Island Parent Resource Guide Vol 35
Vancouver Island’s Parenting Resource for 35 Years: Family Support • Classes & Programs • Health & Wellness • New Parent Resources • Family Fun & Entertainment • Overnight Camps • Family Travel
Vancouver Island’s Parenting Resource for 35 Years: Family Support • Classes & Programs • Health & Wellness • New Parent Resources • Family Fun & Entertainment • Overnight Camps • Family Travel
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PARENTING<br />
Living My Best Life<br />
Kelly Cleeve is a best-selling author and an educator.<br />
More importantly, she is the proud parent of two amazing<br />
sons. Visit kellycleeve.com or follow her on Instagram<br />
@resilient_kel and Facebook – Raising Resilient<br />
Children/Radiant and Resilient.<br />
My children are getting older and are evolving into<br />
exactly the type of people I hoped they would be: passionate,<br />
adventurous, kind, confident, independent<br />
and self-sufficient. As a parent, it is an absolute joy to see them<br />
grow. However, it is also a double edged sword.<br />
As my kids become increasingly independent and selfsufficient,<br />
they need me less and less. As they began to venture<br />
out, into the world, I found myself sitting around, waiting,<br />
just in case they needed me. I began to feel lonely and without<br />
purpose. For a long time, I was the centre of their world. Now,<br />
I felt as if I were on the periphery. And, although I understood<br />
that they were exactly who I raised them to be and the periphery<br />
was exactly where I should be, it was a difficult transition.<br />
During that time, my husband urged me to find some hobbies.<br />
He reminded me that I was responsible for creating my<br />
own happiness. I knew he was right, however the process of<br />
discovering what made me happy and of giving myself permission<br />
to engage in self-care was a surprisingly bumpy road.<br />
When I found a pasttime that I could engage in—at home—<br />
such as baking and painting, I felt at peace (for although I was<br />
indulging in my passions, I was still available when needed).<br />
When a hobby took me out of the house, I felt guilty and<br />
selfish. Instead of reveling in the joy of a yoga class, I would<br />
rush to class and rush out afterwards, assuring my husband<br />
that I would only be gone an hour or two. Consequently, I<br />
would return home feeling as frazzled as when I had left. At<br />
home, I would find my husband and my boys perfectly happy<br />
and having a great time. The house was still intact. The children<br />
were not emotionally distraught. My husband was not<br />
pulling out his hair. In fact, they all seemed to enjoy their time<br />
together, not at all worried that I was not there.<br />
While, at first, their lack of concern over my absence was a<br />
blow to my ego, it eventually lead to freedom. It began with<br />
countless questions about my own identity and purpose. What<br />
is my new role in this family? Do I truly want sit around and<br />
wait to be needed? How do I want to spend my time? Is it selfish<br />
to make myself happy? What type of example do I want to<br />
show my children?<br />
After much reflection, I realized that the example I want to<br />
set for my children is one of someone who follows their passions<br />
and is true to themselves. So, I went back to school and<br />
gave myself the gift of a Master’s degree. Doing so has truly<br />
invigorated me. I am excited about my learning and my career.<br />
I have found a new purpose—in addition to being wife and<br />
mother.<br />
Yes, I am busy. No, I am not always available and I sometimes<br />
need to rely on others to drive my boys to soccer practice<br />
or to pick them up from school. But I am happy and my children<br />
can sense that. I often share with<br />
them my hopes that one day, they will<br />
find something that excites them and<br />
inspires them to work hard.<br />
Even though I still feel guilty every<br />
now and then, I find peace in the<br />
idea that I am offering my family<br />
moments of quality instead of<br />
quantity. I am not constantly available.<br />
However, when I am home, I<br />
am mindful to set aside my work. I<br />
put away my phone and make sure<br />
that I am truly present for them. I<br />
engage them in meaningful conversation,<br />
shower them in affection and<br />
find time to play with them.<br />
It is true that I miss some practices<br />
and am not always around to pick<br />
them up from school. Instead, I make<br />
it a priority to attend every game and<br />
I still find time to help with their<br />
homework. I may miss dinner, but I<br />
am there to tuck them into bed,<br />
talk about their day and<br />
fill them with love as<br />
they drift off to<br />
sleep. When<br />
my children<br />
grow up, I<br />
hope they<br />
say, “My<br />
mom was<br />
passionate. She loved her family<br />
and she loved her work.”<br />
I understand that this approach may<br />
not be for everyone. You may be shocked<br />
that I am not home every night to have<br />
dinner with my family. Regardless of your<br />
thoughts on my choices, I hope that my<br />
message to you still shines through: Find<br />
balance in your life and make yourself<br />
a priority. As your children grow older,<br />
remember that you are allowed to live<br />
your own life, whatever that looks like.<br />
Take time to care for yourself, fulfill<br />
your needs and follow your passions.<br />
You are worth it.<br />
You can be a wonderful mother,<br />
a loving wife and an inspired woman.<br />
Think about what truly makes you happy. For me, this has<br />
created a powerful shift in my mentality and has changed the<br />
way I see myself, my role and my purpose. While I raise my<br />
children, encouraging them live their best lives, I give myself<br />
permission to do the same.<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
Family <strong>Resource</strong> <strong>Guide</strong> <strong>Vol</strong> <strong>35</strong> <strong>35</strong>