Focus on the Family Magazine - August/September 2023

25
Helping Families Thrive in Christ
AUGUST / SEPTEMBER 2023
YEARS OF
BOUNDLESS
‘I’M
MARRIED?’
Piecing together my life
with my husband of
whom I had no memory
page 30
THE
GREAT
SMARTPHONE
DEBATE
BOUNDARIES
IN MARRIAGE

This summer, make family devotions a blast for your kids!
Set up four family devotions your kids will never forget, with help from
our free video series.
Just imagine your kids’ faces when you electrocute a pickle till it glows,
shoot streams of toilet paper into the air, or smash a ripe watermelon at
your kids’ feet – all to teach your kids important spiritual truths.
The instructions are simple and the devos take just minutes,
but your kids will remember the lessons for years!
Sign up for the Kinda Dangerous
Family Devotions video series
and learn how to sizzle, whoosh,
slosh and smash your way
through the most fun family
devotions ever!
SIGN UP FOR FREE TODAY!
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/FamilyDevos

AUG / SEP 2023
table of contents
28
in every issue
4 LETTER FROM THE PRESIDENT
5 MINISTRY SPOTLIGHT
6 OFF THE SHELF
8 HACKS & FACTS
24 ADULT KIDS
42 GRANDPARENTING
46 MY THRIVING FAMILY
kids & teens
12 REACHING YOUNG HEARTS
Robin Jones Gunn became
a missionary to millions
through her writing
by Benjamin Hawkins
17 YOU KNOW YOU’RE A
HOME-SCHOOL PARENT WHEN . . .
by Skay Johnson
18 WHO GOD MADE THEM TO BE
Does your home-education
philosophy treat your kids as
projects or individuals?
by Leah Boden
20 THE GREAT
SMARTPHONE DEBATE
Is your child ready
for the responsibility?
by Arlene Pellicane
23 TAYLOR SWIFT: MIDNIGHTS
by Adam Holz
39
6
Great Reads
From <strong>Focus</strong> on
the Family
17
couples
26 CONVERSATION 2.0
Improve communication by
dismantling defensiveness in
your marriage
by Jill Savage
28 BOUNDARIES IN MARRIAGE
How to set marriage-strengthening
boundaries with your spouse
by Vicki Hooper
30 ‘I’M MARRIED?’
Piecing together my life could
only be done with my husband’s
help—a husband of whom I had
no memory
by Marcy Gregg as told to Margot Starbuck
faith &
inspiration
36 BOUNDLESS
25 years of reaching young adults
by Scott Johnson
39 FAMILY MEMORY VERSE
Depend on God
20
40 MOVIE MESSAGES: TOY STORY
Seek and find worldviews
while having fun as a family
by Plugged In staff
44 GRANDMA CAUGHT YOU . . .
Living out your faith
3

LETTER FROM THE PRESIDENT
Jean-Paul Beran is
president of <strong>Focus</strong> on
the Family Canada.
learning godly
character
IT’S BACK-TO-SCHOOL season
again? I know I’m not the only parent
wondering where the time went. I also know
I’m not the only one who can get caught up
in the busyness of school prep. But I want to
encourage you to find ways to slow down and
enjoy the last few weeks of summer.
One way you can do that is through our
free four-part video series, Kinda Dangerous
Family Devotions. Tim Shoemaker, author of
The Very Best, Hands-On, Kinda Dangerous
Family Devotions, walks families through
four fun science experiments and the
biblical lessons they help illustrate. Visit
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/FamilyDevos to access this video series for free.
I also want to remind you of Kids of Integrity. Uniquely Canadian,
these free lesson plans will help you teach your children godly character
traits like honesty, gratitude, kindness and humility. Through Bible
stories, memory verses, sample prayers, hands-on activities, crafts and
more, your children can develop Christlike attitudes and behaviour.
Suitable for ages three to 10, Kids of Integrity is designed to be flexible
and offers great ideas for having fun while teaching your kids. Find all
32 lessons (plus 10 lessons in French) at KidsOfIntegrity.com.
It is our honour to be part of your family, whatever stage of life you’re in.
For 40 years, we have been helping families thrive in Canada and I invite
you to learn more about this rich history. Visit <strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/40
to watch a video and learn more about the impact <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family
Canada has had for the last four decades.
And remember, we’re just a click, email and phone call away. I invite
you to visit our website at <strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca, email us at info@fotf.ca
or call our team at 1.800.661.9800. We’re happy to help!
Blessings,
Jean-Paul Beran
CLINT BARGEN PHOTOGRAPHY
president
Jim Daly
focus canada
president
Jean-Paul Beran
chief operating
officer
Ken Windebank
chief marketing
& content officer
Tim Sawer
publisher
Jennifer Arthur
editorial director
Sheila Seifert
managing
editor
Andrea Gutierrez
copy chief
Scott DeNicola
associate
editors
Sarah Brickens,
Faith Wismer
cover
Brittany Cruse
Thank you!
<strong>Focus</strong> on the Family provides this magazine and
other resources through the generosity of friends
like you. <strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/Donate
For a subscription, go to <strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/
Magazine.
<strong>Focus</strong> on the Family magazine August/September
2023, Vol. 8, No. 4 ISSN 2471-5921, © 2023 <strong>Focus</strong> on
the Family. All rights reserved. Published by <strong>Focus</strong>
on the Family, a nonprofit organization recognized
for tax-deductible giving by the federal government.
<strong>Focus</strong> on the Family is a federally registered
trademark of <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family.
To notify us of an address change or to contact <strong>Focus</strong> on
the Family Canada: 1-800-661-9800; 19946 80A Ave,
Langley, BC, V2Y 0J8; info@fotf.ca.
Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are from
the Holy Bible, English Standard Version ® (ESV ® ). Copyright
© 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News
Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. The
ESV text may not be quoted in any publication made
available to the public by a Creative Commons license.
The ESV may not be translated in whole or in part into any
other language. ESV Text Edition: 2016.
IMPORTANT NOTICE! By submitting letters and other
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of <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family and will not be returned;
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and controlled by Colorado law.
Send author submissions to
<strong>Focus</strong>MagSubmissions@family.org.
contributing
editors
Vance Fry,
Marianne Hering,
Meredith Hinds,
Thomas Jeffries,
Jennifer Lonas,
Jeff Masching
senior art director
Cary Bates
art director
Sally Dunn
designer
Julie Vieux
media publishing
director
Kevin Shirin
editorial assistant
Kat Bittner
print production
Gail Wise
circulation
Erika Lynch
focus canada
contributors
Laurisha Blackstock,
Vicki Hooper,
Amy Van Veen
4
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA CELEBRATES 40 YEARS!
Watch our video to learn about the impact made possible
by friends like you over the last four decades.
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/40
AUG / SEP 2023
REPRINT PERMISSION:
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Website references do not constitute blanket endorsement
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offered at or through those sites.
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Printed in the U.S.A. Paper manufactured by a
mill that practices sustainable forestry.

HELPING YOUR FAMILY THRIVE
MINISTRY
spotlight
Highlighting a few of the many ministries of
<strong>Focus</strong> on the Family Canada
ONE OF THE UNIQUE offerings of <strong>Focus</strong> on the
Family Canada are our retreat programs for couples and
ministry leaders held at our retreat centres.
In 2017, <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family Canada brought the highly
successful Hope Restored marriage intensive program to
Canada and since then more than 900 couples in crisis have
been helped. <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family Canada has also been
operating Kerith Ministry Leader Retreats for pastors, missionaries
and para church leaders since 2008 with more
than 1,600 individuals and couples in ministry attending to
receive rest and renewal both personally and in their calling.
Kerith Creek in Alberta, our first retreat centre, opened
in 2008. Kerith Pines in Manitoba opened in 2014. And this
year we opened Kerith Waters in Ontario!
Kerith Retreats
Working in ministry has many blessings, but an abundance
of financial resources is typically not one of them. Many
people who serve in ministry, as missionaries or in para
church organizations are not able to afford a luxury retreat.
The Kerith Ministry Leader Retreats provide them a unique
opportunity to step away from the demands of life and find
true rest in God’s presence. This program is currently held
at our centres in Alberta and Manitoba, with plans to begin
offering it in Ontario in fall 2023.
Visit KerithRetreats.ca to learn more.
We offer three retreat programs at our Kerith centres:
Hope Restored
Hope Restored is a marriage counselling retreat program
and is designed to serve couples in crisis. All marriage
therapists are trained in the uniquely holistic counselling
approach that combines a couple’s hearts, minds, and faith
in order to address the root of the problem and start couples
on a path toward healing. This program is currently held at
all three retreat centres in Alberta, Manitoba and Ontario.
Visit HopeRestoredCanada.ca to learn more.
Marriage Enrichment Retreats
There are many couples who are looking for ways to improve
their relationship with their spouse. Marriage Enrichment
Retreats are created for couples who are looking to take one
weekend away to make a strong marriage even stronger.
Based on the proven, biblically based principles of the Hope
Restored marriage intensive program, these retreats equip
couples with practical tools to create a more vibrant, intimate
and loving marriage. This program is currently held
at our centres in Alberta and Manitoba, with plans to begin
offering it in Ontario in fall 2023.
Visit EnrichYourMarriage.ca to learn more.
5

