquely holistic counselling<br />
approach that combines a couple’s hearts, minds, and faith<br />
in order to address <strong>the</strong> root of <strong>the</strong> problem and start couples<br />
<strong>on</strong> a path toward healing. This program is currently held at<br />
all three retreat centres in Alberta, Manitoba and Ontario.<br />
Visit HopeRestoredCanada.ca to learn more.<br />
Marriage Enrichment Retreats<br />
There are many couples who are looking for ways to improve<br />
<strong>the</strong>ir relati<strong>on</strong>ship with <strong>the</strong>ir spouse. Marriage Enrichment<br />
Retreats are created for couples who are looking to take <strong>on</strong>e<br />
weekend away to make a str<strong>on</strong>g marriage even str<strong>on</strong>ger.<br />
Based <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> proven, biblically based principles of <strong>the</strong> Hope<br />
Restored marriage intensive program, <strong>the</strong>se retreats equip<br />
couples with practical tools to create a more vibrant, intimate<br />
and loving marriage. This program is currently held<br />
at our centres in Alberta and Manitoba, with plans to begin<br />
offering it in Ontario in fall <strong>2023</strong>.<br />
Visit EnrichYourMarriage.ca to learn more.<br />
5
OFF THE SHELF<br />
Help your children<br />
find good books this<br />
back-to-school seas<strong>on</strong><br />
BY SHEILA SEIFERT<br />
IN YOUR SEARCH for bookreport<br />
material and quiet-time<br />
reading, c<strong>on</strong>sider <strong>the</strong> heart of <strong>the</strong><br />
author. This m<strong>on</strong>th, we’ve asked<br />
four children’s book authors why<br />
<strong>the</strong>y’ve written <strong>the</strong>ir books so you<br />
can hear <strong>the</strong> why behind <strong>the</strong> manuscripts.<br />
After all, who <strong>the</strong> author is<br />
makes a difference.<br />
GREAT READS FROM FOCUS ON THE FAMILY<br />
0- TO 7-YEAR-OLDS<br />
Otter B Forgiving<br />
Book No. 11 in <strong>the</strong> “Otter B”<br />
series<br />
Living in <strong>the</strong> Master’s Plan<br />
Devoti<strong>on</strong>al in <strong>the</strong> “That <strong>the</strong><br />
World May Know” series<br />
The Lord’s Army<br />
Book No. 2 in <strong>the</strong> “Adventures<br />
With <strong>the</strong> King: His Mighty<br />
Warrior” series<br />
God, Where Are You?<br />
Book No. 2 in <strong>the</strong><br />
“Adventures With<br />
<strong>the</strong> King: His Little<br />
Princess” series<br />
Find <strong>the</strong>se<br />
titles and<br />
more at<br />
Shop.<str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g>OnThe<strong>Family</strong>.ca<br />
7 AND OLDER<br />
Land of <strong>the</strong> Lost<br />
Book No. 30 in “The<br />
Imaginati<strong>on</strong> Stati<strong>on</strong>” series<br />
Li<strong>on</strong>s, Elephants, and Lies<br />
Book No. 2 in “The<br />
Magnificent Mulligans” series<br />
The Nemesis<br />
Book No. 2 in <strong>the</strong> “J<strong>on</strong>es &<br />
Parker Case Files” series<br />
Stories of Danger and Courage<br />
Book No. 3 in <strong>the</strong> “Bible<br />
Kidventures” series<br />
8 AND OLDER<br />
Average Boy’s<br />
Above-Average Year<br />
The Marus Manuscripts<br />
Volume No. 2 in <strong>the</strong><br />
“Passages” series<br />
Quest for <strong>the</strong> King’s Crown<br />
Book No. 7 in “The Last<br />
Chance Detectives” series<br />
10 AND OLDER<br />
Young Whit and <strong>the</strong><br />
Phantasmic C<strong>on</strong>fabulator<br />
Book No. 4 in <strong>the</strong><br />
“Young Whit” series<br />
Young Whit and <strong>the</strong><br />
Cloth of C<strong>on</strong>tenti<strong>on</strong><br />
Book No. 5 in <strong>the</strong><br />
“Young Whit” series<br />
TEENS<br />
The Deep End<br />
Book No. 3 in <strong>the</strong><br />
“High Water” series<br />
Knight’s Scheme<br />
Book No. 5 in<br />
“The Blackgaard<br />
Chr<strong>on</strong>icles” series<br />
Life in <strong>the</strong> Middle<br />
Book No. 5 in <strong>the</strong><br />
“Riverbend Friends” series<br />
“We wrote <strong>the</strong> ‘Otter B’ books to help<br />
kids develop c<strong>on</strong>fidence, resilience<br />
and a foundati<strong>on</strong> of faith-based values.<br />
The 11th book in <strong>the</strong> series,<br />
Otter B Forgiving, invites kids to<br />
imagine what it’s like to make a big<br />
mistake, be forgiven and <strong>the</strong>n offer<br />
that forgiveness to some<strong>on</strong>e else.”<br />
—Pamela Kennedy, an author of more<br />
than 60 books, and Anne Kennedy Brady,<br />
an author and playwright<br />
“The Lord’s Prayer unpacks <strong>the</strong><br />
prayer Jesus taught in a way that<br />
children can grasp. Three foundati<strong>on</strong>al<br />
texts: <strong>the</strong> Apostles’ Creed,<br />
<strong>the</strong> Lord’s Prayer and <strong>the</strong> Ten<br />
Commandments comprise <strong>the</strong> historic<br />
catechism by which Christians<br />
have historically passed <strong>the</strong> faith<br />
from <strong>on</strong>e generati<strong>on</strong> to <strong>the</strong> next.”<br />
—Harold L. Senkbeil, a writer,<br />
pastor and grandpa<br />
“I wrote The Deep End, <strong>the</strong> third<br />
book in <strong>the</strong> ‘High Water’ series,<br />
to give middle grade readers a<br />
suspense-filled story. Sometimes<br />
<strong>the</strong>re’s no better way to teach truth<br />
than through ficti<strong>on</strong>. I love showing<br />
<strong>the</strong> c<strong>on</strong>sequences—good or bad—<br />
of decisi<strong>on</strong>s, knowing this helps<br />
readers develop wisdom, character<br />
and integrity.”<br />
—Tim Shoemaker, an author,<br />
speaker and writing coach<br />
CREDIT TK<br />
6<br />
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong>
kids &<br />
teens<br />
“I DON’T BELIEVE THAT<br />
GOD PLACES CHILDREN<br />
IN OUR HOMES<br />
FOR US TO<br />
DICTATE<br />
WHO THEY’LL<br />
BECOME;<br />
HE PLACES THEM<br />
SO WE CAN HELP<br />
INTO OUR LIVES<br />
THEM DEVELOP<br />
INTO WHO HE<br />
ALREADY MADE<br />
THEM TO BE.”<br />
—LEAH BODEN<br />
page 18<br />
SALLY DUNN - FOTF<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong> FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 7
KIDS & TEENS / HACKS & FACTS<br />
Reading<br />
STUFFED ANIMAL STORY TIME<br />
When I’m doing chores, my child gets a stuffed animal and a book.<br />
He sits in a comfy chair that’s strategically placed right beside my<br />
housework area. My s<strong>on</strong> reads to his “friend” while I keep an eye <strong>on</strong><br />
him and get my work d<strong>on</strong>e.<br />
—Amy Knowles<br />
create your<br />
own book<br />
daily<br />
devoti<strong>on</strong>s<br />
Seeing that my s<strong>on</strong><br />
needed more variety<br />
in practicing reading,<br />
I encouraged him<br />
to tell me his own<br />
stories. I bought blank<br />
books or used stapled<br />
paper to write down<br />
his words. Then, he<br />
illustrated <strong>the</strong> pages.<br />
Because he was eager<br />
to create his own<br />
stories, he was more<br />
willing to read. I’d point<br />
out sight words or new<br />
letter groups like “ch”<br />
or “sh.” He began to<br />
see that if he wanted<br />
to read more interesting<br />
stories, he’d have to<br />
do his ph<strong>on</strong>ics less<strong>on</strong>s.<br />
sound it out<br />
We let our kids read<br />
a picture book to<br />
<strong>the</strong> rest of <strong>the</strong> family<br />
before bed. Having<br />
every<strong>on</strong>e’s attenti<strong>on</strong><br />
encourages <strong>the</strong>m<br />
to sound out words,<br />
even when it’s difficult.<br />
This nightly experience<br />
helps build <strong>the</strong>ir<br />
c<strong>on</strong>fidence and be less<br />
anxious about reading<br />
<strong>the</strong> assigned readers<br />
from school.<br />
We’d take turns<br />
choosing and reading<br />
a daily devoti<strong>on</strong>. For<br />
my family, this worked<br />
best in <strong>the</strong> morning<br />
over breakfast when<br />
every<strong>on</strong>e was rested<br />
and refreshed. My<br />
children also seemed<br />
to absorb more from<br />
<strong>the</strong> devoti<strong>on</strong>s that<br />
<strong>the</strong>y could choose to<br />
read aloud.<br />
Not <strong>on</strong>ly did my<br />
children get more<br />
practice reading,<br />
but <strong>the</strong>se peaceful<br />
moments also became<br />
<strong>on</strong>e more way that our<br />
family spent quality<br />
time toge<strong>the</strong>r.<br />
ALICIA BROWN-STOCKSY<br />
—Anna Hannigan<br />
—Elizabeth James<br />
—Farrah Adkins<br />
8<br />
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong>
HACKS & FACTS / KIDS & TEENS<br />
after <strong>the</strong> book<br />
When my daughter asked to watch a movie that<br />
was first published as a book, I said yes—that is,<br />
after she read <strong>the</strong> book. I got her started by reading<br />
<strong>the</strong> first chapter out loud, and <strong>the</strong>n she was<br />
off to read <strong>the</strong> rest <strong>on</strong> her own.<br />
Before watching <strong>the</strong> movie, I had my daughter<br />
share a plot synopsis and a bit about her favorite<br />
character. Afterward, I asked her to compare <strong>the</strong><br />
movie to <strong>the</strong> book by asking, “What was different?<br />
What was <strong>the</strong> same?” We celebrated <strong>the</strong> fact that,<br />
with this book, she was <strong>the</strong> expert.<br />
a culture of literacy<br />
—Rachel Allord<br />
When our children were young, we recognized<br />
<strong>the</strong> importance of creating a culture of reading in<br />
our home. Our kids were accustomed to seeing<br />
my husband and me read books regularly, so we<br />
started ga<strong>the</strong>ring as a family to read every night.<br />
Each of my kids had a library card and a magazine<br />
subscripti<strong>on</strong>. We didn’t allow screen time<br />
in <strong>the</strong> evenings. We often had dinnertime book<br />
discussi<strong>on</strong>s, and even our youngest reader<br />
wanted to c<strong>on</strong>tribute because it seemed like <strong>the</strong><br />
grown-up thing to do.<br />
—Jennifer Henn<br />
RICHVINTAGE-ISTOCK<br />
let <strong>the</strong>m read<br />
For my growing independent readers, graphic<br />
novels launched <strong>the</strong>m into success. I had to<br />
endure a few potty-humor jokes with some<br />
of <strong>the</strong>ir choices, but I also heard uproarious<br />
laughter and requests to acquire <strong>the</strong> next book<br />
in <strong>the</strong> series. I learned that graphic novels do,<br />
in fact, have a story arc, character development<br />
and even rich vocabulary. I’ll never forget my<br />
s<strong>on</strong> telling me that it was “total cha-ose” when<br />
he had a substitute teacher in school <strong>on</strong>e day.<br />
Up<strong>on</strong> fur<strong>the</strong>r inquiry, I discovered he had meant<br />
to pr<strong>on</strong>ounce chaos, a word he learned from<br />
<strong>on</strong>e of his graphic novels.<br />
—Kelly Bakshi<br />
READ-ALOUD FORTS<br />
To encourage reading in our home for our four boys,<br />
we built fun places for <strong>the</strong>m to read in <strong>the</strong>ir bedrooms,<br />
in <strong>the</strong> living room and in shady areas out in <strong>the</strong> yard.<br />
Sometimes <strong>the</strong>y’d act out <strong>the</strong> story as it was read aloud,<br />
making it come to life. If I saw motivati<strong>on</strong> waning,<br />
I asked <strong>the</strong>m to read aloud in unis<strong>on</strong>. We also read<br />
passages from <strong>the</strong> Bible as part of our bedtime routine;<br />
each boy read or followed al<strong>on</strong>g from his own Bible.<br />
—D<strong>on</strong>na Elizabeth Love<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong> FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 9
KIDS & TEENS / HACKS & FACTS<br />
Back to School<br />
Extra<br />
Snack<br />
or Side<br />
getting organized<br />
Before school began, I talked<br />
with my children about what<br />
morning and after-school organizati<strong>on</strong><br />
would look like in our house.<br />
We chose a designated space for<br />
all school materials (backpacks,<br />
books, lunchboxes, etc.) near <strong>the</strong>ir<br />
homework area. Since school items<br />
needed to stay in <strong>the</strong> defined space,<br />
items were easy to find in <strong>the</strong> chaos<br />
of <strong>the</strong> morning. We even rehearsed<br />
retrieving <strong>the</strong>ir items in <strong>the</strong> morning<br />
and returning <strong>the</strong>m to <strong>the</strong> designated<br />
locati<strong>on</strong> up<strong>on</strong> arrival home.<br />
The designated space helped eliminate<br />
time-c<strong>on</strong>suming searching<br />
and decreased <strong>the</strong> amount of time<br />
I spent picking up school items.<br />
—Tania Alward<br />
Fruit or<br />
Veggie<br />
Main<br />
Protein<br />
LUNCH-PACKING CHART<br />
Before school starts, my kids and I make a lunch packing chart.<br />
The main food groups serve as headers with examples of healthy<br />
foods listed underneath. Each child adds some favorite foods to<br />
<strong>the</strong> list. This guides me as I grocery shop, and it helps give <strong>the</strong><br />
kids ideas of what to pack. The chart helped my kids learn to<br />
make <strong>the</strong>ir own lunches at a young age.<br />
—Shann<strong>on</strong> Lea<strong>the</strong>rman<br />
help board<br />
We have created a Can You Help<br />
Me Out? board that hangs in our<br />
laundry room. Both parents and<br />
kids write down ways <strong>the</strong>y may<br />
need help in <strong>the</strong> coming week. For<br />
instance, my youngest needed a<br />
shoebox for an upcoming book<br />
report, my middle child asked for<br />
some<strong>on</strong>e to proofread his paper,<br />
my oldest needed a baked item for<br />
a swim team party and I frequently<br />
ask for help in <strong>the</strong> garden. Our<br />
board provides a visual reminder of<br />
how we can all lend a hand.<br />
—Lauri Diamantis<br />
PHOTO BY SALLY DUNN - FOTF / ILLUSTRATIONS BY KATIE AEBERTS<br />
10<br />
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong>
HACKS & FACTS / KIDS & TEENS<br />
Undressing in Public<br />
DRESS<br />
THE DOLL<br />
I keep a doll or stuffed<br />
animal dressed in baby<br />
clo<strong>the</strong>s, al<strong>on</strong>g with an<br />
extra diaper, in our<br />
diaper bag. When <strong>the</strong><br />
inspirati<strong>on</strong> to undress<br />
strikes my toddler,<br />
I encourage her to<br />
undress and dress <strong>the</strong><br />
doll instead. Most of<br />
<strong>the</strong> time <strong>the</strong> distracti<strong>on</strong><br />
works, and she<br />
still gets to practice<br />
her new skills. Toddlerfriendly<br />
books with<br />
snaps, ties, zippers and<br />
buckles have also been<br />
