Focus on the Family Magazine - June/July 2023

RESILIENCY / KIDS & TEENS
IF IT‘S TRUE THAT IT TAKES
10,000 HOURS TO BE AN
EXPERT AT SOMETHING,
then I’m confident I’ve clocked
enough hours to be considered a professional
failure artist. My wife and
children have been active witnesses to
the majority of my many missteps.
Some failures were trivial, while
others nearly cost me my life—like on
the fateful day I was stacking metal
horse stalls during my shift at the
rodeo arena. I nearly met my gruesome
end after somehow pinning
myself between a stack of disassembled
panels and the 3,500-pound
dinosaur of a forklift I hadn’t learned
to respect.
Other failures were less perilous.
For example, I’ve put my foot in my
mouth so many times that I think I’ve
acquired a taste for it. Once I told
my wife in a heated discussion not
to yell because it was—and I quote—
“not becoming” of her. (And here I’d
thought that telling my wife to calm
down was the worst line I could pull
from my bag of word tricks.)
Still, I’m thankful for many of my
failures. Because my kids have gotten
to see me fall on my face—and then
get back up, learning from each misadventure.
I want to show them that
failure has been the best coach, mentor
and personal trainer that my effort
could buy.
I’ve learned three liberating truths
along the way that have guided me
through all my mess-ups. These truths
are helping me give my kids a framework
for failing well and developing
resiliency.
Truth #1:
Failures don‘t define us
When my kids get it wrong—and they
will because they’re human—I want
them to know that failure is not their
identity. Still-greasy dishes stacked
in the cabinets on the kids’ night for
dish duty or a call from a teacher telling
us that one of our kids is struggling
in school are teachable moments. They
may have failed, but they are not failures.
They may have messed up, but
they are not mess-ups.
I understand that the doubt-filled
questions my kids ask themselves can
feed their fear of failure.
What if I say the wrong thing?
What if people laugh or think less
of me?
What if she says no?
Yes, there are natural consequences
that come from failures. But my job as
a dad is to remind my children that our
failures can’t rob us of our God-given
identity and purpose. Rather, our failures
may actually move us closer to
that purpose.
I want my kids to realize that God
might use failure to close the wrong
door that they kept trying to force
their way through or save them from
a painful relationship. He might
allow alarming consequences from
unhealthy or destructive behaviors
and beliefs so they can be set free.
continued on page 15 >>>
JUNE / JULY 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA
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