OFF THE SHELF
Help your children
find good books this
back-to-school season
BY SHEILA SEIFERT
IN YOUR SEARCH for bookreport
material and quiet-time
reading, consider the heart of the
author. This month, we’ve asked
four children’s book authors why
they’ve written their books so you
can hear the why behind the manuscripts.
After all, who the author is
makes a difference.
GREAT READS FROM FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
0- TO 7-YEAR-OLDS
Otter B Forgiving
Book No. 11 in the “Otter B”
series
Living in the Master’s Plan
Devotional in the “That the
World May Know” series
The Lord’s Army
Book No. 2 in the “Adventures
With the King: His Mighty
Warrior” series
God, Where Are You?
Book No. 2 in the
“Adventures With
the King: His Little
Princess” series
Find these
titles and
more at
Shop.<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca
7 AND OLDER
Land of the Lost
Book No. 30 in “The
Imagination Station” series
Lions, Elephants, and Lies
Book No. 2 in “The
Magnificent Mulligans” series
The Nemesis
Book No. 2 in the “Jones &
Parker Case Files” series
Stories of Danger and Courage
Book No. 3 in the “Bible
Kidventures” series
8 AND OLDER
Average Boy’s
Above-Average Year
The Marus Manuscripts
Volume No. 2 in the
“Passages” series
Quest for the King’s Crown
Book No. 7 in “The Last
Chance Detectives” series
10 AND OLDER
Young Whit and the
Phantasmic Confabulator
Book No. 4 in the
“Young Whit” series
Young Whit and the
Cloth of Contention
Book No. 5 in the
“Young Whit” series
TEENS
The Deep End
Book No. 3 in the
“High Water” series
Knight’s Scheme
Book No. 5 in
“The Blackgaard
Chronicles” series
Life in the Middle
Book No. 5 in the
“Riverbend Friends” series
“We wrote the ‘Otter B’ books to help
kids develop confidence, resilience
and a foundation of faith-based values.
The 11th book in the series,
Otter B Forgiving, invites kids to
imagine what it’s like to make a big
mistake, be forgiven and then offer
that forgiveness to someone else.”
—Pamela Kennedy, an author of more
than 60 books, and Anne Kennedy Brady,
an author and playwright
“The Lord’s Prayer unpacks the
prayer Jesus taught in a way that
children can grasp. Three foundational
texts: the Apostles’ Creed,
the Lord’s Prayer and the Ten
Commandments comprise the historic
catechism by which Christians
have historically passed the faith
from one generation to the next.”
—Harold L. Senkbeil, a writer,
pastor and grandpa
“I wrote The Deep End, the third
book in the ‘High Water’ series,
to give middle grade readers a
suspense-filled story. Sometimes
there’s no better way to teach truth
than through fiction. I love showing
the consequences—good or bad—
of decisions, knowing this helps
readers develop wisdom, character
and integrity.”
—Tim Shoemaker, an author,
speaker and writing coach
CREDIT TK
6
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA
AUG / SEP 2023

kids &
teens
“I DON’T BELIEVE THAT
GOD PLACES CHILDREN
IN OUR HOMES
FOR US TO
DICTATE
WHO THEY’LL
BECOME;
HE PLACES THEM
SO WE CAN HELP
INTO OUR LIVES
THEM DEVELOP
INTO WHO HE
ALREADY MADE
THEM TO BE.”
—LEAH BODEN
page 18
SALLY DUNN - FOTF
AUG / SEP 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 7

KIDS & TEENS / HACKS & FACTS
Reading
STUFFED ANIMAL STORY TIME
When I’m doing chores, my child gets a stuffed animal and a book.
He sits in a comfy chair that’s strategically placed right beside my
housework area. My son reads to his “friend” while I keep an eye on
him and get my work done.
—Amy Knowles
create your
own book
daily
devotions
Seeing that my son
needed more variety
in practicing reading,
I encouraged him
to tell me his own
stories. I bought blank
books or used stapled
paper to write down
his words. Then, he
illustrated the pages.
Because he was eager
to create his own
stories, he was more
willing to read. I’d point
out sight words or new
letter groups like “ch”
or “sh.” He began to
see that if he wanted
to read more interesting
stories, he’d have to
do his phonics lessons.
sound it out
We let our kids read
a picture book to
the rest of the family
before bed. Having
everyone’s attention
encourages them
to sound out words,
even when it’s difficult.
This nightly experience
helps build their
confidence and be less
anxious about reading
the assigned readers
from school.
We’d take turns
choosing and reading
a daily devotion. For
my family, this worked
best in the morning
over breakfast when
everyone was rested
and refreshed. My
children also seemed
to absorb more from
the devotions that
they could choose to
read aloud.
Not only did my
children get more
practice reading,
but these peaceful
moments also became
one more way that our
family spent quality
time together.
ALICIA BROWN-STOCKSY
—Anna Hannigan
—Elizabeth James
—Farrah Adkins
8
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA
AUG / SEP 2023

HACKS & FACTS / KIDS & TEENS
after the book
When my daughter asked to watch a movie that
was first published as a book, I said yes—that is,
after she read the book. I got her started by reading
the first chapter out loud, and then she was
off to read the rest on her own.
Before watching the movie, I had my daughter
share a plot synopsis and a bit about her favorite
character. Afterward, I asked her to compare the
movie to the book by asking, “What was different?
What was the same?” We celebrated the fact that,
with this book, she was the expert.
a culture of literacy
—Rachel Allord
When our children were young, we recognized
the importance of creating a culture of reading in
our home. Our kids were accustomed to seeing
my husband and me read books regularly, so we
started gathering as a family to read every night.
Each of my kids had a library card and a magazine
subscription. We didn’t allow screen time
in the evenings. We often had dinnertime book
discussions, and even our youngest reader
wanted to contribute because it seemed like the
grown-up thing to do.
—Jennifer Henn
RICHVINTAGE-ISTOCK
let them read
For my growing independent readers, graphic
novels launched them into success. I had to
endure a few potty-humor jokes with some
of their choices, but I also heard uproarious
laughter and requests to acquire the next book
in the series. I learned that graphic novels do,
in fact, have a story arc, character development
and even rich vocabulary. I’ll never forget my
son telling me that it was “total cha-ose” when
he had a substitute teacher in school one day.
Upon further inquiry, I discovered he had meant
to pronounce chaos, a word he learned from
one of his graphic novels.
—Kelly Bakshi
READ-ALOUD FORTS
To encourage reading in our home for our four boys,
we built fun places for them to read in their bedrooms,
in the living room and in shady areas out in the yard.
Sometimes they’d act out the story as it was read aloud,
making it come to life. If I saw motivation waning,
I asked them to read aloud in unison. We also read
passages from the Bible as part of our bedtime routine;
each boy read or followed along from his own Bible.
—Donna Elizabeth Love
AUG / SEP 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 9

KIDS & TEENS / HACKS & FACTS
Back to School
Extra
Snack
or Side
getting organized
Before school began, I talked
with my children about what
morning and after-school organization
would look like in our house.
We chose a designated space for
all school materials (backpacks,
books, lunchboxes, etc.) near their
homework area. Since school items
needed to stay in the defined space,
items were easy to find in the chaos
of the morning. We even rehearsed
retrieving their items in the morning
and returning them to the designated
location upon arrival home.
The designated space helped eliminate
time-consuming searching
and decreased the amount of time
I spent picking up school items.
—Tania Alward
Fruit or
Veggie
Main
Protein
LUNCH-PACKING CHART
Before school starts, my kids and I make a lunch packing chart.
The main food groups serve as headers with examples of healthy
foods listed underneath. Each child adds some favorite foods to
the list. This guides me as I grocery shop, and it helps give the
kids ideas of what to pack. The chart helped my kids learn to
make their own lunches at a young age.
—Shannon Leatherman
help board
We have created a Can You Help
Me Out? board that hangs in our
laundry room. Both parents and
kids write down ways they may
need help in the coming week. For
instance, my youngest needed a
shoebox for an upcoming book
report, my middle child asked for
someone to proofread his paper,
my oldest needed a baked item for
a swim team party and I frequently
ask for help in the garden. Our
board provides a visual reminder of
how we can all lend a hand.
—Lauri Diamantis
PHOTO BY SALLY DUNN - FOTF / ILLUSTRATIONS BY KATIE AEBERTS
10
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA
AUG / SEP 2023

HACKS & FACTS / KIDS & TEENS
Undressing in Public
DRESS
THE DOLL
I keep a doll or stuffed
animal dressed in baby
clothes, along with an
extra diaper, in our
diaper bag. When the
inspiration to undress
strikes my toddler,
I encourage her to
undress and dress the
doll instead. Most of
the time the distraction
works, and she
still gets to practice
her new skills. Toddlerfriendly
books with
snaps, ties, zippers and
buckles have also been
an effective distraction.
—Jessica Jenson
ALLISON EASTERLING PHOTOGRAPHY
clothing control
My toddler started undressing in public, and I
eventually concluded that she would do this
when she was overstimulated or when she felt
things were out of her control. I did my best to
incorporate more moments of pause during
our activities and interactions—even if it was just
holding her for a few minutes while out on a
playdate or grocery trip. If she still undressed, I’d
move her to a quiet place and reassure her.
At home we’d practice simple ways of calming
down and managing emotions. Once her sense
of control was restored, her tendency toward
undressing was no longer an issue. I’m so thankful
to say that she’s now 4 and hasn’t undressed
in public for almost a year!
—Christina Nunes
“I also distracted them by letting
them wear jewelry like chunky
necklaces or bracelets.”
fidget features
I found outfits for my girls that allowed them to fidget with their
clothes without feeling the need to take them off. For example,
if they wore shorts under their skirts, they could play with the
skirt. They kept their clothes on when the garments were decorated
with sequins, buttons or snaps they could play with.
I also distracted them by letting them wear jewelry like
chunky necklaces or bracelets, so if they wanted to take
something off, it would be adornments instead of their outfits.
—Emily Yang
AUG / SEP 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 11

KIDS & TEENS / EVANGELISM
REACHING
YOUNG
HEARTS
Robin Jones Gunn
became a missionary to
millions through her writing
BY BENJAMIN HAWKINS
PHOTOGRAPHY BY ROSS GUNN
BEGINNING WHEN SHE WAS
ONLY 12, Robin Jones Gunn had
dreamed of opening the envelope that
she now held in her hands.
Robin’s church often welcomed
missionaries from Wycliffe Bible
Translators to share how they translated
Scripture into many languages
and proclaimed the message of God’s
grace across the globe. At the end of
one presentation, a missionary showed
a slide of the sun setting on the mission
field. Robin was enchanted. She,
too, wanted to travel the globe to share
God’s love.
Reminded by a camp counselor
that she could begin at home, Robin
got to work. Eventually she started a
Christian club at her high school that
met during their lunch period.
She went farther afield during her college
years. She even traveled to Europe
one summer, smuggling Bibles into the
then-Soviet Union. Convinced that God
wanted her to serve overseas long term,
she started the application process for
missionary service at Urbana Student
Missions Conference. She could expect
a mailed response, but for now, all she
knew was what the printer spat out:
where on the mission field she was
best equipped to serve.
She picked up the printout. Blinking,
she paused. Could this be right? Was
this really how she would fulfill her
dream?
“Laundry Supervisor,” it read.
“Nairobi, Kenya.”
Collecting herself, Robin applied for
service there anyway. >
CREDIT TK
12
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA
AUG / SEP 2023

