Island Parent Resource Guide Vol 35

PARENTING
Living My Best Life
Kelly Cleeve is a best-selling author and an educator.
More importantly, she is the proud parent of two amazing
sons. Visit kellycleeve.com or follow her on Instagram
@resilient_kel and Facebook – Raising Resilient
Children/Radiant and Resilient.
My children are getting older and are evolving into
exactly the type of people I hoped they would be: passionate,
adventurous, kind, confident, independent
and self-sufficient. As a parent, it is an absolute joy to see them
grow. However, it is also a double edged sword.
As my kids become increasingly independent and selfsufficient,
they need me less and less. As they began to venture
out, into the world, I found myself sitting around, waiting,
just in case they needed me. I began to feel lonely and without
purpose. For a long time, I was the centre of their world. Now,
I felt as if I were on the periphery. And, although I understood
that they were exactly who I raised them to be and the periphery
was exactly where I should be, it was a difficult transition.
During that time, my husband urged me to find some hobbies.
He reminded me that I was responsible for creating my
own happiness. I knew he was right, however the process of
discovering what made me happy and of giving myself permission
to engage in self-care was a surprisingly bumpy road.
When I found a pasttime that I could engage in—at home—
such as baking and painting, I felt at peace (for although I was
indulging in my passions, I was still available when needed).
When a hobby took me out of the house, I felt guilty and
selfish. Instead of reveling in the joy of a yoga class, I would
rush to class and rush out afterwards, assuring my husband
that I would only be gone an hour or two. Consequently, I
would return home feeling as frazzled as when I had left. At
home, I would find my husband and my boys perfectly happy
and having a great time. The house was still intact. The children
were not emotionally distraught. My husband was not
pulling out his hair. In fact, they all seemed to enjoy their time
together, not at all worried that I was not there.
While, at first, their lack of concern over my absence was a
blow to my ego, it eventually lead to freedom. It began with
countless questions about my own identity and purpose. What
is my new role in this family? Do I truly want sit around and
wait to be needed? How do I want to spend my time? Is it selfish
to make myself happy? What type of example do I want to
show my children?
After much reflection, I realized that the example I want to
set for my children is one of someone who follows their passions
and is true to themselves. So, I went back to school and
gave myself the gift of a Master’s degree. Doing so has truly
invigorated me. I am excited about my learning and my career.
I have found a new purpose—in addition to being wife and
mother.
Yes, I am busy. No, I am not always available and I sometimes
need to rely on others to drive my boys to soccer practice
or to pick them up from school. But I am happy and my children
can sense that. I often share with
them my hopes that one day, they will
find something that excites them and
inspires them to work hard.
Even though I still feel guilty every
now and then, I find peace in the
idea that I am offering my family
moments of quality instead of
quantity. I am not constantly available.
However, when I am home, I
am mindful to set aside my work. I
put away my phone and make sure
that I am truly present for them. I
engage them in meaningful conversation,
shower them in affection and
find time to play with them.
It is true that I miss some practices
and am not always around to pick
them up from school. Instead, I make
it a priority to attend every game and
I still find time to help with their
homework. I may miss dinner, but I
am there to tuck them into bed,
talk about their day and
fill them with love as
they drift off to
sleep. When
my children
grow up, I
hope they
say, “My
mom was
passionate. She loved her family
and she loved her work.”
I understand that this approach may
not be for everyone. You may be shocked
that I am not home every night to have
dinner with my family. Regardless of your
thoughts on my choices, I hope that my
message to you still shines through: Find
balance in your life and make yourself
a priority. As your children grow older,
remember that you are allowed to live
your own life, whatever that looks like.
Take time to care for yourself, fulfill
your needs and follow your passions.
You are worth it.
You can be a wonderful mother,
a loving wife and an inspired woman.
Think about what truly makes you happy. For me, this has
created a powerful shift in my mentality and has changed the
way I see myself, my role and my purpose. While I raise my
children, encouraging them live their best lives, I give myself
permission to do the same.
IslandParent.ca
Family Resource Guide Vol 35 35