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109<br />
Warmth<br />
Photography<br />
Isabelle Gard<br />
There came a time when I decided I should tell my parents the truth on my fifteenth birthday.<br />
Unfortunately, coming out to my parents did not go well for me. Although my father had more<br />
positive feedback than my mother, he said he would believe me only after I confronted him<br />
again when I turned twenty-five. He passed away a year and one month after that, so I will<br />
never get the feeling of getting truly accepted by him. My mother’s words made me hit rock<br />
bottom; by describing me as selfish and sinful for choosing this “lifestyle” and “destroying”<br />
my future. I felt isolated in my home and thought I did not deserve to live, leading me to a dark<br />
state of mind.<br />
I recovered from that state eventually and had to accept that I would be living another secret<br />
life for as long as I lived under my mother’s roof. Although I found myself, somehow, it created<br />
a gap with my parents, especially with my mother. I went through numerous bumps in my<br />
journey of finding peace with my sexuality. I learned that if I accept and love myself, I do not<br />
need the validation and acceptance of others.<br />
Hiding my identity was frustrating, and coming to terms with it was like wearing a good<br />
outfit but having to stay home and not flaunt it. I had difficulty hiding and not sharing my<br />
experiences with my family like other teenagers who could openly discuss their crush with<br />
their parents. Growing up in a very religious and conservative household made finding<br />
comfort in my skin hard.<br />
Nevertheless, I found myself and became the proud queer woman that I am now. I have not<br />
lost hope that someday, I will feel free from the fear of getting abandoned and unsupported<br />
by my parents; hopefully, life will get better for me. If the closeted experience taught me<br />
something, it would be that someone’s ignorance is not my cross to carry; life is too short to<br />
spend it sacrificing my happiness trying to please everybody. What felt like a billion years of<br />
exploration in the closet passed, and I finally found the perfect fit for me.