EVANGELISM / KIDS & TEENS
CREDIT TK
Robin Jones Gunn with her daughter, Rachel
AUG / SEP 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 13

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experience that brings you
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Refining her passion
Robin asked the girls in the middlegrade
Sunday school class she taught
to pray for her. She told them stories
of her imagined future, painting with
words the adventure of sharing God’s
love with Kenyan women and children
while washing clothes alongside
a wide river—the African savannah
spread out before her.
But that long-awaited envelope
revealed that the mission agency had
denied her application.
“I felt like, if I can’t even wash clothes
for Jesus in Africa,” Robin recalls, “then
what good am I in service of our King?”
The teenage girls in her Sunday
school class saw more clearly how God
had gifted their teacher. Relieved at the
news, they said they preferred her to
stay with them and share more stories
that displayed God’s love and grace.
She told stories well, they said.
Only later would she realize how
right they were. During the past 35 years,
Robin has shared countless stories of
God’s love and grace, publishing more
than 100 fiction and nonfiction books
and selling 6 million copies worldwide.
“Those books,” Robin says, “became
missionaries that have gone out by the
millions all over the world, [to] places
I will never go. That’s how God accomplishes
His purposes for our lives, never
in the way we think it’s going to be.”
Becoming a writer
Robin’s knack for storytelling showed
itself long before her missionary
passion did. When she was in kindergarten,
her teacher wrote on a report
card: “Robin has not yet grasped her
basic math skills, but she does keep
the entire class entertained at rug time
with her stories.”
Then again, outside of rug time,
stories can be a problem.
“Growing up,” Robin wrote in her
memoir, Victim of Grace: When God’s
Goodness Prevails, “I got in trouble for
telling stories. Teachers called it ‘lying.’
My sister called it ‘exaggerating—again.’ ”
So when the girls in her Sunday
school class suggested she had a gift for
storytelling, she balked. Never would
she spend her life as a writer. Instead
she decided to work on her math
skills—taking a job at the local bank.
She soon met and married Ross,
now her husband of 45 years, who
served at the time as a youth minister.
He, too, saw her gift for storytelling,
urging her to take writing classes at the
community college and to read books
about the craft.
“He even signed me up for a writers
conference at Mount Hermon in
California,” Robin says. “I was shy,
intimidated, not a writer. He paid
money so that I could go sit in front
of people and prove I was an imposter.”
But within a few hours of arriving at
the conference, she says, “I had found
my tribe.”
The conference sparked her desire
to write. During the next few years
she penned articles, devotionals and
children’s picture books. The Upper
Room magazine offered her $10 for
her first devotion.
“I was elated,” Robin recalls. The
magazine sent a contract that
requested her pen name. As soon as
her father saw it, he reminded her that
she had been a Jones much longer
than she had been a Gunn.
So she became Robin Jones Gunn,
professional writer.
PHOTO COURTESY OF ROBIN JONES GUNN

EVANGELISM / KIDS & TEENS
LISTEN NOW!
Robin Jones Gunn and
Jenny Coffey discuss preparing
our daughters for womanhood.
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/Radio
Finding her voice
Camping with 70 teenagers from her
church at California’s San Clemente
State Beach one summer in the 1980s,
Robin found several girls huddled in
their tent. What were they doing here,
she wondered, when there were sun and
sand and surf and boys on the beach?
The answer lay in a pile of books at
their side. So Robin crawled into the
tent and joined them in reading.
“It broke my heart what these
13-year-old girls were putting in their
minds—these evocative love stories,”
Robin says. “I begged them, ‘Please
find something else to read!’ ”
But, they asked, what other books
were there? “You’re a writer. Why don’t
you write a book for us?”
When she returned home from the
camp, Robin scavenged for books,
but the girls were right. The selection
was slim.
So during the next two years, she
wrote her first novel. Now a mother
with young children, Robin bought a
new teapot, awoke at 3 a.m. every day
and wrote for roughly four hours.
Each week she read her latest chapters
to the teenage girls at church.
“They would tell me everything
that was wrong with it, everything
that needed to be changed,” Robin
recalls. “But, as it was, the first book
in the ‘Christy Miller’ series was being
refined. It truly was the book they
wanted to read.”
Reaching girls
through story
Thirty-five years ago this summer,
that first entry in the series—Summer
Promise—was released by <strong>Focus</strong> on the
Family’s book publishing division.
Soon both Robin’s teenage writing
mentors, as well as publishers, were
asking for more stories. Within eight
years, the “Christy Miller” series had
grown, expanding to include 11 more
books. But Robin’s storytelling didn’t
end with that series.
Robin penned dozens of other
stories throughout the years, including
three novellas—Finding Father
Christmas, Engaging Father Christmas
and Kissing Father Christmas—later
made into TV movies.
For one set of stories—the
“Sisterchicks” series—Robin even lived
out her dream of world travel when her
publisher sent her around the globe for
inspiration.
From the beginning, her books also
drew young girls to Christ. Only a few
weeks after Summer Promise was published,
Robin received a letter from a
teenage reader. According to the letter,
the girl had joined the fictional protagonist,
Christy Miller, in surrendering
her life to Christ. Hundreds of similar
letters followed.
“I still receive letters,” Robin says.
“Every week, I receive letters from
young girls who have read the books
and come to know the Lord, or who
have decided to no longer pursue a
relationship with a guy who was
damaging her. >
AUG / SEP 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 15

KIDS & TEENS / EVANGELISM
Robin and daughter, Rachel, enjoying a vacation together
“They saw, through the role
models in the books, how they
could turn their heart to the Lord
in making their decisions.”
Developing tools
for young hearts
Several years ago, after speaking
at a school in Brazil, Robin was
surrounded by a cluster of teenage
girls.
“We’re reading the ‘Christy
Miller’ books,” they said through
a translator. “We’re giving our
lives to Jesus, and it’s wonderful.
We’re making good decisions.
But none of the boys of Brazil are
reading those books.”
Robin saw the problem. These girls
wanted to follow Jesus, and they hoped,
someday, to find husbands who follow
Jesus—just as the fictional Christy
Miller found a godly young man
named Todd. What should they do?
At the time, Robin urged them to
pray for the boys in their country, and
the girls instantly formed a prayer club
for the purpose. But their questions
lingered in Robin’s mind. They saw in
Christy Miller a model for following
BEFORE YOUR TWEEN
DAUGHTER BECOMES A WOMAN
by Robin Jones Gunn
Bestselling author Robin Jones Gunn
encourages you to begin a conversation
with your young daughter before she
reaches adolescence. This ongoing
dialogue will strengthen your bond
as she grows into the beautiful young
woman God created her to be.
Shop.<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca
NEW FROM
FOCUS ON
THE FAMILY!
Jesus, but would they know how to
apply discipleship principles in their
own lives?
On another occasion, Robin’s thenteenage
daughter, Rachel, stopped
Robin as she passed by her daughter’s
room. Rachel lay on her bed with a
“Christy Miller” volume in her hands.
“Mom, do you think God has a guy
like Todd for me out there?”
“I know that God has plans for you,”
Robin replied. “And His plans for you
are for good, not for evil, to bring you
a future and a hope. That’s what God
promises in His Word.”
But this wasn’t her only response to
these lingering questions. Along with
author Tricia Goyer, Robin penned
a nonfiction book a dozen years ago
titled Praying for Your Future Husband.
The pair of writers collaborated again
to write Before You Meet Your Future
Husband: 30 questions to ask yourself
and 30 heartfelt prayers, which came
out in May 2023.
“We saw a need for a tool to help those
young hearts,” Robin says. “With all the
other messages [these young women]
get, how can we provide a tool that will
say, ‘Here’s what God says about you.
Here’s how you seek Him and trust Him
for whatever He has for you’?”
Crafting a
must-have guide
Young girls aren’t alone
in wanting such tools.
Their mothers have
questions, too—especially
regarding how to
bond with and guide
their young daughters
as they face the
changes that come with
adolescence.
Robin knows from
experience that this
transition doesn’t have
to be awkward.
“When Rachel was
9 years old and her
body was about to change, I set up
an intentional, little tea party for the
two of us,” Robin recalls. “We were
the only ones home. I took that time
by the fireplace, with soft music
playing, and I told her the secrets of
womanhood.”
“It’s a gift of God to be a woman,”
she told Rachel. “You are fearfully
and beautifully made—wonderfully
made. This is the way you are going
to see these changes happen in your
body, and it’s a gift.”
To Robin’s delight, Rachel
responded: “I love that God made me
a woman.”
In her latest book, Robin interweaves
personal stories with biblical
wisdom to help mothers begin a positive
conversation with their preteen
daughters about these issues. That
book, Before Your Tween Daughter
Becomes a Woman: A mom’s musthave
guide, was released by <strong>Focus</strong> on
the Family in July.
As with her previous books, Robin
views this book as yet another “missionary”
let loose to share God’s
grace and truth around the globe.
Benjamin Hawkins is a freelance writer and
editor of The Pathway, the news journal of
the Missouri Baptist Convention.
16
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA
AUG / SEP 2023

you know you’re a
home-school parent when . . .
your kids don’t know the
answer to, “What grade
are you in?”
you can take a family trip
off-season and not miss
out on schoolwork.
you add a new bookshelf
to your collection
every year.
you care more about the
point of an experiment
than the mess it’s making.
morning and afternoon
breaks are for sibling
playtime.
lunch time is family time.
snack time is part of
a child’s chemistry
experiment.
character matters,
regardless of the
academic subject.
you and your kids can read
the Bible and pray during
the day.
your kids are motivated to
get their schoolwork done
so they can play.
your kids have more time
for after-school activities
and friends because their
schoolwork is done.
pajamas are your school
uniform—for students
and the teacher.
you have time to study
your children, to know
what they need and
how best to deliver that
knowledge to them.
you relearn math, history
and English, and find it
fascinating, as you teach
these subjects to
your children.
another adult wonders out
loud what it is that you do
all day, and you laugh.
—Skay Johnson
CREDIT ADAM LARKUM TK
- ILLUSTRATION X
“ [Your child] requires much knowledge, for the mind
needs sufficient food as much as does the body.”
—Charlotte Mason
AUG / SEP 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 17

