SandScript 2023 [Digital Exclusive]

Scattered Thoughts Regarding Me and a Man
Kristen Raymond
Sometimes it's easier to ignore
The atmospheric shift when he walks in a room
The way my mind stills when he meets my eye
The weight lifting in my chest when he hugs me
The butterflies in my stomach when he smiles
I hold in my heart unconditionally boundless love for the people that connect us, the people
that brought me to him but for him it's...something else
I can look every man that connects us in the eye and tell them I love them with all my heart
because both they and I know it's platonic,
Familial, the love for the brothers, the team that brought me to life and there once was a time
this man for whom these scattered thoughts belong belonged in this category.
He makes me stronger and braver and every day motivates me to become my truest self and
I love him.
For that, I do, the way I love the people that connect us.
But try as I might sometimes I just can't ignore
The shape of his smile
The sound of his laugh
The pattern of his breath
Or the way he…looks in a fitted rashguard
Sometimes I can't ignore that this man is a masterpiece of his own design.
Fine marble, carved by the tools of the gods.
A true fresco painted by the finest brushes by the steadiest of hands,
a tapestry, woven of the finest threads.
Sometimes I just can't ignore how badly I want to reach out and examine this masterpiece of a
man, to study every curve, to learn every textured brush stroke, to memorize every stitch
But try as I might, neither can I ignore the people that connect us, the people that brought me
to him, nor can I forget that wanting him is a betrayal.
Like I’d somehow be breaking some unspoken rule about not getting involved with a
teammate. Maybe I already am, just wanting him is already so treacherous…
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