an effective distracti<strong>on</strong>.<br />
—Jessica Jens<strong>on</strong><br />
ALLISON EASTERLING PHOTOGRAPHY<br />
clothing c<strong>on</strong>trol<br />
My toddler started undressing in public, and I<br />
eventually c<strong>on</strong>cluded that she would do this<br />
when she was overstimulated or when she felt<br />
things were out of her c<strong>on</strong>trol. I did my best to<br />
incorporate more moments of pause during<br />
our activities and interacti<strong>on</strong>s—even if it was just<br />
holding her for a few minutes while out <strong>on</strong> a<br />
playdate or grocery trip. If she still undressed, I’d<br />
move her to a quiet place and reassure her.<br />
At home we’d practice simple ways of calming<br />
down and managing emoti<strong>on</strong>s. Once her sense<br />
of c<strong>on</strong>trol was restored, her tendency toward<br />
undressing was no l<strong>on</strong>ger an issue. I’m so thankful<br />
to say that she’s now 4 and hasn’t undressed<br />
in public for almost a year!<br />
—Christina Nunes<br />
“I also distracted <strong>the</strong>m by letting<br />
<strong>the</strong>m wear jewelry like chunky<br />
necklaces or bracelets.”<br />
fidget features<br />
I found outfits for my girls that allowed <strong>the</strong>m to fidget with <strong>the</strong>ir<br />
clo<strong>the</strong>s without feeling <strong>the</strong> need to take <strong>the</strong>m off. For example,<br />
if <strong>the</strong>y wore shorts under <strong>the</strong>ir skirts, <strong>the</strong>y could play with <strong>the</strong><br />
skirt. They kept <strong>the</strong>ir clo<strong>the</strong>s <strong>on</strong> when <strong>the</strong> garments were decorated<br />
with sequins, butt<strong>on</strong>s or snaps <strong>the</strong>y could play with.<br />
I also distracted <strong>the</strong>m by letting <strong>the</strong>m wear jewelry like<br />
chunky necklaces or bracelets, so if <strong>the</strong>y wanted to take<br />
something off, it would be adornments instead of <strong>the</strong>ir outfits.<br />
—Emily Yang<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong> FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 11
KIDS & TEENS / EVANGELISM<br />
REACHING<br />
YOUNG<br />
HEARTS<br />
Robin J<strong>on</strong>es Gunn<br />
became a missi<strong>on</strong>ary to<br />
milli<strong>on</strong>s through her writing<br />
BY BENJAMIN HAWKINS<br />
PHOTOGRAPHY BY ROSS GUNN<br />
BEGINNING WHEN SHE WAS<br />
ONLY 12, Robin J<strong>on</strong>es Gunn had<br />
dreamed of opening <strong>the</strong> envelope that<br />
she now held in her hands.<br />
Robin’s church often welcomed<br />
missi<strong>on</strong>aries from Wycliffe Bible<br />
Translators to share how <strong>the</strong>y translated<br />
Scripture into many languages<br />
and proclaimed <strong>the</strong> message of God’s<br />
grace across <strong>the</strong> globe. At <strong>the</strong> end of<br />
<strong>on</strong>e presentati<strong>on</strong>, a missi<strong>on</strong>ary showed<br />
a slide of <strong>the</strong> sun setting <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> missi<strong>on</strong><br />
field. Robin was enchanted. She,<br />
too, wanted to travel <strong>the</strong> globe to share<br />
God’s love.<br />
Reminded by a camp counselor<br />
that she could begin at home, Robin<br />
got to work. Eventually she started a<br />
Christian club at her high school that<br />
met during <strong>the</strong>ir lunch period.<br />
She went far<strong>the</strong>r afield during her college<br />
years. She even traveled to Europe<br />
<strong>on</strong>e summer, smuggling Bibles into <strong>the</strong><br />
<strong>the</strong>n-Soviet Uni<strong>on</strong>. C<strong>on</strong>vinced that God<br />
wanted her to serve overseas l<strong>on</strong>g term,<br />
she started <strong>the</strong> applicati<strong>on</strong> process for<br />
missi<strong>on</strong>ary service at Urbana Student<br />
Missi<strong>on</strong>s C<strong>on</strong>ference. She could expect<br />
a mailed resp<strong>on</strong>se, but for now, all she<br />
knew was what <strong>the</strong> printer spat out:<br />
where <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> missi<strong>on</strong> field she was<br />
best equipped to serve.<br />
She picked up <strong>the</strong> printout. Blinking,<br />
she paused. Could this be right? Was<br />
this really how she would fulfill her<br />
dream?<br />
“Laundry Supervisor,” it read.<br />
“Nairobi, Kenya.”<br />
Collecting herself, Robin applied for<br />
service <strong>the</strong>re anyway. ><br />
CREDIT TK<br />
12<br />
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong>
EVANGELISM / KIDS & TEENS<br />
CREDIT TK<br />
Robin J<strong>on</strong>es Gunn with her daughter, Rachel<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong> FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 13
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Refining her passi<strong>on</strong><br />
Robin asked <strong>the</strong> girls in <strong>the</strong> middlegrade<br />
Sunday school class she taught<br />
to pray for her. She told <strong>the</strong>m stories<br />
of her imagined future, painting with<br />
words <strong>the</strong> adventure of sharing God’s<br />
love with Kenyan women and children<br />
while washing clo<strong>the</strong>s al<strong>on</strong>gside<br />
a wide river—<strong>the</strong> African savannah<br />
spread out before her.<br />
But that l<strong>on</strong>g-awaited envelope<br />
revealed that <strong>the</strong> missi<strong>on</strong> agency had<br />
denied her applicati<strong>on</strong>.<br />
“I felt like, if I can’t even wash clo<strong>the</strong>s<br />
for Jesus in Africa,” Robin recalls, “<strong>the</strong>n<br />
what good am I in service of our King?”<br />
The teenage girls in her Sunday<br />
school class saw more clearly how God<br />
had gifted <strong>the</strong>ir teacher. Relieved at <strong>the</strong><br />
news, <strong>the</strong>y said <strong>the</strong>y preferred her to<br />
stay with <strong>the</strong>m and share more stories<br />
that displayed God’s love and grace.<br />
She told stories well, <strong>the</strong>y said.<br />
Only later would she realize how<br />
right <strong>the</strong>y were. During <strong>the</strong> past 35 years,<br />
Robin has shared countless stories of<br />
God’s love and grace, publishing more<br />
than 100 ficti<strong>on</strong> and n<strong>on</strong>ficti<strong>on</strong> books<br />
and selling 6 milli<strong>on</strong> copies worldwide.<br />
“Those books,” Robin says, “became<br />
missi<strong>on</strong>aries that have g<strong>on</strong>e out by <strong>the</strong><br />
milli<strong>on</strong>s all over <strong>the</strong> world, [to] places<br />
I will never go. That’s how God accomplishes<br />
His purposes for our lives, never<br />
in <strong>the</strong> way we think it’s going to be.”<br />
Becoming a writer<br />
Robin’s knack for storytelling showed<br />
itself l<strong>on</strong>g before her missi<strong>on</strong>ary<br />
passi<strong>on</strong> did. When she was in kindergarten,<br />
her teacher wrote <strong>on</strong> a report<br />
card: “Robin has not yet grasped her<br />
basic math skills, but she does keep<br />
<strong>the</strong> entire class entertained at rug time<br />
with her stories.”<br />
Then again, outside of rug time,<br />
stories can be a problem.<br />
“Growing up,” Robin wrote in her<br />
memoir, Victim of Grace: When God’s<br />
Goodness Prevails, “I got in trouble for<br />
telling stories. Teachers called it ‘lying.’<br />
My sister called it ‘exaggerating—again.’ ”<br />
So when <strong>the</strong> girls in her Sunday<br />
school class suggested she had a gift for<br />
storytelling, she balked. Never would<br />
she spend her life as a writer. Instead<br />
she decided to work <strong>on</strong> her math<br />
skills—taking a job at <strong>the</strong> local bank.<br />
She so<strong>on</strong> met and married Ross,<br />
now her husband of 45 years, who<br />
served at <strong>the</strong> time as a youth minister.<br />
He, too, saw her gift for storytelling,<br />
urging her to take writing classes at <strong>the</strong><br />
community college and to read books<br />
about <strong>the</strong> craft.<br />
“He even signed me up for a writers<br />
c<strong>on</strong>ference at Mount Herm<strong>on</strong> in<br />
California,” Robin says. “I was shy,<br />
intimidated, not a writer. He paid<br />
m<strong>on</strong>ey so that I could go sit in fr<strong>on</strong>t<br />
of people and prove I was an imposter.”<br />
But within a few hours of arriving at<br />
<strong>the</strong> c<strong>on</strong>ference, she says, “I had found<br />
my tribe.”<br />
The c<strong>on</strong>ference sparked her desire<br />
to write. During <strong>the</strong> next few years<br />
she penned articles, devoti<strong>on</strong>als and<br />
children’s picture books. The Upper<br />
Room magazine offered her $10 for<br />
her first devoti<strong>on</strong>.<br />
“I was elated,” Robin recalls. The<br />
magazine sent a c<strong>on</strong>tract that<br />
requested her pen name. As so<strong>on</strong> as<br />
her fa<strong>the</strong>r saw it, he reminded her that<br />
she had been a J<strong>on</strong>es much l<strong>on</strong>ger<br />
than she had been a Gunn.<br />
So she became Robin J<strong>on</strong>es Gunn,<br />
professi<strong>on</strong>al writer.<br />
PHOTO COURTESY OF ROBIN JONES GUNN
EVANGELISM / KIDS & TEENS<br />
LISTEN NOW!<br />
Robin J<strong>on</strong>es Gunn and<br />
Jenny Coffey discuss preparing<br />
our daughters for womanhood.<br />
<str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g>OnThe<strong>Family</strong>.ca/Radio<br />
Finding her voice<br />
Camping with 70 teenagers from her<br />
church at California’s San Clemente<br />
State Beach <strong>on</strong>e summer in <strong>the</strong> 1980s,<br />
Robin found several girls huddled in<br />
<strong>the</strong>ir tent. What were <strong>the</strong>y doing here,<br />
she w<strong>on</strong>dered, when <strong>the</strong>re were sun and<br />
sand and surf and boys <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> beach?<br />
The answer lay in a pile of books at<br />
<strong>the</strong>ir side. So Robin crawled into <strong>the</strong><br />
tent and joined <strong>the</strong>m in reading.<br />
“It broke my heart what <strong>the</strong>se<br />
13-year-old girls were putting in <strong>the</strong>ir<br />
minds—<strong>the</strong>se evocative love stories,”<br />
Robin says. “I begged <strong>the</strong>m, ‘Please<br />
find something else to read!’ ”<br />
But, <strong>the</strong>y asked, what o<strong>the</strong>r books<br />
were <strong>the</strong>re? “You’re a writer. Why d<strong>on</strong>’t<br />
you write a book for us?”<br />
When she returned home from <strong>the</strong><br />
camp, Robin scavenged for books,<br />
but <strong>the</strong> girls were right. The selecti<strong>on</strong><br />
was slim.<br />
So during <strong>the</strong> next two years, she<br />
wrote her first novel. Now a mo<strong>the</strong>r<br />
with young children, Robin bought a<br />
new teapot, awoke at 3 a.m. every day<br />
and wrote for roughly four hours.<br />
Each week she read her latest chapters<br />
to <strong>the</strong> teenage girls at church.<br />
“They would tell me everything<br />
that was wr<strong>on</strong>g with it, everything<br />
that needed to be changed,” Robin<br />
recalls. “But, as it was, <strong>the</strong> first book<br />
in <strong>the</strong> ‘Christy Miller’ series was being<br />
refined. It truly was <strong>the</strong> book <strong>the</strong>y<br />
wanted to read.”<br />
Reaching girls<br />
through story<br />
Thirty-five years ago this summer,<br />
that first entry in <strong>the</strong> series—Summer<br />
Promise—was released by <str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g> <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong><br />
<strong>Family</strong>’s book publishing divisi<strong>on</strong>.<br />
So<strong>on</strong> both Robin’s teenage writing<br />
mentors, as well as publishers, were<br />
asking for more stories. Within eight<br />
years, <strong>the</strong> “Christy Miller” series had<br />
grown, expanding to include 11 more<br />
books. But Robin’s storytelling didn’t<br />
end with that series.<br />
Robin penned dozens of o<strong>the</strong>r<br />
stories throughout <strong>the</strong> years, including<br />
three novellas—Finding Fa<strong>the</strong>r<br />
Christmas, Engaging Fa<strong>the</strong>r Christmas<br />
and Kissing Fa<strong>the</strong>r Christmas—later<br />
made into TV movies.<br />
For <strong>on</strong>e set of stories—<strong>the</strong><br />
“Sisterchicks” series—Robin even lived<br />
out her dream of world travel when her<br />
publisher sent her around <strong>the</strong> globe for<br />
inspirati<strong>on</strong>.<br />
From <strong>the</strong> beginning, her books also<br />
drew young girls to Christ. Only a few<br />
weeks after Summer Promise was published,<br />
Robin received a letter from a<br />
teenage reader. According to <strong>the</strong> letter,<br />
<strong>the</strong> girl had joined <strong>the</strong> ficti<strong>on</strong>al protag<strong>on</strong>ist,<br />
Christy Miller, in surrendering<br />
her life to Christ. Hundreds of similar<br />
letters followed.<br />
“I still receive letters,” Robin says.<br />
“Every week, I receive letters from<br />
young girls who have read <strong>the</strong> books<br />
and come to know <strong>the</strong> Lord, or who<br />
have decided to no l<strong>on</strong>ger pursue a<br />
relati<strong>on</strong>ship with a guy who was<br />
damaging her. ><br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong> FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 15
KIDS & TEENS / EVANGELISM<br />
Robin and daughter, Rachel, enjoying a vacati<strong>on</strong> toge<strong>the</strong>r<br />
“They saw, through <strong>the</strong> role<br />
models in <strong>the</strong> books, how <strong>the</strong>y<br />
could turn <strong>the</strong>ir heart to <strong>the</strong> Lord<br />
in making <strong>the</strong>ir decisi<strong>on</strong>s.”<br />
Developing tools<br />
for young hearts<br />
Several years ago, after speaking<br />
at a school in Brazil, Robin was<br />
surrounded by a cluster of teenage<br />
girls.<br />
“We’re reading <strong>the</strong> ‘Christy<br />
Miller’ books,” <strong>the</strong>y said through<br />
a translator. “We’re giving our<br />
lives to Jesus, and it’s w<strong>on</strong>derful.<br />
We’re making good decisi<strong>on</strong>s.<br />
But n<strong>on</strong>e of <strong>the</strong> boys of Brazil are<br />
reading those books.”<br />
Robin saw <strong>the</strong> problem. These girls<br />
wanted to follow Jesus, and <strong>the</strong>y hoped,<br />
someday, to find husbands who follow<br />
Jesus—just as <strong>the</strong> ficti<strong>on</strong>al Christy<br />