KIDS & TEENS / HOME SCHOOLING
who God made them to be
Does your home-education philosophy
treat your kids as projects or individuals?
BY LEAH BODEN ILLUSTRATION BY ADAM LARKUM
GROWING UP IN ENGLAND,
I found joy and growth by singing in
a choir, joining an after-school entrepreneurs
club and eagerly serving in
varying capacities in the local church.
I loved to learn and was hungry to
grow, but I seemed to be surviving
rather than thriving in the traditional
British school system in which I was
enrolled.
Even though I felt mismatched
with the university system, I went
anyway. When a professor told me,
“You probably won’t get the best
degree classification, Leah, but you’ll
do well in life. You’re just that kind of
person,” I wanted to prove him wrong.
But he was right. I was never a standout
in the classroom, yet I flourished
in everyday activities.
Later, as a mom new to the world
of home schooling, I was introduced
to the 19th-century British educator
Charlotte Mason, and I realized that
academic and character growth—not
performance—should define education.
My discovery shed light on my own
development and revolutionized my
thinking toward teaching my four kids.
In God’s image
Charlotte Mason’s method was based
in recognizing that children are God’s
work, not products of the educational
system. They’re born whole and able
to connect with the world. Our role as
parents is to create an atmosphere and
provide stimuli that will bring out the
best of who they are. I don’t believe
that God places children in our homes
for us to dictate who they’ll become;
He places them into our lives so we
can help them develop into who He
already made them to be.
This “born-person” approach to
childhood turns the traditional education
path on its head. We don’t need
to race to catch up. We can slow down
and delight in our children.
Person before process
When we view children as projects
or “someone we must educate,” we’re
prone to use standardized curricula, to
read texts only for comprehension, and
to comply with set answers and laborious
testing to ensure that our children
“keep up.” When I first started educating
my children from home, I stocked
up on secondhand readers, math
sheets and a Bible study on character.
I used the latter diligently, but the
books and pages gradually got lost on
our home-school shelves.
As a child, I loved the stories my mum
read aloud in the evening, the variety of
music my dad played around the house,
the classic art on the wall and my journals
full of poetry and innocent secrets.
When we view children as people with
interests, made in the image of God,
we’re inclined to take a different view
to their gathering of knowledge. We
read good stories to our children. We
play beautiful music for them. We take
them into nature. We introduce them
to art. They take time transcribing or
reciting their favorite lines from poetry,
biographies and the Bible, and we
invite them into sincere conversations.
See before you say
To believe that our children are “born
persons,” we must become observers
of them. One of the greatest concerns
I hear from home-schooling parents I
coach is: “What if they fall behind?”
As Christians, we believe that our
kids are born unique. Every hair on
their heads is numbered and known by
God, and each design on their fingers
and toes is distinctive only to them. Yet
when it comes to education, we sign
up for the narrative that all children
should and can learn the same thing at
the same time. But it’s simply not true.
18
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA
AUG / SEP 2023

HOME SCHOOLING / KIDS & TEENS
All four of my kids learned to
read at their own pace, and they
responded individually to a variety
of tools. One of my sons went
through a stage of writing the word
avengers repeatedly. Then one day
he spelled it out loud and was able to
read from that day on. My youngest
daughter took the longest to read and
tested my convictions about teaching
and learning. I used all of my
teaching tools on her and was patient.
Eventually she learned to decode
words—and books finally “clicked.”
Her love for reading followed.
Home schooling offers a beautiful
opportunity for children to be who
they are. The next time you hear a concerned
onlooker ask, “But what if they
get behind?” you can respond, “Get
behind whom?”
Leah Boden is the author of Modern Miss
Mason and a longtime home educator to
four children. She speaks, hosts podcasts
and coaching sessions, and runs workshops
sharing the Charlotte Mason approach
to education.
AUG / SEP 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 19

KIDS & TEENS / CELLPHONES
the great
smartphone
debate
Is your child ready
for the responsibility?
BY ARLENE PELLICANE
ILLUSTRATIONS BY
SHAHAR KOBER
50 %
of teens admit
they’re addicted
to their
smartphones
source: Common
Sense Media
20
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA
AUG / SEP 2023

CELLPHONES / KIDS & TEENS
MY DAUGHTER, LUCY, was days
away from turning 13. Getting her a
children’s toy for her birthday was no
longer an option. Was it time to gift
wrap a shiny smartphone to go along
with a new outfit?
It’s the million-dollar question for
parents: What is the right age to get a
smartphone for your child?
Forty-two percent of 10-year-old
kids in the U.S. have a phone, according
to Common Sense Media. By age
12, it’s 71%, and by age 14, it’s 91%. But
just because “everybody” has a smartphone
doesn’t mean your child is
ready for one. Here are a few tips that
can help you wisely navigate this issue:
Have prerequisites
Can you imagine your parents handing
you something worth $800 to carry
around in elementary or middle school
and not lose? Before you give your
child a smartphone, he or she should
consistently exhibit a certain degree of
responsibility.
As a way to gauge whether your child
is mature enough for a smartphone,
consider how she handles everyday life
skills. Does she:
• pack school lunch every day?
• do laundry and help with household
chores?
• complete homework and strive
to earn good grades?
• get up when the alarm rings in
the morning?
• cook full meals?
• manage money well?
• have the confidence to carry
on a conversation with adults?
• accept full responsibility for
personal hygiene without
reminders?
• take care of pets?
If your child isn’t responsible with
tasks like these, it’s unreasonable to
think she will be responsible with a
phone. She might proclaim with passion,
“I promise I’ll do everything
you say if you get me a phone.” Let
her prove that by mastering these
basic life skills before graduating to a
smartphone.
Wait for the right time
Not only should your child be able to
handle the responsibility of a phone,
but it’s also important to wait for the
right timing. These questions can help
you determine whether your child is
truly ready for a phone or needs to
wait awhile:
• Does my child really need a smartphone
right now?
• What problem(s) will a smartphone
solve? What problem(s) will
it create?
• Is my child prone to overusing a
family member’s phone for gaming
or social media?
• Will the phone enhance or be detrimental
to my child’s spiritual
development or growth?
• Will the phone support our family
values or undermine them?
Th e d ecision to get your child a
smartphone should not be taken
lightly. You might say it’s a monumental
shift from B.C. (before cellphone)
to A.D. (after device). You’ve probably
heard horror stories of perfectly nice
kids turning sullen, withdrawn and
irritable after getting phones.
According to Common Sense
Media, 50% of teenagers admit they’re
addicted to their smartphones. No
doubt this has contributed to the
dramatic uptick in mental health problems
that we’re seeing among teens.
Eighty-four percent of them use social
media, but only 34% say they enjoy
it “a lot.” Just scroll through the social
media posts on a teen’s phone and
you’ll see that the content is anything
but godly.
According to the Barna Group, typical
15- to 23-year-olds take in 2,767
hours of screen media and only 153
hours of spiritual content (291 hours
for churchgoing kids). What effect will
owning a smartphone have on your
child’s worldview and soul?
Kids with ADHD are especially vulnerable
to getting sucked into a phone’s
stimulating content. They are also
more likely to be impulsive and post
things they shouldn’t. Elementaryage
children, in particular, are simply
not equipped to dive into the internet,
games and social media apps alone or
with their peers guiding them.
Maybe you’re thinking about giving
your child a smartphone for safety
reasons. If you want your child to be
able to reach you at any time and vice
versa, there are some great safe-phone
alternatives. Some of these phones
allow you to text, call and see your
child’s location with GPS without giving
your child access to the internet,
social media or games. Just as teens
get a learner’s permit before a driver’s
license, a safe phone can be a useful
on-ramp to a smartphone. >
LISTEN NOW!
Join Arlene Pellicane
and Dr. Gary Chapman
as they discuss how
technology affects kids.
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/Radio
AUG / SEP 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 21

KIDS & TEENS / CELLPHONES
LIFE-SKILL
CHECKLIST
DO YOUR TEENS DO THESE
TASKS ON THEIR OWN
WITHOUT REMINDERS?
Personal hygiene
Laundry
Cleaning
Pet care
Babysitting
Homework
Waking up on time and
getting ready for school,
church or activities
DO YOUR TEENS HAVE A . . .
budget plan (tithing,
saving and spending)?
part-time job, a leadership
role or volunteer obligations?
ARE YOUR TEENS ABLE TO . . .
come to you when a task
or situation is too difficult?
respectfully stand up
for themselves?
carry on a conversation
with adults?
take care of their
personal items?
make a grocery list?
cook meals for
the family?
change a flat tire
on their car
open and maintain
a bank account?
fill out paperwork
at a doctor’s office?
call the appropriate people
for different emergencies?
keep consistent
Bible-reading and
prayer times?
—Kay Johnson
Consider opting out
As parents, we’re advocates for abstinence
when we talk to our teens about
sexuality. However, we take a very different
approach when it comes to the
topic of technology. It seems inevitable
that every child will get a smartphone
sooner or later, so we don’t even consider
opting out of giving them one.
My son Ethan never had a smartphone
in high school, yet he made
friends, was involved in leadership
positions and earned good grades. He
eventually got his first smartphone the
summer before going to college.
Contrary to popular opinion, our kids
can abstain from smartphones, gaming
and social media and still connect with
friends and family. Perhaps we give our
children too little credit. They are capable
of much more than we think.
I decided not to give my daughter,
Lucy, a smartphone for her 13th
birthday. She won’t be getting her
own phone until her senior year, or
later, and she’s actually OK with that.
She’s had a front-row seat watching
her phone-free older siblings opt out
of trouble and drama.
Your kids might say, “Mom, Dad,
don’t you trust me?” While they may
be trustworthy, the big-tech companies
that created smartphones
are not.
If you have doubts about giving your
child a smartphone, opt for delaying.
After all, taking away a smartphone
is much harder than not giving your
child one in the first place.
Arlene Pellicane is a speaker and the
co-author of Screen Kids: 5 relational skills
every child needs in a tech-driven world.
22
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA
AUG / SEP 2023

