SandScript 2023 [Digital Exclusive]

Just Jaiden
Brianna Hebert
It’s the middle of the night and Jaiden cannot sleep.
He isn’t normally an insomniac, in fact, most days all he wants to do is sleep. From the moment
he opens his eyes in the morning to when his head hits the pillow, all he wants is to sleep. Life
is easier when he isn’t awake, he isn’t making lunches for his siblings. He isn’t trying to solve
whatever problem is on the dull white whiteboard in his math class. Jaiden isn’t anything
when he’s asleep and he supposes that’s why he likes it so much.
That honest inward look is depressing, plain, and simple. He should yearn to experience life.
He should step out of his house in the humid morning air and greet the world with a familiar
smile. But he doesn’t and he isn’t sure he has a familiar smile anymore.
He can recognize the fake smile, the one he puts on as a brave face. The one he uses to make
sure his siblings can continue on. To let his parents know that being a full-time babysitter
isn’t a burden. It works but it isn’t his smile. Jaiden can’t remember his last genuine smile and
judging by his family’s lack of concern, they’ve never known one.
Some days are particularly bad, the ones where he goes on complete autopilot. Those days
are a haze, he can’t recall a single detail by the time he’s getting ready for bed. He doesn’t
remember the conversations he had with friends. He doesn’t know if he said something
mortifying in the middle of class. The kind of thing that would make any person turn red and
think about it late at night in thirty years. Nothing is there and, on those days, he falls asleep
with no resistance.
Today wasn’t one of those days. Today he got his siblings up as always and got them to school
before he went to school himself. When they got home, they messed around, he watched and
made sure no one broke any bones. He gave a stern talking to Jordan who threw an off-brand
Lego piece at his sister (“No, you can’t throw something at her just because she said you
smelled. In fact, she was right, go take a shower.”). He made a giant thing of pasta, fed them,
and greeted his parents when they got home. That’s it, that’s pretty much all that happened.
It's technically a good day and there’s no reason he should be sitting on the old wooden steps
outside his home in the middle of the night.
Yet, there he is. Staring at the swaying trees, desperately trying to ignore the splinters poking
holes into his legs. They really should get new ones; these can’t be safe. How much are new
steps going these days? Unfortunately, he doesn’t think they could go over fifty dollars if they
want to pay the water bill this month.
Should worrying about a water bill even be in a sixteen-year-olds mind? No, probably not. His
friends don’t seem to think about it but of course, he can’t escape it. Jaiden isn’t sure how
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