Miller found a godly young man<br />
named Todd. What should <strong>the</strong>y do?<br />
At <strong>the</strong> time, Robin urged <strong>the</strong>m to<br />
pray for <strong>the</strong> boys in <strong>the</strong>ir country, and<br />
<strong>the</strong> girls instantly formed a prayer club<br />
for <strong>the</strong> purpose. But <strong>the</strong>ir questi<strong>on</strong>s<br />
lingered in Robin’s mind. They saw in<br />
Christy Miller a model for following<br />
BEFORE YOUR TWEEN<br />
DAUGHTER BECOMES A WOMAN<br />
by Robin J<strong>on</strong>es Gunn<br />
Bestselling author Robin J<strong>on</strong>es Gunn<br />
encourages you to begin a c<strong>on</strong>versati<strong>on</strong><br />
with your young daughter before she<br />
reaches adolescence. This <strong>on</strong>going<br />
dialogue will streng<strong>the</strong>n your b<strong>on</strong>d<br />
as she grows into <strong>the</strong> beautiful young<br />
woman God created her to be.<br />
Shop.<str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g>OnThe<strong>Family</strong>.ca<br />
NEW FROM<br />
FOCUS ON<br />
THE FAMILY!<br />
Jesus, but would <strong>the</strong>y know how to<br />
apply discipleship principles in <strong>the</strong>ir<br />
own lives?<br />
On ano<strong>the</strong>r occasi<strong>on</strong>, Robin’s <strong>the</strong>nteenage<br />
daughter, Rachel, stopped<br />
Robin as she passed by her daughter’s<br />
room. Rachel lay <strong>on</strong> her bed with a<br />
“Christy Miller” volume in her hands.<br />
“Mom, do you think God has a guy<br />
like Todd for me out <strong>the</strong>re?”<br />
“I know that God has plans for you,”<br />
Robin replied. “And His plans for you<br />
are for good, not for evil, to bring you<br />
a future and a hope. That’s what God<br />
promises in His Word.”<br />
But this wasn’t her <strong>on</strong>ly resp<strong>on</strong>se to<br />
<strong>the</strong>se lingering questi<strong>on</strong>s. Al<strong>on</strong>g with<br />
author Tricia Goyer, Robin penned<br />
a n<strong>on</strong>ficti<strong>on</strong> book a dozen years ago<br />
titled Praying for Your Future Husband.<br />
The pair of writers collaborated again<br />
to write Before You Meet Your Future<br />
Husband: 30 questi<strong>on</strong>s to ask yourself<br />
and 30 heartfelt prayers, which came<br />
out in May <strong>2023</strong>.<br />
“We saw a need for a tool to help those<br />
young hearts,” Robin says. “With all <strong>the</strong><br />
o<strong>the</strong>r messages [<strong>the</strong>se young women]<br />
get, how can we provide a tool that will<br />
say, ‘Here’s what God says about you.<br />
Here’s how you seek Him and trust Him<br />
for whatever He has for you’?”<br />
Crafting a<br />
must-have guide<br />
Young girls aren’t al<strong>on</strong>e<br />
in wanting such tools.<br />
Their mo<strong>the</strong>rs have<br />
questi<strong>on</strong>s, too—especially<br />
regarding how to<br />
b<strong>on</strong>d with and guide<br />
<strong>the</strong>ir young daughters<br />
as <strong>the</strong>y face <strong>the</strong><br />
changes that come with<br />
adolescence.<br />
Robin knows from<br />
experience that this<br />
transiti<strong>on</strong> doesn’t have<br />
to be awkward.<br />
“When Rachel was<br />
9 years old and her<br />
body was about to change, I set up<br />
an intenti<strong>on</strong>al, little tea party for <strong>the</strong><br />
two of us,” Robin recalls. “We were<br />
<strong>the</strong> <strong>on</strong>ly <strong>on</strong>es home. I took that time<br />
by <strong>the</strong> fireplace, with soft music<br />
playing, and I told her <strong>the</strong> secrets of<br />
womanhood.”<br />
“It’s a gift of God to be a woman,”<br />
she told Rachel. “You are fearfully<br />
and beautifully made—w<strong>on</strong>derfully<br />
made. This is <strong>the</strong> way you are going<br />
to see <strong>the</strong>se changes happen in your<br />
body, and it’s a gift.”<br />
To Robin’s delight, Rachel<br />
resp<strong>on</strong>ded: “I love that God made me<br />
a woman.”<br />
In her latest book, Robin interweaves<br />
pers<strong>on</strong>al stories with biblical<br />
wisdom to help mo<strong>the</strong>rs begin a positive<br />
c<strong>on</strong>versati<strong>on</strong> with <strong>the</strong>ir preteen<br />
daughters about <strong>the</strong>se issues. That<br />
book, Before Your Tween Daughter<br />
Becomes a Woman: A mom’s musthave<br />
guide, was released by <str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g> <strong>on</strong><br />
<strong>the</strong> <strong>Family</strong> in July.<br />
As with her previous books, Robin<br />
views this book as yet ano<strong>the</strong>r “missi<strong>on</strong>ary”<br />
let loose to share God’s<br />
grace and truth around <strong>the</strong> globe.<br />
Benjamin Hawkins is a freelance writer and<br />
editor of The Pathway, <strong>the</strong> news journal of<br />
<strong>the</strong> Missouri Baptist C<strong>on</strong>venti<strong>on</strong>.<br />
16<br />
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong>
you know you’re a<br />
home-school parent when . . .<br />
your kids d<strong>on</strong>’t know <strong>the</strong><br />
answer to, “What grade<br />
are you in?”<br />
you can take a family trip<br />
off-seas<strong>on</strong> and not miss<br />
out <strong>on</strong> schoolwork.<br />
you add a new bookshelf<br />
to your collecti<strong>on</strong><br />
every year.<br />
you care more about <strong>the</strong><br />
point of an experiment<br />
than <strong>the</strong> mess it’s making.<br />
morning and afterno<strong>on</strong><br />
breaks are for sibling<br />
playtime.<br />
lunch time is family time.<br />
snack time is part of<br />
a child’s chemistry<br />
experiment.<br />
character matters,<br />
regardless of <strong>the</strong><br />
academic subject.<br />
you and your kids can read<br />
<strong>the</strong> Bible and pray during<br />
<strong>the</strong> day.<br />
your kids are motivated to<br />
get <strong>the</strong>ir schoolwork d<strong>on</strong>e<br />
so <strong>the</strong>y can play.<br />
your kids have more time<br />
for after-school activities<br />
and friends because <strong>the</strong>ir<br />
schoolwork is d<strong>on</strong>e.<br />
pajamas are your school<br />
uniform—for students<br />
and <strong>the</strong> teacher.<br />
you have time to study<br />
your children, to know<br />
what <strong>the</strong>y need and<br />
how best to deliver that<br />
knowledge to <strong>the</strong>m.<br />
you relearn math, history<br />
and English, and find it<br />
fascinating, as you teach<br />
<strong>the</strong>se subjects to<br />
your children.<br />
ano<strong>the</strong>r adult w<strong>on</strong>ders out<br />
loud what it is that you do<br />
all day, and you laugh.<br />
—Skay Johns<strong>on</strong><br />
CREDIT ADAM LARKUM TK<br />
- ILLUSTRATION X<br />
“ [Your child] requires much knowledge, for <strong>the</strong> mind<br />
needs sufficient food as much as does <strong>the</strong> body.”<br />
—Charlotte Mas<strong>on</strong><br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong> FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 17
KIDS & TEENS / HOME SCHOOLING<br />
who God made <strong>the</strong>m to be<br />
Does your home-educati<strong>on</strong> philosophy<br />
treat your kids as projects or individuals?<br />
BY LEAH BODEN ILLUSTRATION BY ADAM LARKUM<br />
GROWING UP IN ENGLAND,<br />
I found joy and growth by singing in<br />
a choir, joining an after-school entrepreneurs<br />
club and eagerly serving in<br />
varying capacities in <strong>the</strong> local church.<br />
I loved to learn and was hungry to<br />
grow, but I seemed to be surviving<br />
ra<strong>the</strong>r than thriving in <strong>the</strong> traditi<strong>on</strong>al<br />
British school system in which I was<br />
enrolled.<br />
Even though I felt mismatched<br />
with <strong>the</strong> university system, I went<br />
anyway. When a professor told me,<br />
“You probably w<strong>on</strong>’t get <strong>the</strong> best<br />
degree classificati<strong>on</strong>, Leah, but you’ll<br />
do well in life. You’re just that kind of<br />
pers<strong>on</strong>,” I wanted to prove him wr<strong>on</strong>g.<br />
But he was right. I was never a standout<br />
in <strong>the</strong> classroom, yet I flourished<br />
in everyday activities.<br />
Later, as a mom new to <strong>the</strong> world<br />
of home schooling, I was introduced<br />
to <strong>the</strong> 19th-century British educator<br />
Charlotte Mas<strong>on</strong>, and I realized that<br />
academic and character growth—not<br />
performance—should define educati<strong>on</strong>.<br />
My discovery shed light <strong>on</strong> my own<br />
development and revoluti<strong>on</strong>ized my<br />
thinking toward teaching my four kids.<br />
In God’s image<br />
Charlotte Mas<strong>on</strong>’s method was based<br />
in recognizing that children are God’s<br />
work, not products of <strong>the</strong> educati<strong>on</strong>al<br />
system. They’re born whole and able<br />
to c<strong>on</strong>nect with <strong>the</strong> world. Our role as<br />
parents is to create an atmosphere and<br />
provide stimuli that will bring out <strong>the</strong><br />
best of who <strong>the</strong>y are. I d<strong>on</strong>’t believe<br />
that God places children in our homes<br />
for us to dictate who <strong>the</strong>y’ll become;<br />
He places <strong>the</strong>m into our lives so we<br />
can help <strong>the</strong>m develop into who He<br />
already made <strong>the</strong>m to be.<br />
This “born-pers<strong>on</strong>” approach to<br />
childhood turns <strong>the</strong> traditi<strong>on</strong>al educati<strong>on</strong><br />
path <strong>on</strong> its head. We d<strong>on</strong>’t need<br />
to race to catch up. We can slow down<br />
and delight in our children.<br />
Pers<strong>on</strong> before process<br />
When we view children as projects<br />
or “some<strong>on</strong>e we must educate,” we’re<br />
pr<strong>on</strong>e to use standardized curricula, to<br />
read texts <strong>on</strong>ly for comprehensi<strong>on</strong>, and<br />
to comply with set answers and laborious<br />
testing to ensure that our children<br />
“keep up.” When I first started educating<br />
my children from home, I stocked<br />
up <strong>on</strong> sec<strong>on</strong>dhand readers, math<br />
sheets and a Bible study <strong>on</strong> character.<br />
I used <strong>the</strong> latter diligently, but <strong>the</strong><br />
books and pages gradually got lost <strong>on</strong><br />
our home-school shelves.<br />
As a child, I loved <strong>the</strong> stories my mum<br />
read aloud in <strong>the</strong> evening, <strong>the</strong> variety of<br />
music my dad played around <strong>the</strong> house,<br />
<strong>the</strong> classic art <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> wall and my journals<br />
full of poetry and innocent secrets.<br />
When we view children as people with<br />
interests, made in <strong>the</strong> image of God,<br />
we’re inclined to take a different view<br />
to <strong>the</strong>ir ga<strong>the</strong>ring of knowledge. We<br />
read good stories to our children. We<br />
play beautiful music for <strong>the</strong>m. We take<br />
<strong>the</strong>m into nature. We introduce <strong>the</strong>m<br />
to art. They take time transcribing or<br />
reciting <strong>the</strong>ir favorite lines from poetry,<br />
biographies and <strong>the</strong> Bible, and we<br />
invite <strong>the</strong>m into sincere c<strong>on</strong>versati<strong>on</strong>s.<br />
See before you say<br />
To believe that our children are “born<br />
pers<strong>on</strong>s,” we must become observers<br />
of <strong>the</strong>m. One of <strong>the</strong> greatest c<strong>on</strong>cerns<br />
I hear from home-schooling parents I<br />
coach is: “What if <strong>the</strong>y fall behind?”<br />
As Christians, we believe that our<br />
kids are born unique. Every hair <strong>on</strong><br />
<strong>the</strong>ir heads is numbered and known by<br />
God, and each design <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong>ir fingers<br />
and toes is distinctive <strong>on</strong>ly to <strong>the</strong>m. Yet<br />
when it comes to educati<strong>on</strong>, we sign<br />
up for <strong>the</strong> narrative that all children<br />
should and can learn <strong>the</strong> same thing at<br />
<strong>the</strong> same time. But it’s simply not true.<br />
18<br />
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong>
HOME SCHOOLING / KIDS & TEENS<br />
All four of my kids learned to<br />
read at <strong>the</strong>ir own pace, and <strong>the</strong>y<br />
resp<strong>on</strong>ded individually to a variety<br />
of tools. One of my s<strong>on</strong>s went<br />
through a stage of writing <strong>the</strong> word<br />
avengers repeatedly. Then <strong>on</strong>e day<br />
he spelled it out loud and was able to<br />
read from that day <strong>on</strong>. My youngest<br />
daughter took <strong>the</strong> l<strong>on</strong>gest to read and<br />
tested my c<strong>on</strong>victi<strong>on</strong>s about teaching<br />
and learning. I used all of my<br />
teaching tools <strong>on</strong> her and was patient.<br />
Eventually she learned to decode<br />
words—and books finally “clicked.”<br />
Her love for reading followed.<br />
Home schooling offers a beautiful<br />
opportunity for children to be who<br />
<strong>the</strong>y are. The next time you hear a c<strong>on</strong>cerned<br />
<strong>on</strong>looker ask, “But what if <strong>the</strong>y<br />
get behind?” you can resp<strong>on</strong>d, “Get<br />
behind whom?”<br />
Leah Boden is <strong>the</strong> author of Modern Miss<br />
Mas<strong>on</strong> and a l<strong>on</strong>gtime home educator to<br />
four children. She speaks, hosts podcasts<br />
and coaching sessi<strong>on</strong>s, and runs workshops<br />
sharing <strong>the</strong> Charlotte Mas<strong>on</strong> approach<br />
to educati<strong>on</strong>.<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong> FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 19
KIDS & TEENS / CELLPHONES<br />
<strong>the</strong> great<br />
smartph<strong>on</strong>e<br />
debate<br />
Is your child ready<br />
for <strong>the</strong> resp<strong>on</strong>sibility?<br />
BY ARLENE PELLICANE<br />
ILLUSTRATIONS BY<br />
SHAHAR KOBER<br />
50 %<br />
of teens admit<br />
<strong>the</strong>y’re addicted<br />
to <strong>the</strong>ir<br />
smartph<strong>on</strong>es<br />
source: Comm<strong>on</strong><br />
Sense Media<br />
20<br />
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong>
CELLPHONES / KIDS & TEENS<br />
MY DAUGHTER, LUCY, was days<br />
away from turning 13. Getting her a<br />
children’s toy for her birthday was no<br />
l<strong>on</strong>ger an opti<strong>on</strong>. Was it time to gift<br />
wrap a shiny smartph<strong>on</strong>e to go al<strong>on</strong>g<br />