MEDIA / KIDS & TEENS
UPCOMING REVIEWS
For reviews of these and other titles,
visit PluggedIn.com, <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family’s
media review and discernment website.
TAYLOR SWIFT: MIDNIGHTS
BY ADAM HOLZ
THERE AREN’T MANY MUSIC ARTISTS who wield
enough fandom to generate congressional hearings,
but the scramble for tickets to Taylor Swift’s
world tour practically broke the internet. Senators
convened this year to review the fiasco surrounding
Ticketmaster’s inability to handle the demand.
The so-called “Swifties” are one dedicated fan base,
and Taylor continues to attract legions of young new
listeners. Given her popularity, it’s no surprise that I
receive many questions about Taylor’s latest album,
Midnights.
As the title suggests, Midnights is about Taylor’s
thoughts and reflections during sleepless nights—
literally, when she’s still up at midnight. In these new
songs, Taylor is more reflective about life and her
attempts to find meaning in romantic relationships.
Compared to some of her earlier work, she seems
less angry and cynical, more aware of what she might
have done wrong.
That’s the good stuff. The bad stuff? Unfortunately,
Taylor’s confessional approach to songwriting comes
with a lot of baggage, too, like harsh profanity, as well
as references to drugs, alcohol and physical intimacy.
The result is an album that, despite some positive
and introspective moments, isn’t one that I can recommend.
Even if Taylor is growing more mature in
some ways, in other ways she seems to think “maturity”
means embracing reckless and spiritually
destructive choices.
I understand why so many people love this undeniably
talented and insightful singer. But too often,
Taylor Swift isn’t a role model we’d want our kids to
emulate—even if she does know how to write a really
catchy song.
THE HILL
Can a young man
overcome his physical
disabilities and play
major league baseball?
SCHEDULED RELEASE: AUG. 18
SEA OF STARS
Does this retro-inspired game include too
much mysticism for parental approval?
SCHEDULED RELEASE: AUG. 29
BLUE BEETLE
What will a
teenager do
with superpowered
armor
provided by an
alien insect?
SCHEDULED RELEASE:
AUG. 18
Adam Holz is the director of Plugged In. He and his wife, Jennifer,
have three children.
AUG / SEP 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 23

ADULT KIDS / HACKS & FACTS
Helping Them Move
‘WHAT CAN WE DO?’
My husband and I have five adult children. We’ve helped them
move from across town to across the country, as needed. Each
time, we asked them, “How can we best help you?”
When our son Michael first moved out, he asked for everyday
household items. I rummaged through our cupboards and
found much of what he needed, even as I gained storage space.
Sometimes our children’s requests required more of us than
giving dishes or babysitting the grandkids. When our daughter
Amy’s husband was deployed to Afghanistan, she stayed with
us. On his return, he was transferred to North Carolina. We
asked Amy how we could help her join him.
She replied, “Could you drive a U-Haul?”
Each move required something different from us, so it was
always best to ask.
—Teresa Olive
our moveout
account
In the year following
my son’s high
school graduation,
I secretly started a
“moving out” account
for him. To help him
adjust to adulthood
and the idea of managing
monthly budget
responsibilities, we
charged him a small
amount for rent. He
didn’t know the rent
money was set aside
to accrue interest.
When the time came
for him to move out,
I took him shopping
with the saved money.
Purchasing the essentials
helped set him up
in his own apartment.
—Pam Fields
In 2022,
56 %
of adult children
ages 18 to 22
lived with their
parents.
source:
U.S. Census Bureau
hands-on help
When our first child moved out for college, the biggest help my husband and I could offer was moral support and
to just be available to answer his questions. Once he graduated and found a job, we again answered questions
and offered advice when asked. We arrived with a van full of unassembled furniture as his graduation gift, and we
helped pack the final boxes from his apartment and move him to his new apartment in a new city for a new job.
Then we spent two days helping to put furniture together and having dinners out with him while he got settled.
—Tricia Couffer
STUDIO FIRMA - STOCKSY
24
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA
AUG / SEP 2023

couples
“WHEN WE’RE
DEFENSIVE,
THE REASONS FOR OUR ACTIONS BECOME
MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE RELATIONSHIP ITSELF.
LEARNING TO LET GO OF
DEFENSIVENESS HAPPENS
WHEN THE RELATIONSHIP
BECOMES MORE
IMPORTANT THAN
THE REASONS.”
—JILL SAVAGE
page 26
SALLY DUNN - FOTF
AUG / SEP 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 25

COUPLES / COMMUNICATION
conversation 2.0
Improve communication
by dismantling defensiveness
in your marriage
BY JILL SAVAGE ILLUSTRATIONS BY SARAH WILKINS
MY HUSBAND and our high school
son went for a summer bike ride. As
the sun set, I kept expecting them to
ride down our driveway. When darkness
fell, I texted Mark, but by that
point, my communication was loaded
with anxiety, fear and frustration.
Mark eventually texted that they
were almost home. He could have
matched my emotional intensity with
a defensive response, but he didn’t.
Instead, he disarmed my emotions
with a gentle, empathetic response and
then continued the conversation after
they arrived home.
Conflict was averted. I felt heard and
valued, and our relationship remained
intact. Over the years, Mark and I have
learned to dial down defensiveness in
our marriage.
Better versions
of ourselves
Mark and I often say we’ve been married
39 years—29 of them happily. No,
there weren’t 10 bad years in a row.
There were simply a lot of ups and
downs. We’ve worked hard on our relationship
over the years and now call
ourselves Mark and Jill 2.0. Dialing
down defensiveness has been a big
part of this makeover.
Defensiveness usually rears its
ugly head when we receive what we
perceive as negative feedback from
our spouse. When we’re defensive,
the reasons for our actions become
more important than the relationship
itself. Learning to let go of defensiveness
happens when the relationship
becomes more important than the
reasons.
In the past, Mark likely would have
defended his reasons for continuing
to ride in the dark. He wouldn’t have
addressed how his decision caused me
to worry. This time, he focused on our
relationship and let go of the reasons.
By listening and responding to my fear
and anxiety, he kept defensiveness out
of the picture.
26
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA
AUG / SEP 2023

COMMUNICATION / COUPLES
Defensive patterns
Even if your spouse isn’t working on being less defensive, you can make
a difference by choosing to dismantle your own defensiveness and
interact differently with your partner. Here are some practical steps for
dialing down defensiveness and infusing more compassion into your marriage.
LISTEN NOW!
Hear how God saved Jill and
Mark’s marriage after infidelity.
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/Radio
Listen to understand, not to respond.
Most of us are unskilled listeners who
listen to respond rather than to understand.
But listening to understand
lets your spouse know she is seen,
heard and valued. This doesn’t mean
you can’t respond at some point, but
working to understand your spouse’s
perspective before you respond will
help you keep defensiveness at bay.
Respond with empathy first.
A great way to express empathy for
your spouse is to start with the words,
“I can only imagine . . .” For instance, if
your spouse says, “The way you just
spoke to me felt like you were parenting
me,” avoid a defensive response
like “Well, if you were responsible, I
wouldn’t have to parent you.” Respond
instead with empathy: “I can only
imagine how that made you feel. Thank
you for giving me that feedback.”
If you need to share your
perspective, save it for later.
Good communication is rarely
efficient. Instead of sharing your perspective
immediately, take some time
to consider what you’ve heard. Slowing
down your response time will greatly
reduce defensiveness.
Don’t interrupt your spouse.
Interrupting your spouse is a red flag
that you’re reacting defensively. Let
your spouse finish his thoughts, using
the self-control God has given you to
listen well and seek to understand.
Proverbs 18:2 says, “A fool takes no
pleasure in understanding, but only in
expressing his opinion.” And Proverbs
18:13 tells us, “If one gives an answer
before he hears, it is his folly and
shame.” The Bible has a lot to say about
the importance of listening.
Reflect back what you heard.
To make sure you’re listening to understand,
repeat what you think your
spouse is saying: “What I hear you
saying is . . .” Then ask “Is that right?”
Invite your spouse to share more fully
by asking if there’s anything else that
needs to be said. This keeps defensiveness
from creeping in and helps you
focus on understanding.
Most importantly, talk to God and
seek His wisdom before talking with
your spouse. When I do this, I often
find I need to work something out in
my heart with God, and I don’t even
need to have a conversation with my
husband. When I realize that I do need
to talk with Mark, I handle it better
when I’ve talked to God first.
Dialing into God’s perspective and
infinite wisdom is the absolute best
way to dial down defensiveness.
Jill Savage and her husband, Mark, are the
authors of No More Perfect Marriages.
AUG / SEP 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 27

