Tryst Six Venom by Penelope Douglas

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Stripping off my clothes, I head into my bathroom, unable to turn on the
water and climb in fast enough. I’m supposed to help Mrs. Gates at the
funeral home today, and I should go, because it’s the only thing that puts my
shit into perspective, but I just can’t. I can’t talk to anyone right now.
Wetting my hair and letting the hot water course down over my body, I
can’t make my muscles ease, everything still as tight as a rubber band.
But the peace feels good, and my breathing starts to even out.
I sit down in the bathtub, hugging my knees to my body.
I miss my dad. I miss Angsty Teen Tuesdays where my mom and I would
alternate every week—her showing me teen movies from her day, and then
me showing her some of mine—complete with Melted Milk Dud Popcorn
and Mountain Dew.
I miss the pills when I try not to take them. It scares me how I miss them.
I notice an ache in my hand and realize my fingers are curled into a fist. I
look down, slowly opening it and find Liv’s underwear in my hand.
I took them. I knew I took them, but I forgot they were there. My stomach
flips, the shower wetting the black lace. Does she normally wear pretty things
like this every day?
My knees still bent, I hold up the underwear with both hands, my head
going places I don’t understand. Does she sleep in them? Does she sleep in
only these? How many people have seen her in them? Has Megan Martelle?
A picture forms in my head of Liv wearing these, and I hear my voice
again.
I can’t believe the state of you.
My eyes burn, thinking of all the insane shit I wrote all over her today.
How I violated her.
She’s not ugly. I hated that I couldn’t find anything wrong with her, and I
shouldn’t have touched her. It hurt her.
I touched her skin, and she never said it was okay. My fingertips tingle,
still feeling her smooth stomach and arms.
I grind the fabric between my fingers, the tornado inside my body raging
again like it did when the shame and heartache of having her naked before
me raged in the theater.
She’ll hate me forever now. That’s what I want, right?
I’d gone too far. I had to.
I lie back in the tub, the spray showering down on me. Leaning my head