with a new outfit?<br />
It’s <strong>the</strong> milli<strong>on</strong>-dollar questi<strong>on</strong> for<br />
parents: What is <strong>the</strong> right age to get a<br />
smartph<strong>on</strong>e for your child?<br />
Forty-two percent of 10-year-old<br />
kids in <strong>the</strong> U.S. have a ph<strong>on</strong>e, according<br />
to Comm<strong>on</strong> Sense Media. By age<br />
12, it’s 71%, and by age 14, it’s 91%. But<br />
just because “everybody” has a smartph<strong>on</strong>e<br />
doesn’t mean your child is<br />
ready for <strong>on</strong>e. Here are a few tips that<br />
can help you wisely navigate this issue:<br />
Have prerequisites<br />
Can you imagine your parents handing<br />
you something worth $800 to carry<br />
around in elementary or middle school<br />
and not lose? Before you give your<br />
child a smartph<strong>on</strong>e, he or she should<br />
c<strong>on</strong>sistently exhibit a certain degree of<br />
resp<strong>on</strong>sibility.<br />
As a way to gauge whe<strong>the</strong>r your child<br />
is mature enough for a smartph<strong>on</strong>e,<br />
c<strong>on</strong>sider how she handles everyday life<br />
skills. Does she:<br />
• pack school lunch every day?<br />
• do laundry and help with household<br />
chores?<br />
• complete homework and strive<br />
to earn good grades?<br />
• get up when <strong>the</strong> alarm rings in<br />
<strong>the</strong> morning?<br />
• cook full meals?<br />
• manage m<strong>on</strong>ey well?<br />
• have <strong>the</strong> c<strong>on</strong>fidence to carry<br />
<strong>on</strong> a c<strong>on</strong>versati<strong>on</strong> with adults?<br />
• accept full resp<strong>on</strong>sibility for<br />
pers<strong>on</strong>al hygiene without<br />
reminders?<br />
• take care of pets?<br />
If your child isn’t resp<strong>on</strong>sible with<br />
tasks like <strong>the</strong>se, it’s unreas<strong>on</strong>able to<br />
think she will be resp<strong>on</strong>sible with a<br />
ph<strong>on</strong>e. She might proclaim with passi<strong>on</strong>,<br />
“I promise I’ll do everything<br />
you say if you get me a ph<strong>on</strong>e.” Let<br />
her prove that by mastering <strong>the</strong>se<br />
basic life skills before graduating to a<br />
smartph<strong>on</strong>e.<br />
Wait for <strong>the</strong> right time<br />
Not <strong>on</strong>ly should your child be able to<br />
handle <strong>the</strong> resp<strong>on</strong>sibility of a ph<strong>on</strong>e,<br />
but it’s also important to wait for <strong>the</strong><br />
right timing. These questi<strong>on</strong>s can help<br />
you determine whe<strong>the</strong>r your child is<br />
truly ready for a ph<strong>on</strong>e or needs to<br />
wait awhile:<br />
• Does my child really need a smartph<strong>on</strong>e<br />
right now?<br />
• What problem(s) will a smartph<strong>on</strong>e<br />
solve? What problem(s) will<br />
it create?<br />
• Is my child pr<strong>on</strong>e to overusing a<br />
family member’s ph<strong>on</strong>e for gaming<br />
or social media?<br />
• Will <strong>the</strong> ph<strong>on</strong>e enhance or be detrimental<br />
to my child’s spiritual<br />
development or growth?<br />
• Will <strong>the</strong> ph<strong>on</strong>e support our family<br />
values or undermine <strong>the</strong>m?<br />
Th e d ecisi<strong>on</strong> to get your child a<br />
smartph<strong>on</strong>e should not be taken<br />
lightly. You might say it’s a m<strong>on</strong>umental<br />
shift from B.C. (before cellph<strong>on</strong>e)<br />
to A.D. (after device). You’ve probably<br />
heard horror stories of perfectly nice<br />
kids turning sullen, withdrawn and<br />
irritable after getting ph<strong>on</strong>es.<br />
According to Comm<strong>on</strong> Sense<br />
Media, 50% of teenagers admit <strong>the</strong>y’re<br />
addicted to <strong>the</strong>ir smartph<strong>on</strong>es. No<br />
doubt this has c<strong>on</strong>tributed to <strong>the</strong><br />
dramatic uptick in mental health problems<br />
that we’re seeing am<strong>on</strong>g teens.<br />
Eighty-four percent of <strong>the</strong>m use social<br />
media, but <strong>on</strong>ly 34% say <strong>the</strong>y enjoy<br />
it “a lot.” Just scroll through <strong>the</strong> social<br />
media posts <strong>on</strong> a teen’s ph<strong>on</strong>e and<br />
you’ll see that <strong>the</strong> c<strong>on</strong>tent is anything<br />
but godly.<br />
According to <strong>the</strong> Barna Group, typical<br />
15- to 23-year-olds take in 2,767<br />
hours of screen media and <strong>on</strong>ly 153<br />
hours of spiritual c<strong>on</strong>tent (291 hours<br />
for churchgoing kids). What effect will<br />
owning a smartph<strong>on</strong>e have <strong>on</strong> your<br />
child’s worldview and soul?<br />
Kids with ADHD are especially vulnerable<br />
to getting sucked into a ph<strong>on</strong>e’s<br />
stimulating c<strong>on</strong>tent. They are also<br />
more likely to be impulsive and post<br />
things <strong>the</strong>y shouldn’t. Elementaryage<br />
children, in particular, are simply<br />
not equipped to dive into <strong>the</strong> internet,<br />
games and social media apps al<strong>on</strong>e or<br />
with <strong>the</strong>ir peers guiding <strong>the</strong>m.<br />
Maybe you’re thinking about giving<br />
your child a smartph<strong>on</strong>e for safety<br />
reas<strong>on</strong>s. If you want your child to be<br />
able to reach you at any time and vice<br />
versa, <strong>the</strong>re are some great safe-ph<strong>on</strong>e<br />
alternatives. Some of <strong>the</strong>se ph<strong>on</strong>es<br />
allow you to text, call and see your<br />
child’s locati<strong>on</strong> with GPS without giving<br />
your child access to <strong>the</strong> internet,<br />
social media or games. Just as teens<br />
get a learner’s permit before a driver’s<br />
license, a safe ph<strong>on</strong>e can be a useful<br />
<strong>on</strong>-ramp to a smartph<strong>on</strong>e. ><br />
LISTEN NOW!<br />
Join Arlene Pellicane<br />
and Dr. Gary Chapman<br />
as <strong>the</strong>y discuss how<br />
technology affects kids.<br />
<str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g>OnThe<strong>Family</strong>.ca/Radio<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong> FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 21
KIDS & TEENS / CELLPHONES<br />
LIFE-SKILL<br />
CHECKLIST<br />
DO YOUR TEENS DO THESE<br />
TASKS ON THEIR OWN<br />
WITHOUT REMINDERS?<br />
Pers<strong>on</strong>al hygiene<br />
Laundry<br />
Cleaning<br />
Pet care<br />
Babysitting<br />
Homework<br />
Waking up <strong>on</strong> time and<br />
getting ready for school,<br />
church or activities<br />
DO YOUR TEENS HAVE A . . .<br />
budget plan (tithing,<br />
saving and spending)?<br />
part-time job, a leadership<br />
role or volunteer obligati<strong>on</strong>s?<br />
ARE YOUR TEENS ABLE TO . . .<br />
come to you when a task<br />
or situati<strong>on</strong> is too difficult?<br />
respectfully stand up<br />
for <strong>the</strong>mselves?<br />
carry <strong>on</strong> a c<strong>on</strong>versati<strong>on</strong><br />
with adults?<br />
take care of <strong>the</strong>ir<br />
pers<strong>on</strong>al items?<br />
make a grocery list?<br />
cook meals for<br />
<strong>the</strong> family?<br />
change a flat tire<br />
<strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong>ir car<br />
open and maintain<br />
a bank account?<br />
fill out paperwork<br />
at a doctor’s office?<br />
call <strong>the</strong> appropriate people<br />
for different emergencies?<br />
keep c<strong>on</strong>sistent<br />
Bible-reading and<br />
prayer times?<br />
—Kay Johns<strong>on</strong><br />
C<strong>on</strong>sider opting out<br />
As parents, we’re advocates for abstinence<br />
when we talk to our teens about<br />
sexuality. However, we take a very different<br />
approach when it comes to <strong>the</strong><br />
topic of technology. It seems inevitable<br />
that every child will get a smartph<strong>on</strong>e<br />
so<strong>on</strong>er or later, so we d<strong>on</strong>’t even c<strong>on</strong>sider<br />
opting out of giving <strong>the</strong>m <strong>on</strong>e.<br />
My s<strong>on</strong> Ethan never had a smartph<strong>on</strong>e<br />
in high school, yet he made<br />
friends, was involved in leadership<br />
positi<strong>on</strong>s and earned good grades. He<br />
eventually got his first smartph<strong>on</strong>e <strong>the</strong><br />
summer before going to college.<br />
C<strong>on</strong>trary to popular opini<strong>on</strong>, our kids<br />
can abstain from smartph<strong>on</strong>es, gaming<br />
and social media and still c<strong>on</strong>nect with<br />
friends and family. Perhaps we give our<br />
children too little credit. They are capable<br />
of much more than we think.<br />
I decided not to give my daughter,<br />
Lucy, a smartph<strong>on</strong>e for her 13th<br />
birthday. She w<strong>on</strong>’t be getting her<br />
own ph<strong>on</strong>e until her senior year, or<br />
later, and she’s actually OK with that.<br />
She’s had a fr<strong>on</strong>t-row seat watching<br />
her ph<strong>on</strong>e-free older siblings opt out<br />
of trouble and drama.<br />
Your kids might say, “Mom, Dad,<br />
d<strong>on</strong>’t you trust me?” While <strong>the</strong>y may<br />
be trustworthy, <strong>the</strong> big-tech companies<br />
that created smartph<strong>on</strong>es<br />
are not.<br />
If you have doubts about giving your<br />
child a smartph<strong>on</strong>e, opt for delaying.<br />
After all, taking away a smartph<strong>on</strong>e<br />
is much harder than not giving your<br />
child <strong>on</strong>e in <strong>the</strong> first place.<br />
Arlene Pellicane is a speaker and <strong>the</strong><br />
co-author of Screen Kids: 5 relati<strong>on</strong>al skills<br />
every child needs in a tech-driven world.<br />
22<br />
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong>
MEDIA / KIDS & TEENS<br />
UPCOMING REVIEWS<br />
For reviews of <strong>the</strong>se and o<strong>the</strong>r titles,<br />
visit PluggedIn.com, <str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g> <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> <strong>Family</strong>’s<br />
media review and discernment website.<br />
TAYLOR SWIFT: MIDNIGHTS<br />
BY ADAM HOLZ<br />
THERE AREN’T MANY MUSIC ARTISTS who wield<br />
enough fandom to generate c<strong>on</strong>gressi<strong>on</strong>al hearings,<br />
but <strong>the</strong> scramble for tickets to Taylor Swift’s<br />
world tour practically broke <strong>the</strong> internet. Senators<br />
c<strong>on</strong>vened this year to review <strong>the</strong> fiasco surrounding<br />
Ticketmaster’s inability to handle <strong>the</strong> demand.<br />
The so-called “Swifties” are <strong>on</strong>e dedicated fan base,<br />
and Taylor c<strong>on</strong>tinues to attract legi<strong>on</strong>s of young new<br />
listeners. Given her popularity, it’s no surprise that I<br />
receive many questi<strong>on</strong>s about Taylor’s latest album,<br />
Midnights.<br />
As <strong>the</strong> title suggests, Midnights is about Taylor’s<br />
thoughts and reflecti<strong>on</strong>s during sleepless nights—<br />
literally, when she’s still up at midnight. In <strong>the</strong>se new<br />
s<strong>on</strong>gs, Taylor is more reflective about life and her<br />
attempts to find meaning in romantic relati<strong>on</strong>ships.<br />
Compared to some of her earlier work, she seems<br />
less angry and cynical, more aware of what she might<br />
have d<strong>on</strong>e wr<strong>on</strong>g.<br />
That’s <strong>the</strong> good stuff. The bad stuff? Unfortunately,<br />
Taylor’s c<strong>on</strong>fessi<strong>on</strong>al approach to s<strong>on</strong>gwriting comes<br />
with a lot of baggage, too, like harsh profanity, as well<br />
as references to drugs, alcohol and physical intimacy.<br />
The result is an album that, despite some positive<br />
and introspective moments, isn’t <strong>on</strong>e that I can recommend.<br />
Even if Taylor is growing more mature in<br />
some ways, in o<strong>the</strong>r ways she seems to think “maturity”<br />
means embracing reckless and spiritually<br />
destructive choices.<br />
I understand why so many people love this undeniably<br />
talented and insightful singer. But too often,<br />
Taylor Swift isn’t a role model we’d want our kids to<br />
emulate—even if she does know how to write a really<br />
catchy s<strong>on</strong>g.<br />
THE HILL<br />
Can a young man<br />
overcome his physical<br />
disabilities and play<br />
major league baseball?<br />
SCHEDULED RELEASE: AUG. 18<br />
SEA OF STARS<br />
Does this retro-inspired game include too<br />
much mysticism for parental approval?<br />
SCHEDULED RELEASE: AUG. 29<br />
BLUE BEETLE<br />
What will a<br />
teenager do<br />
with superpowered<br />
armor<br />
provided by an<br />
alien insect?<br />
SCHEDULED RELEASE:<br />
AUG. 18<br />
Adam Holz is <strong>the</strong> director of Plugged In. He and his wife, Jennifer,<br />
have three children.<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong> FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 23
ADULT KIDS / HACKS & FACTS<br />
Helping Them Move<br />
‘WHAT CAN WE DO?’<br />
My husband and I have five adult children. We’ve helped <strong>the</strong>m<br />
move from across town to across <strong>the</strong> country, as needed. Each<br />
time, we asked <strong>the</strong>m, “How can we best help you?”<br />
When our s<strong>on</strong> Michael first moved out, he asked for everyday<br />
household items. I rummaged through our cupboards and<br />
found much of what he needed, even as I gained storage space.<br />
Sometimes our children’s requests required more of us than<br />
giving dishes or babysitting <strong>the</strong> grandkids. When our daughter<br />
Amy’s husband was deployed to Afghanistan, she stayed with<br />
us. On his return, he was transferred to North Carolina. We<br />
asked Amy how we could help her join him.<br />
She replied, “Could you drive a U-Haul?”<br />
Each move required something different from us, so it was<br />
always best to ask.<br />
—Teresa Olive<br />
our moveout<br />
account<br />
In <strong>the</strong> year following<br />
my s<strong>on</strong>’s high<br />
school graduati<strong>on</strong>,<br />
I secretly started a<br />
“moving out” account<br />
for him. To help him<br />
adjust to adulthood<br />
and <strong>the</strong> idea of managing<br />
m<strong>on</strong>thly budget<br />
resp<strong>on</strong>sibilities, we<br />
charged him a small<br />
amount for rent. He<br />
didn’t know <strong>the</strong> rent<br />
m<strong>on</strong>ey was set aside<br />
to accrue interest.<br />
When <strong>the</strong> time came<br />
for him to move out,<br />
I took him shopping<br />
with <strong>the</strong> saved m<strong>on</strong>ey.<br />