COUPLES / BOUNDARIES
boundaries in marriage
How to set marriage-strengthening
boundaries with your spouse
BY VICKI HOOPER
BOUNDARIES ARE an expression
of values. They define what I will do
and won’t do; what I allow and don’t
allow; what is okay and not okay for me.
When done well in marriage, boundaries
also create a sense of safety and
freedom for both spouses. Healthy
boundaries help us become who God
designed us to be and allow our marriages
to be as he intended.
All healthy marriages have boundaries;
unhealthy marriages don’t.
Some of us may avoid boundaries
because we believe that love means
we shouldn’t have boundaries at all.
Or perhaps we’re afraid boundaries
will only limit and divide us. However,
boundaries exist in all areas of our
lives and are there to keep us safe.
Think about stop signs and traffic lights,
SIGN UP NOW!
Vicki Hooper and Wayne Reed
explain how you and your spouse
can improve communication
and conflict resolution in this
seven-part video series.
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/
EnrichYourMarriage
work hours and budgets, schedules
and property lines—life goes better
with these boundaries in place.
Are boundaries biblical?
The Bible is full of boundaries. God
told Adam and Eve to not eat from
that specific tree. He gave the people
of Israel the 10 commandments.
The book of Proverbs is full of ideas
for creating boundaries. For example,
Proverbs 25:17 advises us: “Seldom
set foot in your neighbor’s house—too
much of you and they will hate you.”
When Jesus lived on earth, he had
his own set of boundaries. He knew he
needed time away from people to rest
(Mark 6:30-32), to be with the Father,
to grieve (Matthew 14:1-3), and to
make decisions (Luke 6:12-13). In Luke
4:28-30, when Jesus declared he was
the Messiah and the people, believing
he was a heretic, angrily forced him
to the edge of a cliff with the intention
of pushing him off, we read, “but he
passed through the crowd and went on
his way.” He set a boundary that said,
“You will not do this to me.”
What are boundaries
in marriage?
Boundaries are vital to a healthy
marriage, and they honour the two
individuals in the relationship. A
boundary tells my spouse what I desire
and what will help me feel loved and
safe in our relationship. For example,
I am an introvert. I am not a morning
person and my brain does not come
online first thing in the morning. Thus,
I have set a simple boundary with
David, my extroverted husband: No
deep theological or intellectual conversations
first thing in the morning.
When that boundary is kept, the morning
is more enjoyable for both of us.
When it’s crossed, it may be humorous
for David because I don’t make sense,
but I’ll say things I regret and feel foolish
and frustrated. This boundary
creates safety for me in our relationship,
and it allows David to know more
about me.
Some boundaries are made by each
spouse and some we make together
for the health of our relationship. For
example, in regard to finances, some
couples set a limit for personal spending—if
either spouse wants to purchase
an item over $100, they talk about it
first. There are boundaries to protect
our relationship where we agree to
not have individual friendships with
someone of the opposite sex—these
boundaries create safety and a sense of
security for our marriage.
AJIJCHAN - ISTOCK
28
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA
AUG / SEP 2023

Why boundaries are a big deal 02
How to set marriage-strengthening boundaries with your spouse 04
How boundaries with your extended family can improve your marriage 06
How to set healthy boundaries with kids and teens 08
Redrawing boundaries with adult children 10
How to navigate get-togethers with difficult family 12
Additional resources 14
BOUNDARIES / COUPLES
Healthy Marriage Model
At Hope Restored marriage intensives,
we teach couples the Healthy Marriage
Model. This is a guide when it comes to
setting healthy boundaries in marriage.
There are three primary boundaries in
a marriage: my yard, my spouse’s yard
and our covenant marriage boundary.
Each person has a boundary of personal
responsibility, and we call it “my
yard.” This is my personal space where
I am responsible for my actions and
how other people treat me, as well as
caring for myself emotionally, spiritually,
physically, and mentally. When
one of those areas is unhealthy, I am
personally responsible to do something
about it and to set boundaries
for myself. My spouse cannot make a
boundary for me; it is my job.
Here are some examples of personal
boundaries:
• I will exercise daily for 30 minutes.
• I will have a daily prayer time.
• I will not ignore emotional hurts
but will talk about them respectfully.
• I will not work past 6 p.m.
• I will commit to healthy eating.
We make personal boundaries to
establish healthy friendships, work
limitations, time for ourselves, etc.
Generally, they are not set to keep
people out, but to care well for myself
so that I can engage in relationships
wholeheartedly.
Healthy Marriage Model
However, if a relationship is abusive
or hurtful, stronger boundaries
are necessary: I will not allow you to
yell, swear and call me names, and
when that happens, I will leave the
house. If this boundary is crossed or
not respected, there are actions you
can take. First, restate the boundary or
remind your spouse calmly and clearly
of what you desire. Next, discuss the
consequences for when a boundary is
crossed over and over. And lastly, follow
through with the consequences.
I cannot enter my spouse’s yard or
cross their boundary without their permission.
Too often spouses have falsely
believed that on our wedding day, saying
“I do” means “I can,” giving me
permission to tell my spouse what to
do or who to be. My spouse’s yard is a
sacred place and not even God enters
it without permission—he sees it as
free will.
When a couple interacts, they don’t
go into each other’s yards, they enter
an interactive space where they do
things together and build their relationship
by talking, playing, working
together, being intimate, etc. Conflict
occurs here, but it is also where, as a
couple, they set boundaries together
for the health and safety of their
marriage. Together, spouses decide
boundaries for finances, communication,
relationships, children, intimacy,
recreation, work, privacy and in-laws.
Respectful boundaries that honour
each spouse will allow you both
to relax, feel safe and love each other
well, and in turn, this strengthens the
covenant marriage boundary, creating
security for the relationship.
How to create and
maintain boundaries
When considering personal boundaries,
I want to ask myself some
questions: What is important to me?
What do I value? What boundaries
will help me feel safe, and to relax and
engage more freely in my marriage?
Mutual boundaries are set to create
safety and security for both spouses,
so first take time to talk about what
is important to each of you. Ask each
other: What boundaries will protect
and enrich our marriage? It’s likely you
already have some, but a discussion
together will help build understanding
and prevent any confusion in the future.
Boundaries, both personal and
mutual, are expressions of our values.
They encourage us to build a healthy
relationship and to feel safe and secure
in the marriage. If boundaries are difficult
for you to make or keep, find a
trusted other, such as a counsellor,
to help.
Vicki Hooper is a Certified Clinical Counsellor
at <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family Canada’s Hope
Restored marriage intensives.
Understanding
Healthy
Boundaries
UNDERSTANDING HEALTHY
BOUNDARIES
In this free PDF booklet, you will find
practical, biblically based advice for
setting boundaries in marriage, as a
parent and with in-laws.
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/BoundariesPDF
AUG / SEP 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 29

COUPLES / COMMITMENT
Marcy and Dev Gregg
CREDIT TK
30
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA
AUG / SEP 2023

CREDIT TK
CANDID PHOTOS COURTESY OF THE GREGG FAMILY
‘I’M MARRIED?’
Piecing together my life could only be
done with my husband’s help—a husband
of whom I had no memory
BY MARCY GREGG AS TOLD TO MARGOT STARBUCK
PHOTOGRAPHY BY BRITTANY CRUSE
Dating at Southern Methodist University, 1977
COMMITMENT / COUPLES
Wedding, 1980
“THE PATIENT’S NAME IS MARCY GREGG.”
I awoke to those words in an unfamiliar room. Where am I?
Rhythmic beeping in the background signaled that I was in the
hospital. When I tried to move my arms, I realized my wrists
were strapped down. I struggled to focus my eyes on the wall
clock facing my bed, but I was unable to discern the time.
Exhausted, I drifted back to sleep. The next time I opened
my eyes, two nurses in blue scrubs stood at my bedside.
“Marcy, we’re so glad to see you’re doing better.”
Marcy. The name didn’t ring a bell.
Checking my vitals, a nurse announced, “Your husband was
here when you first woke up.”
Husband?
“He’ll be back soon,” the nurse said.
Before I could speak, a doctor came in to evaluate me. His
words sounded absurd: I had apparently just given birth to a
healthy baby girl.
A baby? But I’m a virgin.
None of this makes sense. >
AUG / SEP 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 31

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32
Reacquainted
I was 30 years old when I emerged
from a coma in 1990, believing I was
still 17 and had just entered college.
Stunned, I was confused by everything
around me. I’d later learn that during
the delivery of my third child, I’d contracted
an infection that traveled
through my bloodstream to my brain,
causing me to slip into a coma.
After the doctor had left, a young
blond man entered my room wearing
khakis and a button-down polo. I
didn’t recognize him, but he looked
as if he hadn’t slept in days. Planting a
kiss on my forehead, he reached for my
hand, holding it gently. I glimpsed a
gold wedding ring on his finger.
He’s married. Is he . . . ?
Noticing my confusion, the man told
me that I was his wife. He told me about
Callie, our new baby girl. About two
more children at home, sons named
Casen and Conner. I had no memories
of anything the man said, but I could
tell that he cared deeply for me.
The man pulled a few photos from
his pocket and taped them to the
bedrail. I tried to focus my gaze, but
my vision was too blurry to see the
two blond-haired little boys smiling
from ear to ear. He continued to show
photos to me, explaining each of the
smiling faces. Nothing. I had no recollection
but forced a smile.
Could this be my life?
When my parents and sister visited,
looking several years older than
how I’d remembered them, the two
confirmed that all the man’s stories
about my life were true. So although
I had no memory of the previous 13
years—the wedding, the births of our
two sons and daughter, our friends,
our home in a new state—within a
few days the man in the khakis, who
I learned was named Dev, quickly
became my ally and my anchor. And
with Dev’s unwitting help, I largely hid
the void in my memory from family,
friends, neighbors—and even him. I let
Dev continue thinking that it was taking
time for me to remember, not that
there was a black hole in my memory.
Once I was well enough to leave the
ICU and settle into a private room, I
tried again to focus on the pictures at
my bedside, frantically searching my
mind for any small memory that I could
latch on to before my two boys came
to visit. (Callie, still in the nursery, was
being cared for by hospital staff.)
Before long, two little boys, the ones
pictured, cautiously entered the room.
I recognized them from the photos,
and while I had no recollection of
their births or of rocking them to sleep
or reading bedtime stories, I knew in
my heart that these darling boys were
my sons.
Keeping up appearances
My parents also didn’t know the extent
of my memory loss, but I knew I’d
need help once home with baby Callie.
One day, when I gave my daughter a
thick medication from an oral syringe,
little Callie began choking. I screamed
for help, and my mother scooped the
infant into her arms. I ran into my bedroom
to call the paramedics, but I
didn’t know what to dial.
Terrified, I shouted, “Mom, what’s
the number?”
I had my secrets, but it was obvious
that the adjustment to family life was
difficult. I knew I wasn’t doing a good
job as a mom or as a wife.
A marriage
coming into view
I wasn’t the only one struggling during
that time. While I was in the coma,
Dev was terrified and wondered if I
was going to die. We had two kids at
home and a newborn at the hospital.
He feared that he’d be left to raise
them by himself.
After returning to a life I didn’t
remember, I continued to learn life

COMMITMENT / COUPLES
Meeting baby sister, 1990
Christmas, 1991
CANDID PHOTOS COURTESY OF THE GREGG FAMILY
skills—like learning how to call 9-1-1
and how to navigate to the nearby grocery
store. I also kept up the act of
recognizing friends and neighbors.
Worn thin by the ruse, and by the hectic
life of a young family, I always felt
apprehensive. Dev continued to pray
for my memories to return, but I eventually
stopped asking God for healing.
So when a friend suggested taking
the edge off my anxiety with a glass of
wine, I reasoned that it couldn’t hurt.
Surrender
What began as one glass of wine with
dinner led to regularly slipping into the
kitchen at night after Dev had gone to
sleep to open a fresh bottle. In a cruel
twist of irony, I drank to forget what
I couldn’t remember. Soon a vicious
cycle of regrets and resolutions left me
feeling convicted and ashamed.
One cool December evening in our
backyard, after seven years of trying
to numb the pain, I felt God’s voice
speaking gently to my heart, affirming
His love and asking me to trust Him.
Opening the Bible I’d gotten from
my mom years ago, I read a passage
she had underlined and dated: “Trust
in the Lord with all your heart, and
do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge
him, and he will make straight your
paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6). When I had
left for college, I’d sensed God speaking
through those words, inviting me
to trust Him with my life. And on that
December evening more than two
decades later, I knew God was speaking
to me again, calling me to place my
trust in Him.
It was a different kind of trust this
time. I knew that God was asking me to
surrender both my hope for recovering
lost memories and the alcohol I was
using to soothe my aching heart. That
night, I began to really trust God again.
And He’s given me the strength and
resolve to live a life of recovery. Last
year, I picked up my 25-year sobriety
chip.
I still worked to bring memories to
the surface—looking through photo
albums, sifting through old boxes of
memorabilia in the attic—but the
memories never came. And even
though I grew to love Dev and the
kids and settled into a life of marriage
and motherhood, I hadn’t admitted
to anyone close to me that my memory
of those lost years never returned.
It wasn’t until I sought to quit drinking
>
AUG / SEP 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 33

COUPLES / COMMITMENT
Left: Family trip to the beach, 1997
Right: Dev and Marcy in front of one of her paintings
that I opened up to Dev about the
extent of my memory loss and pain.
Throughout my early recovery, and
even my drinking, Dev never stopped
praying for me.
In the hospital, when he’d had no
sleep, he stayed there. Dev kept coming
back and kept coming back. And
throughout my drinking, he never gave
up and kept loving me.
Stroke of a paintbrush
Eighteen years after the coma, I had
an intense urge to paint. Dev said he
wasn’t surprised, knowing that I had
majored in studio art in college and
was often covered in paint during
those years. I didn’t know why I’d given
it up—another lost memory—but I
concluded a busy family life might
have been the reason. After taking
some art classes, I rediscovered a longlost
passion for oil painting.
Today, I see how God is at work
through my art. The abstract style I
use requires multiple layers of paint
on canvas, and one day I sensed that
God was speaking to me as I looked at
an unfinished piece. I recognized that
He’s the master artist. Every layer matters.
Nothing is wasted. God is working
every layer of our lives together for
good (Romans 8:28).
Dev leans on another Bible passage
that means a lot to him.
“Count it all joy, my brothers, when
you meet trials of various kinds, for you
know that the testing of your faith produces
steadfastness” (James 1:2-3).
Dev would never say that our trials
were a joyful thing to go through, but
he sees that God had real purpose for
saving me and our marriage.
Five years ago, I discovered I suffer
from rheumatoid arthritis. After
six surgeries, the debilitating disease
has impacted my work as an oil
painter. But Dev and I still cling to these
verses when life’s big problems seem
insurmountable.
Not alone
As lifelong travel companions, Dev and
I have raised children together and are
now welcoming grandchildren. We also
share life with six other couples who we
lovingly refer to as “friends like family.”
When Dev and I consider where we
are now, he’s quick to point out that
we’d be completely lost without our
faith in the Lord and a strong spiritual
support system.
Despite the beautiful trajectory of
our story, there are still losses.
Dev and I lost a common thread
that most couples have. We don’t have
the shared memory of dating, getting
engaged, getting married or having our
children. And for me, that is a real loss.
Yet we marvel at God’s faithfulness—hardship
and victory blending
like paint on canvas—with each layer
serving a purpose. And we’re careful to
ensure that each layer we’ve endured
is not wasted.
Margot Starbuck is a graduate of Westmont
College and Princeton Seminary, and is the
award-winning writer of more than 30 books.
She especially treasures the privilege of writing
alongside athletes, entertainers and overcomers.
BLANK CANVAS
by Marcy Gregg
When Marcy awoke from a coma, 13 years
had vanished from her memory. Terrified
and confused, she did the only thing
she could think of: She faked it. Marcy
bluffed her way through doctor appointments
and visits from friends and family.
It worked: She was released to a home,
family and life that was hers—but felt
like a stranger’s.
Shop.<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca
PHOTOS COURTESY OF THE GREGG FAMILY
34
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA
AUG / SEP 2023

faith &
inspiration
“THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY BOMBARDS
US WITH OBVIOUS AND SUBTLE
MESSAGES. WHAT’S SCARY IS THAT
WE OFTEN DON’T RECOGNIZE
THEM AS WORLDVIEWS OR NOTICE
HOW THEY SKEW OUR THINKING.”
—PLUGGED IN
page 40
SALLY DUNN - FOTF
AUG / SEP 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 35

FAITH & INSPIRATION / MINISTRY HIGHLIGHT
25th Anniversary
BOUNDLESS
BOUNDLESS
25 years of reaching young adults
A QUARTER-CENTURY AGO, the
internet had little resemblance to the
digital landscape we know today. The
words social and media didn’t belong
together. Facebook, YouTube and
Instagram were years away from conception.
Telling someone to “google
it” would have been incomprehensible
gibberish.
BY SCOTT JOHNSON
Even in those early days of web surfing,
the internet was fertile ground for
ministry. On Sept. 1, 1998, <strong>Focus</strong> on the
Family launched Boundless, a groundbreaking
entry into the world of online
publications known as webzines.
The idea came from Candice Watters
and her husband, Steve, who had
created their own webzine while in
graduate school. After the couple were
hired at <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family, they
pitched Boundless to the ministry’s
leadership as a new outreach to college
students.
“Boundless was a joint effort to be
sure,” Candice says. “I had the drive and
chutzpah to get it done. Steve had the
brains and strategy to get it done right.”
SALLY DUNN-FOTF, INK DROP-ADOBE STOCK, ARUNO-ADOBE STOCK, NISA-ADOBE STOCK
36
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA
AUG / SEP 2023

MINISTRY HIGHLIGHT / FAITH & INSPIRATION
TUNE IN TO “THE BOUNDLESS SHOW,” CHECK OUT THE BLOG POSTS,
SIGN UP FOR THE WEEKLY E-NEWSLETTER AND MORE.
Boundless.org
INK DROP-ADOBE STOCK, ARUNO-ADOBE STOCK
Once the project was approved,
Candice took the role of Boundless editor.
She and Steve found experts to pen
a lineup of rotating columns, which
included “Ask the Professor,” “Money
Talk” and “Beyond Buddies.” Feature
articles covered spiritual development,
campus controversies and dating
questions.
“From the start, our vision was to
encourage young adults in the season
between the home they grew up in and
forming a home of their own,” Candice
says. “We wanted to equip them with
articles related to their life stage.”
Expanded outreach
Boundless was an instant hit. Many
topics sparked lively back-and-forth
interactions among readers who used
the comments section attached to
articles. Those comments, filled with
advice, words of encouragement and
personal testimonies, could continue
to generate responses until users were
scrolling through multiple pages to
read them all.
As the popularity of Boundless grew,
the team came up with new ways to
expand their reach. First, they shifted
their target audience from college students
to the 20- and 30-something
young professional so they could
address topics such as work, personal
finances, marriage prep and more.
They held conferences and developed
specialized resources, including two
“guides to marrying well”—one for men
and one for women. In 2006 they added
a blog to the Boundless brand. Two
years later, they launched <strong>Focus</strong> on the
Family’s first podcast, “The Boundless
Show.” Lisa Anderson, who was working
in media relations for <strong>Focus</strong> on the
Family, was tapped as the host.
“Who in the world was podcasting
back then?” Lisa asks. But when asked
if she’d take the reins to “The Boundless
Show,” Lisa replied, “I’ll give it a whirl.”
Staying relevant
Candice and Steve have since moved
on to callings outside of <strong>Focus</strong> on the
Family. Lisa, who continues hosting
“The Boundless Show,” also serves as
the director of Boundless and the ministry’s
Young Adults outreach. One
thing that hasn’t changed is how the
Boundless team pays attention to
shifting cultural trends.
“When <strong>Focus</strong> started in 1977, the
average marrying age was 21 for
females, 23 for males,” Lisa says. “You
graduated high school and probably
went to college. After college you
immediately got married and started
a family. It was very assumptive, and
your peers were doing the same thing.”
Today, many adults spend most or
all of their 20s as singles. But married
or unmarried, young adults are facing
different sets of life challenges.
“Some of the most common concerns
we hear are ‘How do I make
and keep friends?’ and ‘How do
I go deeper in friendship?’ ” Lisa
says. “Relationships with housemates,
co-workers and parents are all topics
of interest.”
56 %
OF MILLENNIALS
ARE MARRIED
While today’s audience is dealing
with many of the same cultural issues
that young people were dealing with
25 years ago, Boundless has added
contemporary discussion topics to
the lineup. The team routinely fields
questions about gender ideology, the
pitfalls of social media and interacting
with LGBT friends and family members.
Lisa also recognizes the need to
address the trend of declining church
involvement and attendance among
young adults.
“Boundless is not your church,” Lisa
tells her audience. “You need to get
into a local congregation where someone
has eyes on you, helping disciple
you and mentor you. And born out of
that is service, community, mission
and sharing your faith.”
Twenty-five years and thousands of
articles, podcasts and blog posts later,
the goal at Boundless remains true: to
grow up biblically literate and passionate
disciples of Jesus Christ who are
equipped to navigate this season of life
with confidence and joy.
“Single or married, you have a lot of
living to do as a follower of Christ,” Lisa
says. “Let us be that community for
you—and let’s have fun in
the process.”
Scott Johnson is a senior writer in the
Ministry Values division at <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family.
28%
OF MILLENNIALS
ATTEND CHURCH
AT LEAST
ONCE A WEEK
AUG / SEP 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 37
source: Pew Research