Purchasing <strong>the</strong> essentials<br />
helped set him up<br />
in his own apartment.<br />
—Pam Fields<br />
In 2022,<br />
56 %<br />
of adult children<br />
ages 18 to 22<br />
lived with <strong>the</strong>ir<br />
parents.<br />
source:<br />
U.S. Census Bureau<br />
hands-<strong>on</strong> help<br />
When our first child moved out for college, <strong>the</strong> biggest help my husband and I could offer was moral support and<br />
to just be available to answer his questi<strong>on</strong>s. Once he graduated and found a job, we again answered questi<strong>on</strong>s<br />
and offered advice when asked. We arrived with a van full of unassembled furniture as his graduati<strong>on</strong> gift, and we<br />
helped pack <strong>the</strong> final boxes from his apartment and move him to his new apartment in a new city for a new job.<br />
Then we spent two days helping to put furniture toge<strong>the</strong>r and having dinners out with him while he got settled.<br />
—Tricia Couffer<br />
STUDIO FIRMA - STOCKSY<br />
24<br />
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong>
couples<br />
“WHEN WE’RE<br />
DEFENSIVE,<br />
THE REASONS FOR OUR ACTIONS BECOME<br />
MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE RELATIONSHIP ITSELF.<br />
LEARNING TO LET GO OF<br />
DEFENSIVENESS HAPPENS<br />
WHEN THE RELATIONSHIP<br />
BECOMES MORE<br />
IMPORTANT THAN<br />
THE REASONS.”<br />
—JILL SAVAGE<br />
page 26<br />
SALLY DUNN - FOTF<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong> FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 25
COUPLES / COMMUNICATION<br />
c<strong>on</strong>versati<strong>on</strong> 2.0<br />
Improve communicati<strong>on</strong><br />
by dismantling defensiveness<br />
in your marriage<br />
BY JILL SAVAGE ILLUSTRATIONS BY SARAH WILKINS<br />
MY HUSBAND and our high school<br />
s<strong>on</strong> went for a summer bike ride. As<br />
<strong>the</strong> sun set, I kept expecting <strong>the</strong>m to<br />
ride down our driveway. When darkness<br />
fell, I texted Mark, but by that<br />
point, my communicati<strong>on</strong> was loaded<br />
with anxiety, fear and frustrati<strong>on</strong>.<br />
Mark eventually texted that <strong>the</strong>y<br />
were almost home. He could have<br />
matched my emoti<strong>on</strong>al intensity with<br />
a defensive resp<strong>on</strong>se, but he didn’t.<br />
Instead, he disarmed my emoti<strong>on</strong>s<br />
with a gentle, empa<strong>the</strong>tic resp<strong>on</strong>se and<br />
<strong>the</strong>n c<strong>on</strong>tinued <strong>the</strong> c<strong>on</strong>versati<strong>on</strong> after<br />
<strong>the</strong>y arrived home.<br />
C<strong>on</strong>flict was averted. I felt heard and<br />
valued, and our relati<strong>on</strong>ship remained<br />
intact. Over <strong>the</strong> years, Mark and I have<br />
learned to dial down defensiveness in<br />
our marriage.<br />
Better versi<strong>on</strong>s<br />
of ourselves<br />
Mark and I often say we’ve been married<br />
39 years—29 of <strong>the</strong>m happily. No,<br />
<strong>the</strong>re weren’t 10 bad years in a row.<br />
There were simply a lot of ups and<br />
downs. We’ve worked hard <strong>on</strong> our relati<strong>on</strong>ship<br />
over <strong>the</strong> years and now call<br />
ourselves Mark and Jill 2.0. Dialing<br />
down defensiveness has been a big<br />
part of this makeover.<br />
Defensiveness usually rears its<br />
ugly head when we receive what we<br />
perceive as negative feedback from<br />
our spouse. When we’re defensive,<br />
<strong>the</strong> reas<strong>on</strong>s for our acti<strong>on</strong>s become<br />
more important than <strong>the</strong> relati<strong>on</strong>ship<br />
itself. Learning to let go of defensiveness<br />
happens when <strong>the</strong> relati<strong>on</strong>ship<br />
becomes more important than <strong>the</strong><br />
reas<strong>on</strong>s.<br />
In <strong>the</strong> past, Mark likely would have<br />
defended his reas<strong>on</strong>s for c<strong>on</strong>tinuing<br />
to ride in <strong>the</strong> dark. He wouldn’t have<br />
addressed how his decisi<strong>on</strong> caused me<br />
to worry. This time, he focused <strong>on</strong> our<br />
relati<strong>on</strong>ship and let go of <strong>the</strong> reas<strong>on</strong>s.<br />
By listening and resp<strong>on</strong>ding to my fear<br />
and anxiety, he kept defensiveness out<br />
of <strong>the</strong> picture.<br />
26<br />
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong>
COMMUNICATION / COUPLES<br />
Defensive patterns<br />
Even if your spouse isn’t working <strong>on</strong> being less defensive, you can make<br />
a difference by choosing to dismantle your own defensiveness and<br />
interact differently with your partner. Here are some practical steps for<br />
dialing down defensiveness and infusing more compassi<strong>on</strong> into your marriage.<br />
LISTEN NOW!<br />
Hear how God saved Jill and<br />
Mark’s marriage after infidelity.<br />
<str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g>OnThe<strong>Family</strong>.ca/Radio<br />
Listen to understand, not to resp<strong>on</strong>d.<br />
Most of us are unskilled listeners who<br />
listen to resp<strong>on</strong>d ra<strong>the</strong>r than to understand.<br />
But listening to understand<br />
lets your spouse know she is seen,<br />
heard and valued. This doesn’t mean<br />
you can’t resp<strong>on</strong>d at some point, but<br />
working to understand your spouse’s<br />
perspective before you resp<strong>on</strong>d will<br />
help you keep defensiveness at bay.<br />
Resp<strong>on</strong>d with empathy first.<br />
A great way to express empathy for<br />
your spouse is to start with <strong>the</strong> words,<br />
“I can <strong>on</strong>ly imagine . . .” For instance, if<br />
your spouse says, “The way you just<br />
spoke to me felt like you were parenting<br />
me,” avoid a defensive resp<strong>on</strong>se<br />
like “Well, if you were resp<strong>on</strong>sible, I<br />
wouldn’t have to parent you.” Resp<strong>on</strong>d<br />
instead with empathy: “I can <strong>on</strong>ly<br />
imagine how that made you feel. Thank<br />
you for giving me that feedback.”<br />
If you need to share your<br />
perspective, save it for later.<br />
Good communicati<strong>on</strong> is rarely<br />
efficient. Instead of sharing your perspective<br />
immediately, take some time<br />
to c<strong>on</strong>sider what you’ve heard. Slowing<br />
down your resp<strong>on</strong>se time will greatly<br />
reduce defensiveness.<br />
D<strong>on</strong>’t interrupt your spouse.<br />
Interrupting your spouse is a red flag<br />
that you’re reacting defensively. Let<br />
your spouse finish his thoughts, using<br />
<strong>the</strong> self-c<strong>on</strong>trol God has given you to<br />
listen well and seek to understand.<br />
Proverbs 18:2 says, “A fool takes no<br />
pleasure in understanding, but <strong>on</strong>ly in<br />
expressing his opini<strong>on</strong>.” And Proverbs<br />
18:13 tells us, “If <strong>on</strong>e gives an answer<br />
before he hears, it is his folly and<br />
shame.” The Bible has a lot to say about<br />
<strong>the</strong> importance of listening.<br />
Reflect back what you heard.<br />
To make sure you’re listening to understand,<br />
repeat what you think your<br />
spouse is saying: “What I hear you<br />
saying is . . .” Then ask “Is that right?”<br />
Invite your spouse to share more fully<br />
by asking if <strong>the</strong>re’s anything else that<br />
needs to be said. This keeps defensiveness<br />
from creeping in and helps you<br />
focus <strong>on</strong> understanding.<br />
Most importantly, talk to God and<br />
seek His wisdom before talking with<br />
your spouse. When I do this, I often<br />
find I need to work something out in<br />
my heart with God, and I d<strong>on</strong>’t even<br />
need to have a c<strong>on</strong>versati<strong>on</strong> with my<br />
husband. When I realize that I do need<br />
to talk with Mark, I handle it better<br />
when I’ve talked to God first.<br />
Dialing into God’s perspective and<br />
infinite wisdom is <strong>the</strong> absolute best<br />
way to dial down defensiveness.<br />
Jill Savage and her husband, Mark, are <strong>the</strong><br />
authors of No More Perfect Marriages.<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong> FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 27
COUPLES / BOUNDARIES<br />
boundaries in marriage<br />
How to set marriage-streng<strong>the</strong>ning<br />
boundaries with your spouse<br />
BY VICKI HOOPER<br />
BOUNDARIES ARE an expressi<strong>on</strong><br />
of values. They define what I will do<br />
and w<strong>on</strong>’t do; what I allow and d<strong>on</strong>’t<br />
allow; what is okay and not okay for me.<br />
When d<strong>on</strong>e well in marriage, boundaries<br />
also create a sense of safety and<br />
freedom for both spouses. Healthy<br />
boundaries help us become who God<br />
designed us to be and allow our marriages<br />
to be as he intended.<br />
All healthy marriages have boundaries;<br />
unhealthy marriages d<strong>on</strong>’t.<br />
Some of us may avoid boundaries<br />
because we believe that love means<br />
we shouldn’t have boundaries at all.<br />
Or perhaps we’re afraid boundaries<br />
will <strong>on</strong>ly limit and divide us. However,<br />
boundaries exist in all areas of our<br />
lives and are <strong>the</strong>re to keep us safe.<br />
Think about stop signs and traffic lights,<br />
SIGN UP NOW!<br />
Vicki Hooper and Wayne Reed<br />
explain how you and your spouse<br />
can improve communicati<strong>on</strong><br />
and c<strong>on</strong>flict resoluti<strong>on</strong> in this<br />
seven-part video series.<br />
<str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g>OnThe<strong>Family</strong>.ca/<br />
EnrichYourMarriage<br />
work hours and budgets, schedules<br />
and property lines—life goes better<br />
with <strong>the</strong>se boundaries in place.<br />
Are boundaries biblical?<br />
The Bible is full of boundaries. God<br />
told Adam and Eve to not eat from<br />
that specific tree. He gave <strong>the</strong> people<br />
of Israel <strong>the</strong> 10 commandments.<br />
The book of Proverbs is full of ideas<br />
for creating boundaries. For example,<br />
Proverbs 25:17 advises us: “Seldom<br />
set foot in your neighbor’s house—too<br />
much of you and <strong>the</strong>y will hate you.”<br />
When Jesus lived <strong>on</strong> earth, he had<br />
his own set of boundaries. He knew he<br />
needed time away from people to rest<br />
(Mark 6:30-32), to be with <strong>the</strong> Fa<strong>the</strong>r,<br />
to grieve (Mat<strong>the</strong>w 14:1-3), and to<br />
make decisi<strong>on</strong>s (Luke 6:12-13). In Luke<br />
4:28-30, when Jesus declared he was<br />
<strong>the</strong> Messiah and <strong>the</strong> people, believing<br />
he was a heretic, angrily forced him<br />
to <strong>the</strong> edge of a cliff with <strong>the</strong> intenti<strong>on</strong><br />
of pushing him off, we read, “but he<br />
passed through <strong>the</strong> crowd and went <strong>on</strong><br />
his way.” He set a boundary that said,<br />
“You will not do this to me.”<br />
What are boundaries<br />
in marriage?<br />
Boundaries are vital to a healthy<br />
marriage, and <strong>the</strong>y h<strong>on</strong>our <strong>the</strong> two<br />
individuals in <strong>the</strong> relati<strong>on</strong>ship. A<br />
boundary tells my spouse what I desire<br />
and what will help me feel loved and<br />
safe in our relati<strong>on</strong>ship. For example,<br />
I am an introvert. I am not a morning<br />
pers<strong>on</strong> and my brain does not come<br />
<strong>on</strong>line first thing in <strong>the</strong> morning. Thus,<br />
I have set a simple boundary with<br />
David, my extroverted husband: No<br />
deep <strong>the</strong>ological or intellectual c<strong>on</strong>versati<strong>on</strong>s<br />
first thing in <strong>the</strong> morning.<br />
When that boundary is kept, <strong>the</strong> morning<br />
is more enjoyable for both of us.<br />
When it’s crossed, it may be humorous<br />
for David because I d<strong>on</strong>’t make sense,<br />
but I’ll say things I regret and feel foolish<br />
and frustrated. This boundary<br />
creates safety for me in our relati<strong>on</strong>ship,<br />
and it allows David to know more<br />
about me.<br />
Some boundaries are made by each<br />
spouse and some we make toge<strong>the</strong>r<br />
for <strong>the</strong> health of our relati<strong>on</strong>ship. For<br />
example, in regard to finances, some<br />
couples set a limit for pers<strong>on</strong>al spending—if<br />
ei<strong>the</strong>r spouse wants to purchase<br />
an item over $100, <strong>the</strong>y talk about it<br />
first. There are boundaries to protect<br />
our relati<strong>on</strong>ship where we agree to<br />
not have individual friendships with<br />
some<strong>on</strong>e of <strong>the</strong> opposite sex—<strong>the</strong>se<br />
boundaries create safety and a sense of<br />
security for our marriage.<br />
AJIJCHAN - ISTOCK<br />
28<br />
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong>
Why boundaries are a big deal 02<br />
How to set marriage-streng<strong>the</strong>ning boundaries with your spouse 04<br />
How boundaries with your extended family can improve your marriage 06<br />
How to set healthy boundaries with kids and teens 08<br />
Redrawing boundaries with adult children 10<br />
How to navigate get-toge<strong>the</strong>rs with difficult family 12<br />
Additi<strong>on</strong>al resources 14<br />
BOUNDARIES / COUPLES<br />
Healthy Marriage Model<br />
At Hope Restored marriage intensives,<br />
we teach couples <strong>the</strong> Healthy Marriage<br />
Model. This is a guide when it comes to<br />
setting healthy boundaries in marriage.<br />
There are three primary boundaries in<br />
a marriage: my yard, my spouse’s yard<br />
and our covenant marriage boundary.<br />
Each pers<strong>on</strong> has a boundary of pers<strong>on</strong>al<br />
resp<strong>on</strong>sibility, and we call it “my<br />
yard.” This is my pers<strong>on</strong>al space where<br />
I am resp<strong>on</strong>sible for my acti<strong>on</strong>s and<br />
how o<strong>the</strong>r people treat me, as well as<br />
caring for myself emoti<strong>on</strong>ally, spiritually,<br />
physically, and mentally. When<br />
<strong>on</strong>e of those areas is unhealthy, I am<br />
pers<strong>on</strong>ally resp<strong>on</strong>sible to do something<br />
about it and to set boundaries<br />
for myself. My spouse cannot make a<br />
boundary for me; it is my job.<br />
Here are some examples of pers<strong>on</strong>al<br />
boundaries:<br />
• I will exercise daily for 30 minutes.<br />
• I will have a daily prayer time.<br />
• I will not ignore emoti<strong>on</strong>al hurts<br />
but will talk about <strong>the</strong>m respectfully.<br />
• I will not work past 6 p.m.<br />
• I will commit to healthy eating.<br />
We make pers<strong>on</strong>al boundaries to<br />
establish healthy friendships, work<br />
limitati<strong>on</strong>s, time for ourselves, etc.<br />
Generally, <strong>the</strong>y are not set to keep<br />
people out, but to care well for myself<br />
so that I can engage in relati<strong>on</strong>ships<br />
wholeheartedly.<br />
Healthy Marriage Model<br />
However, if a relati<strong>on</strong>ship is abusive<br />
or hurtful, str<strong>on</strong>ger boundaries<br />
are necessary: I will not allow you to<br />
yell, swear and call me names, and<br />
when that happens, I will leave <strong>the</strong><br />
house. If this boundary is crossed or<br />
not respected, <strong>the</strong>re are acti<strong>on</strong>s you<br />
can take. First, restate <strong>the</strong> boundary or<br />
remind your spouse calmly and clearly<br />
of what you desire. Next, discuss <strong>the</strong><br />
c<strong>on</strong>sequences for when a boundary is<br />
crossed over and over. And lastly, follow<br />
through with <strong>the</strong> c<strong>on</strong>sequences.<br />
I cannot enter my spouse’s yard or<br />
cross <strong>the</strong>ir boundary without <strong>the</strong>ir permissi<strong>on</strong>.<br />
Too often spouses have falsely<br />
believed that <strong>on</strong> our wedding day, saying<br />
“I do” means “I can,” giving me<br />
permissi<strong>on</strong> to tell my spouse what to<br />
do or who to be. My spouse’s yard is a<br />
sacred place and not even God enters<br />
it without permissi<strong>on</strong>—he sees it as<br />
free will.<br />
When a couple interacts, <strong>the</strong>y d<strong>on</strong>’t<br />
go into each o<strong>the</strong>r’s yards, <strong>the</strong>y enter<br />
an interactive space where <strong>the</strong>y do<br />
things toge<strong>the</strong>r and build <strong>the</strong>ir relati<strong>on</strong>ship<br />
by talking, playing, working<br />
toge<strong>the</strong>r, being intimate, etc. C<strong>on</strong>flict<br />
occurs here, but it is also where, as a<br />
couple, <strong>the</strong>y set boundaries toge<strong>the</strong>r<br />
for <strong>the</strong> health and safety of <strong>the</strong>ir<br />
marriage. Toge<strong>the</strong>r, spouses decide<br />
boundaries for finances, communicati<strong>on</strong>,<br />
relati<strong>on</strong>ships, children, intimacy,<br />
recreati<strong>on</strong>, work, privacy and in-laws.<br />
Respectful boundaries that h<strong>on</strong>our<br />
each spouse will allow you both<br />
to relax, feel safe and love each o<strong>the</strong>r<br />
well, and in turn, this streng<strong>the</strong>ns <strong>the</strong><br />
covenant marriage boundary, creating<br />
security for <strong>the</strong> relati<strong>on</strong>ship.<br />
How to create and<br />
maintain boundaries<br />
When c<strong>on</strong>sidering pers<strong>on</strong>al boundaries,<br />
I want to ask myself some<br />
questi<strong>on</strong>s: What is important to me?<br />
What do I value? What boundaries<br />
will help me feel safe, and to relax and<br />
engage more freely in my marriage?<br />
Mutual boundaries are set to create<br />
safety and security for both spouses,<br />
so first take time to talk about what<br />
is important to each of you. Ask each<br />
o<strong>the</strong>r: What boundaries will protect<br />
and enrich our marriage? It’s likely you<br />
already have some, but a discussi<strong>on</strong><br />
toge<strong>the</strong>r will help build understanding<br />
and prevent any c<strong>on</strong>fusi<strong>on</strong> in <strong>the</strong> future.<br />
Boundaries, both pers<strong>on</strong>al and<br />
mutual, are expressi<strong>on</strong>s of our values.<br />
They encourage us to build a healthy<br />
relati<strong>on</strong>ship and to feel safe and secure<br />
in <strong>the</strong> marriage. If boundaries are difficult<br />
for you to make or keep, find a<br />
trusted o<strong>the</strong>r, such as a counsellor,<br />
to help.<br />
Vicki Hooper is a Certified Clinical Counsellor<br />
at <str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g> <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> <strong>Family</strong> Canada’s Hope<br />
Restored marriage intensives.<br />
Understanding<br />
Healthy<br />
Boundaries<br />
UNDERSTANDING HEALTHY<br />
BOUNDARIES<br />
In this free PDF booklet, you will find<br />
practical, biblically based advice for<br />
setting boundaries in marriage, as a<br />
parent and with in-laws.<br />
<str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g>OnThe<strong>Family</strong>.ca/BoundariesPDF<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong> FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 29
COUPLES / COMMITMENT<br />
Marcy and Dev Gregg<br />
CREDIT TK<br />
30<br />
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong>
CREDIT TK<br />
CANDID PHOTOS COURTESY OF THE GREGG FAMILY<br />
‘I’M MARRIED?’<br />
Piecing toge<strong>the</strong>r my life could <strong>on</strong>ly be<br />
d<strong>on</strong>e with my husband’s help—a husband<br />
of whom I had no memory<br />
BY MARCY GREGG AS TOLD TO MARGOT STARBUCK<br />
PHOTOGRAPHY BY BRITTANY CRUSE<br />
Dating at Sou<strong>the</strong>rn Methodist University, 1977<br />
COMMITMENT / COUPLES<br />
Wedding, 1980<br />
“THE PATIENT’S NAME IS MARCY GREGG.”<br />
I awoke to those words in an unfamiliar room. Where am I?<br />
Rhythmic beeping in <strong>the</strong> background signaled that I was in <strong>the</strong><br />
hospital. When I tried to move my arms, I realized my wrists<br />
were strapped down. I struggled to focus my eyes <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> wall<br />
clock facing my bed, but I was unable to discern <strong>the</strong> time.<br />
Exhausted, I drifted back to sleep. The next time I opened<br />
my eyes, two nurses in blue scrubs stood at my bedside.<br />
“Marcy, we’re so glad to see you’re doing better.”<br />
Marcy. The name didn’t ring a bell.<br />
Checking my vitals, a nurse announced, “Your husband was<br />
here when you first woke up.”<br />
Husband?<br />
“He’ll be back so<strong>on</strong>,” <strong>the</strong> nurse said.<br />
Before I could speak, a doctor came in to evaluate me. His<br />
words sounded absurd: I had apparently just given birth to a<br />
healthy baby girl.<br />
A baby? But I’m a virgin.<br />
N<strong>on</strong>e of this makes sense. ><br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong> FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 31
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32<br />
Reacquainted<br />
I was 30 years old when I emerged<br />
from a coma in 1990, believing I was<br />
still 17 and had just entered college.<br />
Stunned, I was c<strong>on</strong>fused by everything<br />
around me. I’d later learn that during<br />
<strong>the</strong> delivery of my third child, I’d c<strong>on</strong>tracted<br />
an infecti<strong>on</strong> that traveled<br />
through my bloodstream to my brain,<br />
causing me to slip into a coma.<br />
After <strong>the</strong> doctor had left, a young<br />
bl<strong>on</strong>d man entered my room wearing<br />
khakis and a butt<strong>on</strong>-down polo. I<br />
didn’t recognize him, but he looked<br />
as if he hadn’t slept in days. Planting a<br />
kiss <strong>on</strong> my forehead, he reached for my<br />
hand, holding it gently. I glimpsed a<br />
gold wedding ring <strong>on</strong> his finger.<br />
He’s married. Is he . . . ?<br />
Noticing my c<strong>on</strong>fusi<strong>on</strong>, <strong>the</strong> man told<br />
me that I was his wife. He told me about<br />
Callie, our new baby girl. About two<br />
more children at home, s<strong>on</strong>s named<br />
Casen and C<strong>on</strong>ner. I had no memories<br />
of anything <strong>the</strong> man said, but I could<br />
tell that he cared deeply for me.<br />
The man pulled a few photos from<br />
his pocket and taped <strong>the</strong>m to <strong>the</strong><br />
bedrail. I tried to focus my gaze, but<br />
my visi<strong>on</strong> was too blurry to see <strong>the</strong><br />
two bl<strong>on</strong>d-haired little boys smiling<br />
from ear to ear. He c<strong>on</strong>tinued to show<br />
photos to me, explaining each of <strong>the</strong><br />
smiling faces. Nothing. I had no recollecti<strong>on</strong><br />
but forced a smile.<br />
Could this be my life?<br />
When my parents and sister visited,<br />
looking several years older than<br />
how I’d remembered <strong>the</strong>m, <strong>the</strong> two<br />
c<strong>on</strong>firmed that all <strong>the</strong> man’s stories<br />
about my life were true. So although<br />
I had no memory of <strong>the</strong> previous 13<br />
years—<strong>the</strong> wedding, <strong>the</strong> births of our<br />
two s<strong>on</strong>s and daughter, our friends,<br />
our home in a new state—within a<br />
few days <strong>the</strong> man in <strong>the</strong> khakis, who<br />
I learned was named Dev, quickly<br />
became my ally and my anchor. And<br />
with Dev’s unwitting help, I largely hid<br />
<strong>the</strong> void in my memory from family,<br />
friends, neighbors—and even him. I let<br />
Dev c<strong>on</strong>tinue thinking that it was taking<br />
time for me to remember, not that<br />
<strong>the</strong>re was a black hole in my memory.<br />
Once I was well enough to leave <strong>the</strong><br />
ICU and settle into a private room, I<br />
tried again to focus <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> pictures at<br />
my bedside, frantically searching my<br />
mind for any small memory that I could<br />
latch <strong>on</strong> to before my two boys came<br />
to visit. (Callie, still in <strong>the</strong> nursery, was<br />
being cared for by hospital staff.)<br />
Before l<strong>on</strong>g, two little boys, <strong>the</strong> <strong>on</strong>es<br />
pictured, cautiously entered <strong>the</strong> room.<br />
I recognized <strong>the</strong>m from <strong>the</strong> photos,<br />
and while I had no recollecti<strong>on</strong> of<br />
<strong>the</strong>ir births or of rocking <strong>the</strong>m to sleep<br />
or reading bedtime stories, I knew in<br />
my heart that <strong>the</strong>se darling boys were<br />
my s<strong>on</strong>s.<br />
Keeping up appearances<br />
My parents also didn’t know <strong>the</strong> extent<br />
of my memory loss, but I knew I’d<br />
need help <strong>on</strong>ce home with baby Callie.<br />
One day, when I gave my daughter a<br />
thick medicati<strong>on</strong> from an oral syringe,<br />
little Callie began choking. I screamed<br />
for help, and my mo<strong>the</strong>r scooped <strong>the</strong><br />
infant into her arms. I ran into my bedroom<br />
to call <strong>the</strong> paramedics, but I<br />
didn’t know what to dial.<br />
Terrified, I shouted, “Mom, what’s<br />
<strong>the</strong> number?”<br />
I had my secrets, but it was obvious<br />
that <strong>the</strong> adjustment to family life was<br />
difficult. I knew I wasn’t doing a good<br />
job as a mom or as a wife.<br />
A marriage<br />
coming into view<br />
I wasn’t <strong>the</strong> <strong>on</strong>ly <strong>on</strong>e struggling during<br />
that time. While I was in <strong>the</strong> coma,<br />
Dev was terrified and w<strong>on</strong>dered if I<br />
was going to die. We had two kids at<br />
home and a newborn at <strong>the</strong> hospital.<br />
He feared that he’d be left to raise<br />
<strong>the</strong>m by himself.<br />
After returning to a life I didn’t<br />
remember, I c<strong>on</strong>tinued to learn life
COMMITMENT / COUPLES<br />
Meeting baby sister, 1990<br />
Christmas, 1991<br />
CANDID PHOTOS COURTESY OF THE GREGG FAMILY<br />
skills—like learning how to call 9-1-1<br />
and how to navigate to <strong>the</strong> nearby grocery<br />
store. I also kept up <strong>the</strong> act of<br />
recognizing friends and neighbors.<br />
Worn thin by <strong>the</strong> ruse, and by <strong>the</strong> hectic<br />
life of a young family, I always felt<br />
apprehensive. Dev c<strong>on</strong>tinued to pray<br />
for my memories to return, but I eventually<br />
stopped asking God for healing.<br />
So when a friend suggested taking<br />
<strong>the</strong> edge off my anxiety with a glass of<br />
wine, I reas<strong>on</strong>ed that it couldn’t hurt.<br />
Surrender<br />
What began as <strong>on</strong>e glass of wine with<br />
dinner led to regularly slipping into <strong>the</strong><br />
kitchen at night after Dev had g<strong>on</strong>e to<br />
sleep to open a fresh bottle. In a cruel<br />
twist of ir<strong>on</strong>y, I drank to forget what<br />
I couldn’t remember. So<strong>on</strong> a vicious<br />
cycle of regrets and resoluti<strong>on</strong>s left me<br />
feeling c<strong>on</strong>victed and ashamed.<br />
One cool December evening in our<br />
backyard, after seven years of trying<br />
to numb <strong>the</strong> pain, I felt God’s voice<br />
speaking gently to my heart, affirming<br />
His love and asking me to trust Him.<br />
Opening <strong>the</strong> Bible I’d gotten from<br />
my mom years ago, I read a passage<br />
she had underlined and dated: “Trust<br />
in <strong>the</strong> Lord with all your heart, and<br />
do not lean <strong>on</strong> your own understanding.<br />
In all your ways acknowledge<br />
him, and he will make straight your<br />
paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6). When I had<br />
left for college, I’d sensed God speaking<br />
through those words, inviting me<br />
to trust Him with my life. And <strong>on</strong> that<br />
December evening more than two<br />
decades later, I knew God was speaking<br />
to me again, calling me to place my<br />
trust in Him.<br />
It was a different kind of trust this<br />
time. I knew that God was asking me to<br />
surrender both my hope for recovering<br />
lost memories and <strong>the</strong> alcohol I was<br />
using to soo<strong>the</strong> my aching heart. That<br />
night, I began to really trust God again.<br />
And He’s given me <strong>the</strong> strength and<br />
resolve to live a life of recovery. Last<br />
year, I picked up my 25-year sobriety<br />
chip.<br />
I still worked to bring memories to<br />
<strong>the</strong> surface—looking through photo<br />
albums, sifting through old boxes of<br />
memorabilia in <strong>the</strong> attic—but <strong>the</strong><br />
memories never came. And even<br />
though I grew to love Dev and <strong>the</strong><br />
kids and settled into a life of marriage<br />
and mo<strong>the</strong>rhood, I hadn’t admitted<br />
to any<strong>on</strong>e close to me that my memory<br />
of those lost years never returned.<br />
It wasn’t until I sought to quit drinking<br />
><br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong> FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 33