25th Anniversary
2023
SEPTEMBER 2023
25th anniversary of Boundless
JANUARY 2023
15th anniversary of
“The Boundless Show”
AUGUST 2017
500th episode of
“The Boundless Show”
2018
2016
AUGUST 2015
The Dating Manifesto by
Lisa Anderson is published
JUNE 2018
Lisa Anderson
featured on
cover of <strong>Focus</strong>
on the Family
magazine
AUGUST 2014
Boundless “Pursuit”
conference held
in Colorado
OCTOBER 2014
“The Boundless
Show” airs on
more than 300
U.S. radio stations
SEPTEMBER 2012
Listed in Blog Rank’s top
50 Christianity blogs
2014
2012
DECEMBER 2011
200th episode of
“The Boundless
Show”
JANUARY 2008
“The Boundless Show”
podcast debuts
2010
NOVEMBER 2010
100,000th
comment
appears on
Boundless blog
AUGUST 2006
Boundless blog
launched
2006
JUNE 2005
Boundless broadens its audience
to include 20- and 30-somethings
2004
SEPTEMBER 1998
Boundless webzine
launched
2000
38

SHAUNA LYNN PANCZYSZYN - SHANNON ASSOCIATES
AUG / SEP 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 39

FAITH & INSPIRATION / MEDIA
movie messages:
Toy Story
Seek and find worldviews
while having fun as a family
ATHEISM
is the belief
that God
doesn’t
exist.
AUTHORITY
BIAS
convinces
people to
never
question
a leader.
BY PLUGGED IN STAFF
ILLUSTRATIONS BY VICKY SCOTT
THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY bombards
us with obvious and subtle messages. What’s scary is
that we often don’t recognize them as worldviews or
notice how they skew our thinking. To help you and
your family identify varying worldviews in the culture,
play this game of Movie Messages while watching
Toy Story.
COLLECTIVE
CONSCIOUSNESS
shapes a society’s
shared values.
EGOISM
causes people
to hurt others
to keep their
place in
the world.
Directions
1. Give every player a set of 10 worldview
cards. (Additional sets can be printed at
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/MovieMessages.)
FATALISM
is the belief that
there’s no point in
action because events
are predetermined.
MATERIALISM
involves valuing
stuff over people.
2. Watch Toy Story until you reach an incident on
the game board. Then pause the movie.
3. Each player chooses a card that matches the
worldview identified in the movie and places it
facedown, and then everyone turns their card
over to reveal their answer.
4. Find the answer in the Parents’ Guide to Movie
Messages download. The correct cards are
removed from play. The cards deemed incorrect
are returned to each player, and the movie
continues.
5. This board game doesn’t cover every worldview
in this movie. Players who have guessed wrong
can catch up by calling out the correct worldview,
if it comes up again in the movie. (This
can only be done with worldview cards that
have been removed from play.)
NATURAL
SELECTION
means survival
of the fittest.
NIHILISM
says the world is
without meaning so
do what you want.
6. The first player to get rid of all their cards is the
winner.
Note: For young children who aren’t ready to play
this game, a casual mention like, “That’s ancestor
worship. We pray to God, not people,” is a good
way to start worldview training.
OCCULTISM
includes asking
unseen forces
about future
events.
PAGANISM
revolves around
nature worship
or the belief in
a deity other than
the one true God.
CREDIT TK
40
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA
AUG / SEP 2023

WHO CAN FIND ALL THE
HIDDEN MESSAGES?
1:07
MR. POTATO
HEAD’S LOVE
OF MONEY
SLINKY
BLINDLY
TRUSTING
WOODY
7:53
WOODY
PUSHING
BUZZ OFF
THE BED
14:03
WOODY ASKING A
MAGIC 8 BALL
A QUESTION
26:38
SID BLOWING UP
A TOY SOLDIER
24:53
27:00
WOODY
PLOTTING
HOW TO GO TO
PIZZA PLANET
WITH ANDY
ALIEN TOYS TRUSTING
THEIR LEADER,
THE CLAW
37:50
CREDIT TK
Additional worldview cards
in a Parents’ Guide to Movie
Messages can be found at
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/
MovieMessages.
BUZZ REFUSING TO
HELP WOODY ESCAPE
57:49
AUG / SEP 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 41

FAITH & INSPIRATION / HACKS & FACTS
Grandparenting
GRANDPARENTS’ DAY
Sept. 10
GRANDPARENTS’ DAY
Grandparents’ Day is celebrated on different days in different countries. For
example, the United States celebrates Grandparents’ Day on the first Sunday
after Labor Day. Canada celebrates it on the second Sunday in September.
But this year, Grandparents’ Day for the United States and Canada falls on
the same date: Sept. 10. Celebrate it with your grandkids.
a meal of
memories
As a grandma, I look
forward to passing
down family traditions
to the next generation.
I started with a family
photo album and a
recipe box of stained,
handwritten recipe
cards. Then I planned
a dinner menu from
the memories of
my childhood with
my aunts’ signature
recipes: Aunt Naomi’s
layered salad, Aunt
Lucille’s plantation
yams, Aunt Ruth’s
pecan rice dressing,
the potluck relish
tray that never had
enough black olives
and Grammy’s cherry
cheesecake pie,
among others.
I photocopied the
pictures of these dear
women and made
place cards with their
picture and dish title.
Then I pulled out my
mother’s delicate
linen tablecloths and
napkins, and used the
“good” china from my
wedding day. I regaled
my grandchildren with
stories, and even their
mom chimed in with
her memories.
This year, I'm
planning for a 1959
Independence and a
late 1960s-themed
birthday party.
—TonyaAnn Pember
GORODENKOF-ADOBE STOCK; ILLUSTRATION KATIE EBERTS
42
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA
AUG / SEP 2023

GRANDPARENTING / FAITH & INSPIRATION
If a box arrived in the mail today,
what would you want to be in it?
getting to know their world
Both grandparents and grandchildren can
answer these prompts together to get to know
each other better:
ALLISON EASTERLING PHOTOGRAPHY
What was the best gift you were ever given?
What’s your favorite holiday tradition?
How did your parents choose your name?
What’s one thing you wish you could do over?
What would you do if you were given $10,000?
What was your favorite family vacation?
What motivates you to do what’s right?
What’s your favorite Bible verse or story?
How does that Bible verse or story relate to you?
What’s your favorite food?
What was the name of your first pet?
What question would you like to ask your
favorite wild animal?
What are you grateful for today?
In what Olympic sport would you like
to compete?
If we came up with a new flavor of ice cream,
what ingredients would we use and what
should we name it?
What daily habits do you have to help you follow
Jesus?
If you were to write a book about your life,
what would be the title?
If someone made a movie about your parents,
what would be in the trailer?
If you were to combine two board games,
what games would you choose and why?
What present do you wish you’d given your
favorite teacher?
If a box arrived in the mail today, what would
you want to be in it?
—T.F. Edwords
snail mail words
NOTE:
Although this game
could be done by text or
email, part of the fun is
sending snail mail to each
other. Start a Snail Mail
Word tradition this
year with your
grandkids!
My daughter and mother connect by playing a word game.
One of them writes a large word, such as thunderstorm, on
paper and then mails a copy of her word to the other. Then,
each lists whatever smaller words they find within the larger
one, such as under or thorn. Once finished, they mail a copy
of their answers to the other person and compare their
solutions over the phone. My heart sings when hearing the
laughter and chatter this game creates. It gives them something
in common to talk about.
—Kristi Woods
AUG / SEP 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 43

FAITH & INSPIRATION / GRANDPARENTING
Grandma caught you . . .
Living out your faith
ILLUSTRATIONS BY KARLA ALCAZAR
THIS GRANDPARENTS’ DAY, write encouraging notes to
your grandkids whenever you see them obeying God’s Word.
Here are some prompts to help you get started:
44
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA
AUG / SEP 2023

GRANDPARENTING / FAITH & INSPIRATION
CREDIT TK
AUG / SEP 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 45

MY THRIVING FAMILY
happy cooking
Three of our grandchildren make Resurrection rolls with
a beloved teacher. —Larry from Colorado
Thea, 13, Garrett, 11, and Gracie, 11
Our girls enjoy making cookies for fall harvest with
their Auntie. —Stephanie from Arizona
Madeleine, 3, and Sophie, 5
It’s a favorite tradition for our kids to make sand pudding
while on a beach vacation. —Merrily from Ohio
Johnny, 5, Kate, 11, Daniel, 8, and Grace, 13
My cooking helpers wear swim goggles to aid
against onion stings. —Sierra from Georgia
Max, 8, and Alex, 5
SEND US
YOUR PHOTOS!
Email photos* of your child
back to school or playing
with bubbles. Put “School” or
“Bubbles” in the subject line.
info@fotf.ca
* Largest photo possible. Professional photos are not accepted.
46
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA
AUG / SEP 2023
Making muffins for a fundraiser to
support a friend’s mission trip to Mexico
—Ginger from Colorado
Nathan, 4

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