COUPLES / COMMITMENT<br />
Left: <strong>Family</strong> trip to <strong>the</strong> beach, 1997<br />
Right: Dev and Marcy in fr<strong>on</strong>t of <strong>on</strong>e of her paintings<br />
that I opened up to Dev about <strong>the</strong><br />
extent of my memory loss and pain.<br />
Throughout my early recovery, and<br />
even my drinking, Dev never stopped<br />
praying for me.<br />
In <strong>the</strong> hospital, when he’d had no<br />
sleep, he stayed <strong>the</strong>re. Dev kept coming<br />
back and kept coming back. And<br />
throughout my drinking, he never gave<br />
up and kept loving me.<br />
Stroke of a paintbrush<br />
Eighteen years after <strong>the</strong> coma, I had<br />
an intense urge to paint. Dev said he<br />
wasn’t surprised, knowing that I had<br />
majored in studio art in college and<br />
was often covered in paint during<br />
those years. I didn’t know why I’d given<br />
it up—ano<strong>the</strong>r lost memory—but I<br />
c<strong>on</strong>cluded a busy family life might<br />
have been <strong>the</strong> reas<strong>on</strong>. After taking<br />
some art classes, I rediscovered a l<strong>on</strong>glost<br />
passi<strong>on</strong> for oil painting.<br />
Today, I see how God is at work<br />
through my art. The abstract style I<br />
use requires multiple layers of paint<br />
<strong>on</strong> canvas, and <strong>on</strong>e day I sensed that<br />
God was speaking to me as I looked at<br />
an unfinished piece. I recognized that<br />
He’s <strong>the</strong> master artist. Every layer matters.<br />
Nothing is wasted. God is working<br />
every layer of our lives toge<strong>the</strong>r for<br />
good (Romans 8:28).<br />
Dev leans <strong>on</strong> ano<strong>the</strong>r Bible passage<br />
that means a lot to him.<br />
“Count it all joy, my bro<strong>the</strong>rs, when<br />
you meet trials of various kinds, for you<br />
know that <strong>the</strong> testing of your faith produces<br />
steadfastness” (James 1:2-3).<br />
Dev would never say that our trials<br />
were a joyful thing to go through, but<br />
he sees that God had real purpose for<br />
saving me and our marriage.<br />
Five years ago, I discovered I suffer<br />
from rheumatoid arthritis. After<br />
six surgeries, <strong>the</strong> debilitating disease<br />
has impacted my work as an oil<br />
painter. But Dev and I still cling to <strong>the</strong>se<br />
verses when life’s big problems seem<br />
insurmountable.<br />
Not al<strong>on</strong>e<br />
As lifel<strong>on</strong>g travel compani<strong>on</strong>s, Dev and<br />
I have raised children toge<strong>the</strong>r and are<br />
now welcoming grandchildren. We also<br />
share life with six o<strong>the</strong>r couples who we<br />
lovingly refer to as “friends like family.”<br />
When Dev and I c<strong>on</strong>sider where we<br />
are now, he’s quick to point out that<br />
we’d be completely lost without our<br />
faith in <strong>the</strong> Lord and a str<strong>on</strong>g spiritual<br />
support system.<br />
Despite <strong>the</strong> beautiful trajectory of<br />
our story, <strong>the</strong>re are still losses.<br />
Dev and I lost a comm<strong>on</strong> thread<br />
that most couples have. We d<strong>on</strong>’t have<br />
<strong>the</strong> shared memory of dating, getting<br />
engaged, getting married or having our<br />
children. And for me, that is a real loss.<br />
Yet we marvel at God’s faithfulness—hardship<br />
and victory blending<br />
like paint <strong>on</strong> canvas—with each layer<br />
serving a purpose. And we’re careful to<br />
ensure that each layer we’ve endured<br />
is not wasted.<br />
Margot Starbuck is a graduate of Westm<strong>on</strong>t<br />
College and Princet<strong>on</strong> Seminary, and is <strong>the</strong><br />
award-winning writer of more than 30 books.<br />
She especially treasures <strong>the</strong> privilege of writing<br />
al<strong>on</strong>gside athletes, entertainers and overcomers.<br />
BLANK CANVAS<br />
by Marcy Gregg<br />
When Marcy awoke from a coma, 13 years<br />
had vanished from her memory. Terrified<br />
and c<strong>on</strong>fused, she did <strong>the</strong> <strong>on</strong>ly thing<br />
she could think of: She faked it. Marcy<br />
bluffed her way through doctor appointments<br />
and visits from friends and family.<br />
It worked: She was released to a home,<br />
family and life that was hers—but felt<br />
like a stranger’s.<br />
Shop.<str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g>OnThe<strong>Family</strong>.ca<br />
PHOTOS COURTESY OF THE GREGG FAMILY<br />
34<br />
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong>
faith &<br />
inspirati<strong>on</strong><br />
“THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY BOMBARDS<br />
US WITH OBVIOUS AND SUBTLE<br />
MESSAGES. WHAT’S SCARY IS THAT<br />
WE OFTEN DON’T RECOGNIZE<br />
THEM AS WORLDVIEWS OR NOTICE<br />
HOW THEY SKEW OUR THINKING.”<br />
—PLUGGED IN<br />
page 40<br />
SALLY DUNN - FOTF<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong> FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 35
FAITH & INSPIRATION / MINISTRY HIGHLIGHT<br />
25th Anniversary<br />
BOUNDLESS<br />
BOUNDLESS<br />
25 years of reaching young adults<br />
A QUARTER-CENTURY AGO, <strong>the</strong><br />
internet had little resemblance to <strong>the</strong><br />
digital landscape we know today. The<br />
words social and media didn’t bel<strong>on</strong>g<br />
toge<strong>the</strong>r. Facebook, YouTube and<br />
Instagram were years away from c<strong>on</strong>cepti<strong>on</strong>.<br />
Telling some<strong>on</strong>e to “google<br />
it” would have been incomprehensible<br />
gibberish.<br />
BY SCOTT JOHNSON<br />
Even in those early days of web surfing,<br />
<strong>the</strong> internet was fertile ground for<br />
ministry. On Sept. 1, 1998, <str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g> <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong><br />
<strong>Family</strong> launched Boundless, a groundbreaking<br />
entry into <strong>the</strong> world of <strong>on</strong>line<br />
publicati<strong>on</strong>s known as webzines.<br />
The idea came from Candice Watters<br />
and her husband, Steve, who had<br />
created <strong>the</strong>ir own webzine while in<br />
graduate school. After <strong>the</strong> couple were<br />
hired at <str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g> <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> <strong>Family</strong>, <strong>the</strong>y<br />
pitched Boundless to <strong>the</strong> ministry’s<br />
leadership as a new outreach to college<br />
students.<br />
“Boundless was a joint effort to be<br />
sure,” Candice says. “I had <strong>the</strong> drive and<br />
chutzpah to get it d<strong>on</strong>e. Steve had <strong>the</strong><br />
brains and strategy to get it d<strong>on</strong>e right.”<br />
SALLY DUNN-FOTF, INK DROP-ADOBE STOCK, ARUNO-ADOBE STOCK, NISA-ADOBE STOCK<br />
36<br />
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong>
MINISTRY HIGHLIGHT / FAITH & INSPIRATION<br />
TUNE IN TO “THE BOUNDLESS SHOW,” CHECK OUT THE BLOG POSTS,<br />
SIGN UP FOR THE WEEKLY E-NEWSLETTER AND MORE.<br />
Boundless.org<br />
INK DROP-ADOBE STOCK, ARUNO-ADOBE STOCK<br />
Once <strong>the</strong> project was approved,<br />
Candice took <strong>the</strong> role of Boundless editor.<br />
She and Steve found experts to pen<br />
a lineup of rotating columns, which<br />
included “Ask <strong>the</strong> Professor,” “M<strong>on</strong>ey<br />
Talk” and “Bey<strong>on</strong>d Buddies.” Feature<br />
articles covered spiritual development,<br />
campus c<strong>on</strong>troversies and dating<br />
questi<strong>on</strong>s.<br />
“From <strong>the</strong> start, our visi<strong>on</strong> was to<br />
encourage young adults in <strong>the</strong> seas<strong>on</strong><br />
between <strong>the</strong> home <strong>the</strong>y grew up in and<br />
forming a home of <strong>the</strong>ir own,” Candice<br />
says. “We wanted to equip <strong>the</strong>m with<br />
articles related to <strong>the</strong>ir life stage.”<br />
Expanded outreach<br />
Boundless was an instant hit. Many<br />
topics sparked lively back-and-forth<br />
interacti<strong>on</strong>s am<strong>on</strong>g readers who used<br />
<strong>the</strong> comments secti<strong>on</strong> attached to<br />
articles. Those comments, filled with<br />
advice, words of encouragement and<br />
pers<strong>on</strong>al testim<strong>on</strong>ies, could c<strong>on</strong>tinue<br />
to generate resp<strong>on</strong>ses until users were<br />
scrolling through multiple pages to<br />
read <strong>the</strong>m all.<br />
As <strong>the</strong> popularity of Boundless grew,<br />
<strong>the</strong> team came up with new ways to<br />
expand <strong>the</strong>ir reach. First, <strong>the</strong>y shifted<br />
<strong>the</strong>ir target audience from college students<br />
to <strong>the</strong> 20- and 30-something<br />
young professi<strong>on</strong>al so <strong>the</strong>y could<br />
address topics such as work, pers<strong>on</strong>al<br />
finances, marriage prep and more.<br />
They held c<strong>on</strong>ferences and developed<br />
specialized resources, including two<br />
“guides to marrying well”—<strong>on</strong>e for men<br />
and <strong>on</strong>e for women. In 2006 <strong>the</strong>y added<br />
a blog to <strong>the</strong> Boundless brand. Two<br />
years later, <strong>the</strong>y launched <str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g> <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong><br />
<strong>Family</strong>’s first podcast, “The Boundless<br />
Show.” Lisa Anders<strong>on</strong>, who was working<br />
in media relati<strong>on</strong>s for <str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g> <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong><br />
<strong>Family</strong>, was tapped as <strong>the</strong> host.<br />
“Who in <strong>the</strong> world was podcasting<br />
back <strong>the</strong>n?” Lisa asks. But when asked<br />
if she’d take <strong>the</strong> reins to “The Boundless<br />
Show,” Lisa replied, “I’ll give it a whirl.”<br />
Staying relevant<br />
Candice and Steve have since moved<br />
<strong>on</strong> to callings outside of <str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g> <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong><br />
<strong>Family</strong>. Lisa, who c<strong>on</strong>tinues hosting<br />
“The Boundless Show,” also serves as<br />
<strong>the</strong> director of Boundless and <strong>the</strong> ministry’s<br />
Young Adults outreach. One<br />
thing that hasn’t changed is how <strong>the</strong><br />
Boundless team pays attenti<strong>on</strong> to<br />
shifting cultural trends.<br />
“When <str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g> started in 1977, <strong>the</strong><br />
average marrying age was 21 for<br />
females, 23 for males,” Lisa says. “You<br />
graduated high school and probably<br />
went to college. After college you<br />
immediately got married and started<br />
a family. It was very assumptive, and<br />
your peers were doing <strong>the</strong> same thing.”<br />
Today, many adults spend most or<br />
all of <strong>the</strong>ir 20s as singles. But married<br />
or unmarried, young adults are facing<br />
different sets of life challenges.<br />
“Some of <strong>the</strong> most comm<strong>on</strong> c<strong>on</strong>cerns<br />
we hear are ‘How do I make<br />
and keep friends?’ and ‘How do<br />
I go deeper in friendship?’ ” Lisa<br />
says. “Relati<strong>on</strong>ships with housemates,<br />
co-workers and parents are all topics<br />
of interest.”<br />
56 %<br />
OF MILLENNIALS<br />
ARE MARRIED<br />
While today’s audience is dealing<br />
with many of <strong>the</strong> same cultural issues<br />
that young people were dealing with<br />
25 years ago, Boundless has added<br />
c<strong>on</strong>temporary discussi<strong>on</strong> topics to<br />
<strong>the</strong> lineup. The team routinely fields<br />
questi<strong>on</strong>s about gender ideology, <strong>the</strong><br />
pitfalls of social media and interacting<br />
with LGBT friends and family members.<br />
Lisa also recognizes <strong>the</strong> need to<br />
address <strong>the</strong> trend of declining church<br />
involvement and attendance am<strong>on</strong>g<br />
young adults.<br />
“Boundless is not your church,” Lisa<br />
tells her audience. “You need to get<br />
into a local c<strong>on</strong>gregati<strong>on</strong> where some<strong>on</strong>e<br />
has eyes <strong>on</strong> you, helping disciple<br />
you and mentor you. And born out of<br />
that is service, community, missi<strong>on</strong><br />
and sharing your faith.”<br />
Twenty-five years and thousands of<br />
articles, podcasts and blog posts later,<br />
<strong>the</strong> goal at Boundless remains true: to<br />
grow up biblically literate and passi<strong>on</strong>ate<br />
disciples of Jesus Christ who are<br />
equipped to navigate this seas<strong>on</strong> of life<br />
with c<strong>on</strong>fidence and joy.<br />
“Single or married, you have a lot of<br />
living to do as a follower of Christ,” Lisa<br />
says. “Let us be that community for<br />
you—and let’s have fun in<br />
<strong>the</strong> process.”<br />
Scott Johns<strong>on</strong> is a senior writer in <strong>the</strong><br />
Ministry Values divisi<strong>on</strong> at <str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g> <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> <strong>Family</strong>.<br />
28%<br />
OF MILLENNIALS<br />
ATTEND CHURCH<br />
AT LEAST<br />
ONCE A WEEK<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong> FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 37<br />
source: Pew Research
25th Anniversary<br />
<strong>2023</strong><br />
SEPTEMBER <strong>2023</strong><br />
25th anniversary of Boundless<br />
JANUARY <strong>2023</strong><br />
15th anniversary of<br />
“The Boundless Show”<br />
AUGUST 2017<br />
500th episode of<br />
“The Boundless Show”<br />
2018<br />
2016<br />
AUGUST 2015<br />
The Dating Manifesto by<br />
Lisa Anders<strong>on</strong> is published<br />
JUNE 2018<br />
Lisa Anders<strong>on</strong><br />
featured <strong>on</strong><br />
cover of <str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g><br />
<strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> <strong>Family</strong><br />
magazine<br />
AUGUST 2014<br />
Boundless “Pursuit”<br />
c<strong>on</strong>ference held<br />
in Colorado<br />
OCTOBER 2014<br />
“The Boundless<br />
Show” airs <strong>on</strong><br />
more than 300<br />
U.S. radio stati<strong>on</strong>s<br />
SEPTEMBER 2012<br />
Listed in Blog Rank’s top<br />
50 Christianity blogs<br />
2014<br />
2012<br />
DECEMBER 2011<br />
200th episode of<br />
“The Boundless<br />
Show”<br />
JANUARY 2008<br />
“The Boundless Show”<br />
podcast debuts<br />
2010<br />
NOVEMBER 2010<br />
100,000th<br />
comment<br />
appears <strong>on</strong><br />
Boundless blog<br />
AUGUST 2006<br />
Boundless blog<br />
launched<br />
2006<br />
JUNE 2005<br />
Boundless broadens its audience<br />
to include 20- and 30-somethings<br />
2004<br />
SEPTEMBER 1998<br />
Boundless webzine<br />
launched<br />
2000<br />
38
SHAUNA LYNN PANCZYSZYN - SHANNON ASSOCIATES<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong> FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 39
FAITH & INSPIRATION / MEDIA<br />
movie messages:<br />
Toy Story<br />
Seek and find worldviews<br />
while having fun as a family<br />
ATHEISM<br />
is <strong>the</strong> belief<br />
that God<br />
doesn’t<br />
exist.<br />
AUTHORITY<br />
BIAS<br />
c<strong>on</strong>vinces<br />
people to<br />
never<br />
questi<strong>on</strong><br />
a leader.<br />
BY PLUGGED IN STAFF<br />
ILLUSTRATIONS BY VICKY SCOTT<br />
THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY bombards<br />
us with obvious and subtle messages. What’s scary is<br />
that we often d<strong>on</strong>’t recognize <strong>the</strong>m as worldviews or<br />
notice how <strong>the</strong>y skew our thinking. To help you and<br />
your family identify varying worldviews in <strong>the</strong> culture,<br />
play this game of Movie Messages while watching<br />
Toy Story.<br />
COLLECTIVE<br />
CONSCIOUSNESS<br />
shapes a society’s<br />
shared values.<br />
EGOISM<br />
causes people<br />
to hurt o<strong>the</strong>rs<br />
to keep <strong>the</strong>ir<br />
place in<br />
<strong>the</strong> world.<br />
Directi<strong>on</strong>s<br />
1. Give every player a set of 10 worldview<br />
cards. (Additi<strong>on</strong>al sets can be printed at<br />
<str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g>OnThe<strong>Family</strong>.ca/MovieMessages.)<br />
FATALISM<br />
is <strong>the</strong> belief that<br />
<strong>the</strong>re’s no point in<br />
acti<strong>on</strong> because events<br />
are predetermined.<br />
MATERIALISM<br />
involves valuing<br />
stuff over people.<br />
2. Watch Toy Story until you reach an incident <strong>on</strong><br />
<strong>the</strong> game board. Then pause <strong>the</strong> movie.<br />
3. Each player chooses a card that matches <strong>the</strong><br />
worldview identified in <strong>the</strong> movie and places it<br />
facedown, and <strong>the</strong>n every<strong>on</strong>e turns <strong>the</strong>ir card<br />
over to reveal <strong>the</strong>ir answer.<br />
4. Find <strong>the</strong> answer in <strong>the</strong> Parents’ Guide to Movie<br />
Messages download. The correct cards are<br />
removed from play. The cards deemed incorrect<br />
are returned to each player, and <strong>the</strong> movie<br />
c<strong>on</strong>tinues.<br />
5. This board game doesn’t cover every worldview<br />
in this movie. Players who have guessed wr<strong>on</strong>g<br />
can catch up by calling out <strong>the</strong> correct worldview,<br />
if it comes up again in <strong>the</strong> movie. (This<br />
can <strong>on</strong>ly be d<strong>on</strong>e with worldview cards that<br />
have been removed from play.)<br />
NATURAL<br />
SELECTION<br />
means survival<br />
of <strong>the</strong> fittest.<br />
NIHILISM<br />
says <strong>the</strong> world is<br />
without meaning so<br />
do what you want.<br />
6. The first player to get rid of all <strong>the</strong>ir cards is <strong>the</strong><br />
winner.<br />
Note: For young children who aren’t ready to play<br />
this game, a casual menti<strong>on</strong> like, “That’s ancestor<br />
worship. We pray to God, not people,” is a good<br />
way to start worldview training.<br />
OCCULTISM<br />
includes asking<br />
unseen forces<br />
about future<br />
events.<br />
PAGANISM<br />
revolves around<br />
nature worship<br />
or <strong>the</strong> belief in<br />
a deity o<strong>the</strong>r than<br />
<strong>the</strong> <strong>on</strong>e true God.<br />
CREDIT TK<br />
40<br />
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong>
WHO CAN FIND ALL THE<br />
HIDDEN MESSAGES?<br />
1:07<br />
MR. POTATO<br />
HEAD’S LOVE<br />
OF MONEY<br />
SLINKY<br />
BLINDLY<br />
TRUSTING<br />
WOODY<br />
7:53<br />
WOODY<br />
PUSHING<br />
BUZZ OFF<br />
THE BED<br />
14:03<br />
WOODY ASKING A<br />
MAGIC 8 BALL<br />
A QUESTION<br />
26:38<br />
SID BLOWING UP<br />
A TOY SOLDIER<br />
24:53<br />
27:00<br />
WOODY<br />
PLOTTING<br />
HOW TO GO TO<br />
PIZZA PLANET<br />
WITH ANDY<br />
ALIEN TOYS TRUSTING<br />
THEIR LEADER,<br />
THE CLAW<br />
37:50<br />
CREDIT TK<br />
Additi<strong>on</strong>al worldview cards<br />
in a Parents’ Guide to Movie<br />
Messages can be found at<br />
<str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g>OnThe<strong>Family</strong>.ca/<br />
MovieMessages.<br />
BUZZ REFUSING TO<br />
HELP WOODY ESCAPE<br />
57:49<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong> FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 41
FAITH & INSPIRATION / HACKS & FACTS<br />
Grandparenting<br />
GRANDPARENTS’ DAY<br />
Sept. 10<br />
GRANDPARENTS’ DAY<br />
Grandparents’ Day is celebrated <strong>on</strong> different days in different countries. For<br />
example, <strong>the</strong> United States celebrates Grandparents’ Day <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> first Sunday<br />
after Labor Day. Canada celebrates it <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> sec<strong>on</strong>d Sunday in <strong>September</strong>.<br />
But this year, Grandparents’ Day for <strong>the</strong> United States and Canada falls <strong>on</strong><br />
<strong>the</strong> same date: Sept. 10. Celebrate it with your grandkids.<br />
a meal of<br />
memories<br />
As a grandma, I look<br />
forward to passing<br />
down family traditi<strong>on</strong>s<br />
to <strong>the</strong> next generati<strong>on</strong>.<br />
I started with a family<br />
photo album and a<br />
recipe box of stained,<br />
handwritten recipe<br />
cards. Then I planned<br />
a dinner menu from<br />
<strong>the</strong> memories of<br />
my childhood with<br />
my aunts’ signature<br />
recipes: Aunt Naomi’s<br />
layered salad, Aunt<br />
Lucille’s plantati<strong>on</strong><br />
yams, Aunt Ruth’s<br />
pecan rice dressing,<br />
<strong>the</strong> potluck relish<br />
tray that never had<br />
enough black olives<br />
and Grammy’s cherry<br />
cheesecake pie,<br />
am<strong>on</strong>g o<strong>the</strong>rs.<br />
I photocopied <strong>the</strong><br />
pictures of <strong>the</strong>se dear<br />
women and made<br />
place cards with <strong>the</strong>ir<br />
picture and dish title.<br />
Then I pulled out my<br />
mo<strong>the</strong>r’s delicate<br />
linen tablecloths and<br />
napkins, and used <strong>the</strong><br />
“good” china from my<br />
wedding day. I regaled<br />
my grandchildren with<br />
stories, and even <strong>the</strong>ir<br />
mom chimed in with<br />
her memories.<br />
This year, I'm<br />
planning for a 1959<br />
Independence and a<br />
late 1960s-<strong>the</strong>med<br />
birthday party.<br />
—T<strong>on</strong>yaAnn Pember<br />
GORODENKOF-ADOBE STOCK; ILLUSTRATION KATIE EBERTS<br />
42<br />
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong>
GRANDPARENTING / FAITH & INSPIRATION<br />
If a box arrived in <strong>the</strong> mail today,<br />
what would you want to be in it?<br />
getting to know <strong>the</strong>ir world<br />
Both grandparents and grandchildren can<br />
answer <strong>the</strong>se prompts toge<strong>the</strong>r to get to know<br />
each o<strong>the</strong>r better:<br />
ALLISON EASTERLING PHOTOGRAPHY<br />
What was <strong>the</strong> best gift you were ever given?<br />
What’s your favorite holiday traditi<strong>on</strong>?<br />
How did your parents choose your name?<br />
What’s <strong>on</strong>e thing you wish you could do over?<br />
What would you do if you were given $10,000?<br />
What was your favorite family vacati<strong>on</strong>?<br />
What motivates you to do what’s right?<br />
What’s your favorite Bible verse or story?<br />
How does that Bible verse or story relate to you?<br />
What’s your favorite food?<br />
What was <strong>the</strong> name of your first pet?<br />
What questi<strong>on</strong> would you like to ask your<br />
favorite wild animal?<br />
What are you grateful for today?<br />
In what Olympic sport would you like<br />
to compete?<br />
If we came up with a new flavor of ice cream,<br />
what ingredients would we use and what<br />
should we name it?<br />
What daily habits do you have to help you follow<br />
Jesus?<br />
If you were to write a book about your life,<br />
what would be <strong>the</strong> title?<br />
If some<strong>on</strong>e made a movie about your parents,<br />
what would be in <strong>the</strong> trailer?<br />
If you were to combine two board games,<br />
what games would you choose and why?<br />
What present do you wish you’d given your<br />
favorite teacher?<br />
If a box arrived in <strong>the</strong> mail today, what would<br />
you want to be in it?<br />
—T.F. Edwords<br />
snail mail words<br />
NOTE:<br />
Although this game<br />
could be d<strong>on</strong>e by text or<br />
email, part of <strong>the</strong> fun is<br />
sending snail mail to each<br />
o<strong>the</strong>r. Start a Snail Mail<br />
Word traditi<strong>on</strong> this<br />
year with your<br />
grandkids!<br />
My daughter and mo<strong>the</strong>r c<strong>on</strong>nect by playing a word game.<br />
One of <strong>the</strong>m writes a large word, such as thunderstorm, <strong>on</strong><br />
paper and <strong>the</strong>n mails a copy of her word to <strong>the</strong> o<strong>the</strong>r. Then,<br />
each lists whatever smaller words <strong>the</strong>y find within <strong>the</strong> larger<br />
<strong>on</strong>e, such as under or thorn. Once finished, <strong>the</strong>y mail a copy<br />
of <strong>the</strong>ir answers to <strong>the</strong> o<strong>the</strong>r pers<strong>on</strong> and compare <strong>the</strong>ir<br />
soluti<strong>on</strong>s over <strong>the</strong> ph<strong>on</strong>e. My heart sings when hearing <strong>the</strong><br />
laughter and chatter this game creates. It gives <strong>the</strong>m something<br />
in comm<strong>on</strong> to talk about.<br />
—Kristi Woods<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong> FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 43
FAITH & INSPIRATION / GRANDPARENTING<br />
Grandma caught you . . .<br />
Living out your faith<br />
ILLUSTRATIONS BY KARLA ALCAZAR<br />
THIS GRANDPARENTS’ DAY, write encouraging notes to<br />
your grandkids whenever you see <strong>the</strong>m obeying God’s Word.<br />
Here are some prompts to help you get started:<br />
44<br />
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong>
GRANDPARENTING / FAITH & INSPIRATION<br />
CREDIT TK<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong> FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 45
MY THRIVING FAMILY<br />
happy cooking<br />
Three of our grandchildren make Resurrecti<strong>on</strong> rolls with<br />
a beloved teacher. —Larry from Colorado<br />
Thea, 13, Garrett, 11, and Gracie, 11<br />
Our girls enjoy making cookies for fall harvest with<br />
<strong>the</strong>ir Auntie. —Stephanie from Ariz<strong>on</strong>a<br />
Madeleine, 3, and Sophie, 5<br />
It’s a favorite traditi<strong>on</strong> for our kids to make sand pudding<br />
while <strong>on</strong> a beach vacati<strong>on</strong>. —Merrily from Ohio<br />
Johnny, 5, Kate, 11, Daniel, 8, and Grace, 13<br />
My cooking helpers wear swim goggles to aid<br />
against <strong>on</strong>i<strong>on</strong> stings. —Sierra from Georgia<br />
Max, 8, and Alex, 5<br />
SEND US<br />
YOUR PHOTOS!<br />
Email photos* of your child<br />
back to school or playing<br />
with bubbles. Put “School” or<br />
“Bubbles” in <strong>the</strong> subject line.<br />
info@fotf.ca<br />
* Largest photo possible. Professi<strong>on</strong>al photos are not accepted.<br />
46<br />
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA<br />
AUG / SEP <strong>2023</strong><br />
Making muffins for a fundraiser to<br />
support a friend’s missi<strong>on</strong> trip to Mexico<br />
—Ginger from Colorado<br />
Nathan, 4
faith<br />
child’s your in Inves<br />
magazine!<br />
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Make learning about <strong>the</strong><br />
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child’s day with <str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g> <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong><br />
<strong>Family</strong> Clubhouse Jr. magazine<br />
for young boys and girls! Share<br />
toge<strong>the</strong>r in page after page of<br />
stories, crafts, puzzles and<br />
games and watch your child<br />
grow in <strong>the</strong>ir understanding of<br />
biblical c<strong>on</strong>cepts and values.<br />
For school-age children,<br />
<str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g> <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> <strong>Family</strong> 47<br />
Clubhouse<br />
magazine brings new faithbuilding<br />
articles and activities<br />
in every issue! Girls and boys<br />
love <strong>the</strong> Bible-based adventure<br />
EN<br />
stories, games and brainteasing<br />
puzzles, plus articles<br />
<strong>on</strong> kids just like <strong>the</strong>m who are<br />
serving God in inspiring ways!<br />
<str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g> <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> <strong>Family</strong>’s Brio<br />
speaks to a teen girl about all<br />
aspects of her life, helping her<br />
see how to trust <strong>the</strong> Lord, live<br />
as he would want, and have<br />
fun al<strong>on</strong>g <strong>the</strong> way! Each issue<br />
features articles, biographies,<br />
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Order or renew <strong>on</strong>line at Shop.<str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g>OnThe<strong>Family</strong>.ca/<strong>Magazine</strong>s
<str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g> <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> <strong>Family</strong><br />
Canada celebrates<br />
Since 1983, we’ve aired more than 100 milli<strong>on</strong> minutes of<br />
radio programming in Canada, our website has welcomed over<br />
11 milli<strong>on</strong> visitors, we’ve prayed for a milli<strong>on</strong> people, and<br />
answered more than 70 thousand counselling calls.<br />
We aim to be <strong>the</strong> trusted place for families to turn<br />
to as <strong>the</strong>y build <strong>the</strong>ir lives <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> foundati<strong>on</strong> of Jesus Christ.<br />
Thank you for spending your valuable time with us over<br />
<strong>the</strong>se past four decades.<br />
Join <strong>the</strong> celebrati<strong>on</strong>!<br />
<str<strong>on</strong>g>Focus</str<strong>on</strong>g>OnThe<strong>Family</strong>.ca/40